No Regrets (No Regrets #1)

by Heather Allen

  Jackson yells when I walk in, “Go get changed and ready for another beating.”

  Great.

  When I enter the ring, a black man, or more like a kid, he can’t be more than nineteen, faces me. He’s covered in tattoos. His smile reminds me of a cartoon character - it’s so wide, showing all of his teeth. He moves forward, reaching out. I misunderstand his meaning and throw him down onto his back in a side hold. He laughs. I frown, moving off him. He pushes his hand forward from the floor, introducing himself, “I’m Dontavious Jones. I’m a huge fan of yours.”

  My hand darts out to help him up and I shake his hand apologetically. I glance over at Jackson, who’s laughing profusely. When I swing my glance back to Dontavious, he’s lunging at me with a rounded kick to the ribs. My feet move around the kid, trying to take him down. We grapple with each other for two minutes before I take him in a side hold. The kid can’t seem to stop smiling. He’s liable to get some teeth knocked out.

  We spar all day working on various moves. This is the first time Jackson has me hold each stance in various positions and explains what to do next. I’m able to picture the dance in my head better than I ever have by the end of the day.

  When the counseling appointment rolls around I debate skipping it, but I know if I want my mind to settle down, this is the way to do it. I stride into the office of Bethany Edwards. She’s younger than I expected, probably in her late thirties, dressed in navy blue dress pants and a light pink silk top. Her blonde hair is braided down her back. She smiles warmly, soothing my uneasiness a bit. I settle into the chair staring at her over the immaculate desk between us. I know how this goes, the questions and probing to get you to talk about yourself. Unfortunately for this chick, I’m not feeling it today. I remain tight-lipped as she asks, “Greylan Pace. I did a little research. You’re a fighter, huh?”

  Her first question throws me off. I nod, remaining expressionless.

  “Well, I don’t know if you’ve done this before, but usually I would ask awkward questions trying to get information from you for you to analyze and figure out why you’re feeling the way you are.”

  She smiles. “But that’s not who I am. You aren’t going to open up until you feel comfortable with me and that definitely won’t happen today. So instead, let me tell you about me. Today you can learn some things about my life and maybe the next time we can talk about you. Does that sound all right?”

  My brows rise in surprise but I don’t say anything. Another nod and she begins.

  “All right, as you know my name is Bethany. I’ve been married for ten years to the love of my life…”

  As she rattles on about her happily-ever-after life, my thoughts wander. I wonder about Mollie and where she is and what would have happened if she would have stayed longer. My mind moves to Meyer and how his passive attitude seeped in to piss me off again. Truthfully, Meyer didn’t change. He always had the same careless view of things. It earned him many fights throughout high school and I was always there to back him up. But now, after all that has happened, he still acts as though everything is great or not his problem. Maybe he has to do that to convince himself not to care. Maybe that’s Meyer’s coping mechanism to deal with things when they don’t go his way. He admitted his feelings for Mollie but didn’t seem defeated when he found out about her and I. He seemed ready to move on.

  Bethany’s voice breaks through. “I went to college for education. I wanted to be a teacher but discovered that I liked listening to people more than talking to them…”

  The picture of Theodore James from the trial moves into my thoughts. His family made a montage of happy photos to show that he would never attack a woman like that. They even had his girlfriend, or the girl claiming to be his girl, come in one of the days of the trial. She looked stricken, like she couldn’t go on. That day was the hardest for me. After that I wasn’t sure I could go on myself. I took the life of a person but it was so much more than that. I took his family’s life, too. They would never be the same. Their lives would be forever changed because of my actions.

  I shake my head trying to dispel the memory and run my hand through my hair, looking up to the shrink.

  A swift smile spreads over her lips. She nods and stands, seeming satisfied.

  “Greylan, it’s been a pleasure.”

  Squinting into her open face, I realize that this was her intent, to get me thinking about things. Even though I didn’t speak, things still rolled over in my mind, making them current and raw. I smirk at her, noting that she might very well be good at her job and a little sneaky.

