Yajnaseni: The Story of Draupadi

by Pratibha Ray

  Phalguni's marriage with Chitrangada was celebrated. In the kingdom of Manipur Arjun lived happily with Chitrangada. He had planned to stay for three years there.

  I was relieved on receiving news of Phalguni. But I could not hide my heart's jealousy regarding Ulupi, Arya and Chitrangada. For getting whom all to myself I had practised sadhana throughout my life — I did not dare to call him my own. Were they more beautiful than me, more qualified, or more devoted to him?

  The divine sage Narad was able to sense my thoughts. In a reassuring tone he said, "Daughter Krishnaa! There is a great design behind these marriages. You know that after the kingdom was partitioned between Hastinapur and Indraprasth, violent feelings and jealousy are smouldering within the Kauravs. One day it will erupt into a great conflagration. A terrible war is feared. These marriages of Phalguni are a preparation for that great war." Amazed, I kept staring at the divine sage. Laughing, Narad continued, "Kaling, Manipur and the Naga kingdom are lands of the brave. For, protecting the motherland, their mighty warriors are ever ready to sacrifice their lives. That is why through marriages Phalguni has established alliances with those kingdoms. In other words, for the coming war he has sent them invitations. Now even if war does break out between the Kauravs and the Pandavs, the Pandavs will receive the full assistance of these kingdoms. From the political viewpoint, these marriages of Phalguni are to be welcomed."

  I was reassured. For Political reasons if Phalguni took a hundred wives even then I would not grieve. But if he married someone considering her more beautiful, more learned or more loving than me and was infatuated with her then that would be a gross insult to me. Secretly I prayed to God: "For the welfare of the country, let Phalguni take a hundred wives, but let him not take the hand of anyone in marriage out of love."

  The meaning of Maya is magic, affection, attachment, deception. That meaning, which results from mixing all of these, is called life. In other words, life is maya —

  It was this that my companion, Maya, was explaining to me. I had become somewhat depressed after the departure of the divine sage Narad. Unawares, I was burning with jealousy and wasting away in reproach. My obstinate heart could not accept Phalguni's taking several wives, even for political reasons.

  Maya made innumerable attempts to divert my mind. She was whispering into my ears, "Maharani! For whom is this life of celibacy? This stern asceticism, unadorned life and eager expectation through sleepless nights? For heartless Phalguni? By this time he has already savoured the pleasure of conjugal life with as many as three virgins. He has forgotten you. By the time he returns, will not his anxiety, curiosity and attraction for you become blunted? You are beautiful, learned, desirable. This life is for enjoyment, happiness and joy. It is in the expectation of happiness that man bears even intolerable pain, but Phalguni has extinguished that happiness. Forget him. You have four husbands. Enjoy life with them. You are the chief queen of Indraprasth. There is prosperity all around. In you youth has come to a standstill. But time is a cheat. Ten more years will be needed for Phalguni to return! Every moment of life is valuable. But every instant of youth is priceless! Enjoy life, maharani! Phalguni should see on his return that the plot he made to pain you has failed."

  Like a honey-bee Maya goes on murmuring in my ears, unravelling the mystery of life. Sometimes her cunning overwhelms my understanding. I wonder whether I should let myself be swept away in the flow of her words and make every moment of this evanescent life joyful.

  That day, on being forced by Maya, I went to enjoy the beauty of the forest on the banks of the Yamuna thinking, perhaps calm nature might lend some peace to my anguished heart.

  It was during the rains. The Yamuna was in spate. How peculiar was this flood. Swelling the river, it dragged it on to some unknown path, while at the time of meeting the sea it acted as a pathfinder and made the river steady, calm and full.

  Such restless moments arrive in the life of every person. But the goal is steadiness, peace and fullness. But where was steadiness in my life? Where was fulfilment? He whom I wanted near me was far away — like flowers tossed on the river current, like moments slipping through my fingers.

  Maya was behind me. Her laughter tinkled. As though she were competing with the waters of the river. She said, "Maharani! If the sky weeps, it does not make any difference in the level of water in the sea. The sea is undisturbed, generous. Is there any lack of space in its heart? As the rivers make their places in its heart, similarly it will be proper for you to find your place in Phalguni's. What will he think if you shed tears reproaching him? Will the sea ever appreciate the river's pain?"

