No Regrets (No Regrets #1)

by Heather Allen

  “Trin, you can stay as long as you want.”

  “Thanks, Grey.”

  I move over, encouraging her to fill the empty spot next to me on the couch. She slides in next to my side and grabs my hand. A moment passes before she asks, her voiced laced with worry. “Greylan, how long have you been having the dreams?”

  I don’t look at her. It’s hard enough that she knows I’m having a hard time dealing. I was always the one to take care of her. Now that Parker is being an asswipe, I’m here for her as usual. The last thing I want is her seeing how weak I am. I’m a fighter; I’m not supposed to be weak, especially when it comes to her. A few minutes pass before she tells me, “Grey, if you talk about it, you’ll feel better.”

  I nod. It’s the best I can do. I know talking helps and I’m working on it, but keeping her in the dark on this is going to happen. She has enough to worry about without my shit, too. Her fucking fiancé is practically calling off the relationship. I say good riddance.

  Squeezing her hand, I ask, “Want to go and do something together today after I go to Jackson’s for a couple of hours?”

  “Yeah, that sounds good.”

  I stand from the couch and head in the direction of the bathroom.

  Trinity calls out, “Greylan, I know this is hard. I know you’re still going through a lot of stuff. Please talk to me. Let me in. Maybe I can help.”

  My feet falter in their steps. I glance back over my shoulder, muttering, “I’ll try.”

  I don’t wait for a response. This is always my way of dealing when she asks for something and sooner or later she’ll be over it. Eventually she’ll demand more from me. Until then though, I’m determined to keep my own shit separate from hers. She doesn’t need my burdens to bear.

  After a shower and a quick breakfast, still avoiding Trinity’s questions, I head out to the gym. She told me she needed to go by the house to get some clothes but I talked her into waiting until I got back. I hope she keeps her word. She doesn’t need to face the idiot on her own.

  Jackson calls me over to the ring when I step into the gym. My shoulders are sore from the shitty night’s sleep on the couch. Trying to shake it out, I lean over the ropes next to Jackson and focus my attention to the fighters on the mat. Both are young, maybe nineteen or twenty and pretty vicious. I can tell already that the dark-haired dude of the two will win. Jackson leans over, still gazing ahead. “What do you see?”

  “The dark-haired one has a better hold on his strategies. He moves almost anticipating the other guy’s next move. If he continues, he’ll get a tap out.”

  Jackson smiles and stands upright again. A few minutes later the light-haired man taps out after being taken to the floor in a choke hold. He tried to wiggle out but the other guy was locked.

  “Okay, guys, go and hit the bags or something.”

  Both men leave the ring, laughing and making digs about the fight.

  “So, Pace, two more days and we’re Vegas bound. What are your thoughts?”

  My thoughts have been all over the place except here where they need to be. I lean forward, resting my forearms on the ropes, shaking my head.

  “Jax, I’m trying not to have any thoughts. They’re dangerous.”

  “Fair enough. But there is one thing we need to discuss before you hit the mat today.” There’s an undertone of anger lingering in his words.

  I wait.

  “I could tell you I’m disappointed or my feelings are hurt but I don’t work that way. Instead I’ll just ask, Why in the hell did you ask Jimmy to represent you?”

  My lip quirks. Jimmy didn’t waste any time. I straighten up, my back muscles shifting, causing brief discomfort. Just in case Jackson decides to throw a punch, this is a better way for me to take it.

  “Truthfully, Jimmy knows what he’s doing.”

  “Shit, Pace, do you never listen to anything I say to you? Jimmy Turner took Reyes down a bad road.”

  I knew there’d be another side. A sigh escapes my lips. “Okay, Jax, tell me about it.”

  “Seems to me like you’ve already made up your mind. No shit I have to say is gonna make a difference.”

  “Probably not. I’ve known Jimmy for a long time and I know he won’t do me wrong. This is what he does.” My voice is firm with meaning.

  Jackson glares at me before stalking off to his office.

