Mother Be The Judge

by O'Brien, Sally

  "Why don't we go outside?" she asked him.

  "What for?" asked Adrian back. He wanted to be certain it was Tiffany's idea to leave the library; he didn't want her to feel trapped in any way.

  "Yeah come on." Tiffany replied, "We don't have to stay here, why don't we go to the park and then we can talk without nosy people looking at us." Tiffany stood and began to put back the books she had taken out of her bag.

  "Where will we go?" asked Adrian.

  "We can go to the park; there are loads of benches there."

  And people, thought Adrian; "I know a better place." He said, "What time do you have to be home?"

  "5:30 for dinner."

  "Ok, well we can get there on the bus and then get a bus back."

  Adrian got out of his chair then remembered buses had CCTV. He had intended to take Tiffany to a wooded area in Olinsbury Heath but had almost made a terrible error of judgement by travelling together with Tiffany on a bus.

  "Have you got a mobile phone?" He asked Tiffany, fingers crossed and breath held awaiting her response.

  "Yeah, my mum gave it to me for emergencies, why?"

  "Oh, just in case we're late and you have to ring your parents." He began to walk to the library doors, staying ahead of Tiffany so they didn't look like they were together. He had changed his mind about where to go with Tiffany. The one sure way to evade capture was to go somewhere deserted away from the prying technological eye of cameras. Somewhere Adrian could be free to do what he wanted and where he could have Tiffany without always looking over his shoulder wondering whether she had been discovered yet. Although he had used it before, the allotment was the perfect place for what he wanted; it was even more deserted now than it had been four years ago. Some people had given up their allotments, not being able to dig and sow knowing a girl may have been killed on that very piece of soil where their cabbages grew. There was no CCTV, the unused plots were full of heavy vegetation and Adrian rarely saw visitors to the allotments on a week day; gardening it seemed was a weekend pursuit. Adrian had also invented a way to stop people searching for Tiffany; having a mobile phone belonging to her and given her parents refusal to accept Tiffany was bullied, Adrian had now planned to keep in contact with Tiffany's parents for as long as he could, purporting to be Tiffany. He would let them think she had run away but was safe and well and not wanting to be found. This should delay any search parties and snoopers and stop the police coming to his door.

  He got outside the library and turned to see Tiffany just coming out of the doors. She looked up at him and gave a sunshine smile. It pleased Adrian that Tiffany was glad to be in his company. An overwhelming feeling of love came over him and he reached out to Tiffany, only managing to pull himself together and get his hand away from her at the last minute.

  "Not here." He said as her hand was left empty. "Come on, I know a place."

  They walked together, Adrian chatting about carrots and cabbage, Tiffany talking about school and bullies. A few times Adrian realised he was speaking about work in the present tense and was worried Tiffany may discover his lie but her age meant suspicion was not yet a learnt habit so she walked on oblivious to his mistakes.

  "Adrian please slow down." Tiffany called out to him. In his excitement at what was to come and his desire to not be seen with Tiffany, Adrian had walked a lot faster than Tiffany and was almost about to turn the corner whereas she was still fifty metres behind him. Adrian wanted to keep Tiffany interested so slowed at the corner of Twockford Road and waited for her to catch up before they turned into Migdon Lane. Although there was a shopping complex on the opposite side of the road, Adrian was happy there was no CCTV on the residential side of the street where they walked together. Adrian and Tiffany continued to walk side by side along Migdon Lane, both with their noses curled up in distaste at the smells emanating from the nearby sewage plant. Because Adrian lived in the area, he rarely smelt the vile smell, his nose being used to it, but today was hot and windy, the perfect combination for the sewers to really impress the nose.

  "Oh that's bad," said Tiffany.

  "It wasn't me," said Adrian, lifting his eyebrows in mock innocence. Tiffany giggled and they both continued to walk into the shadow of the rugby ground and down the alleyway leading to the allotments.

  "What is this place?" enquired Tiffany.

