Almost Lost, Never Forgotten

by T. L. Sieving

  Oh my God, can she be any louder? Although, she did have a point. “Hey, you want to open the door and yell that down our street Sam, or…”

  Shit! Really?! “Oh, Hi Jax,” I say as I see him standing by the door listening to us.

  “How is it that you've gone four years without an orgasm?” Jax asks me with a smirk.

  “Oh Jax, that is not a very gentleman thing to ask. But isn’t it usually the gentleman’s fault?” I say in a fake southern accent and chuckle.

  He laughs before telling me, “Lucy we will talk about this!”

  We are so not talking about this.

  Most of the time we end up staying in and drinking a bottle of wine while we watch movies or TV shows. Those are the best nights. Tonight is different. We are going to the ‘Green Door,’ an extremely private restaurant that is exclusive for VIPs. We don’t go to places like this often, but we are celebrating our new place and Sam’s graduation tonight so it's in order.

  Sam graduated in four years with top honors and is going to work for her dad who owns the largest investment firm on Wall Street, Renault Financial.

  “This isn’t fair Lucy. In four years I can’t come up with a better word than gorgeous but I need one for you. You’re striking. You take my breath away.” Jax says as he wraps his arms around me.

  Jax screams pure sex even when he walks around in his casual clothes. He looks even better than when we met four years ago. I love how he’s so complimentary to me. He always calls me gorgeous and I always blush. A girl needs to hear that every once in awhile and I certainly don’t mind hearing it from a man of his stature.

  His hug lingers and I feel this jolt of electricity as he holds me in his arms. As his body's pressed against mine I can feel how tight his chest is. I'm suddenly very aware of his entire body against mine. I react with a sense of excitement in my core that I haven’t enjoyed in so long, and it feels amazing.

  Welcome back, sex drive. I’ve missed you.

  Sam comes downstairs and sadly we separate. I think to myself, ‘great timing Sam,’ and wonder where that thought came from.

  Visits from Jax have been regular over the years, but I've never felt more than friendship. Of course I am always drooling over him. He’s an extremely successful actor and model. Everyone looks at him the same way.

  I've dated since Chase, but never anyone that made my libido come alive. He was the last person to make that happen.

  The poor guy’s I’ve dated were probably so frustrated. Nobody ever got far emotionally or physically with me. I wasn’t trying to string anyone along or anything, I just never felt connected to any of them. I was simply dating and trying to awaken what was dormant inside me. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve gone on plenty of dates, to various formal events, to the movies, you name it. I even spent a weekend away in the Hamptons with a guy, but the only sparks flying were those from the bonfire we had.

  That is, until tonight. Something has suddenly changed.

  Dinner is magnificent. The Green Door is elegantly modern, yet romantic, lush with greenery and thousands of lights. It's like living in a fairytale.

  Maybe it's the magical setting that awakens my awareness. I’m flirting, and for the first time in years it’s with someone that inspires lust within me. Maybe I’m always flirty, but tonight I’m doing it with conviction and I actually mean it.

  This moving day suddenly has dual meaning; we moved into a new place and I’m officially ready to move on.

  Our second round of drinks arrives while Jax is telling us a story about the movie he just finished that is absolutely hysterical. I make the mistake of taking a drink before he’s finished with the hilarity and nearly spit it out, but luckily I am able to swallow before I make an embarrassing mess of myself.

  I’m on my second drink and although I may be buzzed and reading into things, I’m pretty certain Jax is flirting with me.

  A really good looking guy comes over to our table and Sam instantly recognizes him. She introduces him to us as her friend Mason, an old friend. They've done some modeling campaigns together in the past and they appear to be getting along wonderfully tonight. He joins us and they start to chat about a project coming up he wants to do with her.

  Jax takes advantage of the change in company and conversation and shifts his chair to be 100% focused on me. “OK gorgeous, why are you unsatisfied by men?”

  “Well, why not just be completely straightforward Jax?” I laugh. "I do like men, and I’m available!”

  “I’m glad to hear that, babe,” he says with his hand over his heart and a sexy smile.

