Don't Explain

by Audrey Dacey

  When they weren’t in the bedroom they would hike, read novels aloud to one another, eat dinner in front of the TV while watching sitcom re-runs, or scour the internet for house listings. Michael was planning on going back to Sacramento on Monday afternoon to get his essentials, have a moving company pack up the rest of his stuff, and pay the termination fee on his lease. He wanted to view as many houses as possible before that point.

  When Michael picked her up Thursday morning to go see Joe Summers, the best real estate agent in town, she was a bit nervous. The gravity of the situation was looming over her, but once she sat in the seat of the Jag, his warm smile immediately set her at ease. She was positive that they were doing the right thing.

  They toured about five houses that day and a total of twenty-five over the next four days. Some were historic; others were modern. Some could be fixed up; others were hell holes. Some were within town limits; others were fifteen miles outside of town. By 6:30 that night they were both exhausted.

  When they returned to Caitlyn’s cottage Sunday night, she ran a hot bath for them to soak in. One of her requirements when she bought her house was a huge bathtub that would cover her all the way up to her neck, and she got just that. She’d survive with a small shower, but a standard bath tub was unacceptable.

  The water steamed around them as they sat relaxing from the stressful day. Michael was staring intently at the ceiling, deep in thought. They remained in a comfortable silence for several minutes before Michael broke it and said, “I think you should choose.”

  “What do you mean?” Caitlyn was confused by the statement. “I thought we were having Chinese.” She lifted her head up from the towel she was using as a pillow so that she could look at him.

  “Not dinner. I want you to choose which house I am going to buy.”

  Caitlyn pulled herself up so that she was sitting up straight and looked across the tub at him in with a serious expression. “But it's the place where you are going to live. I don't think you should give such an important decision to me.”

  “You'll probably be there as much as I will. It's going to be time consuming to set up a practice, at least at first, so I want you to be comfortable there, maybe decorate it for me. You obviously have better ideas than I do for such things.” Calm and serious, he pulled Caitlyn through the water and into his arms. She was without words as she racked her brain for the meaning behind his request and reasoning, but her mind was such a whirlwind that she could not focus on one thing long enough to consider it properly.

  He interrupted her thoughts with another request, “No pressure, but I'd like to have an answer sooner rather than later, so I can have Joe start the process before I leave tomorrow.”

  Instinctively she answered, “The one on Prince. It's the best. Good size, great lot, secluded but close to everything. Buy the one on Prince.” Caitlyn turned and laid her back on his chest.

  Michael immediately grabbed his cell phone from his the side of the tub, browsed his contacts, and choose a number. “Hey, Joe.” His voice echoed through the bathroom. “It's Michael Fitzgerald…Good, thanks. We've made a decision… No, I don't need more time. I want you to start drawing up the papers immediately…The one on Prince…Well, make them the offer we talked about… Okay. Give me a call when you hear something. Thanks, Joe. Bye.” He turned to Caitlyn, “I feel better already.” He closed his eyes and pulled her a little bit tighter against him. She was tingling with excitement as her slick body rested on his.

  “Are you too tired?”

  An ache for him coursed through her body, “Never.”

  #

  On Monday afternoon Caitlyn drove to the airport with Michael. Alexis followed in her Porsche so that she could drive Caitlyn back home. Caitlyn began to get tearful at the security check point. “What if you get back and realize that you don't want to leave after all? What if you remember you love it there?”

  Michael held her chin in his hand, “It's not going to happen, love. Even if I still love it, I don't want to be there if you’re here.” Then he pulled her close and kissed her. “Just give me three days to get the movers in my house and get packed. I'll be back. I promise.” Caitlyn let out a sigh of relief. She realized that all she wanted was to be comforted by him, reassured that she was the one that he wanted. She was vaguely upset with herself for being so dependent on him that she had turned into a nervous, insecure wreck, but after the first week of a very rocky relationship, she had to confirm that he was coming back.

