Nephi's Courage

by Rory McFarlan

  “Here, take a key so you can get back into the apartment if you need to. If everything works out, you can give it back to me on Sunday. Text me your number so I have it in case I need to get a hold of you.”

  “Thanks,” said Bradley as he took the key.

  “No problem. Help yourself to anything you want in the apartment and feel free to use the shower and help yourself to any of my product. Just make yourself at home. I need to go but I’ll talk to you later today.”

  With that, Nephi headed out the door and drove to work. Halloween turned into a long, emotionally draining day and he was glad that today was Friday. The prospect of a weekend with nothing to do gave him something to look forward to.

  While Nephi worked, Bradley finished breakfast and enjoyed a nice, long shower. At his house, showers ran on a timer. Sister Hanson managed the schedule, and he only had five minutes. His mother programmed his entire day. She woke him at 6:00 for family prayer and scripture study. 6:30 was time for his personal scripture study. Breakfast was at 7:00 and she assigned him the 7:20 shower slot. The rest of his day was planned to the minute. Being alone in Nephi’s apartment with unlimited time to shower was a luxury, and he took the time to enjoy it.

  After the shower, he put on yesterday’s clothes because he had nothing else to wear. Now ready, he placed Nephi’s key in his pocket and headed out the door toward home. Last night was the first time Bradley ever slept away from home. He shared a room with two brothers and it seemed strange waking up in a different place, even if it was only two blocks away. Nerves grew in his belly as he got closer to home. Not knowing what to expect, his mind gravitated to the darkest alternatives, but he forced himself onward.

  He opened the front door and walked inside. Sister Hanson was a homemaker and home school teacher and Bradley knew she would be home with all of his siblings. His father should already be at work.

  “Mom?” he called out.

  “Bradley!” exclaimed his towheaded four-year-old sister, Brook, as she ran to him, hugging his leg.

  Bradley patted her on the head and told her he was glad to see her. He called out again for his mother.

  Moments later, Sister Hanson emerged from the hallway. The plump woman wore a dress and apron. Her graying hair was pulled back in a ponytail. The stern look on her face didn’t suggest she had missed Bradley in the least.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked matter-of-factly.

  “I came to see you. To work through things with you and Dad.”

  “Are you prepared to repent and give up your perversions?”

  “If you are asking if I am somehow magically straight now, then no. I am gay, Mom. It isn’t something I chose, it is just the way I am.”

  “Don’t use such language in front of your sister!” she demanded. “If you are not ready to repent, you are not part of this family. Please be on your way.”

  “Mom, I love you. Please try to understand…”

  “Please be on your way!” she reiterated, voice raised.

  “Okay, Mom,” he replied. “I just need to get a few of my things.”

  “You don’t have any things. Your father and I provided everything for you. You are no longer welcome to it since you are not part of our family. We will not tolerate your perversion here.”

  A tear rolling down his cheek, Bradley bent down and kissed Brook on the forehead and then turned and walked out. He made it a block and a half before breaking down into a sob and asking God why he allowed such cruelty. With no answer, he continued to walk toward his father’s shop.

  While he walked, he choked back the tears and gathered himself. He would speak with his father man to man. By the time he arrived at the shop, he built up his nerve. He entered and asked to speak with his father privately. Brother Hanson invited Bradley in to his office and closed the door.

  “What do you have to say for yourself?” asked Brother Hanson.

  “I have come to work.”

  “Work? Are you ready to repent of your perversion?”

  “Dad, being attracted to men does not make me perverse. It is who I am.”

  “Then you no longer have a job here.”

  “Please try to understand,” he begged.

  “You best be on your way.”

  “Fine, just give me the money from my account and I will be out of your hair for good.”

  “What money?”

  “The money I have been earning while working in the shop for the past five months. I have almost six thousand dollars saved.”

  “That money is for your mission and it is in an account in my name. Unless you serve a mission, it belongs to me. When you come to your senses and repent of your sins and serve the Lord, it will be waiting for you.”

