Mother Be The Judge

by O'Brien, Sally

  He followed the solicitor's instructions and made no comment when asked any questions. He wasn't really listening to the police officer and said, "No comment," where he thought there was a big enough gap between the officer's mutterings.

  As Adrian sat looking at his feet he wondered what life would be like with his dad. He knew that his dad lived in Greece and that his name was Avram. His dad didn't know about Adrian because his mum didn't have any contact details for him. Adrian often dreamed about getting on a plane and landing in Greece, his dad waiting on the runway with his arms open ready to embrace his long lost son. Adrian would become a swan in Greece, after being such an ugly duckling in England. He would have never lost his testicles because his dad would have told the doctors to do anything they could to save his son rather than just sign the first form offered to him. Avram and Adrian would live out their days in Greece, dating women and running a bar.

  This train of thought continued until the buzzer blasted into Adrian's ears, breaking him out of his day dream.

  "No comment." He added, just for good measure.

  -x-

  Coming out of the police station Adrian waited once again for his mother's onslaught, believing that she may have been acting for the sake of the policemen in her display of unquestioning love for him. He turned to his mother and looked deep into her dull brown eyes.

  "What happened Adrian?" she asked of him, "Whatever happened we can work through it."

  Rage bubbled up in Adrian's stomach. What was wrong with this dumb cunt? He had hurt a girl for fucks sake. Why wasn't she telling him what a miserable despicable person he was? He decided then to treat her like the mug she was making of herself.

  "It's your fault mum."

  He could see the look of confusion in his mother's eyes.

  "How is it my fault darling? I know you didn't do this, you just wouldn't."

  Adrian couldn't believe he hadn't realised what a foolish woman his mother was.

  "I just wanted to know what it felt like." And there it was, Adrian could see the pain hit his mother when she heard his admittance. He could almost hear her struggling to come up with yet another excuse for his behaviour. Any minute now he expected her face to change into anger and a punishment to be laid on him.

  Adrian couldn't suppress a grin when nothing came. He decided then that he would use his mother's blind love to his advantage and get some compensation for being stuck with such a repugnant mother who had seen fit to butcher him and prevent him from leading a normal life.

  Adrian began to whine at his mother about how he never got anything; he thought throwing in a bit about never having a birthday party was a stroke of genius on his part. The ultimate goal here was to get a computer. If he wasn't allowed to touch girls then he knew the computer would at least allow him to look at them. His classmates had told him all sorts of stories about things they had seen online. Knowing their financial situation Adrian had never bothered to ask his mother about the possibility of getting a computer but her display of tolerance today made him believe it possible to get anything out of the silly cow.

  He had been right. Instead of a punishment his mother apologised to him and took him straight up High Street to buy him the computer he had asked for. Adrian smirked to himself; he was going to enjoy looking at porn, he couldn't wait to start his new life, this was going to be great.

  Chapter 10

  'Remorse for what? You people have done everything in the world to me; doesn't that give me equal right?

  Charles Bronson

  August 2008

  "Happy birthday Adrian, you're an adult now." A light knock on Adrian's door hailed the arrival of the Pig, also known as his mother. Adrian's class had been introduced to a thesaurus in lessons one day and after looking up fuck, shit, bollocks and wanker as had to be done with any dictionary offered to a young teen, Adrian had perused the book and happened upon 'pig'. The words which followed he believed described his mother perfectly; beastie, creature, fiend, glutton, monstrosity, gorger. All words he could easily associate with that thing he had to live with.

  Pig stayed at the door a little while longer, he didn't bother to reply. He had spent the past five years in self-confinement which suited him well. The computer was his mother now. Adrian enjoyed playing Holmes on the machine, working out who committed a crime based on the evidence available. He would spend hours planning the perfect murder, a past time he found others enjoyed also as there were chat rooms dedicated to the pursuit of the perfect crime - bank robbery, murder etc. Adrian liked to imagine that one day his mother would become perfectly murdered, but grudgingly spent time with her to be fed and to get the testosterone injections which were so important to him.