  With a final kiss and a wave, she let him walk to the security line. Alexis shuffled her out of the airport. When they reached the car, Alexis's phone rang. She was confused when she saw the 916 area code appear on her caller ID, and she answered hesitantly.

  “Hey, Alexis, it's Michael. Don't let Caitlyn know that it's me.”

  “Okay,” she let the word drip from her mouth like molasses. She held her hand up to Caitlyn signaling that she would be a minute and walked a few feet in the opposite direction.

  “I just want to let you know that I expect that you will take care of her while I am gone.”

  “Of course,” she didn't know why he was bothering her with this when it was obvious to them both, “but you know that she has been taking care of herself for a while know. She's a big girl.”

  “I know, but I really care about her. I want to know that she will be cared for.”

  “I'll do my best.”

  “That's all I ask.”

  “Have a good flight and come back quickly.”

  “I'll do what I can. Thanks, Alexis.”

  She hung up the phone and went back to her car. She slipped into the driver's seat to a questioning look from Caitlyn. “That was Michael. He wants me to look after you while he’s gone.”

  Caitlyn laughed. “Aren’t I the one that generally has to look after you?”

  Alexis nodded her head. “That’s generally the case.”

  “It’s a good sign though, right? That he wants to make sure I’m okay.”

  “Got me.” Alexis shrugged. “I don’t deal with matters of the heart. Now in matters of the vagina, I am a certified expert.” Alexis threw her car into reverse.

  “I bet you are.”

  CHAPTER 9

  For three days, Caitlyn worked in the coffee shop and thought about Michael's impending return. She yearned for him, and while the sound of his voice was her nightly comfort, she wanted more than just the sound of him. Michael made easy it for her to be comfortable with being with a man again. She felt safer with him around, and she liked that feeling. The last three days seemed colder without him, and she didn’t do more than work and sleep.

  She sat on her living room floor reading a novel about a woman whose lover arrested her for protesting against a local ordinance at the court house. She was standing up for what she believed in, and he was refusing to understand. Not allowing his emotions to surface. Not revealing the secret love that they shared when he wasn't throwing her in jail.

  Caitlyn put the book down. She began to fear that this was coming all too easily. A sickness sat low in her stomach. If he would just drive up to her house, pull her in his arms, and tell her that everything went according to plan, she could relax. Part of her wondered if he would come back. Michael assured her that all of his stuff was on a moving truck and heading across the country, but she couldn't shake the feeling that he was not coming back.

  She pulled herself off of the floor and went into the kitchen. She grabbed a bottle of merlot off the wine rack that hung in the breezeway between the kitchen and the living room. She was strangely comforted by the pop of the cork and wondered if it was a bad comfort. The bottle glugged as she poured the deep red liquid into the bulbous glass. She sipped, and the bitterness warmed her throat.

  She shuffled over to the tall leather arm chair that was situated next to the fireplace, trying to keep her feet in the backless slippers, her glass in one hand and the bottle in the other. She looked into the flickering flames. Her eyes burned
from the heat, and she was forced to look away. She picked up her book to try reading again.

  Her glasses dangled low on her nose, threatening to fall into her lap. She found it difficult to concentrate on the words before her, and her mind wandered back to Michael. He could be here any moment. He could have been here an hour ago.

  She raised herself a bit to get a better look out the window, but she could see nothing through the thick darkness. Her anxiety increased as she began thinking of scenarios that would prevent him from being here by now. As usual, her imagination ran a course from the ridiculous to the absurd. This only increased her anxiety.

  Caitlyn picked up the phone and dialed his cell phone number. It rang twice and then went to his voicemail. She tried again with the same result. She got up and paced the room, wine glass in hand. Eventually, she had worn herself out and decided to go to bed. While setting her glass down on the kitchen counter, she heard the grinding of tires on her gravel driveway. Her hair flopped messily in her face as she flew around the corner to investigate the sound. A pair of headlights flashed through her window, and she backed up slightly.

