No Direction Home (Sweet Home Colorado)

by Jude Willhoff

  “You know the cowboy I’ve been sweet on? Travis finally got up enough nerve to ask me to the Valentine dance they’re having at the Starlight Inn.” She grinned. “He is one shy cowboy, but I’ll take care of that.” She laughed. “I have big plans for that man.”

  “It’s about time.” She glanced at Cindy.

  “Travis told me you’ll be going to the same Valentine dance with Seth." She grinned mischievously at Grace.

  Grace turned. “Travis is a sweetie, but what do you mean I’ll be going with Seth? He hasn't said anything to me about it.”

  “Well, I'm sure he will. According to Travis, you’ve been on his mind.”

  Grace grabbed the side of the car when Cindy swerved to miss the shadow of what might have been a prairie dog that ran across the dirt road.

  “Travis says he talks about you a lot. He told me Seth was going to ask you and we could double date if I would like. And I would like very much, so I said yes.” She smirked. “I guess Seth hasn’t gotten around to asking you, yet. If I hadn’t run into Travis in town he probably wouldn’t have asked me, yet, either.”

  “What makes you sure I’ll go to the dance with Seth?” She liked the idea Seth was thinking about her, but it made her angry she had to hear it from Cindy. She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “The man has a lot of nerve telling the fellows at the ranch I’ll go out with him.”

  “Hey, don’t get your panties in a bind. He and Travis are good friends. I’m sure he didn’t say anything to anyone else.”

  “Easy for you to say.” In spite of her busy schedule with Joey’s physical therapy, her writing and helping Nana with the ranch, thoughts of Seth invariably intruded during the day. Grace shouldn’t let the man affect her this way, but she couldn’t help it. Why did it bother her so much? Then, it dawned on her...she was afraid to let herself feel anything for him, for fear of getting hurt.

  “Don’t go getting huffy on me. Promise me that you’ll act surprised when he asks you and go with the flow. It’s just a dance and could be a lot of fun.” She slowed down at the stop sign and turned toward Grace with a grin. “You know you want to go.”

  “You’re too smug for your own good. You always think you know what I want.” Grace was still mixed up with her feelings about the man. Sure, she was drawn to him, but her self-preservation told her to steer clear. She’d had enough trouble of the heart to last her a lifetime.

  “And I’m always right, too. Go ahead, admit it. You like Seth.”

  Grace shrugged. “I don’t know how I feel about the man.” If she let herself feel things for him, he would have the ability to hurt her. Could she risk it? Her heart clenched at the memory of the anguish she went through when Lee betrayed her.

  “Jenna and Charlie will be there. I talked to her today and she told me he asked her last night when they went out to dinner in Denver. She’s finally going to get to wear the black number you gave her when we spent the night.” She grinned. “They’ve been real chummy lately. Every time he looks at her he gets all gooey eyed. I think he’s ready to pop the question.”

  “I’m glad to hear things are working out so well for the two of them.” She was truly happy for Charlie and Jenna. Anybody could see they were perfect for each other. “They make a lovely couple.”

  “Yeah, at least one of us is going to get a good man. Jenna is walking on cloud nine. I’ve never seen her so animated.” Cindy's mood abruptly changed, and she groaned like she’d lost her best friend.

  “What's gotten into you? A person can be happy without having a man.” She’d never seen Cindy so forlorn. “A minute ago you were laughing and now you sound defeated.” Something wasn’t right with this picture.

  “Oh, the other day at the beauty salon, when I was doing Mrs. Baker's hair, I got to thinking. That woman has been divorced for over twenty years. She’s all alone, except for her cats.” Cindy fiddled with the radio station and finally settled on classic rock. “I’m getting older every day. The single, eligible men I’d be interested in are few and far between.” Her expression stilled and grew more serious. “The older I get, the fewer they get. I don’t want to end up like her. I’m tired of eating TV dinners by myself. I miss the married life.”

  “I know what you mean. There are things about being married I miss, too.” Grace searched for the right words to express her feelings. “But it’s natural for you to feel lonely. You’re a beautiful woman. Give yourself time and you’ll find someone.”

