by G E Griffin
“Didn’t want to intrude, not when I’d probably only put my foot in it if I chipped in, bearing in mind I’m only a distant cousin. Truth is, I’m rather renowned for speaking my mind, and if I’d opened my big gob in there to give you the benefit of my perceived wisdom, I don’t think your dear mother would have been too thrilled, so I thought discretion was the better part of valour in this instance,” she stated, before taking a long drag of her cigarette while she studied me closely. “But your family do mean well, you know, even if they’re driving you nuts.”
Tall, and slim, with shoulder length strawberry blonde hair cut in flattering layers around her face, and striking green eyes, Jeanette was still a very attractive lady, despite being a couple of years older than my mum. She was dressed in skinny jeans and trendy little ankle boots, along with a gorgeous silk blouse, an outfit which on some women her age would have screamed ‘mutton dressed as lamb’, but which on her looked really great. Frumpy she most certainly wasn’t, especially with her quirky silver drop earrings, and the half a dozen pretty silver Annie Haak bracelets she wore. I wouldn’t describe my mum as frumpy exactly, but in comparison to Jeanette, I suppose I’d call her style more sensible and traditional.
“I know,” I sighed. “But I suppose I can't blame them after everything I've put them through since Drew died.”
“Well, that’s the past, but what about the future? You and this hunky American, you’ve brought along this evening. This Caleb guy. Are you going to be brave enough to try and make a go of things with him?” She fixed me with a shrewd gaze as she waited for my answer.
“I’m going to give it my best shot, but we’ll just have to see what happens in the next six months. That’s all Caleb’s asking from me, initially anyhow. So I should have a pretty good idea how things stand by the time I come back for Bryony’s wedding in August, whether it’ll be worth me going back to the States with him again, or whether I’ll be staying put back here, because things have run their course between us,” I shrugged. “As I don't have a crystal ball, I honestly don’t know if it’ll work out between us long term, so I’m not letting myself look forward too far just yet. And don't say anything to my family, but part of me is scared shitless. Perhaps they’re right, perhaps it is all too soon and too sudden.”
“You’re worried he’s not serious?”
“I think he’s serious for now, but when the novelty factor wears off… maybe not so much. And then even if he is…” I sighed, as I crushed the lavender leaves in my hand, thinking there was every chance my heart could end up in the same condition if I went ahead and let myself get involved any deeper than I already was with Caleb.
“You're scared he could die just like Drew, and leave you on your own again, aren’t you?” Jeanette stated. I looked at her, rather shocked at her bald statement.
“Well, yes, actually,” I admitted.
“Look, Faith, we don't know each other very well, and I don't know how much your mum has filled you in about me,” she continued. “But before I say my piece, for what it’s worth, the fact that I’ve been married twice, and sadly, I’ve also been widowed twice, gives me a pretty unique perspective on this.”
“Mum did mention something to me, but not really any of the details,” I admitted. Truth be told, I hadn't really paid that much attention when she’d been telling me about this long lost cousin of hers - I'd had other things on my mind.
“Well, I won’t bore you with all of the sad and boring details, but suffice to say I’m probably the one person around here who does actually know what you're going through, and who’s uniquely qualified to give you some advice, if you're interested in hearing it. Or alternatively, you can just tell me to shut up and bugger off," she smiled, as she took another drag on her cigarette.
“Well everyone else has seen fit to tell me what I should or shouldn't do, so go ahead, give me the benefit of your wisdom,” I smiled back. “But seriously, how the hell did you cope with being widowed twice?”
“I'm not going to lie, it was hell, both times. Even so, I don't regret either of my marriages, not for one single second. I loved both of my husbands to bits, and no question, I'd marry them both again in a heartbeat if I had the chance to live my life over again. So, without hesitation, I’d say grab this chance with Caleb while you can,” she stated firmly.
“So you don't agree with the rest of my family, that I'm being foolish and rushing into things?” I asked.