  "It's gardens." Adrian told her. "People who don't have one can pay for a square and then plant stuff on them."

  "Oh, I didn't know you could do that," said Tiffany.

  "Yeah, I'm getting one." Adrian said. "But my mate owns this one." He led her to his favourite blue shed with the cast iron bench outside. "He lets me sit here and sometimes I dig for him."

  "Cool." Said Tiffany and looked as if she actually meant it. It pleased Adrian; he felt he had made the right choice. Tiffany was a wonderful caring person who didn't mock him and liked the things that he liked.

  "I love you Tiffany." Adrian blurted out. The air seemed to still in the space between them.

  "I love you too." Tiffany said and smiled up into Adrian's face.

  Adrian was shocked. It had been a mistake to proclaim his love for her, she could have walked away, but her acceptance of his love and confirmation of her own made Adrian's heart sing with joy.

  "We shouldn't be in love though." He told her, "I am older than you, no one will understand."

  He sat on the bench and patted the space beside him, inviting Tiffany to sit alongside. She did so immediately.

  "I don't care about other people." Tiffany said, "I don't care about my age either." And she didn't, Tiffany didn't feel eleven. She didn't know what it was to feel eighteen, but found it hard to believe it would feel much different. Tiffany knew her feelings for Adrian were real; he had been her shoulder to cry on, the only one who understood her, who didn't treat her like a child. She had definite feelings for Adrian and had no problem identifying those feelings as love.

  "When you are older we can run away together." Adrian told her. He turned his body towards her and rested his arm along the back of the bench. Tiffany moved into the space created by Adrian's arm moving; pushing herself up into his body and allowing Adrian's arm to cuddle around her. She enjoyed the warm feeling, both physical and emotional, which she got from his embrace.

  "Why don't we run away now?" asked Tiffany and she meant it. She really did feel as though her place was meant to be with Adrian. She knew she was too young to get married and have children but she thought Adrian may wait for her. As long as they were together that's all that mattered.

  Adrian took a deep long breath through his nose. Tiffany was now close enough he could smell her. He took in the flowery aroma of her shampoo and continued to smell her feminine odour, even imagining he could smell a slight whiff of urine from her, probably where she hadn't wiped herself properly. Adrian found himself becoming aroused, his penis was hardening in anticipation and he had to work hard not to touch himself in front of Tiffany. She wasn't ready for that yet.

  "We will run away together then." Said Adrian, "But first you have to prove you love me."

  "How can I do that?" asked Tiffany.

  "Well you can kiss me." Adrian told her.

  Tiffany had never kissed anyone before, but she wanted to kiss Adrian. She thought this would show him that she really loved him and then they could be together, just the two of them. She lifted her head in Adrian's direction and puckered her lips to await his tender kiss.

  Adrian looked at Tiffany's pink lips puckered up before him. He felt the desire heat in the soles of his feet and begin to rise through the very marrow of his bones, filling each pore of his being. It built and swelled, pushing its way up past his already swollen penis, his heart hammered in his chest, his lungs drew in deep breaths. The desire in him continued to work its way up to his throat causing him to let loose a low growl. His eyes rolled in their sockets and once again he felt as though he was watching a scene playing out in front of him. The snuff movie he had been writing in his m
ind for the last four years since Savannah's death now began to play out before him.