  “That’s just it. Time's running out.”

  Grace glanced back at the stars. She’d like to spend her life with someone, too, but she didn’t want to saddle anyone with her problems. Then again, the last few months she had been living a pretty normal existence. Her pain level had been reduced to a bearable thing. She was doing it—she was controlling her pain. Maybe there was hope for her yet.

  “How about you, don’t you want someone to share your life with? Do you think it’s too late for you, too late for kids and a husband after everything that’s happened?” Cindy asked.

  Talk about reading her mind. Cindy was dialed in to her innermost thoughts tonight. Her words cut to the quick, like a painful paper cut through her thin emotional skin. Grace swallowed, keeping her voice light. “Sure, I would like that, but I don’t want to pile my problems on anyone else.”

  Cindy forced a smile, looking more like her happy-go-lucky self. “Seth doesn’t see you with problems. Hell, I don’t see you with problems. Since you’ve been home, I’ve seen you grow and become an independent woman again, taking your life back. And the way you interact with Joey and Jamie is a marvel.”

  Grace watched Cindy’s expressive face change and almost become somber while she listened to her friend. She hated discussing these things when she was so unsure of herself.

  “I don’t think of you as being disabled or handicapped. I think of you as my friend with a challenge and I’m sure that’s how Seth sees it, too.” Cindy hesitated, and then said bluntly, “It’s time for you to get over it and move on.”

  Grace stared at her best friend, mildly upset, but the sad truth was...Cindy was right. She had to stop feeling sorry for herself. She sighed. “I needed to hear that. It’s easy for me to get caught up in this pity poor me thing. I try to fight it, but sometimes when I hurt, I can’t see the moon for the stars.” She lifted her chin and smiled. “You’re the best.”

  “Of course I am.” Cindy laughed and turned on her blinker to move onto the paved road heading toward town. “Jenna’s meeting us in front of the theater. Should we ask her what she and Charlie have been up to? They've been together a lot, lately."

  “You’re ornery. It isn’t any of our business. If she wants us to know, she’ll tell us.” Grace smiled as thoughts of Seth wove their way into her mind. He had told her to save a dance for him. Maybe she would. Cindy was right about several things. It was time to move on with her life...let someone in.

  It was easy to mouth the words, but could she do it?

  ***

  After getting ready for his night out with the ranch hands, Seth came down the stairs two at a time. He had been keeping the tradition Nana’s husband had started years ago. She insisted, at least once a month, he go into town and buy the ranch hands drinks on the Cactus Rose at the bar.

  Nana sat by the fire reading a book, with Ollie curled up by her side, in her comfortable leather recliner. Earlier at dinner she had said she wasn’t feeling well and planned to take it easy this evening. She looked pale. He greeted her, wondering if he should leave her alone tonight.

  She settled deeper into the cushions, letting the cozy room lull her with its pleasant aroma of the wood burning fireplace. “Good evening, Seth.” She leaned forward in her chair, as if she were trying to hide a twinge of pain. “My, don’t you look handsome.”

  He was wearing his new blue chambray cowboy shirt with the white pearl buttons. Hoping to see Grace later, he wanted to look good for her.

  “Ah...to be thirty years younger,
” she teased. “That shirt brings out the blue of your eyes.”

  He could see her smiling face in the firelight. Even though she was teasing him, she seemed to be kind of down tonight. “Thanks, ma’am. You’re too kind. Are you sure you want to be alone tonight?”

  "Yes, I'm fine—go. I'm just going to go upstairs in a bit and turn in with my book.

  "Okay, if you're sure. The kids are down for the count." He laughed as he strode through the room to the coat rack. “Travis is meeting me here. Do you need anything from town?”

  “No, I don’t think so, but thanks for asking.”

  A knock at the door sounded through the room. “I’ll get it." He hurried across the room to the door and opened it.

  Travis stood under the porch light with his hat in his hand. “Ready to go?”

  “Yeah, just about. Come in for a minute. I'll grab my wallet.” He showed Travis into the living room and went to retrieve his money.

  “Good evening, Ma’am.” Travis held his hat when he walked into the living room.