  “That’s not fair!” cried Bradley. “I worked hard to earn that money. It’s mine.”

  “The Lord doesn’t bless sinners, Bradley. Unless you repent, it all belongs to me. And one more thing, hand over your phone. I pay the bill and it is also mine.”

  Heart broken, Bradley took the phone from his pocket and threw it against the wall before storming out of the office and away from the shop. Phoneless and coatless, with nowhere else to go, Bradley followed State Street for a mile in the brisk fall air until he arrived back at the apartment. There he sat and waited for Nephi to return.

  Nephi wrapped things up at work after a routine day and headed home. He hadn’t received a call or text from Bradley and wondered how things turned out with his parents. When he arrived home, he walked through the door to find Bradley sitting on the couch, head down, gazing intensely at the floor.

  “Bradley, what’s going on? Is everything okay?”

  He didn’t answer but just continued staring at the floor in silence. Nephi grew concerned and sat next to him on the couch, trying again to get his attention by waving his hands in front of Bradley’s face. The only answer was silence. Not knowing what else to do, Nephi kneeled on the floor, rested his folded arms on the couch, and began to pray aloud.

  “Dear Heavenly Father, please bless Bradley with thy spirit. Please comfort him and help him in his time of….”

  Bradley interrupted him mid-sentence. “Don’t do that.”

  “Don’t do what?” asked Nephi, looking up at Bradley.

  “Don’t pray for me. It doesn’t work.”

  “Prayer has always helped me.”

  “Listen, Nephi, I prayed half the night and all morning that I could make things right with my parents. I prayed for guidance and comfort and to know what to say to them. Today I spoke to both of them and neither of them acknowledges I am their son. I have nothing but the clothes I am wearing. They took my clothes, my money, my phone, everything.

  I have nowhere to go and no way to take care of myself. Where is God? Why didn’t he help me? If he is all knowing and all powerful and he loves me, then why did he abandon me and leave me with nothing? I don’t want to hear your prayers.”

  Nephi hugged him. Bradley hugged Nephi back and cried. They stayed that way for several minutes with Bradley’s tears flowing freely onto Nephi’s shirt, leaving a large wet spot on his shoulder.

  Bradley slowly turned his head toward Nephi’s and kissed him gently on the lips. It took Nephi by surprise and confusion spread across his face while they held the kiss for a few brief seconds before Nephi pulled back.

  “We can’t,” said Nephi.

  “Because of Alex?”

  Nephi laughed. “No, not because of Alex. We’re just friends.”

  “Could have fooled me,” replied Bradley, “but if it’s not because of Alex then why?”

  “Don’t get me wrong, I like you and I’m honored that you were my first kiss, but I feel kind of weird about our age difference and how well our families know each other and all. Plus, with all the emotion of today, it just doesn’t feel right.”

  “Your first kiss, what? You have got to be kidding.”

  “Well, I kissed my best friend Stacy once, but this is the only time I have kissed a
guy.”

  “It was my first kiss too. What did you think?”

  “It was nice,” smiled Nephi, “but that’s not the point. We should both take our time and do things for the right reasons.”

  “You’re probably right.”

  “Like I told you earlier, you are welcome to stay here as long as you need. Don’t worry. We’ll find you a job and clothes won’t be an issue. My brother Ammon is about your size and my parents still have a lot of his old clothes at their house. Let’s head over there now and get you a few things and then I’ll take you shopping for something new. It will all work out.”

  Grateful to be in Nephi’s apartment instead of on the street, Bradley followed Nephi outside to the truck and they paid a visit to Mike and Darla. Darla greeted them as they came through the door. Nephi explained that they were there for some of Ammon’s old clothes without going into all the details about Bradley’s parents. She gathered up a pair of jeans, a pair of slacks, five shirts, and a coat and gave them to Bradley who thanked her and gave her a hug.

