Mother Be The Judge

by O'Brien, Sally

  Adrian told his mother everything that had happened between himself and Savannah. He stopped her when she tried to excuse the death as an accident and reminded her that Savannah was not only murdered but raped, sodomised and bitten. He reminded her of how he had joined the search party and found Savannah's body; how he had delivered Savannah into the hands of the police and told his mother why that was such a clever thing to do.

  "And you." he accused, "You knew. You spoke to that copper and told him I was with you that night. You knew I had killed Savannah, just like you knew I had touched Charmaine. I told you I had touched her and you wouldn't listen. You did this, it's your fault you fucking stupid cunt." Adrian spat out the last word. He had become progressively louder and more animated as he relived his story and anger had swelled in him as he realised that he did actually blame his mother for some of what had happened. Maybe if she had reprimanded him in the police station all those years ago he would have some sense of right and wrong. If she hadn't have bought him a computer he definitely wouldn't have learnt so much or been able to communicate with Savannah like he had.

  Jocasta took every word of Adrian's rant like a target receives an arrow. Each word hit home deep and hard. The barriers of denial were torn from their foundations in her brain and were replaced with dark truths; sharp, clear images of the evil deeds Adrian had committed buried themselves deep into Jocasta's brain. Now embedded, they were never going to leave. Every possible excuse Jocasta had consoled herself with in the past was ripped away from her. Jocasta felt empty, she had nothing inside her but a void of desperation. She didn't know what to say to Adrian; how could she make things go back to the way they had been before she had opened her mouth and confronted a truth which she hadn't wanted to hear? She knew there was no way back, her son was a monster, a beast that preyed on young girls. A dark daemon whose desire in life was to rape, maim and murder sweet innocent children.

  "Adrian, you must tell the police what you have done," whispered Jocasta.

  Adrian looked at Jocasta in disbelief, "Are you actually listening to me Pig?" he slammed the table with the palm of his hand, causing Jocasta to jump in her chair. "I just told you, all of this is your fault. You have been a bad mother, a dirty whore who gave herself to the first man who paid her any attention. You are a loser, you have no friends, you are ugly, you made me ugly and you let the doctors destroy me. If I was normal this wouldn't have happened." Adrian walked around the table and put his hands around his mother's chubby, clammy neck. He yearned to squeeze the life out of her right there at the kitchen table but knew there was no way he could get away with it and prided himself on having more self-control than that. Instead he held her in a firm embrace and then leant down to whisper in her ear.

  "And now you want to send me away to prison where I will be beaten and fucked by big hairy monsters. You want to send me away from you so you can have the life you always wanted without me in it. You did this to me and now you're making me go. I thought you loved me."

  Jocasta began to weep. She wept for Savannah, she wept for Savannah's parents and she also wept for Adrian. Could it be true that it was really all her fault? Everything Adrian had just accused her of was true; maybe if she had fought harder to save Adrian from having his testicles removed then he would be leading a normal healthy sex life. She knew that at the time when he was sick, the doctors had told her it was the best thing to do, but had she really bothered to question them? No, she had blindly accepted what they had told her; the same way she had blindly accepted Adrian's innocence in all things because she loved him. And she did love him; she loved him so much it hurt. Jocasta knew that Adrian had committed a grievous sin, but she agreed with him that if he went to prison then he would probably suffer daily at the hands people with evil in their veins. No matter what Adrian had done, she couldn't bear to think of him being tortured and also could not bear to consider him out of her own life. If Adrian went to prison he would be dead to her, she would be alone again with only her guilt and disgust to keep her company.

  "What are we going to do Adrian?" She asked; "That poor child."

  "She was no child." Adrian sneered. "You know what those girls are like on the estate."

  "Well they do dress like little tarts." Jocasta agreed.