  I thought that Maya's words were true. Phalguni was a valorous man. The princesses of the whole world desired him. What was his fault in this?

  Maya proposed sporting in the water. This was only to divert my mind. But did one sport in flood waters?

  Reassuring me Maya said, "Fear of what? Here the river is not deep. The current too is not fast. Even if it sweeps you away, it will get you to Phalguni. I have heard that by now Phalguni has rescued five apsaras in the five teerthas from their existence as crocodiles. From Chitrangada he has had a son named Babhruvahan. Receiving this news, Arjun returned from the five teerthas to Manipur. After seeing his son and leaving his wife and child there, Arjun went to Prabhas. Returning from Prabhas he might be resting somewhere on the banks of the Yamuna. You will be carried by the river to that ashram. Taking you out of the water, ascetic Arjun will accommodate you in the ashram. Seeing your ascetic dress he will think to himself, 'It is you who are the true companion of my ascetic life...'"

  Maya would have said more but I snapped at her, "Enough! Stop, Maya! Your imagination is wilder than even the river-current. In imagination you have reached Arjun from Ganga to Yamuna! But reality is very far from fantasy." My deep sighs mingled in the roar of the river. Maya could not hear them. Laughing like before she went on, ".Test this and see! Sometimes reality and fantasy meet face to face." Catching hold of my hand she dragged me into the river. Nitambini came in behind me.

  The cool waters of the Yamuna soothed both body and mind with their sweet, cool touch. I forgot sorrow, frustration, reproach. Laughing, we three sakhis sprinkled water on one another, forgetting everything in this sport. To cast away my heart's burden in the flowing water, I became rather too restless. Another companion, Payasvini, threw a flowering twig and said, "Let's see, who reaches this twig first and brings it back."

  We three swam to catch hold of it. From the bank Payasvini shouted and clapped like an eager child, filling us even more with enthusiasm.

  I did not know how far I had swum in the current. I could not even see where the twig had been swept away. It seemed I was unable to swim and was helplessly being swept along in the current to an unknown destination. My companions were left behind. Not even their voices could be heard. I was just being swept along towards that imaginary ashram where my heart's desire waited in ascetic dress. I did not know whether I was awake or dreaming.

  Suddenly it seemed to me that this childishness did not befit the queen of Indraprasth. What had happened to the steady, balanced Krishnaa?

  How helpless is man in the grasp of circumstance and yet man does bring about changes in a situation. I was thinking of changing direction and returning to the bank, but I had forgotten that I had lost control over my limbs. The body had become inert, powerless. What a terrible end to a swimming contest with sakhis!

  Now there was no alternative to leaving my fate in the hands of the current. Death was drawing near. At any moment I might be sucked into a whirlpool. If Phalguni was living in the subterranean Naga kingdom with Ulupi, then there would be no sorrow if I died after I had seen him.

  The sunset was tinting the western sky red. The evening of my life was setting in. At that moment I felt intensely attached to life. I wished I could extricate myself from the current, grasping myself tightly with both arms. "How lovely is life, how beautiful! How dear is his life to man," I thought. "Still I will
have to feel the cold hand of death. The five husbands are brave and powerful, but none is near to rescue me. Shall I summon sakha Krishna? No, no! What if Phalguni is summoning him in distress? Death is better."

  My eyes were shut. My inert body was being swept along. My hair was unbound, tossing like some flower on the waves.

  Who was that radiant, perfect ascetic? Having bathed in the waters of the Yamuna, pranam-ing the setting sun? My entire body, scorning death, was thrilled. It shuderred with a tidal flow of emotion.

  Weakly crying out in vague joy, perhaps I was taking Phalguni's name. In the next moment the ascetic's eyes fell on me. In a single leap he seized my arm and pulled me to the shore. Before losing consciousness it seemed to me that someone's reassuring hand was pulling me out of the water. The body was floating somehow, exhausted. It seemed to me as though I were touching Phalguni. That hand in which the royal priest had one day placed mine, how unfamiliar had it become in the meantime!