  The pair then headed to the mall where Nephi bought two pair of slacks and three polo style shirts. He also bought a button-up shirt and neck tie that Bradley could use for job interviews. Nephi enjoyed putting together outfits and had fun shopping. Bradley had never owned anything that didn’t come from the thrift shop and it felt good to have something new but he was mostly thankful just to have a few things to call his own. After purchasing the clothes, they picked up a prepaid burner phone for Bradley at an electronics store so prospective employers could get in touch with him.

  Shopping bags in hand, they climbed back in the truck, stopping at a drive through for dinner on their way home. In the past day, Bradley had lost everything he knew. Before today, he took many things for granted- a roof over his head, clothes on his back, and food on the table. He now felt gratitude for those things but the thing he appreciated the most was Nephi’s friendship.

  Back at the apartment, they ate and talked. They talked about family, the church, sexuality, and friends. Twelve years separated them, but they shared a real connection. They grew up in the same ward and shared similar experiences. They understood each other.

  After conversing for three hours, the conversation turned to Bradley’s job search.

  “Have you thought about what you want to do for work?” asked Nephi.

  “I’m worried about that. I don’t really have any marketable skills. I mean, I can do a bit of car body work and general office tasks, but that’s about it. I don’t even know where to start.”

  “Tomorrow you can use my laptop to search the classifieds. There are a lot of jobs out there. Restaurants around here are always hiring and there are several call centers nearby. If you are interested, I can see when the next group is due to start at Brower.”

  “Thanks for letting me use the laptop and I would really appreciate it if you check for any positions available at work.”

  “Ok, I will. Don’t worry, you’ll find something.”

  They continued chatting until late. Once again, Nephi slept on the sofa, giving up the bed to Bradley. Completely spent, they dozed off quickly and slept late into Saturday morning.

  Nephi helped Bradley put together a resume and he searched for jobs online while Nephi ran on the treadmill. Alone in the fitness room, Nephi called both Stacy and Alex to fill them in on the situation and to get their advice. Stacy encouraged him to continue being there for Bradley and to show him love and kindness while he figured things out. Alex agreed with that but also cautioned Nephi against letting him become too dependent. Based on his own experience, he felt that Bradley needed to get a job soon and support himself.

  “The biggest contributor to success as an adult is self-reliance, which you can’t develop when you depend on others for everything,” he counseled. “Bradley needs all the help he can get now, but he must develop the ability to be independent if he is going to make it, especially with no family behind him.”

  “I agree that independence is important,” replied Nephi, “but genetics alone do not make someone family. His biological parents disowned him, but he still has us.”

  Alex agreed. After catching them up, Nephi returned to the apartment and chatted with Bradley over a bowl of hot tomato soup. The soup warmed them from the inside on a chilly day. Bradley was upset, having a difficult time keeping his mind off of home. Nephi suggested they pray together but Bradley declined. To get his mind off of things, Nephi introduced him to Gilmore Girls. They laughed and cried together while binge watching the first season until they both fell asleep on the couch.

  In the morning, Nephi got ready for church. He invited Bradley, but he didn’t want to go. He preferred not to see his family and besides, he was angry at God for failing to answer his prayers and allowing him to be in this situation. He was also angry that God would send him to a family that would not accept who he was. He stayed at the apartment and continued his job search while Nephi went to church.

  Nephi received an icy reception at church. People he thought to be friends gave him the cold shoulder. Seeing him with a male friend at the trunk-or-treat activity had apparently set something in motion that he did not anticipate. The rumor mill had churned, spreading disinformation throughout the ward and the fruits of the campaign were making their way back to Nephi. He sat in the middle of the row next to his parents and noticed the rest of the pew was vacant. People chose to sit on the hard chairs at the back rather than on the soft bench next to Nephi.

  Brother Baker conducted sacrament meeting. Today was the first Sunday of November- fast Sunday. Brother and Sister Hanson sat two pews ahead of the Willard family. Their son Todd sat with the other deacons, ready to pass the sacrament while their remaining six children sat next to them. After the congregation sang hymns and partook of the sacrament, Todd joined his siblings on the bench.