  The internet had opened a whole new world to Adrian, not only did he have unlimited access to porn but he had access to porn where girls were 'barely legal' and easily looked young enough to still be in primary school. Adrian also had access to thousands of chat rooms and social networking sites. On the internet he could be whomever or whatever he wanted to be. What also excited Adrian was the fact that every chat room was filled with young girls all desperate to play out their own sexual fantasies. The anonymity of the internet broke through barriers of self-consciousness; no one seemed embarrassed to write dirty things to each other; it was all good harmless fun.

  He had seen girls on the webcam taking off their tops and jiggling their tiny boobs at him via the World Wide Web. Adrian had even seen a vagina - not a porn vagina which was obviously over-used and tainted but the virginal vagina of Lacey, a girl who lived on the same estate as him. He knew that in reality she probably wouldn't want to even let him kiss her, but was content with her shenanigans on his computer...... for now.

  Pig knocked on the door again, "Just popping out to the shops Adrian, will get you something nice for your birthday dinner."

  "Blah, blah, fucking blah." Adrian muttered to himself. "Go on then, fuck off Pig." He said it quietly as he never let his mother see the real Adrian; that would ruin his manipulation of her. In her presence he was just a moody misunderstood Adrian, persecuted by his peers and in need of his mother's love and protection.

  -x-

  "Adri-an." A shout came from below his bedroom window. Adrian opened the window and looked down to see Lacey and her friend Savannah standing in the playground below. Lacey was wearing a tiny top and a denim miniskirt. It made her look a lot older than eleven and Adrian didn't like that. He much preferred the dress Savannah had on; it was just long enough for her age but short enough to imagine what was underneath. Adrian quickly drew a love heart on a piece of paper with 'A4L' written inside the confines of the crudely drawn heart. He folded the paper into a paper plane and flew it out of the window and down in Lacey's direction. Lacey picked up the plane, opened out the paper and showed the sketch to Savannah; both girls giggled and then ran off away from the view of Adrian. He glanced up to see his mother gazing up at him from the other side of the children's playground and ducked away quickly so he didn't have to acknowledge her presence there. Adrian hoped Lacey would go online later and give him another look at her fanny.

  He decided to go and see what Pig had bought him for his eighteenth. It would be better to open his present while she was out so he didn't have to have her fawning all over him. Adrian went into the living room and looked around for a wrapped gift before noticing the new television on the sideboard. 'And even Sky," he exclaimed in wonder. "Stupid Pig.' He thought, 'As if I'm going to sit here and watch TV with her.' He couldn't resist sitting to watch it though. He was drawn to the dark square and pressed the remote control just to see what the picture was like. Adrian was sucked into an antiques programme with some suited and booted Satsuma gesticulating at him over a piece of crap. Pig walked in and took him off guard.

  "What do you think?" she asked him. "It's great isn't it?"

  "Mmm." He replied, "Needs Sky Plus." Adrian got up and left the room, he had seen enough old people for one day. The Pig stopped him and showe
d him a card advertising a job in Big Value. It hadn't occurred to Adrian to get a job before; it was so simple to manipulate the Pig he didn't really need any money. What he did need however, was an excuse to see and talk to Lacey in the flesh. He knew Lacey's mum must go to Big Value and it stood to reason that Lacey must also go there.

  Even if Lacey didn't go, it seemed a good way to connect with other young girls. If he could get onto a till then he could even talk to them, get to know them better.

  "Yeah actually that's a good idea." He said, "I'll go there now." Adrian grabbed his coat before the Pig could offer to go with him. He rushed off to the supermarket and asked to see the manager there. He was led through to a back room and introduced to a Mr Sprout, an aptly named man for the manager of a supermarket Adrian though. Adrian put on his best behaviour when he spoke to Mr Sprout; unlike his mother, Adrian was able to interact with people. He was quite charming and likeable when he wanted to be; it was his choice to be a loner. It didn't take long for Adrian to convince the manager he was the best person for the job and he was offered a position in Big Value on the shop floor, unpacking groceries.