  “Evening, Travis. Do you boys have a hot date tonight?” Nana smiled at the blushing cowboy. “You’re both looking mighty sharp.”

  “Just drinks with the boys, ma’am.”

  Nana grabbed her chest and pitched forward in the chair.

  He stood transfixed watching her eyes grow round.

  “G...get Seth,” she muttered in short breaths, gasping for air.

  "Seth. Get down here. Something's wrong with Nana," he shouted up the staircase.

  Seth rushed to her side as Nana doubled over in pain. He had to help her. “Ma’am, how can I help you?” He wavered, trying to comprehend what he was seeing. He couldn’t let anything happen to her. It would break Grace’s heart and besides...he loved Nana, too.

  “Ge...get me...my heart pills...on the kitchen counter.”

  Seth held her, letting her head rest against his shoulders. Travis rushed to the counter, picked up the bottle of pills and brought them back to Seth with a glass of water.

  “Here, ma’am.” Seth eased her trembling body back in the chair, glancing at Travis. His eyes had grown huge in fear at Nana’s condition. Seth could relate—he never knew she had heart problems. When did that happen? “Take one.” He placed the pill into her shaking hand and held the glass to her lips.

  She swallowed it with a drink of water. “Thanks, I’ll be okay now.” She laid her head back against the recliner.

  Seth continued to gently hold his arm around her, noting the flash of pain mingled with stubbornness in her eyes. He didn’t care what she said—he had to get her to a doctor. Didn't have time for an ambulance to come all the way from town. Minutes counted. Moving quickly, he picked her up in his arms, holding her close to his chest. The fact she didn’t object worried him greatly. “Ma’am, you’re going to the hospital to get checked out. We’re not taking any chances.” He glanced at Travis. “You stay here with the kids. Call Grace and tell her to meet us there. She’s at the movies with Cindy.”

  “Sure, boss, no problem. I’ll take care of things here.”

  Seth wrapped her in a burgundy throw from the couch. “We’re going to take real good care of you. Doc will make it all better,” he crooned to the top of her small white head, trying to soothe her nerves...and his. He quickly carried her to his truck. He loved this lady and couldn’t let anything happen to her.

  “Nonsense, I don’t need to see the doctor,” she finally sputtered against his shoulder, gasping in pain.

  “Hush, ma’am. We’ll be there soon.” His heart hammered in his chest when he laid her in the seat and closed the truck door, running to the driver’s side. She was a tough lady, but she needed medical care and fast.

  Grace, Cindy and Jenna rushed into the hospital waiting area, bringing a wave of cold air into the room with them. Grace’s warm brown eyes shone with fear when she ran up to Seth. "Travis called me. How is she?"

  He took her arm and led her over to a sofa. “Sit down and I’ll tell you what I know.” It hurt him to be the one to have to tell her she might lose her grandmother—her only living relative. Seth swallowed the lump in his throat as she settled on the dark blue couch and held both of her cold hands in his. He gazed into her eyes. “She was having chest pains when I brought her in from the ranch.” Shaking his head to get control of his emotions, he continued. “Apparently, she’s been having heart problems for some time and didn’t bother to tell anyone.” He held her hands, warming them, hoping to prepare her for the worst news. “She had a heart attack in the emergency room.”

  “Oh, God.” Grace gripped his hands. Cindy and Jenna stood close by, listening, giving her their moral support.

  Seth kept talking in a calm clear voice, gently squeezing her fingers. “She’s holding her own. When there’s more news, the doctor will tell us.” He sighed. “We have to wait.”

  She settled in to wait, staring into space. Minutes ticked by as if they were hours. A look of quiet despair settled in her eyes as he continued sitting beside her, still holding her hand.

  After what seemed like ages, Grace turned toward Seth with a vacant look in her eyes. “I can’t lose Nana. We just got back together.” Her voice cracked with the effort of talking. “She’s all I have.”

  Seth moved closer and put his arms around her, turning her head to his chest, letting her lay her cheek against him as she quietly cried. Pulling out his handkerchief, he handed it to her. Sniffling, she blew her nose into the soft cotton cloth and leaned into him. The time seemed to drag while he cradled her in his protective arms.