  Maybe Jax needs to hit a bag a few times. I turn to the mat and my eyes move to the fighters on the other side of the room. I need a good practice match. The kid Jonesy is punching a bag in the corner. I call him over and the smile spreading over the kid’s face is priceless.

  When Jonesy comes near, he asks, “You want to go at it?”

  My hands slide into my gloves. “Better wipe that smile off your face, though. I need a good session and no fooling around.”

  Jonesy nods, fitting into his own gloves, seeming to get serious about the ass whipping I’m about to deliver.

  A few hours later I climb into the truck when my phone rings. My sister’s face lights up the screen.

  “Trinity, are you okay?”

  A sob escapes her lips before she can answer.

  “Trinity, what is it?”

  “I’m at the brownstone and Parker is here.”

  “Fuck, Trin, I told you not to go over yet. I’m on my way.”

  I hang up before she can protest. Maybe this is best. I can get it out of the way and Parker will know what he’s up against. My body heats up at the thought of the pain in her voice.

  As soon as I’m out of the truck, Trinity runs down the walk towards me. Her hands try to halt me from walking to the door but I’m determined to teach this asshole a lesson. He should have never messed with a Pace. Trinity pleads, “Grey, please don’t do this.”

  I stop a moment at the pain in her voice. My eyes meet hers, the brown so dark in them today they’re almost black. My breath escapes in a rush. “Trinity, if you didn’t want me to come here, why did you call me, crying? I told you to wait until I got back to the apartment to come here.”

  She shakes her head, sinking to the ground. “I know, I just thought I could come and talk to him. But he doesn’t want to talk.”

  My pulse races again. I glance at the house as the door swings open. Parker steps out onto the step looking just as miserable as Trinity. He glances toward me, a hint of fear in his face, and directs his gaze at Trinity, longing spreading over his features.

  I crouch down and grab her arms gently. “Trinity, let’s get your clothes and go back to the apartment.”

  She covers her face with her hands, her shoulders shaking, making her hair sway with the movement. My chest feels as if a fist is clenching it watching my sister hurt like this. Finally after a few more minutes, she stands on wobbly legs. I help her up the steps and through the door. Parker is absent from the doorway by the time we get there. I lead her up the stairs to the second floor and help her load a bag with clothes. On the way down I look around, wondering where the coward is hiding.

  Once outside I help her into the passenger seat of her car. I turn around and Parker is standing in the doorway again. There’s something in his face, regret maybe, but I shake it away. If he was sorry this wouldn’t be happening. My feet march up to the bottom step and I toss the keys to the truck up to Parker. He catches them, his brows rising in surprise.

  “I’m not gonna beat your ass right now for breaking my sister’s heart because you looked out for me when I got out and I’m thankful for that, but more because it will break her heart even more. But Harris, when we meet again, you can be sure I won’t pass up the chance at you. What you’ve done to my sister, the only family I have left, is not okay.”

  Parker watches as I walk back to the car. His eyes meet Trinity’s and her face goes back into her hands again, no doubt crying.

  He calls out to me as my hand reaches for the handle of the car. “For the record, Greylan, she left. I’ll do anything to keep her, but she’s the one that broke it off.”

&
nbsp; I pause a moment, my hand lingering on the car. I take a deep breath and climb in. My hand automatically grabs my sister’s and we pull away from the brownstone as Parker looks even worse watching us drive away.

  Chapter 25

  “No, don’t touch me.” I can’t stop my hands from moving. Slowly, my arms are moving to her back, pulling her into me. I whisper, “It’s okay, I promise.” She’s pounding on my chest. When I look into Mollie’s face, my hands instantly release her and my head is moving toward the brick wall. I brace for the sound but it doesn’t come. Instead a sharp pain stabs at my temple.

  My eyes pop open as I realize what happened. I rolled off the couch into the coffee table. My hand reaches up, rubbing my forehead where it hit the corner. Shit.

  Trinity rushes in, wide-eyed. She starts laughing when she sees me on the floor between the couch and the table. I sit up, carefully realizing how sore I am from working out and the damn couch. The fall doesn’t help matters.