“No, I do not. Time is too precious to waste with indecision. Just listen to what your heart is telling you. You have to be positive. You have to forget all the reasons why it possibly won’t work, and believe that it will, or there’s no point in bothering,” she insisted.
“That’s pretty much what Caleb told me. He says that you’re confined only by the walls you build yourself. If you keep finding reasons for things to fail, then all you’re doing is setting it up for exactly that to happen,” I admitted.
“Sensible guy. I like him more by the minute, and not just because of that sexy voice of his. Mm-mm, that accent. You know, if I were just a few years younger, I'd certainly give you a run for your money with him.” She fanned herself as she rolled her eyes. “Look, even if the worst possible thing happened, and you were widowed a second time, you’d cope, just as I did.”
“Do you mind me asking what happened?”
“No, seeing as I was the one who opened up this topic of conversation. My two boys were only young when Martin, my first husband, got really sick while he was away on an overseas business trip, after he contracted a nasty virulent bug. Despite the best efforts of all the doctors, they couldn’t cure him and he didn’t make it. So just like that, out of the blue, he was dead, and I wanted to curl up and die along with him. But I couldn’t, I had to carry on, because of my kids. And I have to say my dad was a terrific help, I don't know how I'd have managed without him.” Jeanette threw her cigarette stub on the floor and ground it out with her foot.
“Yes, same here. Dad took over all the practical arrangements for me when Drew died,” I nodded.
“Although I was incredibly lonely without Martin, I didn't go looking for anyone else. I just concentrated on bringing up my boys, to the best of my ability, on my own,” Jeanette continued.
“Drew and I hadn't even got around to having a family yet,” I murmured. “He was taken from me before we had a chance.”
“Yes, and that really sucks, my dear. So bloody unfair, but that’s the hand life dealt you I'm afraid. And you may well ask ‘why me’, but the truth of the matter is, the question should be ‘why not me?’ What you need to ask yourself now, is what to do with the rest of your life? That’s really the question, the crux of the matter isn’t it?”
“Pretty much,” I agreed. “Am I better off on my own, or should I take the risk to start afresh with someone new? After Drew was killed, I vowed never to get involved again. That was until Caleb came along. Unlike me and Drew, it wasn’t love at first sight or anything like that, and I’m well aware that most people wouldn’t put us together, but we just got on really well, became friends, and things just developed from there, to the point where he is now refusing to take no for an answer, even though he’s aware of my reservations.”
“I do understand, because I felt exactly the same way at first after Martin died. I knew Robert, my second husband, for quite a while before anything developed between us. Our kids – he had two daughters – are the same ages as my boys and they were in the same classes at school. We both got roped into being on the PTA committee, and sometimes we’d all go out for a drink at the local pub after a meeting, so that was how we became friends. Like you and Caleb, it wasn’t all fireworks and love at first sight, it was just something that gradually grew between us, especially as he was such fun, he had a wicked sense of humour, which had me in stitches a lot of the time. Then, when Robert told me he wanted more, I was extremely wary of letting anything else develop, because just like you, I was scared of getting hurt again. But maybe it
takes great sadness to make you appreciate how precious happiness is. Anyhow, I realised that time would pass by anyway, and I could either make the most of it by creating a life I actually wanted and could enjoy, or I could waste it by hiding away in safe, bland void. And that it wasn’t really an option at all when I gave it some serious thought.”
“I guess that’s kind of where I am right now,” I sighed. “But it’s so hard taking the risk.”
“Just do it Faith! Look, I don't deny I was very resentful and thought it bitterly unfair that I’d been widowed a second time, when Robert died much younger than he should have done, after suffering a sudden massive heart attack. He was such a good man, and everything was so flipping great between us, even between our kids too, but despite the fact that it hurt like crazy, I can't ever regret the wonderful time we did have together. I just wish there had been a lot more, but I am truly grateful for what we did share. So, never mind what your mum and sisters say, don't waste any more time, just go for it with your sexy American. After all, he’s gorgeous, and I bet he’s good in bed too, isn’t he? And trust me, in my experience, there’s nothing like great sex to help you move on,” Jeanette winked.