  I stand and shake her outstretched hand. She asks, “Maybe next time you’ll share a little bit about yourself. I’d love to hear about fighting. It sounds exciting.”

  I nod and turn, leaving the office. I didn’t utter a word but I feel exhausted emotionally from the thoughts I hashed out. Tonight’s dreams are bound to be vivid.

  When I arrive at the bar, my nerves are a mess because of the visit with the shrink. Christina still has that guilty look in her eyes. She’s been taking up the slack, as if I’m delicate or something. Finally tired of this shit for the past week, I growl, “Christina, if you don’t stop with the pity party, I’m gonna have to do something.”

  She smiles. “Ah, there’s our old Grey. I wondered where you went. You gonna beat my ass or something?”

  “Dude, just let it go. I’m fine, trying to get ready for this fight. I don’t need any distractions and you looking at me like that just pisses me off.”

  She nods as she attends to opening up the bar.

  The bar fills up, making the time pass quickly.

  I vowed that I wouldn’t drink again until after my first fight. I need to keep my weight steady and my body has a more difficult time coming back from the alcohol when I’m training this hard. So when Jimmy enters the bar at exactly eleven o’clock, I regret the decision for a moment.

  Dealing with Jimmy sometimes needs the filter that alcohol can bring. He fits into a chair at the bar exclaiming, “Hey, Grey, long time, buddy.” We slap hands over the bar before I pour him a double shot of whiskey. Jimmy can drink me under the table any day. I never understood how that was possible given his slight frame, but I don’t doubt it’s still true.

  I wipe the counter in front of him. “You ready to get down to business?”

  Jimmy smirks. “Isn’t that my line? Of course, the sooner the better.”

  I nod to an empty high top across the room and snake my way around the bar, grabbing a bottle of water. As I pass Christina, she looks at Jimmy and back at me, a concerned look crossing her features.

  “It’s all good, Christina. Actually, come over and meet him. I have a feeling you’ll hit it off great.”

  Christina follows me to the table where Jimmy has made himself at home. He looks ahead, his glance passing over me and immediately eyeing Christina. His brows rise as he asks, “Grey, you been holding out?”

  I slide in across from him and smile at the fact that Jimmy will never hold back. It’s not a bad trait to have in this business.

  “Jimmy T, this is Christina, my very good friend. Christina, Jimmy is my manager, newly rehired.” I stress the word friend so that Jimmy is clear on my meaning but he doesn’t seem to acknowledge it.

  “So, you’ve been keeping this beauty to yourself. I’d keep her locked up at home if I were you. A bar like this is no place for a chick like her.”

  “She owns the bar, Jimmy.”

  Jimmy grins his shitty ass smile like he’s a dirty car salesman. I would knock his arm if there wasn’t a table between us. He looks at me and holds his hands up. “Come on, buddy, you know I’m just playin’.”

  Christina chuckles at the whole scene. She looks at Jimmy. “It’s a pleasure meeting you, Jimmy.”

  “No, doll, the pleasure is all mine.”

  “Well, I’ll let you two talk business.” She winks my way before turning to go back to the counter.

  I look pointedly at Jimmy before tip
ping the bottle of water back. Jimmy taps his glass but I shake my head.

  “No getting drunk on me yet, Jimmy. I need to know what the deal with Jesus Reyes is. He was the only fighter to beat Parker Harris. Did you represent him?”

  As I was thinking about this meeting, I mulled over how Jimmy, Parker, and Jesus fit together. I figured Jimmy was Jesus’ manager, but beyond that it could be anything with Jimmy. Somehow he screwed things up. When I fought Jesus a few weeks back I itched to ask, but by the end of the day I was so over it all that it didn’t matter. Now it matters. If I’m going to go down this road with Jimmy again, it all needs to be out on the line.

  Jimmy slams the rest of his drink back and places it softly on the table. He turns the glass around as if stalling for time or looking for words.

  “When you left, Grey, it was tough. I had things lined up for your pro fights already. I knew you’d do it, so I put my name and money out there. I know it wasn’t exactly legal but it was necessary to get you in.”