  She raised her arm to cover her eyes as she peered out the window, trying to determine if it was Michael or someone else. She said a quick prayer, hoping that Michael had finally come back.

  The headlights switched off, and Caitlyn closed her eyes to readjust for the second time. She saw the outline of a man walking through the night and immediately knew that it was him. She excitedly jumped out of her slippers and skipped to the front door to meet him, but then put on a solemn face when she opened the door. “Where have you been?” she demanded. “Your plane landed three and a half hours ago. What happened?”

  Michael peeled off a sweater and laid it over the back of a chair. “Sorry. They lost my luggage. I waited around for awhile, but after an hour I just gave them a number to reach me.” He moved past her into the living room. “Can I stay here tonight? I don't want to spend another night in a hotel or away from you.” He was visibly exhausted as he plopped down onto the couch. She moved over to him and cuddled up next to him. He sighed audibly. “This is exactly what I need right now.” He ran his fingers through her silky hair and slowly kissed her. It was an intimate kiss that told her he really did miss her.

  She was still a little angry, so she pulled away and asked, “Why didn't you answer your phone? I tried calling you.”

  He ran his finger along the outline of her breast. She wasn't wearing a bra, so he pushed a hand up her purple tank to feel her skin in his hand. “I packed my charger in my suitcase, and my phone died. I tried calling you a couple of times from landlines, but you didn't answer.” He pushed her back on the couch and began tenderly kissing her neck. Without warning, he sat up. “Margaret found me while I was there.”

  Caitlyn was stupefied. It certainly wasn't what she was expecting right then. She removed his hand from her shirt and sat up. A questioning “oh” was the only thing that escaped her lips.

  “She wanted to get back together. It was really strange. I told her all about moving on and away, but she wouldn't let it go. So, I just wanted to let you know. It' not really that important.” He moved toward her again his eyes looking fixedly into hers.

  “If it's not important, why did you tell me?” Caitlyn was suddenly very agitated, and she started to pull away from him.

  But he moved swiftly and caught her in his arms, “Don't worry about it right now.”

  He pulled through the living room excitedly, and they stood facing one another before her bed. He ran his hands underneath the tank top that clung to her tightly and lifted it over her head revealing her creamy breasts. He kissed her again and she lifted herself into his arms, wrapping her legs around his back. He carefully laid her on the bed, her hair spread beneath her, and he held himself on top of her. She grabbed his tense arms and then used her legs to pull him closer to her.

  Caitlyn yanked at his navy t-shirt and pulled it over his head. The sensation of his skin on hers made her sigh with pleasure. She missed feeling his strength against her. Suddenly she was eager to have him. She reached up to remove his jeans and then her pajama pants.

  He lowered his mouth to her breasts and kissed one all over while caressing the other. She ran her fingers through his hair as she felt small waves of pleasure pulsate through her body.

  Caitlyn ached with want. She felt small caressing kisses move down the length of her stomach. She arched her back as he moved closer to her tenderness. He stopped only to flick his tongue in the folds of her tender flesh. She moaned loudly. She felt the strength of fulfillment rise from the depth of her. With a few more tender movements, she fully peaked and hungrily begged for him to make love to her.

  He removed his boxers, and she pulled him back up to her. They rolled over so that she was on top of him. She sat up and lowered herself onto his hot member, still feeling the aftershocks of her orgasm. She tilted her hips back and forth slowly, but it wasn't enough for him. He thrust deeply into her. For a moment he paused to pull her down and hold her strongly against his body. He moved in and out of her; she could feel the ecstasy rising from her loins again.

  “Oh, God!” she cried as the second wave of pleasure crested over her. She felt him pulsating inside of her, and after a few moments she collapsed breathless onto his chest.

  He ran his fingers along the length of her spine, and she began giggling hysterically. She struggled to get away from him and begged him to stop.