“Is that so?” I laughed as I tried not to appear too shocked, thinking Mum’s cousin definitely had a wicked streak, and probably a few good stories to tell as well.
“Look, take it from one who’s been there, even if things don't work out with Caleb, it won’t be the end of the world, and you won’t crumble. You're stronger than you think, so you’ll just pick yourself up, chalk it up to experience and move on. However, I have to say my gut feeling about him is pretty good, and I'm rarely wrong, so I definitely think he’s worth taking a chance on.” Jeanette cocked her head at me as she smiled.
“I just wish the rest of my family saw it that way,” I sighed. “I knew they’d think I was being silly and impulsive, and that they’d disapprove.”
“Oh, trust me, they’ll soon come round once they see for themselves that you’re happy with him, because that’s all they really want for you. And there’s something else relevant here that we haven’t touched on yet. Do you want kids? Is that where you saw yourself , having a family, if Drew hadn't been killed?” she asked.
“Yes,” I admitted.
“So isn’t that also a good reason to consider starting again? You're still plenty young enough for things to head that way if you want. Have you and Caleb discussed this at all?”
“Actually, he was the one who brought the subject up first, telling me he could see us having a family together one day,” I admitted. “That was really what made me take him more seriously, in the end.”
Jeanette arched her eyebrows in surprise.
“Wow. He’s the real deal then, if he’s mentioning having babies of his own free will.”
“Yeah well, I just have to hope he wasn’t just spinning me a line.”
“Time will tell, but in volunteering to come and meet your family, I think he’s proved he’s not just a pretty playboy who wants into your knickers,” she chuckled. “And your father has obviously decided things are serious enough that he needs to haul Caleb off to his shed for a serious ‘man to man’ talk.”
“Yeah, talking of which, I should probably go rescue the poor guy,” I smiled at Jeanette. “But it’s been good talking to you, really useful actually.”
“Yes, well, I truly hope things work out for you, my dear. Oh, and by the way, if you do eventually end up marrying your American, I shall expect an invitation to the wedding, even if it’s over there. Hang the cost, I’ll fly out first class, champagne all the way. And who knows, maybe I’ll bag my own sexy American lover while I'm out there. Perhaps I’ll even find husband number three - I always did have a thing for cowboys,” she laughed, before I went off in search of Caleb.
Chapter 16 - Caleb
Faith’s father was a tall, well built man with dark brown hair streaked with grey, and dark brown eyes. While her two older sisters had taken after their father with their tall, dark looks, Faith had obviously gotten her looks from her mom, who was petite, fair haired and blue eyed.
“Don't get me wrong, Caleb, I love the women in my life dearly, but being the only male in the family means I sometimes feel the need to escape, so all females are banned from my shed,” he explained, as he led me outside and headed towards a wooden outhouse tucked away at the bottom of his back yard. He unlocked the door to let us in, and then unfolded a couple of chairs and put them up next to a battered old wooden table that was covered in various papers and books. The shelves were dusty and cluttered with all sorts of junk that I imagined had most likely been banned from the house by his wife.
“Sounds like a very wise idea, sir,” I smiled.
“Look, Caleb, I expect you think we’re trying to shield Faith far too much, especially as she’s hardly a teenager anymore, so maybe I should explain a few things to you,” he started off.
“Mr. Ashridge, I am aware of what Faith’s been through in the last couple of years, so I can appreciate that you must feel very protective of your daughter…” He put his hand up to stop me.
“Please, call me Phil, not as if you're one of my pupils at school, is it? Just let me clarify things a little. You see, Faith has always been very different to her sisters, and not just in her looks. She’s a much more sensitive soul, a fact she strives to keep well hidden beneath a tomboyish shell,” he explained.
“Yeah, Phil, I think I've worked that out about Faith,” I nodded. “And I do understand that she’s had a very difficult time since her bereavement. But I think the time has come for her to move on and look to the future, with help from the right person. And I very much want to be that person.”
Phil stared at me for a moment.
