Almost Lost, Never Forgotten
Page 4
If Jax senses my wandering mind he doesn’t acknowledge it. We walk hand-in-hand in silence onto my street that still takes my breath away with its charm. It has such nice quality to it, I’m so thankful this is my home.
We reach the ten steps that lead to my front door and he stops. He grabs me and wraps his arms around me. God, this man sure can hold me. He tells me how much he loves my smell. How he's loved it since the day I pretended to be Sam at the club. I can’t help but laugh. That night I didn’t think he noticed me at all, but he’s right, I did imply I was Sam in a text.
I don’t pull out of his hug completely but we step a little bit apart, enough to start a kiss.
“Gorgeous, this date is not over. I’ll pick you up at 8, and I suggest you have an appetite.”
I stare at him, silently begging him to kiss me.
There's a sudden burst of laughter and it pulls us apart.
Sam is walking out of the townhouse, laughing with Mason. She spots us and stops right away.
“Why are you home now? I thought you'd be out all day,” she asks.
“It’s my fault,” Jax says. “They’re demanding some re-shoots today and I have to get going.”
“OH!” Sam says. “Well off you go, you too Mason; looks like I’m busy after all, spending the day with Lucy.”
Chapter 6
Sam seriously knows me way too well. She’s spent so much time listening to me talk about my history and it always included Chase.
She, in a not so subtle way, helped me see how I made decisions based on what Chase was doing or his schedule. I made a lot of choices based on what other people wanted or how other people felt, and I always put myself second.
I almost went to the University of Michigan because that is where Chase was going. Don’t get me wrong, I had great grades and I earned my spot at UofM. The problem was that I wanted to go to NYU. I don’t even think I ever told Chase I wanted to go there. It was always assumed that I’d go where he got a baseball scholarship.
She’s the one who pointed out and finally made me see how I lived my life for Chase. I did. I spent every weekend with him at his baseball tournaments. I attended every one of his games. I went to every party he wanted to go to. I never asked to choose what we did and I was happy, most of the time, with the choices he made, and he was ok with that.
Sam knows exactly how the wheels are turning in my head and what stories I’m making up about Jax.
“Listen Luce, I want to stay out of your relationship with Jax and let the two of you decide what the next steps are for yourselves. Jax called me this morning panicking. The producer of his movie wanted him there at 8am and told him they'd been waiting for this approval. He told them he couldn’t make it because he already had plans and he didn’t want to break them. The cast was making a huge deal out of it with him all morning because they were all giving up their plans. He stuck with it Luce, he didn't put you second, he put you first and he didn’t know your history and how this would affect you. Cut him a little slack ok?”
Her words are everything to me, I can breathe again.
“So I’m that transparent, huh?” I ask her.
“I just had a feeling you'd feel this was familiar, Lucy.”
I get a huge smile on my face, I’m so thankful for Sam.
We’re sitting on two lounging chairs in our den that face one another and drinking a bottle of Oberon, Cabernet Sauvignon. It’s 3pm and I have hours before I need to get ready for my second date of the day. I’m really enjoying this lazy day with Sam; sadly we don’t get to do it often enough.
I’ve been working long hours, keeping up with sports in every time zone and I’m always working on multiple projects. My boss is great, but she doesn’t mind volunteering me to help everyone and anyone.
Sam just graduated and is starting work at her dad’s financial company as an analyst next week. She’s had some killer hours with her internships and her job will be demanding. I'm not sure when we’ll get another lazy day like this, so I’m soaking it all in.
“I need to tell you something Sam,” I say. I need to get this out before I psyche myself into not telling her which could be disastrous. “At breakfast today Jax was being very open about his past, just as I was with him. I even told him a little about Chase.” Her eyes go wide as I continue. “In one of the stories involving you, he mentioned a kidnapping…”
We just stare at each other for what seems like forever before she finally breaks the silence.
“This morning when you told me you never Googled me or my family or even read anything about us I was floored. No one has ever respected mine or my family’s privacy before and people always thought they knew us. You're my best friend, my sister. We’ve only shared what we’ve wanted to with one another and we each have secrets. It’s so normal.”
She stops but I can tell there’s more. She got stuck on the word ‘normal’ and I understand how much she appreciates this trust we have.
“If you had Googled me you’d think you knew me, but Lucy you know me better than anyone else. Thank you for allowing this to be my story to share with you. I’ve always loved you Lucy, but today you became my family. I trust you more than I trust anyone else and I love you like a sister. I want to share this with you, but I need to do it when I’m ready. Please wait for it. I’ll share, but that moment and so many others were absolutely terrifying, I hate to even think about them. Please give me some time and I promise I’ll tell you everything.”
We’re both wiping away tears. I get up and move to lay with her on her lounger.
“Sam, you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. I brought it up because I’d hate to have you hear him say he mentioned it and I never said anything to you. It made me understand the high security a little better, but I don’t need you to explain anything else. And I still won’t Google you!” I tell her and I mean it. I don’t care about what she hasn’t told me.
“Oh my God, the security. You must’ve thought we were a little nuts!” she says and starts laughing. “I figured you and the rest of the world knew.” She continues through spots of laughter. Her laugh is contagious and I start to laugh too.