  -x-

  He kissed Tiffany roughly on the lips. She pulled away, not liking the stubbly feel on her soft lips. "Adrian." She began to protest but then saw in front of her not the boy she had fallen in love with but a daemon. Adrian's eyes were rolling in his head and his face had taken on an evil expression. "Adrian what's wrong?" Tiffany asked, she thought maybe he had hurt himself. Suddenly Adrian reached out and grabbed Tiffany around the throat, his fingers dug tightly into her neck and Tiffany realised she had made a huge mistake. Adrian didn't love her, he was the stranger her parents had always warned her about; the big bad wolf that blew the house down and ate Little Red Riding Hood's grandma. Adrian was squeezing harder and harder and Tiffany was also vaguely aware of an intrusion in her private area. The light in Tiffany's eyes began to form a tunnel with just Adrian's face at the end of it. She tried to get some words out of her mouth, she wanted to plead with Adrian to stop what he was doing, but no words could get out. Tiffany's last thoughts strangely were of her pet mouse she had had when she was five. It was the first death she had ever experienced and she had wondered at the time if her mouse had gone to the same heaven people went to. Tiffany knew she was about to find out for herself. She concentrated on looking at Adrian's face hoping he would see her plea and stop this dreadful act. He looked intently at her, waiting for the moment when her lights went out.

  -x-

  'Mum, I'm not coming home 2day. I can't take the bullying any more so have run away. I luv u x x'

  Adrian put Tiffany's phone into his jeans pocket then continued to wrap her up in the green tarpaulin he had stolen off an allotment. He picked her up in his arms and moved her over to an abandoned patch, then using a shovel he had taken from the blue shed; he dug a deep ditch to lay Tiffany to rest. On each dig Adrian relived flashes of what he had just done. Dig; him pushing his penis into Tiffany's slack, dead mouth. Dig; him biting into Tiffany's flesh, tasting the sweetness of her blood. Dig; the sweet release as Adrian reached the climax he had sought for so long. Adrian spent the next half hour digging deeper and deeper, wallowing in his deed. No part of him felt remorse or regret; he believed in his love for Tiffany and was convinced he had fulfilled both his and Tiffany's destiny. Once the hole was deep enough, he lay Tiffany in her final resting place and waved her a fond goodbye before replenishing the earth he had removed. It was getting dark and Adrian was feeling hungry. He walked away from Tiffany's grave and gave a silent curse as he realised he hadn't filmed himself with her. Once again he had gottten carried away in the moment. Adrian decided he would have to plan things better the next time an angel came to him.

  He sauntered along the road wondering what shitty meal his mother had concocted; all thoughts of Tiffany now wiped from his mind and replaced with visions of a warm dinner.

  Chapter 20

  'A mother loves her children even when they least deserve to be loved.'

  Kate Semperi 'Mothers'

  16th May 2012

  18:30 hours

  Jocasta sat at the table still waiting for Adrian to arrive home. She had finished all the chocolate in the cupboard and had also eaten three packets of salt and vinegar crisps, some crackers with pate and was now considering something sweet to combat the savoury taste in her mouth. She tried to keep only thoughts of food in her head so she wouldn't have to dwell in the whirlpool of suspicion her find in Adrian's bedroom had instilled in her.

  Jocasta was battling with her conscience; she couldn't shake the image of Savannah's mother from her mind. Imagining what she must be feeling at the loss of her child was causing Jocasta real heartache. She remembered again how she felt when Adrian was sick, how images of his dead body would flash in her mind. To lose Adrian would be a devastating blow, her world would be turned upside down and all her reasons for breathing would disappear in the blink of an eye. Savannah's mother was often seen by Jocasta, staggering around the Fern Bridge estate; her son Andrew following in her wake. Mae West was the shell of the woman she had once been, her skin had taken on a yellow tinge where her liver wasn't able to cope with the incessant battering from alcohol. Andrew was a lost little boy, no longer cared for by his bigger sister and not able to take over the role of carer for the drunken mother. Mike the step father was nowhere to be seen; suspicion had pushed its way into his relationship with Mae and she was unable to coexist with a person she believed possibly involved in the murder of her daughter.

  Now believing that Adrian was in some way the cause of the pain Savannah's family lived with, Jocasta felt the weight of responsibility heavy on her shoulders. She had an overwhelming urge to go and visit Savannah's family, to help them with their pain and to make recompense for the loss that had been forced upon them. Only her love for Adrian kept her firmly anchored in her kitchen chair; no amount of grief or guilt could take away her adoration of him. She knew Adrian was a good person and believed it must have been a terrible accident. Jocasta had finally come to the decision that she was going to confront Adrian about Savannah. She would not allow herself to shy away from her responsibility as Adrian's mother. He was suffering a terrible burden of guilt and it was her role to relive that burden. Adrian should be allowed to speak and offload his burden onto her. She would take his woes onto her shoulders and comfort him.