  I frown, trying to understand what Jimmy is telling me.

  “I wasn’t there yet, though. What if I had lost?”

  Jimmy shrugs, still refusing to meet my stare.

  “It doesn’t matter now. You left and I was stuck. The guy I was dealing with had me, and if I didn’t come up with a fighter right away…let’s just say things wouldn’t be good. So I found Jesus Reyes. He was struggling with drugs. I offered to clean him up. He was already in the circuit; he was just losing in the ranks because of his addiction. It wasn’t public knowledge, so I thought I could patch it all up before it got out.”

  I think back to the day I met Reyes on the mat at Jackson’s. He was clean that day. I would have been able to recognize it.

  “Anyway, he got cleaned up and fought. You were who they wanted but they settled for him. He started winning. His streak wasn’t as clean as Harris’ but it was good enough. So they were matched. And he won. I was shocked. Actually, I think everyone was shocked.”

  He leans his head down and shakes it. The next words are softer. “He used a dirty move during the fight and it came out that he had been using. The fight didn’t count. Of course if you ask anyone, they’ll tell you Reyes beat Harris and that was his one loss. But in the rankings, Parker is undefeated. ”

  He looks into my face, determination in his eyes. “I know he wasn’t using, Grey. I checked with him regularly and had him tested. I don’t know what exactly went down but that was it. His reputation spread as a dirty fighter and he couldn’t get any matches after that.”

  Jimmy’s explanation answers the questions roving through my head since the day with Reyes at Jackson’s. I wondered why Reyes would take the time to spar with me.

  “Who did you make a deal with, Jimmy?”

  He shakes his head. “That’s not important, Grey.”

  “It is important because if you make deals this time around, I’ll drop you so fast you won’t know what hit you.”

  Jimmy nods. “I know now, Grey. Trust me, everything we do is legit. I promise.”

  “Okay, then you’ll need to talk with Jackson. He set something up already for the day after tomorrow in Vegas.”

  Jimmy’s hand moves through his thin hair. “Shit, Grey, I didn’t know there was already something in the works.”

  “Who?”

  “David Pontas.”

  Jimmy relents. “All right, I’ll talk to Jackson, but just so you know, he doesn’t like me too much. No more fights scheduled by anyone but me, deal?”

  I nod, wondering how this will affect Meyer and Mollie. Fuck Mollie. I can’t sit here any longer. “I gotta get home, only two more days to train.”

  Jimmy nods. “So is your girl over there taken?”

  “Jimmy, what the hell? Yes, she is and you’re not her type.”

  “Didn’t think it would hurt to ask. Can you send her over?” He lifts his glass as an explanation.

  “Are you going to behave yourself or do I have to kick you out now?”

  Jimmy raises his hand. “Scouts honor.”

  “Fuck, that doesn’t mean shit. You are anything but a scout. Night, Jimmy.”

  I head to the truck, satisfied about the deal with Jimmy. He knows not to screw me over. Refraining from any drinking was tough, but I’m glad I did it. It wasn’t necessary this time. Jimmy was on his best behavior. I hope he remains that way but Christina won’t put up with any shit.

  As I pull into a spot in front of the apartment I realize that I might be drinking tonight after all. Either that, or killing someone, which will put me right back in jail, somewhere I don’t really need to be right now.

  I move out of the truck quickly, worry etched into my face, as I approach Trinity’s small figure on the first step near the door leading up to the second floor apartments.

  I can tell she’s upset, but instead of anger showing in my voice I try to make light. “Hey, kid. What are you doing here?”

  She glances up at me from her crossed arms and my heart falls. Her eyes are swollen from crying and she looks exhausted. My fist clenches, wanting at Parker more than anything.

  “Aw, Trin, what happened? Why didn’t you call me?”

  She shakes her head, sinking back into her arms.

  I move to sit next to her along the step.

  “I don’t believe you. If it was nothing, you wouldn’t be here on my stoop waiting for me to get home.”