  Adrian walked home sorry that Lacey had left the playground already because he would have liked to have told her about his job. When he got home Adrian yelled, "I got the job." He was feeling in a jubilant mood and decided it was time to give Pig a bone. He would have dinner with her; pasta bake by the smell of it; and eat her stupid cake, then go back to the haven of his bedroom and continue his non-stop trawling of the internet. Life was good, but it was going to get better he thought.

  Book 2

  Chapter 11

  'You not only are hunted by others, you unknowingly hunt yourself.'

  Dejan Stojanovic, The Sun Watches The Sun.

  ADE234: Are you home yet?

  LACE57: yh, just had my dinner :-)

  ADE234: Did you like my drawing?

  LACE57: Yh, lol A4L 4ever

  ADE234: U know I luv u

  LACE57: yh but don't know y

  ADE234: U r not like the other girls, ure my spcl girl :-)

  LACE57: Shut up lol.

  ADE234: It's true. What is ure mum doing?

  LACE57: She's asleep :0 drunk on the sofa AGAIN she's got dribble coming out of her mouth loooool

  ADE234: Is she always drunk

  LACE57: Always. I have to do evryfing 4 my bruv

  ADE234: That's shit.

  LACE57: I know, I can't even go 2 skool every day.

  ADE234: That's good lol, I h8td skool, glad I'm done.

  LACE57: I've got 6 years left lol.

  ADE234: U will do well at skool, ure clever; my clever girl.

  LACE57: Ah ure so nice 2 me.

  ADE234: Can we play that game again?

  LACE57: ??

  ADE234: U know, what we did last time :-)

  LACE57: No.

  ADE234: Come on, u know I luv u xxxxxxx

  LACE57: My webcam is not working. I don't like it anyway :-(

  ADE234: :-( why don't u like it, its fun.

  LACE57: No its not, it's bad. My mum would kill me for doing that.

  ADE234: But I luv u, we can be 2gether when u r older, or now if u want.

  LACE57: I'm 2 young. My mum sed girls don't do stuff like that.

  ADE234: U told ure mum?

  LACE57: No, but told her svnnh did it, lol. Shud have seen her face... I'm not doing it again Adrian, its wrong.

  ADE234: Oh :-( it's not wrong when u luv someone. Don't u luv me?

  LACE57: pmsl

  ADE234: y r u laughing?

  LACE57: I fink it's funny.

  ADE234: Not funny, u r my spesh girl.

  LACE57: I'm going now.

  ADE234: Lacey don't go, I need 2 spk 2 u.

  LACE57: what?

  ADE234: Just, I luv u <3

  LACE57: Bord now, lol I'm going.

  ADE234: Tell me u luv me 2.

  LACE57: Shut up lol.

  ADE234: Tell me u luv me....................

  LACE57: I luv u x

  ADE234: R u getting ure webcam fixed?

  LACE57: No, mum can't afford it.

  ADE234: I'm getting a job at Big Value, I can buy u 1.

  LACE57: Can u get me sweets as well?

  ADE234: Anyfink 4 my spesh girl.

  LACE57: Ok bye.

  ADE234: Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee DTNO

  LACE57: IP x x x x x x

  Adrian came off the chat room. He was pleased with his DTNO - don't tell no-one - code and loved that Lacey had made her own, IP - I promise. It had been easy to talk to Lacey online. She was always on the computer; things were made easier for Adrian because Lacey's mother was continuously drunk. She could often be seen falling out of Big Value carrying the strongest lager available. Rarely would Lacey's mum be seen laden with bags of food shopping or sitting with Lacey in the park; choosing instead to wallow in her alcoholism and to leave Lacey and her younger brother Peter to their own devices.

  Adrian would often see Lacey in the children's playground and would watch her as she played. Although Lacey was young, she never seemed to Adrian to be as carefree as the other kids in the park and she would often be the peacemaker, breaking up the petty squabbles that would occasionally break out amongst the boys when they played Top Trumps with their dog eared cards. On the rare occasion that Adrian saw Lacey without Peter her brother, or any of her other friends, Adrian took the opportunity to make first contact with her.