  Jocasta heard the front door open and turned to welcome Adrian who was walking towards her.

  "What's for dinner?" Adrian asked.

  "I ate it," said Jocasta. "You weren't here and it got cold."

  Adrian turned into the bathroom and called out from behind the door. "Can you make me something then, I'm just having a shower."

  "In the middle of the day?"

  "Yeah, I've had a busy day." Adrian smiled to himself as he began to remove his clothing, keeping Tiffany's blue knickers tightly in his hand as he walked into the shower.

  Jocasta got up from the table and rushed to retrieve the knickers she had found earlier under Adrian's bed. She made a quick egg and chips and put them on the table, then sat with the knickers secreted in her hand waiting for Adrian to finish his shower.

  -x-

  Adrian washed himself using his newly acquired knickers as a flannel. He spent a long time reliving the moment that life had left Tiffany and serenity had set in. Adrian felt like a God and realised his real pleasure was in the taking of life. The carnal pleasure he got after the act of killing was like his reward for bestowing the gift of peace on Tiffany. No longer would his angel suffer at the hands of bullies or bad parenting, he had delivered her from evil. Adrian finished his shower, wrapped himself in a towel, returned to his room and quickly started to put on his pyjamas. He threw Tiffany's knickers into his desk drawer; they would have to dry before he could put them in his hiding place under the mattress. As Adrian dressed he noticed that his sheets had been changed and the usual detritus was missing from his now clean room. The Pig had been inside his inner sanctum. He lifted the mattress to check what was underneath and found Savannah's knickers were missing. Adrian realised that the Pig must have found them; he wondered what she must be thinking. He walked from his room and saw his mother sitting back at the kitchen table, a plate of food awaited him and he could see her hands held tightly together in her lap. Uncertain how to approach the situation because he didn't know what his mother may suspect, Adrian decided to play the long game and allow the Pig to play her hand first.

  "Egg and chips," he stated as he sat at the table, and then began to eat in his usual silence. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach in anticipation at what was to come; would his mother have the guts to confront him, he wondered.

  "Adrian I need to ask you something." Jocasta said.

  "What?" he stopped eating; placed his knife and fork on the plate and sat back in his chair. Jocasta put her clenched hands onto the table and then slowly opened them allowing the pink material to drop onto the table. As there was no element of surprise for Adrian, he remained level in both e
xpression and manner. He decided to say nothing; he wanted to hear what his mother would say.

  "Adrian I found these today when I was cleaning your room for you. I know I shouldn't have gone in there but I got a new job today and was feeling happy so wanted to do something for you." Jocasta looked at the table, unable to stare into Adrian's eyes; she didn't want to see the reproach that must be in them. She took a deep breath and continued.

  "When I moved the bed these knickers were there with that disgusting magazine. Please tell me why you have them, where did you get them from?"

  Adrian knew Jocasta was asking him to give her a reasonable explanation for why he possessed such an item. She wanted him to soothe her fears, tell her some inane story for why he had them so she could retreat back into her world of ignorance and continue to love him unquestioningly. But today Adrian was a God; today Adrian had achieved the climax of love which his mother had tried to take away from him when she had allowed doctors to remove his most masculine part. Today Adrian was going to let his mother know just what he had done to little Savannah - not Tiffany, he was not ready to share her yet. He was going to give his mother a blow by blow account of every minute detail of Savannah's demise. He was going to let her know it was her fault and that she had turned him into the person he was today. Adrian had been carrying this tale around with him but it wasn't a burden. It was like a Gospel which needed to be written, a story to be heralded; his magnificent achievement in creating angels. Love in its purest form - death making it eternal.