  “We’re going to have to do something about these sleeping arrangements. My back can’t take much more of this couch.” I admit with a wry smile.

  She skirts around the table and sinks into the cushions as I move onto the edge.

  “For at least a few days it won’t matter. Grey, we’re going to Vegas tomorrow.” She changes subjects, frowning. “Did you have a dream, is that why you fell off the couch?”

  As her words about Vegas register, tightness moves into my chest. One name is on the tip of my tongue, -Mollie. I have a feeling that’s where she is and I’m not sure I want to see her again. My mouth moves into a smile, assuring Trinity I’m just as excited as she is. I know she’s trying to keep her own spirits up, trying not to think about Parker, as I’m trying and failing miserably not to think about Mollie. This last dream was something else. Suddenly I became Theodore James striking the wall and Mollie was the girl again.

  “Hey, I need to take care of some things today. Can I use your car?” I ask as I stand up.

  She nods, reaching for the TV remote, already trying to distract herself from her new reality. I know all too well what that’s like. My hand moves to the remote, forcing her to look up at me. She squints in an attempt to conceal her pain.

  “Hey, I’m here if you need to talk.”

  Her face conforms to a firm look as she stares at me for a minute. “Grey, I think we both have terrible communication skills, but when you decide to open up and share with me, I’ll talk to you.”

  Fair enough. I turn without answering her.

  “That’s what I thought.”

  I smile at her words but really it is terrible. Today I vow that I will make a move toward trying, but not with Trinity. She has too much going on to even know what my demons are. She would never be able to handle how shitty my stuff is.

  When I make it to my room, I make a call, knowing this may be the deal breaker for sleep tonight.

  An hour later I’m sinking into a chair across from Bethany Edwards. She smiles that same homely smile as I take a deep breath. She asks, “So do you think you’d like to share today?”

  I nod but stay silent. I’m not sure where to start. I don’t want to relive that night all over again. It’s too painful and still so fresh and raw. I decide to go with the dreams. As much as I’ve tried, I must admit that I’m not done thinking about Mollie.

  “There’s a woman and a nightmare.” I stop and wait. The look on her face is stoic. She reveals nothing. Fuck.

  “Every time I picture the woman needing me to help her, I try to help and she disappears.”

  I wait once again and she moves her mouth in a tight line. What the hell?

  “Greylan, there must be more. Is there?”

  It’s my turn for a tight line. I decide I don’t want to share. I can’t tell her about five years ago and it’s silly to analyze my shitty dreams without that piece of information. Coming here was a mistake that I regret. My hands move to my knees, clenching as one of them bobs up and down with uneasiness.

  She sighs. “What do you think these dreams mean?”

  I don’t answer. This is so typical. Can’t she do any better?

  “You called me, Greylan. I can’t tell you anything if you don’t open up.”

  I sit statue still, thinking this was a bad idea. I’m not ready to tell her this shit and I’m about to battle in my first pro fight. If I hash it all out now, I won’t be able to concentrate. I stand clenching my jaw to keep the anger at this whole situation at bay.

  “Okay, Greylan, it’s fine. I get it, dreams and a woman. She’s important to you, obviously. Do you know what it means?”

  I shake my head, refusing to speak.

  She stands. “Good luck this weekend.”

  I frown, not understanding how she could know about the fight.

  She clarifies, “I see Jackson every week, Greylan. He told me he might not make it in next week because of your fight.”

  I nod and leave without a backwards glance.

  Fuck Mollie. She made it all worse. Her red hair and green eyes scream at me. I long to see her again. Now I’m pissed at Bethany. The shrink is useless as far as I’m concerned. She gave me some noncommittal responses, what do you think it means? If I fucking knew, I wouldn’t have to try and talk about the shit to her. I am failing miserably at that, too.