  Melanie Jameson, a fourteen-year-old young woman in the ward kicked off testimony meeting talking about choosing uplifting music, books, and movies. Next, Sister Hanson made her way to the pulpit to speak. Nephi wondered if she would mention her son. She spoke on the topic of charity, not the giving to the poor kind of charity, but the charity spoken of by Paul in the Bible and by the prophet Moroni in the Book of Mormon. She spoke of the kind of charity that embodies kindness and love like that showed by Jesus Christ when he walked the earth.

  She recounted the story from John chapter eight where the Pharisees brought to Jesus a woman taken in adultery and asked him whether they should stone her according to the Law of Moses. He asked for any without sin to cast the first stone. Everyone left, leaving Jesus alone with the adulteress. Jesus told her he did not condemn her and to go, and sin no more. Sister Hanson offered it as an example of the pure love of Christ- charity. She admonished the congregation to show that same love for others.

  Nephi squirmed in his seat as she spoke, in disbelief that she could speak those words with a straight face after kicking her gay son out on the street penniless with no place to go. He was still trying to process it when she finished speaking. After she sat down several other ward members took the stand to bare testimony. Nephi loved fast and testimony meeting but he couldn’t enjoy it today, his mind preoccupied with Sister Hanson’s hypocrisy.

  As sacrament meeting wound down, Brother Hanson approached the podium. His wrinkled shirt and mussed hair usually distracted Nephi but today, he didn’t even notice them. Instead, he studied the man’s face, searching for any evidence of humanity. His stony eyes showed no sign of warmth as he spoke.

  “The scriptures tell us that the Lord cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance. Think about that, brothers and sisters, the least degree. That means that sinners cannot co-exist with God. He must cast them out of his presence. Thankfully, Jesus Christ fills that gap for us and if we repent and change our ways and choose righteousness, there is a path back to Him.”

  “Just as God cannot allow any sin,” he continued, “we must shut all sin out of our life. Whe
never we become aware of sin, we must shun it, cut it off. God will not look favorably upon us if we allow it to remain. When it comes down to it, we must choose. Like Joshua, we must choose today whom we will serve. We can serve God, or we can serve the devil. If we choose God, we must evict all earthly desire and perversion from our lives.”

  He continued the discourse in similar fashion. It became clear to Nephi that Bradley’s chances of a happy reunion with his family were slim. He felt bad for him and racked his brain for anything he might do to rectify the situation. Nothing came to mind.

  Brother Hanson finished speaking and sat down as the congregation sang the closing hymn and bowed their heads while Sister Simpson offered the closing prayer.

  At the conclusion of the meeting, Nephi moved forward two pews. He felt compelled to say something to Brother Hanson.

  “Brother Hanson,” he said. “I listened closely to your testimony. I have to say I’m not sure that kicking your son out on the street is what Heavenly Father had in mind when he said that he can’t look upon sin. Your wife made some great points that you might want to go back and study.”

  “What do you know about Bradley?”

  “I assumed he told you. He has been staying with me since you kicked him out.”

  “You are playing a dangerous game harboring a runaway boy. Butt out of this and mind your own business.”

  “That runaway boy is a man who is almost nineteen years old, and he didn’t run away, you forced him out on the street. Where did you think he would go?”

  “You need to stay out of this. Bradley needs to be on his own so God can humble him unto repentance. Once he abandons his perversions and decides to serve a mission, he can come back home.”

  “Exactly what do you expect him to repent of? He has done nothing wrong. You can’t change who he is. You can’t pray the gay away or turn him straight with the power of the priesthood. That has never worked and it never will. If that is what you are holding out for, you are only setting yourself up for disappointment. God created Bradley the way he is – an intelligent, kind, wonderful gay man. Why don’t you try to accept your son for who he is and love him just because he is your son?”