Sam is about to leave to meet up with Mason for dinner and drinks and she offers me to come with them, but I decline and head to the couch. A little rest before the date would be nice.
I wake up suddenly to the sound of the doorbell. Oh shit, it’s 7:30pm and Jax will be here in half an hour! I go to see who it is and I’m surprised to see its Jax.
“Hey there, gorgeous, did I wake you?” he asks.
Wow, you’re perceptive!” I say as I lean into his arms and let him hold me for a few minutes. There’s something about being in Jax’s arms that instantly calms me and at the same time sets me on fire. He’s wearing the same clothes from this morning and so am I.
“What do you feel like doing tonight, Lucy?”
Hmm, what do I want to do? Really I have an appetite for a movie and junk food.
“Would hanging out here be ok with you?” I ask and he agrees. I suggest he order a pizza from somewhere and I’ll go freshen up.
Again his words make me weak in the knees.
“Honestly babe, there’s nothing more gorgeous than you in this just-woken-up look you have going on.” He kisses my cheek before I go upstairs to brush my teeth and see this ‘just woken up thang' I apparently have going on.
He orders pizza from Amantea’s, the pizzeria just down the street. It’s my favorite kind with pineapple and feta.
We sit on the couch and talk about our afternoon and randomly fill the conversation. At about 9pm he suggests putting a movie in. We agree on a movie playing on TV, “Old School”. It’s a classic!
I cuddle into him on the couch and think what an arse I was this morning. I expected him to anticipate my reaction but I wasn’t giving that to him. I mentally check myself for almost ruining this first date. Somewhere amongst this internal ass kicking I’m giving myself I fall asleep.
I’ve been so sad for so many years. Lonely, wondering if I was going to be ok and if I’d ever find someone else. I’m in way over my head. I’ve only been on one date with this guy, for a total of a few hours, and I’m canceling out all of my sadness because of it.
“Are you awake?” he whispers.
My breath is heavy and my eyes are closed making sure this moment is moving into my long-term memory. It feels so good sleeping in his arms, leaning up against his body. It’s just perfect.
“I'm not sure. It feels like I’m dreaming,” I answer him honestly.
“Lucy, about this morning… I’m so sorry…” he starts to say and I cut him off.
Shaking my head I put a finger to his lips and boldly say, “What you need to be sorry about is that you clarified it was a date and I clarified my expectations of a kiss. A date we had. A kiss we did not.”
I barely finish my sentence and his lips are on mine. A slow soft meticulous kiss to start before we slowly move our bodies into a more comfortable position. His lips are soft, but deliberate, and he’s ordering my mouth to open for him. As we intertwine for the first time, I literally see fireworks. I’m lost in this kiss. It could’ve been a minute or an hour. What I knew for sure is that my lips have been waiting to kiss this man for a long time.
Chapter 7
Life is really moving in the fast lane. I have a love/hate relationship with my job and I need to do something about it. I’ve been crazy busy at work with serious frustrations of how much they are pulling me in different directions, so I decide to sit down with my boss, Rebekka.
“Thanks for meeting with me, Rebekka. I know we’re busy right now, but I wanted to discuss my role and responsibilities to make sure that I’m not just meeting expectations but that I’m also a role model employee. I’m hoping to clarify your expectations of me and my expectations of this position.”
I stop and look at her. I want her to think of this as an open conversation and I really want some clarification. I work 6am to 11pm, most days, and I’m so tired that I sometimes wash my hair more than once because I’m falling asleep in the shower and can’t remember what I just did.
“Jesus Christ, Luciana! You are always the role model. Do you have to run meetings like the fucking role model too?” She asks with a laugh.
She’s the only one at work who refuses to call me anything but Luciana.
Rebekka is in her early 30s and has a Goth look going on. She holds the look well because she’s gorgeous. She has jet black hair that I’ve only seen her wear it in a ponytail, with short bangs. Honestly she must cut those bangs every few weeks because they are always the same perfect length.
She’s exactly who you don’t expect to see in the sports department at NBC, but she’s brilliant and I adore her. Rebekka balances all sections of sports with no problem and is the expert in the building on every sports event ever played in America’s history. In quarterly meetings we play ‘Stump the Bek’ where everyone tries to bring up the oddest sport and well, stump her, and she always wins. It was made up during her intern days.
“Well, Jesus Christ, Rebekka! I’m being pulled in a lot of different directions and honestly I’m just waiting to hear that I’m screwing it all up. I mean, sometimes I wash my hair a few times in the morning because I don’t remember if I did it already!” I’m being bold, but doing well is so important to me, I just want to make sure I’m kicking butt.
“Luciana, we’re so afraid that you’ll get bored. We can’t promote you this fast or rumors of you fucking half the staff will remain with you forever. Trust me. You’re not lucky to be this beautiful and good at your job. I’m trying to make everyone see how brilliant you are by stretching that skinny ass of yours as far as possible. Who the fuck cares if you wash you goddamn hair two or three times? You’re absolutely killing it here!”
I smile. Her words mean the world to me. I tuck every fiber of fear away from me. I am killing it.