  When I get back to the apartment, Trinity is in the exact spot that I left her. I can tell she isn’t even paying attention to whatever is on the screen. I sink into the seat next to her and stare ahead a moment. As a sigh leaves me, I look at her, watching the profile of her face. She doesn’t move or return my stare. My hand darts to her nose and I push. Her mouth moves, turning up on the sides, but that’s the only reaction I get. My hand drops along with the attempt at improving either of our moods.

  We remain like this for most of the afternoon, barely speaking, each of us in our own personal hell. The longer I sit here staring at mindless TV the more my mind wanders to all the things I’ve failed at. My little sister beside me is essentially in pain because of my actions. If I would have stayed around and not left her, she probably would have never met Parker and been in this heartache. My arms cross in an attempt at getting more comfortable. The thoughts make me want to crawl out of my skin, shed all of the shit roving through my head.

  Finally at dusk I push off the couch and look down at Trinity. She’s been dozing in and out of naps. I take a deep breath to pull myself out of the funk. “Okay, enough moping. We both need a change of scenery.”

  She glances up, a tear rolling down her cheek, and shakes her head.

  “Aw, Trin, come on. You’ll feel better.” I reach out and squash her nose. She smiles in response but doesn’t acknowledge me otherwise. It breaks my heart that she’s so depressed. I have never seen Trinity so upset besides when I was sentenced. She has always been the one to float around happy and carefree. It’s my fault that she’s had to endure the horrible things she’s had to go through.

  She seems to sink further. I let out a frustrated breath, lean over, and pick her up effortlessly, laying her over my shoulder. She guffaws in shock and starts laughing while yelling, “Grey, put me down!”

  But the laughing quickly transforms to heavy sobs. Her stomach constricts uncomfortably against my shoulder. I take her into my room, setting her down and gathering her in my arms as she cries. My thoughts are all over the place. I want to hit Parker so badly but all of this is more my fault than anyone else’s.

  “Trinity, I’m so sorry you have to go through all of this. If I hadn’t left, you wouldn’t have to go through this.”

  I take a deep breath, wrestling with it all.

  She sniffs and withdraws her head from my chest. Looking up at me, she glares and pushes me away. “You still don’t get it, do you? This isn’t about you not being here for me. Greylan, stop it. You’ve always been there for me.”

  Before she can continue, I shake my head, looking at the floor.

  “Greylan, will you just listen to me?”r />
  I stare at her, full of the pain we both carry.

  “You have to forgive yourself. Carrying around all of this guilt isn’t good, Grey. Everything that happened is done. You can’t take it back. You can’t change it, but you can face it and move on. Greylan, that’s all I want for you. Go on with your life and find happiness. I know you think you don’t deserve it, but you of all people deserve it the most. You’re my big brother who always puts everyone else first. Live your life, Grey, the way you’re supposed to.”

  Her words mean a lot but my demons are still an arm’s length away. They always will be. I pull her back into my arms and squeeze quickly before releasing her.

  “Trinity, I’m sorry this shit happened. None of this is what Mom and Dad would have wanted. They expected me to take care of you and shield you from pain like this.”

  She shakes her head. “No, they would have wanted both of us to live our lives, and from this moment on, that is exactly what we’re both going to do. Remember, no regrets.”

  She pushes me toward the doorway. “Get out of here so I can get ready. We’re going out for a change of scenery, right?”

  I smirk, leaving for the door. A glance back shows the cloud in her features. Guilt takes a hold of me but I push it inches away. Tonight I need to make sure Trinity gets a chance to escape the pain and I know exactly where we’ll go.

  ***

  Christina lets out a loud whistle when I cross the threshold into the bar. “Well, well, if it isn’t our resident champ. Have you come to grace us with your presence before you move on to bigger and better things?”

  I shake my head, not commenting, while leading Trinity to a chair at the bar. Christina sets up two low glasses and pours whiskey into each. Trinity frowns and grabs my arm. “Hey, I thought you were going to lay off of this until after the fight.”

  I grasp the glass. “I need this and so do you. Get your glass.”

  She lifts it. “To getting rid of all this shit.”