  Three hours after they had arrived, Cindy said, “Jenna and I are going to get some coffee.” Cindy stood and stretched out her arms. “Do you want us to bring you anything?”

  Grace pushed away from Seth’s chest and glanced at her friend of many years. “Yes, a large black coffee. And...thanks for being here with me.”

  Cindy touched her shoulder with love shining in her eyes. “We’ll be right back.” Seth watched them walk down the pale green hospital corridor. Grace was lucky to have such good friends.

  “Is there anything I can do for you?” Seth held her small hand in his, willing his own strength into her heart.

  “Hold me.” She wiped her eyes dry and laid her head back against his chest. “Just hold me.”

  He pulled her close to him, kissing the top of her head.

  “I have to be strong for Nana,” she mumbled. “She’ll need me.”

  His heart went out to her as he held her. “That’s right. You’re doing a good job. It’s just the initial shock that’s got you frazzled.” He gently patted her on the back. “We’ll both be strong for her.”

  Time seemed to stand still until a few hours later when Dr. Kruger approached.

  Grace stood. “How is she?”

  “She’s had a coronary—not a massive heart attack. She’s awake, but her condition is aggravated over you.”

  “Me. What can I do?”

  Seth’s stomach did a flip flop as he watched the painful emotions wash across Grace’s face.

  “You have to understand, her condition is serious. We have to get her to relax or we might lose her. We’re doing all we can to stabilize her condition, but her own anxiety is killing her. I’m going to let you see her, but you must do nothing to upset her.”

  Seth kept his arm around Grace while they listened to what the doctor had to say. The doctor turned to him. "She wants to see you, too. Again, let me tell you this lady cannot be upset.” He glanced from one to the other, making sure they understood the severity of the situation. “Come with me.”

  “We understand.” Seth held Grace’s hand tightly as they followed the doctor into the intensive care unit. He wished he could shield Grace from the hurt and pain of seeing her grandmother so ill. Helplessly, he watched tears spring to Grace’s eyes when she saw Nana lying in the hospital bed with tubes attached, surrounded by purring machines. If only there was something he could do to help them...he'd do anything. He sque
ezed her fingers letting her know he was there for her.

  Nana opened her eyes when they stepped into the room. “Come to me.” Her voice was weak and low as she reached toward Grace’s hand.

  “Nana, it’s going to be okay.” Grace leaned down near her face so she could hear what Nana was trying to say. “They’re going to take good care of you.” She rubbed the back of her grandmother’s cold hand, willing warmth back into it.

  “I want Reverend Jones.”

  “Don’t worry.” Seth could tell Grace’s whole body was engulfed with tides of grief and despair while he silently prayed Nana would make it.

  “It’s going to be all right. You’ll be home soon, but you have to relax.”

  “It’s you I’m worried about.” A single tear escaped from the corner of Nana’s eye. “I don’t want to leave you alone.” She swallowed hard. “You’ve been through so much.” Her voice came out in a raspy whisper.

  “I’m fine.” She touched the back of her hand to Nana’s cheek. “Don’t worry about me.”

  “Seth?” Her usually lively eyes were dulled with pain. “Is Seth here?”

  “I’m here.” He stepped forward so she could see him and gazed into her face as she was trying to raise her head off the bed.

  “You’re a good man.” She reached her other hand toward him and he took it and held it gently in his large hand. It was cool against his fingertips, like polished marble.

  “Promise me you’ll take care of her. She’ll be all alone.” Nana cleared her throat. “I know I can trust you.”

  “You have my word on it. You don’t have to worry about Grace. I’m going to marry her.” He avoided Grace's gaze.

  The relaxation in the old lady’s face was visible, her face smiling when she lay back against the pillow. “You’ve made my dream come true.” She clenched the edge of the bed with her fist. “Will you bring the preacher here and let me see it done?”

  “Yes. Grace and I will be married right here. I can get Judge Wilson to waive the two day waiting period and Reverend Jones will perform the ceremony.” He glanced over at Grace to see a stricken look on her face, keeping his voice calm. “Grace and I will see to the arrangements. But now, you have to rest and get better.”