  Adrian could see that Jocasta was now looking for him to guide her in what she should do next. Her momentary mention of police was had been quickly scuppered with his imagery of being tortured by the inmates. Adrian could see that his mother wanted him to manipulate the situation. She wanted him to put the words into her mouth which would make everything go back to normal. He knew now why he despised her; she was probably enjoying all the attention he was giving her right now. It didn't matter that they were discussing a subject most other people found abhorrent, any attention from Adrian was good attention in his mother's eyes.

  "Listen mummy, I'm sorry for everything that has happened. To be honest I don't know why I did it. I think I'm sick. I need help. People outside won't understand, I need you to help me mummy." Adrian knelt on the floor of the kitchen and put his head on his mother's knee. Jocasta's hands recoiled from where they had been placed and she sat, silently waving them in the air, not knowing where to place them. Eventually her maternal instinct took over and she put her hands on Adrian's head, running her fingers through his hair like she had done when he was a child.

  "Ok Adrian, I will help you." She said silently. Adrian gave a hidden grin, believing he had won and had been able to manipulate his mother once again. He silently rocked backwards and forwards at his mother's knee, enjoying her embrace and considering how he would continue in his endeavours with his angels. He thought it may even be possible to start to bring the girls to his house now that his mother was so firmly on his side, but that would take a lot of planning and a lot of manipulation. He started to hum an old nursery rhyme his mother used to sing him every night; he thought it would be useful to remind her of the love she had for him at every possible opportunity.

  -x-

  Jocasta listened to Adrian humming and felt the bristles of his hair. She looked blankly at the wall, however, deep in thought at how she was going to help Adrian. When she had made that promise to him, she actually meant that she would help him to never commit his foul crimes again. Her love for Adrian as her son had not dissipated, she still adored the very bones of him, but Jocasta was a good person. She knew that what Adrian had done to Savannah was the most heinous of crimes. There was nothing in Jocasta that could excuse or forgive what Adrian had done. Now that he had admitted his sins to Jocasta, she had nothing to take the images of Savannah away from her. She once again considered Savannah's mother and the terrible pain which Jocasta's own flesh and blood had bestowed upon her. Jocasta knew it was her duty now as Adrian's mother to ensure that he would never again commit any atrocities. Whilst she knew she could not commit him to a life in prison, Jocasta decided she could keep Adrian in her own home grown version of one. She started her new job on Monday; it would be the perfect place to research medicines which she could give to Adrian to control his urges and to keep him at home. Jocasta did not believe Adrian was safe to be out on the streets any longer. He needed to be protected from the desires he could not control. Children had to be protected from him and Jocasta knew it was now her role to ensure that she kept the children safe. No more would the fruit of her blackened womb be allowed to hurt. No more would he be allowed to kill. She would do her job and she would do it well. Jocasta promised herself that she would make things right and keep her baby at home where he belonged.

  "Adrian," she said. He turned around on the floor and sat down with his legs crossed, looking up into her eyes. Jocasta looked at his face and saw in it the sweet boy who had grown up her only friend.

  "Adrian, what you did was wrong; you should never have hurt that poor baby. But you are right, maybe you are sick. I am not going to call the police because I believe you are sorry." Adrian leant forward and cuddled Jocasta's leg, once again placing
his head on her lap. She took his face in both hands and moved it back then leant down so they were face to face.

  "But Adrian, you must never do this again. You must never talk to or hurt another girl. You must never do that Adrian, it is bad." Jocasta didn't feel her words were sufficient but she just didn't have the vocabulary to voice the disgust she felt inside her.

  "Adrian you must get rid of your computer and the magazine and you must get rid of these." She picked up the underwear from the table, started to hand it to Adrian but then thought better of it. She didn't want to tempt Adrian with the very things she wanted rid of. "Don't worry, I will do that." She said, putting them into her own pocket.

  Adrian stood and embraced his mother. "Thanks mum, I knew you would understand. I will get rid of the computer, I promise. With your help I can get better, I know I can. I love you mum."