  ‘Babe,’ huh?

  “Well, babe,” I say sweetly with a touch of sarcasm, “breaking your heart is not on my agenda”. I’m being brave, but I'm feeling confident tonight so I go with it.

  “Is there an agenda?...” he asks me.

  Sam interrupts us and I don’t get a chance to answer him. “Has Ana texted you?”

  I get my phone out of my clutch and check.

  “Yup, she is going to meet up with us later. Seems someone has the hots for a new designer that came in today,” I say while laughing.

  “That's acceptable,” Sam says with smile.

  Ana has a thing for work flings. I don’t get it. It's not my type of thing, but it's hers and she's happy.

  “Sam can’t save you from answering me!” Jax whispers in my ear and I shake my head at him with way too big of a smile. I’m crushing huge!

  We’re all having a great time and stick around until almost 1am. The flirting has intensified over the course of the night and I’m starting to get the evil eye from Sam. Looks like she’s finally detected the flirtatious behavior. Shit, is this ok with her? They're really close so I need to make sure she's ok with it.

  Sam joins me in the Ladies Room and the moment the door closes she’s demanding I dish.

  I'm laughing as she continues to give me ‘the look’.

  “There’s nothing to dish... yet." I barely finish my statement and she swats at me with a smile.

  “For reals Luce, what are you two doing?!”

  “Listen Sam if it bothers you, even a tiny bit, I promise I’ll stop flirting.”

  “Flirt? You two are always flirting! You were practically sitting on his lap Luce - and don’t think I didn’t know his hands were on your thigh. I've NEVER seen you continue flirting after a guy starts touching you. Is everything ok?” She asks with sincere concern.

  It's true. There have been no serious relationships and no sex with any man since Chase; hence no ‘man made’ orgasms. I'm not sure what she's talking about that we always flirt.

  “Jax and I do not always flirt,” I say.

  “So that’s the part you want to talk about?” She says laughing (and I’m intrigued). “Yeah you do. I was always hoping that you would let him take it a little further. Jax is HOT!”

  “Oh,” is all I can say. I’m blushing.

  I smile coyly at her. “So if I did move this along further, would you be ok with it?”

  “Ho-ley Shit! Luciana Jane is ready to get laid again!” She yells, a little louder than I would've appreciated… even if I wasn’t tipsy.

  “Hey, let’s not get carried away! I’m definitely interested...” I start to say, but she cuts me off lunging at me to hug me while squealing.

  “Yes. Yes. Yes. See where it goes. I love you Lucy and I want you to be happy! I love Jax too, but he’s a guy, and you know how guys can be… just don’t let him take advantage of you or hurt you. I will kill him!” She says, still smiling.

  Well, that went better than anticipated.

  When we get back to the table, Mason whispers something in Sam’s ear and I yawn.

  “Tired?” Jax asks.

  “Yeah, a little bit.”

  “Can I take you home?” he asks as he puts his arm around me.

  Oh God, I’m so not used to this. Is he asking to take me to his apartment or mine?

  I don’t care. I answer him with a “ye
s” as I wrap my arm around him. Sam says she is going to go out with Mason and Jax tells her he's going to take me home.

  Well, that clears things up; I'm going to my home and a part of me is disappointed. Jax grabs my hand and we walk outside.

  We pull up to my townhouse, and without question he accompanies me inside. He’s so naturally protective; he checks the alarm and turns on all the lights for me. He asks me if I’ll be alright alone and of course I nod ‘yes’. Ugh, I'm disappointed and I’m sure it's showing on my face. I hope he can’t read it, but something tells me he can.

  Jax grabs both of my hands and locks eyes with me. He’s so much taller than me and I strain my head looking up at him, but for some reason I don’t mind at all.

  “Lucy, I had a fantastic time with you tonight.” I smile at him as he continues, “would you like to have breakfast with me in the morning?”

  I'm quick to answer, “I'd love to…” I can't believe how calm my voice is, considering my heart is beating so fast; I wonder if he can sense it.