  I was saved from impending death. I was relieved, no doubt, but because of deep hurt and reproach against my dearest, my eyes brimmed over with tears. I was lying flat on the sand, eyes shut. I was thinking: "Forgetting my hurt, shall I say, 'Phalguni, I cannot bear any more. I have lost the strength and ability to live for ten years more without you. Take me with you'"

  Just then next to my ears I heard a melodious voice, "Indraprasth's Maharani Krishnaa is committing suicide? What does she lack? During the rains in the evening she jumped into the Yamuna?"

  I was startled. Whose voice was this? Not Phalguni's. Then who was that remarkably handsome ascetic?

  Slowly I opened my eyes. Before me stood Ma Kunti's dharma-son, Karna. I was lost in embarrassment and shame. Slowly I tried to raise myself. The loose wet hair on my back was feeling very heavy. My wet clothes were embarrassing me even more.

  Karna understood my predicament. In a friendly tone he said, "You are exhausted. My companion Asmita and Duhshasan's attendants Asuya and Jatila are waiting near the chariot. They will take you up to the chariot and take you in it to Indraprasth."

  Surprised, I wondered what it was: this daily indulgence of brave Karna, of coming daily with sakhis and attendants from Ang to take his evening bath in the Yamuna!

  From above the river bank I heard another voice. It was Duhshasan's —. "Have no fear, Krishnaa! Brave karna will not take you away to Ang in his chariot. Because Mother is ill he is staying in Hastinapur for a few days. Today we had both come out to hunt. By evening we were in raptures over the beauty of the forest. To bathe and worship at sunrise and sunset is the most important vow of friend karna's life. After bathing we were to return to Hastinapur. If you do not wish to go back to Indraprasth, then the doors of Hastinapur and Ang are ever open. The chariot will take you wherever you wish."

  I was upset. Looking at Duhshasan I said, "Indraprasth is the place of the gods I worship. My place is there. How did any talk arise of my not returning there?"

  Laughing aloud Duhshasan said, "Then why did you leap into the water to commit suicide?"

  I protested. In a sharp tone I said, "While sporting in the water I got swept away by the current. To term this as suicide instead of a mishap is improper. Thereby not only am I insulted but the Kuru clan is insulted."

  Duhshasan laughed coarsely and said, "I know of your attempted suicide. Among the five husbands it is Phalguni whom you love most. That hypocrite made the pretext of observing twelve years of celibacy. Roaming the kingdoms he sought out the loveliest virgins to marry. And here you are waiting! What sorrow can be greater than this?"

  I was not prepared to listen to my husband being insulted, and that too from the lips of wicked, lustful Duhshasan. Gravely I said, "You are mistaken. Phalguni is a hero. Moreover, he is handsome. Beautiful women observe many fasts and vows for getting him as their husband. On finding an opportunity they offer themselves at his feet. By this Phalguni's glory is increased, not lessened."

  Duhshasan mocked, "Hail to the hero! And to his heart's dearest whom the charioteer's son Karna saved from the river current! Today not only Phalguni, but none of the other four husbands would even have had news of Panchali's death. Her corpse would not have been found. Each husband better than the other and this is the predicament of Draupadi! Devi! Have your husbands no concern for your welfare? So irresponsibly you set out with female attendants in this deep forest to sport in the water? Not one husband with you for security, not even a single bodyguard! Why are you neglected so much? Perhaps, seeking to satisfy many men you are unable to satisfy even one. So their love is not that profound. Now look at my friend Karna here! Even though he has come to hunt, his beloved wife is with him, the young daughter of Angasen, princess of Kanchan kingdom. He is not prepared to have her far from himself. Therefore, attendants, sakhis, all have been brought along. Seeing your miserable condition, Rituvati will express her sympathy for you."

  Duhshasan's mockery pierced my heart. On the other hand, I was feeling envious of karna's wife, Rituvati, too. In my weakened mind many thoughts were rising. Was what Duhshasan saying true? That trying to be everyone's I could not be anyone's? Truly, had I lost my life today in this water-sport, none of the five husbands would have been able to save me. Did anyone have the time to accompany me? I was hardly so fortunate! I was not karna's wife Rituvati after all!