  "Ok, go to your room now Adrian, I need to clean up the dinner things."

  Adrian walked towards his room. "I love you mum." He said again.

  "I know," said Jocasta. She could not bring herself to reciprocate Adrian's gesture at that time. She knew that she did love him; loved him like any mother loves a son, but she was still fighting the sickening images in her mind and hate was grappling with the love she had for him. She watched him go to his bedroom and then cleaned up the dinner stuff and sat to watch television. Jocasta looked at the TV but did not see the images; instead she planned just how she was going to get her son off the streets and away from doing any further harm. She hoped and prayed that she had the strength to fulfil the new destiny motherhood had bestowed upon her.

  Chapter 21

  'When there are too many policemen there is no liberty. When there are too many soldiers there is no peace. Where there are too many lawyers there is no justice.'

  Lyn Yutang

  20th May 2012

  "Strike," Detective Inspector Todd 'Todger' Turnbull threw his arms into the air in triumph. It was his third strike in the Metropolitan Police Ten Pin Bowling Tournament.

  "Well done Guv." Said Detective Sergeant Mary Webb; she patted him on the back as he returned to the circle of chairs around the score keeping console.

  "Right, Mary, you try and get more than three pins down now and we might actually win this match."

  "Oh it's my fault we always lose is it?" Mary rolled her eyes. "That's the first lot of strikes you've had in six matches."

  Todd laughed, "Well at least I knock some down."

  Mary gave Todd the finger before she turned to roll her ball. She lined up the ball with the arrow on the floor, took a big step forward swinging her right arm back and promptly dropped the ball behind her. It rolled, its glittering surface sparkling before coming to a rest at Todd's feet. He lifted an eyebrow at Mary, then retrieved the bowling ball and passed it back to her.

  "Don't say anything." She warned him. Todd laughed again then clapped loudly.

  "Come on Mary, let's go," he cheered her on. She eventually managed eight pins followed by a spare, causing Olinsbury's team to win a sweet victory against the rest of the Met.

  Todd gave Mary a huge bear hug, congratulating her on her achievement. "Come on Mary," he said, "I'll get you a McDonalds, my treat."

  "Big spender," she pushed into him fondly, enjoying his attention. Todd knew she had a not so secret crush on him, but kept their relationship strictly platonic. He did, however, enjoy her company and made sure he never missed their team commitments in the ten pin bowling tournaments.

  Todd and Mary left the bowling alley which was near to Heathrow Airport and began to make their way back to Olinsbury police station. They were on night shifts which started at 10pm and the time was drawing near. Todd drove them both in his own car; a silver Vauxhall Cavalier. He knew it was nothing spectacular but it was a reliable and economical car which served the purpose he needed it for. He would buy his bachelor sport's car when he retired. They stopped at McDonalds and Todd ordered his standard meal of quarter pounder with cheese. He didn't particularly like this meal, but time had taught him this was the burger which was always ready to go and he would rather have the lukewarm taste of a half decent burger than wait the extra five minutes for something else to be cooked. Time meant everything when crime was your business and Todd made sure he didn't waste any of his.

  The station appeared in front of them at the end of Montague Road in Olinsbury.

  "Another night in paradise," joked Todd.

  "Olinsbury is the new Hollywood," was Mary's standard reply.

  "I wonder what the lovely residents have got for us tonight." Todd pressed the button on the security gate and waited to be let into the yard. He made a point of parking in the space reserved for the Borough Commander; as it was the night shift Todd knew there would be no sign of senior management and always took pleasure in taking over their parking spot. It was the little things in life which gave him pleasure. They left the car and buzzed the rear door, wading through the discarded cigarette butts which had been thrown at the outside ashtray by the army of smokers that frequented the back step through the day.

  Todd took the lead and went up the stairs to the first floor CID department. He walked through the office offering hellos and exchanging comments with the officers who had either just arrived or who were just leaving, then went into his own office, Mary still following. He sat at his desk and asked Mary to shut the door behind them.