  “As a date, Lucy. Will you go on a breakfast date with me?” he clarifies.

  I'm pinching myself. Jax just asked me on a date.

  “Yes, I'd love to go on a date with you, Jax,” I tell him and he gives me the best hug I've had since my final hug from Chase.

  Damn Chase for popping into my head in this moment. I quickly forget him and enjoy the moment. There is an unbelievably sexy man holding me tightly in his arms, and I want him. He has ignited something inside me and I am having a sexual awakening.

  Chapter 5

  I barely slept last night because I was so excited, panicked, and nervous for the date. Chase did enter my thoughts again, but I ignored the fact that I still miss him, a lot. I cut him out of my life and have no idea if he ever tried to get a hold of me. I didn’t know if he was thinking of me, missing me, or simply forgot about me.

  Did he even know that I walked in on him dancing and flirting with Lexie? Or that I saw them go into his bedroom together? Seeing all of that changed my life in so many ways. If only he knew.

  I force myself to push these thoughts away. I have a date. It’s the first date I’ve been excited for in over four years and I’m going to enjoy every moment of it.

  I get out of bed, go for my usual run on the treadmill, and head downstairs to make some coffee. I’m surprised that Sam’s in the kitchen with two Starbucks cups. “Ahh, a Mocha. Thank you my dear,” I tell her as I take the steaming cup from her hand.

  “All right biatch, spill it! No beating around the bush either, I want details NOW.” She demands in her typical, no-nonsense tone.

  “All right, all right,” I start. “Sam, did you and Jax ever date?”

  She spits out her coffee and glares at me.

  “Luce, for real? Have you ever Googled me or my family?” she asks.

  She has asked me this before. I Google everything, all the time, and have always wanted to research her since she doesn’t give me many answers, but I honestly have never even typed her last name, Renault, in the search bar.

  “Honestly Sam, I’ve never looked up, or read anything about you or your family,” I tell her as I sit down at our kitchen table.

  If you've seen Sam’s home it’s apparent that her family is very well off. From the first weekend we went out together I was awe struck. From the clothes to the accessories, the stylists, the spas (I still see ‘Mary Poppins’ regularly). The staff, the security (oh my God the security is still so weird), James and the other drivers and I could go on and on and on. It’s a different normal then the one I have but it’s normal to her.

  Her mom is an actress, a very popular A-list actress, and her dad is this mega businessman who owns half the city (and I mean that literally).

  Sam is pretty down-to-earth, but she also thinks you can buy Prada at Target; that’s a different story, though. As much as I appreciate that you can buy super cute clothes at Target, she knows you can buy a great outfit at Bergdorf’s. I’ve mentally been able to deal with the differences by categorizing them like Tomato/Tomatoe (Target/Bergdorf). It’s a stretch and I realize it.

  Since Sam was so respectful of me from the get-go, and she really helped me not sink into a depression, I owed her that same respect and honesty. Because of that I’ve ignored just about every gossip publication, most NY magazines and newspapers, and E! News. CNN was safe, for the most part, except for the occasional story on one of her dad’s businesses.

  “Honest Sam, I’ve never searched for or read anything about you or your family. I only know you from all the time that we’ve spent together, what you tell me, and how you treat me and everyone around you.”

  I never expected this would bring tears to her eyes. It was hard on Sam growing up the daughter of high profile parents and having certain expectations placed on her. She’s had to question every relationship she’s had, because it was hard to know who to trust. Sadly, I understand how she felt in a lot of ways.

  Today was just a quick chat, but as I look at Sam I understand this means more to her than I might ever realize.

  “Hey, I have to get ready for a date now so I’ll see you later!” I say as I run upstairs. I hear her spit out her coffee and choke. Yeah I thought I’d get that reaction. Shit, I still don’t know if they have ever dated. Oh well, I’ll take this one day at a time. The first date I’ve truly been excited about since moving to New York is in one hour. I must get ready.