“Caleb, I have to ask if you truly comprehend what you’d be taking on with my daughter?” he said quietly. “There’ve been times… times when I’ve wondered if she’d ever get over losing Drew, because of the depth of her grief. I suppose you could describe Faith as an all or nothing kind of girl, and as Drew was everything to her, when he died, well, she just dissolved, crumbled. It’s been a hell of a job getting her stable again, so perhaps you can understand if we seem just a tad over-protective of her.”
“I can absolutely see why you all feel that way, and I totally respect that. No question, Faith’s lucky to have the support of such a loving family,” I replied. “But with all due respect, maybe I’ve gotten to see another side of Faith. A side that shows she’s ready to move on and make a fresh start, in a relationship with me,” I tried to convince him.
“As her father, obviously I don't want to know all the private details of what’s been going on between you two. I have to accept that my daughter is a fully grown woman, with a life of her own. And I also recall how we felt when we first met Drew, the reservations we had about him, but things turned out pretty well between them in the end, which I suppose proves that Faith is not a bad judge of character, so we ought to trust her judgement with you. It’s just that all this between you seems to have blown up out of nowhere as far as we’re concerned, it all seems so sudden. And as this job is all the way over in San Francisco, it means we wouldn’t be there for her if she struggled to cope in any way, especially if things didn't work out between you. You haven’t seen what she’s like…”
“Actually, Phil, I have. I appreciate you don't want to know any intimate details, but obviously you’re aware that this is Faith’s first relationship since her husband died. So I’ve been the one to see at first hand the guilt and the emotional fall-out she’s suffered through getting close to someone again.”
Phil stared hard at me again for a long minute.
“Yes, I can imagine she’d have a pretty strong reaction to being with someone else after Drew, and I can also imagine that couldn’t have been easy for you to cope with. And yet here you are today, prepared to brave us lot for her sake. But the question I have to ask is - are you honestly ready to take on the responsibility of being with
someone as emotionally fragile as Faith? Forgive me, but you told us earlier that you’re divorced. Are you really ready to settle down again with someone that brings a whole heap of baggage? You see, we’d be the ones left to pick up the pieces if it turned out you couldn’t cope once the initial shine wore off,” he worried.
“I’m going into this with my eyes wide open, Phil. Yes, it’s true I’m divorced, but only because my wife cheated on me. Up to that point, I was totally committed to my marriage. I’ve had a couple of years on my own since the divorce to get over it, and now I’m more than ready to settle down again. But Faith and I are being sensible about this, which is why we’ve agreed we should take some time getting to know each other better by her coming over to the States. The timing is perfect seeing as she’s being made redundant here, and the job in San Francisco truly is a great opportunity for her. You see, when I came over to work with Faith in London, I quickly ascertained that she’s a very bright girl who could really go places with the right support, which fortunately I've been able to offer her.”
“Yes, Faith is very capable, and I’m pleased you’ve seen her potential. I’ve always thought Royal London undervalued her, but in the past whenever I tried to talk to Faith about it, she insisted it didn't bother her, because she always intended to leave to start a family. Of course, everything changed when she lost Drew, and work then became a means of distraction for her, which I believe the bank took advantage of.”
“I’d have to agree with you there, Phil. It’s obvious to me that Faith has been putting in the lion’s share of the work, but getting very little recognition in return. That’s why I offered to mentor her, because I could see she had so much more to offer. And that’s how it came about that we spent time together and how a close friendship grew between us. It might all seem sudden to you, but things have been developing between us for a while now, as we’ve gotten to know each other better. All I can say is that I really want to be the one who helps Faith move on. It doesn’t scare me, in fact I’d relish having her leaning on me. You see, I actually want Faith to need me, after the experience of being shut out by my ex-wife. I want to be the most important thing in her life, just as Drew was, but I appreciate he’s a hard act to follow. I just don't know what else I can say to convince you that I’m serious about Faith, and ask that you give this next phase in your daughter’s life your support. It would mean a lot to Faith, as her family is very important to her,” I said.