  He had opened his bedroom window and instigated a conversation between them, discussing inane subjects like school and television. At first Lacey was very cool towards Adrian, she would be quite mocking towards him, calling him 'ugly' and sticking her middle finger up at him. Adrian never reacted to anything horrible that Lacey said to him, he would always talk to her and started to throw both Lacey and her brother biscuits and other food out of his window.

  One day Adrian had seen Lacey alone in the playground, crying silently to herself as she swung backwards and forwards. Adrian had called to her and they had spoken about Lacey's mother and how she was always drunk and ignored Lacey. Adrian had offered Lacey a much needed shoulder to cry on and after that she would turn up at the playground alone more often and would call up to Adrian's window. It was obvious to him that she enjoyed the attention he gave her; Lacey's giggles and her increasingly flirtatious manner towards him were a good sign she was ready to progress to a relationship with him, in his opinion.

  Adrian did not consider Lacey a vulnerable child, he knew she craved attention and he was happy to oblige. He made friends with Lacey on her Facebook page and soon after that they were privately messaging each other. It was easy for Adrian to say what Lacey needed to hear; she reminded him a little of his mother and her constant need for attention.

  It hadn't taken long to cajole Lacey into removing her knickers on the webcam; she would do anything to please him as she believed he loved her and wanted to be her friend. It was the most attention she had been shown in her life and when Adrian had introduced her to his game of 'I'll show you mine,' she played along. Things had gone wrong, however, when Adrian reciprocated the gesture and had shown Lacey his penis. Lacey told him she had never seen a proper one before and she had instantly become different in her manner towards him. The webcam was suddenly broken and she would be more reluctant to chat with Adrian online.

  It had taken Adrian a good long week after that to be able to manipulate Lacey into believing he really was her true friend and that he loved her. The airplane love letter had seemed to do the trick because Lacey was back online and chatting to Adrian. The webcam, however, remained 'broken' much to Adrian's chagrin.

  -x-

  Adrian could feel sexual frustration squirreling around in the bottom of his stomach. It was an itch he could not scratch, a thirst he could not quench and a hiccough which would present itself in his mind quite unexpectedly at odd moments throughout the day. Adrian could be stocking the cucumbers in his job and suddenly have a full on vision of rammin
g the cucumber into a hairless vagina. It was a brief moment but it would have a very disturbing effect on Adrian's composure. No amount of porn and incessant masturbation seemed to relieve the frustration which was building steam inside him.

  Having no testicles made it hard for Adrian to cum with any vigour; his erection would often get lost mid masturbation leaving him with nothing but a useless flaccid piece of skin in his hand. Adrian felt like he needed something else which would maintain his arousal. He wanted to feel flesh and smell the real smell of a female; he didn't believe it could really smell of fish although his mother certainly kicked up a stench sometimes. Adrian wanted to experience sex in its hot, passionate state. To do something forbidden, he believed, would give him the heightened pleasure he yearned for.

  He thought of taking Lacey in his arms and violating her, seeing her face as she at first would be unsure but would then begin to enjoy the pleasure his love would bring her. Imagining what he would do to her allowed Adrian to believe that the hot lava of frustration would work its way up through his body and finally would be able to erupt from him, bringing him the blessed release he so desperately longed for.

  Chapter 12

  'When the Fox hears the Rabbit scream he comes a-runnin' but not to help.'

  Thomas Harris, The Silence of the Lambs

  New Year's Day 2009

  00:02 hours

  Adrian entered his bedroom bleary eyed and stumbled into bed; slightly intoxicated from the Lambrini he had shared with his mother at midnight. She had knocked on his door earlier and begged him to come out into the living room and see in the New Year with her. Considering Adrian had spent most of Christmas Day in his room and had volunteered for every available extra shift at work since then, the Pig had been complaining that she hadn't seen enough of him. This did not bother Adrian in the slightest; he had no interest in his mother's feelings and felt no remorse at leaving her lonely in the flat. He had grunted at Pig that he was busy and tired because he had been working so hard, but she had stood at the door and snuffled like a pig hunting for truffles in the muddy woods. Adrian had relented, more so because he didn't want to hear his mother's caterwauling should she really begin to cry.