  "Right Mary, I want to first go through today's work and then I want to go over our cold cases." He picked up a sheet of crime reference numbers which the previous shift's Inspector had left for him. Sitting at the Crime Reporting Information System or CRIS for short, Todd brought up each individual crime which had been reported that day.

  "Deception, Demanding Money with Menaces, Grievous Bodily Harm," Todd reeled off the crimes to Mary who nodded her head. These crimes were standard to them, reported on a daily basis, no longer shocking to the people who dealt in the business of investigation. Todd continued, "Three burglaries, two rapes."

  "And a partridge in a pear tree," sang Mary. Todd grinned and spent a few minutes tapping buttons on the keyboard in front of him, then turned away from the computer screen.

  "Yeah, they're all being dealt with," he said, "Nothing we need to do with them." He stood up and went to the shelves at the rear of his office to retrieve two boxes which sat gathering dust. Picking up the first box, he passed it over to Mary who put the box on the desk. Todd then brought the other one over. "These two cases are from 2008, 2009; so nearly four years old."

  "Well they're three years old Guv." said Mary, "Let's not make it too bad." Mary hated it when people did that; being conscious of her ever increasing age, she would prefer it if people focused on her being thirty nine rather than increasing it to forty, just because it was near.

  "Yes ok, three years." Todd knew Mary's view on this and had actually made the mistake on purpose just to wind her up. He was very aware it had actually been three years, five months and twenty one days since the first crime in the box on the table had occurred. He knew the box contained the file on Savannah West. Todd had a large amount of guilt on his shoulders because he had not been able to catch the person who had lured Savannah to her death. He had not been able to give closure to Savannah's family or to obtain justice in a court of law which would offer a small recompense to them. He still saw visions of Savannah's limp, grey body on the bank of the stream, still recalled the contents of the Coroner's report and the vivid images of depravity it projected. He still suspected that the young man who had found the girl was in some way responsible for Savannah's death; his was the only DNA on her body and although the mother had given him an alibi, Todd was convinced that Adrian Brown was the perpetrator who took Savannah's life in such a brutal way.

  The Crown Prosecution Service required evidence beyond reasonable doubt before they would consider prosecuting anybody and whilst Todd knew this was important in the hunt for justice, he was annoyed that it also provided a loophole for defence barriste
rs to play with. The fact that Adrian had held Savannah when he had found her in the stream, gave him the reasonable explanation for why the DNA was there and stopped any chance of a prosecution against him. It wasn't enough to suspect or even to know that Adrian Brown was the killer, if Todd couldn't prove it then the suspicion meant nothing.

  Todd took all the paperwork out of the box and started to separate the different documents onto the table. Statements, taped interviews, autopsy reports, search records, pocket book enquiries, missing person reports and then his own notes of people he had spoken to at the time. Both Todd and Mary spent the next hour and a half reading through every piece of paperwork. They knew that often things were missed or misread during investigations; not because of malpractice but it was human nature not to be perfect. A new eye on an investigation or revisiting an old file could often bring a new take on an investigation or offer a previously unnoticed piece of evidence. Today was not going to be that day however, no matter how often Todd read through this file, nothing new came to light; once again the only conclusion he could come to was that the perpetrator was Adrian Brown.

  "He will do it again you know." Todd commented to Mary. "A person who does this always strikes again eventually, might have done it already."

  "True," agreed Mary, "It's been a while though; it could have been an accident.

  Todd guffawed, "You don't accidentally shag an eleven year old Mary, come on."

  Mary shrugged, "Alright but it has been three years; he could be dead or may have moved away."

  "No he's still here." Said Todd, "I know its Adrian Brown, I know he did it. I don't care what his mother says; I just hope he doesn't do it again because no girl deserves to go through what that poor child went through. Has he been picked up for anything else since?"