  Noticing my absent-mindedness, Duhshasan continued, "Devi Draupadi, there is nothing to worry about. Even though you had rejected karna then, he is not averse to you. If you wish, even today he can seat you on the throne of Ang as its queen. What is the dilemma in this? If the five sons of Ma Kunti are your husbands, then why should Karna be deprived of that opportunity? Karna is Ma Kunti's dharma-son. So, you should make him your husband, there is no adharma in that."

  I flared up in anger at Duhshasan's words. Looking at him in disgust, I turned my face away and walked towards the attendants. Glancing out of the corner of my eye at Karna I said, "He who insults another's wife is the worst of men. But he who silently supports such insult, encourages it, is a great sinner. I detest both."

  Noticing my face flaming with anger like molten iron, Karna barred my way. Folding his palms together he said, "Devi Draupadi! Karna the great sinner expresses annoyance at the behaviour of his friend, Duhshasan, and begs forgiveness. It is my duty to take you to Mother in the chariot. My wife, Rituvati, will also be with you. Even more than saving a woman's life, it is in the protection of her honour that a brave man finds greater delight. Therefore, I cannot let you depart on foot."

  I saw Rituvati before me. She took hold of my hand and led me to the chariot. With due respect she gave her own seat to me. The chariot rolled on. She said, "From long back I have had the desire to call on you. My husband praises you, as though he were speaking of some heroine of his imagination. But after seeing you today I have understood that if my husband had not been so self-controlled, then for winning you he would have engaged in bloody battle in the svayamvar hall."

  I thought. "Karna praises me! Even after the insult he faced because of me in the svayamvar hall, my praise on his lips! Does it not seem like chanting the name of Ram on the the streets of Lanka!"

  Looking at me admiringly, Rituvati continued, "Actually, I am karna's wife but it is you who are the source of his inspiration. The journey that he is beginning today with the inflexible vow to prove his prowess has become possible only because of you. Had his manhood not been wounded that day in the svayamvar hall, he would not have taken such a vow. You are the supreme failure of his life. Should karna's life be crowned with any success, that too will be because of you."

  "On failing to win you, every act in karna's life became controlled. Therefore, you are to be saluted. karna's wife is not jealous of Yajnaseni, who is the very throb of his heart, but honours her. For a person like my husband, who is the best of all men, you are the befitting woman. Knowing this, I consider myself inferior and feel how unfit I am for my husband."

  I became absent-minded. For the first time my heart was accep
ting that injustice had been done to Karna. That day if my brother Dhrishtadyumna had not raised an objection, then it was Karna who would have been the most fitting son-in-law of king Drupad.

  Man has no control over his birth, but over his acts he does have control. What could be more unjust than that on account of the cursed history of his birth, Kunti's dharma-son, Karna, should be deprived of justice at every step of his life?

  In spite of myself, my heart softened for Karna, I did not know whether with sympathy or with affection. He who was firmly resolved to be my husbands' enemy — for him my heart was melting! It was an extremely peculiar situation. Truly, who can achieve total control over one's mind?

  Yet, the mind has to be reined in. By means of the whiplash of conscience, it has to be brought back on the correct path, even though in that process it bleeds. If that is not done, it keeps advancing on the wrong path and even forgets the very road it was supposed to take. The. goal disappears from sight.

  Considering the mirage in the desert as true, a man's mind keeps burning with thirst. I too controlled my mind. Why did I think so much about Karna? Was it necessary that I should think all my life about all those princes who failed in the svayamvar hall? He who lost — the sorrow was his. The winner wins applause. Who will sigh in sympathy for the loser?

  The chariot stopped before the palace of Indraprasth. I got down. Politely, Karna folded his palms, "Devi! Now give us leave. It is my supreme good fortune that I had the opportunity to save your invaluable life. I was afraid that you might recognise me while being swept along and knowing me as a charioteer's son reject my assistance, considering death to be more welcome. By God's grace you did not recognise me then and were saved."