“I gotta go, catch you later. Oh, by the way, don’t schedule these meetings at the office anymore. Buy me some drinks if you need a reminder of how great you are. HR doesn’t like me ‘alone’ with our employees. Something about the F-word being inappropriate?” She shrugs her shoulders and winks at me. Rebekka is nothing if not blunt and really a great boss.
I go back to my desk and exhale as I sit down. OK that went well, I think. I laugh as I recall HR shaking their heads at Rebekka. I take my phone out and go through my missed texts. I don’t regularly check my phone at work, there is usually no time for it. If someone needs me, most people know my work number and that’s the best way to get a hold of me.
I go through my texts and see Jax texted me earlier. It makes my day when I see he’s thought of me. We’ve had the best week so far. Our first date included the best make out session and conversation that lasted late into the night. We stayed on the couch talking, sleeping, and we finally woke up at 8am and returned to the breakfast place we started our date at 22 hours earlier.
He sends me texts every few hours and I have a few dozen wildflowers with a card that says “Can we have another sleepover?” It’s an inside joke from that first date night where we stayed cuddled up all night watching TV. After the movies stopped playing the infomercials started. There was one with people running through wildflowers talking about how alive they feel now. It really is only funny because we were up at two in the morning deliriously watching them instead of ending the date.
11:18am
Jax: Hey gorgeous, I know this is last minute but I have a break and would love to see you. Can you break for lunch at 1 and I promise to have you back at 2:30?
12:22pm
Lucy: A lunch date, huh? Well aren’t I the lucky lady. I’m available under the condition we make out. Sorry to be so demanding. Do you accept?
12:25pm
Jax: Damn you’re demanding. I love it…you’ll be getting more than you’re asking for. Get your sweet ass down here at 1.
12:26pm
Lucy: Down here?
12:27pm
Jax: What can I say, I’m early.
12:27pm
Lucy: I’m grabbing my stuff and will be right down…xo
I throw my cell into my purse and head to the lobby. I have a hot two hour lunch which is fine since I put in just over 40 hours every week, (just over 40 hours – yeah, right!)
I’m so glad I took a little extra time getting ready this morning expecting a meeting with Rebekka. I’m wearing a short black skirt that fits me like a glove and a light blue Theory button-up shirt that’s tucked in. My long dark hair is hanging loose with its natural wave.
Under my skirt I have my standard garter belt on. I wear them religiously with skirts to work. The button up shirt makes me feel like I’m dressing like a man, so one day I decided to try this and it worked. I feel sexier and I think it makes me stand up a little straighter and be a little bolder.
When I first spot Jax my stomach flutters a little.
Today he’s dressed in dark jeans with a chain hooking his wallet to them. He has a form fitted shirt on that really shows off his body nicely and a beanie on his head. I’ve seen men wear these beanies before and it’s not always flattering. Damn it if Jax wasn’t dressed by wardrobe today because the man looks insatiable.
“Well hello, gorgeous.” I say as I walk up and take his hands that are extending out to greet me. With my hands in his I step up and kiss him on the cheek.
“Isn’t that my line?” he whispers as he’s kisses my cheek.
“Hmm is it?” I ask as we start walking toward the door.
And BOOM! What is this? Oh yeah I’m dating an actor.
I can’t feign ignorance here, he’s an actor and I work in this building. I’ve been out with him so many times over the years and this has never happened. But here we are standing outside NBC and we’
re being surrounded by people, crazy town!
You can’t prepare for this kind of fan attention even if you’re given a heads-up (which I didn’t have). I don’t want to offend him by bringing this up, but a little notice would’ve been nice. He obviously knew he had an entourage down here.
He grabs my hand and whispers to me to hold on tight. Thankfully he gave me that heads-up because people are seriously trying to pull me away from him.
Out of the corner of my eye I watch him as we’re making our way through the sea of lunatics, and he’s smiling, waving, and saying ‘hello.’ I guess that is one way to handle this situation, but then again he gets no judgment from me here because this is his life and he chose this. I’m just a little overwhelmed with it all, and my garter belt did not give me any extra boldness to handle that.
Well, that was a crazy experience.
***
“There you are. A little daring today, were you?” Sam asks as I walk in and throw all my stuff down in our entry way and make my way to the kitchen for a glass of wine. “Details now, woman!” she demands as she follows me into the kitchen and grabs our wine glasses as I grab the bottle.
“Well Sam, do you want to start with my talk with Rebekka? Or how about my very surprising lunch with Jax? Or shall we start with the surprise call I received from our entertainment department?” I ask with clear annoyance to my tone.
“Oh!” she says as she slumps into the chair.
“Yup, it was one of those ‘normal’ days,” I say with a smirk to lighten the hostile mood I almost put over us.
I explain the meeting I had with Rebekka and how Jax texted me about lunch out-of-the-blue. She listens with complete silence as I tell her how it felt to be mobbed for the first time and how Jax told me he’d be traveling a ton for the next three months.
Oh yes, and how Oscar, in the entertainment department, called to ask me if I was, indeed, dating THE Jasper Johnston that I was holding hands with outside our building.