  She looks up, new tears following each other down her cheeks. I’m so pissed I start to see red. How can one fucking dude hurt someone so much? Now I’m pissed at myself for telling her not to give it up. I knew the guy was bad from the start. I should have fought their relationship from the beginning; anything for her to avoid this heartache.

  She wipes her eyes quickly. “Can I stay over tonight?”

  “Of course, Trin.”

  I stand, grabbing her hand. I pull her into a hug. She relaxes into me, letting more silent tears fall. I need to stop pushing her. If she wants me to know what happened, she’ll tell me.

  Once in the apartment, she settles in my bed as I take the couch. Hopefully she’ll open up in the morning and I’ll be able to let out some of this anger on the person it’s directed at.

  Chapter 24

  A fist comes at me but I duck out of the way. Automatically my arm swings and the sound echoes through my head, the crack of bone. My body quivers as I call out, “No!” The exclamation wakes me.

  I sit straight up, disoriented from the dream and my location within the apartment. I look around and sink back into the cushions of the couch. My breathing slows and my eyes close for a moment as an arm comes up to drape across my forehead. Somehow I need to get this under control.

  A soft voice coming toward me breaks through my thoughts.

  “Grey, are you okay?”

  I glance at my sister’s face, concern etched into her expression. She moves to sit on the chair across from my makeshift bed.

  “Yeah, just… I’m okay.”

  “I heard you yell. Did you have a nightmare?”

  I squint at her, not wanting to admit anything but determined not to lie to her. So I don’t answer.

  “Do you have them a lot?”

  I look away and I know that she knows.

  “Grey, have you seen anyone about it? It’s about that night, isn’t it?”

  I push up to a sitting position, eyeing her for a moment.

  “How are you? What happened last night, Trinity?”

  “Way to change the subject.”

  I wait. There’s no way I’m going to share how I don’t ever get a full night’s sleep because of my crime. I believe I deserve it and Trinity doesn’t need to know how fucked up I really am.

  She stares, waiting for me to tell her something. Her arms cross in a draw between us.

  “Damn, Trinity, why do you have to be so fucking stubborn?”

  “Language, Grey, and I’m fine, just like you.” Her mouth draws into a smug line.

  “I am fine. Y
ou, on the other hand, are here at my apartment and not at your house with your fiancé. What’s up with that?”

  This seems to do it. Her face turns soft as she looks down to her lap. Guilt takes a hold of me but I remain quiet in hopes of her confessing what a dick Parker is.

  “We had a fight.” She looks up to my face. “I’m not sure I can marry him.”

  I wrestle with my words. I’m glad to hear her news but pissed she’s so obviously heartbroken over it.

  “What happened, Trin?”

  She shakes her head. “It’s complicated. I told him I’d go to Vegas with him after that first argument. I thought we’d come back after a while but he wants to sell the brownstone and never come back.” She looks into my eyes. “Grey, I don’t think I can do that. This is home. It’s all I’ve ever known. I feel that if I agree to this, I’ll be missing a part of myself. I’m scared to leave.”

  She looks away and shakes her head. “It sounds so stupid, I know. I can’t really explain it and he doesn’t get it.”

  Of course he doesn’t get it, but I do. This is where we grew up, where both of our parents are buried. Everything is here. As much as I want to fight, I’m not sure how I’ll feel giving this place up, either.

  “I get it, Trinity. Did he kick you out?”

  “Of course not. I left. Stop trying to find a reason to go and beat him up.”

  My mouth turns up in a smile. She knows me so well.

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I’m not sure. I wish it wasn’t all or nothing. He won’t even compromise, which is making me wonder if marrying him was the right decision in the first place. If he is the right decision.” She shrugs her shoulders. This is the first time she’s been indecisive about anything since I’ve been out.

  I nod, no words are necessary, just another example of Parker’s shitty side peeking out. If he’s willing to give my sister up for fighting, what does that say about how he is in the cage? I know it’s going to be tough beating him, but I’m determined. And now I have more fuel for my anger at the pussy.