  What do you wear on a breakfast date? I have no idea. I’ve learned over the past few years how formal brunch dates usually are. There may have been a mix up one Sunday brunch date where I didn’t realize the dress code was formal at the Waldorf. And well, I didn’t expect to have his family join us either. That was both the first and the last date with… no idea what his name was.

  This, however, is not a brunch date so I’m going with informal attire, and since it’s nice out today for May (thank you, weather app!) I’m wearing a short-sleeved dress with sandals. I apply some lip gloss and make my way downstairs just in time for the door bell.

  Jesus, what is my stomach doing? Is this what they call ‘butterflies’?

  As I’m about to answer the door Sam yells down, “You look HOT!” I calm down instantly. She knows exactly what to say to me on any given occasion. I know she likes this dress because, well, it’s hers.

  I open the door and, my God, he’s attractive. I smile and ask if he wants to come in. We’re never this formal and I really appreciate him making this different from all the times he’s been here before. I sneak a peek behind me and Sam is nowhere to be seen. Sneaky girl.

  You look very handsome this morning,” I say, and he responds with his usual, charming and complimentary comment.

  “Lovely Lucy. Gorgeous as always. I want to make sure that you’re still ok with this being a date? In my eyes this is the start of something. I understand you’ve been through a lot and I’ll be careful with you and always honest. We’re on a date, right Lucy?”

  I smile and I’m so grateful for his honesty that I’m honest in return.

  “Yes, we're on a date and I'm excited. And just so we’re clear Jax, I’ll kiss you on our date.” I want to add all the places I want him to kiss me, but I refrain and give him a wink instead. His smirk makes me want to jump into those arms that are so nicely displayed in his tight, fitted, grey shirt.

  “Thank you for the clarification, gorgeous. Let’s go before mother hen comes down.”

  “I heard that!” yells Sam as we’re walking out the door.

  This is the Best. Date. Ever. All we’ve done so far was eat breakfast, but what makes it so great is that it’s so normal. He didn’t make reservations anywhere, try to rent out a whole theatre, or take me on a helicopter ride to the Hampton's. That seems to be my pathetic history of guys showing off on a first date instead of simply being themselves. We ate at a diner down the street from our townhouse and had normal, everyday conversation.

  We talked about our lives growing up and I feel a
little guilty when he tells me stories about Sam, especially after our conversation that morning. But this isn’t about Sam. This was about what Jax chose to share with me.

  He tells me how everything changed after the kidnapping. My face falters for a minute and I pray he doesn’t catch it. What kidnapping? Was Sam kidnapped? I don’t ask him any questions I just listen. Sam and Jax grew up together so she’s a large part of his history.

  I mentally tuck Sam’s information away. I need to talk to her about this as soon as possible. Now is not the time to be thinking of her, though. I’m trembling with anticipation for that kiss I promised.

  We’re having such a great conversation that I even talk about my relationship with Chase. I was a little shocked when it came out of my mouth, but I felt this honesty and openness from Jax and I wanted to give it to him in return. I didn’t tell him the whole story, because that would ruin any first date, but he knows enough.

  After breakfast he gets a text and I see him visibly tense.

  “So, I called this a breakfast date, but I had no intention of it ending there.”

  Oh, is that so?

  “But I just found out I have an emergency re-shoot that, unfortunately, needs to happen today. There’s a movie that we’ve wrapped, but we finally got approval to use this perfect space and we really want to utilize it. It’s going to take all afternoon. Please forgive me and finish this date with me tonight?”

  I can see the disappointment on his face, “sure thing,” I say. That's all he’s going to get from me. This was such a good morning, but the automatic halt of the date reminds me of Chase. I followed him from one baseball tournament to the next and I’m not about to follow another guy and his career.

  As we walk toward my townhouse I’m completely in my own head. Jax delivered a bomb shell about Sam that I want to discuss with her. I want to be respectful of her and let her tell me things she wants to. The constant security has always given me this uneasy feeling, but I’ve excused it as having no idea what an actress must go through or what a successful business man like Mr. Renault has to deal with. A kidnapping makes more sense. Perhaps reality won’t be as awful as what I’m imagining it was.