  “Not a chance. Next to watching you come, this is my favorite part. God, I've missed the sound of your laughter.” He pulled her close to him, and she felt his breath against her hair. “I love you, Caitlyn.”

  She felt him squeeze her a little bit tighter as if he couldn't get her as close to his body as he would like. He loved her. Just like that.

  “I love you, too.” In saying it, a tingle worked its way from deep in her stomach across her chest, up her throat, and to the tips of her earlobes.

  She hadn't known what true love was until that moment, but in that short exchange, eight words total, she knew that she had fallen hard and fast. She closed her eyes and fe1l asleep in the warmth of that feeling.

  #

  Caitlyn turned and looked at her clock. 3:47. A loud, rapid knock came from her front door. “What the hell?” She poked Michael's side, and he startled awake.

  “What? What's wrong?” He looked at her with his eyes half open. The knock came again. “What time is it?”

  “Quarter to four,” she yawned. She got out of bed and searched in the darkness for her pajamas.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I have to answer it. It has to be really important, right? What if something is wrong with my mother?”

  Michael pushed the covers off of his completely nude body, and she stared at him for a moment forgetting why she was out of bed. “Wait for me. If it turns out to be some psycho, I want to be dressed.”

  They both took a moment to slip their clothes on and were only hurried by the insistent knocking. When they both looked basically presentable, Caitlyn pranced across the cold wood and to the front door, and Michael followed.

  Caitlyn cracked it open, “Yes?”

  Before her stood a brunette of medium height. She was thin with well-defined features. She blinked innocently and looked a bit like a lost child. She wore loose fitting, dark-wash jeans that sat gently on her hips, a green long-sleeved t-shirt, and a pair of black ballet flats.

  She bit her lip and looked past Caitlyn. “Is Michael Fitzgerald here?” she said it with a certainty that told Caitlyn she knew he was here.

  Michael pulled the door open to reveal himself, “What are you doing here?” he said. “I told you that we were done.”

  The woman shivered, “Do you mind if I come in? It’s really cold out here.”

  Caitlyn was hesitant. “Sure.” She didn’t know what was going on and that scared her.

  She walked past Caitlyn. She had an appeal that Caitlyn knew that she
couldn't match. Her stride was confident, not a hair was out of place, and she was adorable.

  The woman moved to Michael and reached for his hand. She got a hold of it for a moment, but Michael pulled away and shifted his gaze uncomfortably at Caitlyn.

  “I need to talk to you,” she said.

  “Margaret, I told you in Sacramento that it's over,” he repeated because she obviously wasn't listening the first time. “There is nothing left to talk about.” He looked at Caitlyn satisfied with his sternness, but Caitlyn was still nervous having this woman in her house.

  “Please hear me out. It’s really important. I’ll leave as soon as I tell you, but I have to do it right now. While I have the courage.” Margaret glanced over at Caitlyn and then shifted her eyes to the floor.

  This was Margaret, Caitlyn thought. Caitlyn re-examined her and then looked down at her own sweat pants and purple camisole. She crossed her arms across her chest to try and hide her embarrassing outfit and erect nipples, but no one was paying attention to her. Margaret was naturally beautiful. She didn’t have to do much to look good. It would take Caitlyn hours to make herself look as adorable as Margaret did in the middle of the night after what she assumed was a cross-country flight.

  Michael had turned his gaze to Margaret. “It’s four o’clock in the morning, Margaret. Couldn’t we do this in the morning?”

  He began guiding his ex toward the door, “I have to tell you now. Please.” She turned back to look at Michael but threw Caitlyn a sad look over his shoulder before meeting his eyes. “I think that we should talk alone. It'll just take a minute. I swear.” She made a cross over her heart.

  Michael rolled his eyes, “Fine. A minute.” He grabbed the sweater he’d left on the chair earlier. “Put this on. Let’s go outside”

  Margaret began walking toward the door as she pulled the sweater over her head, and Michael followed. He stopped and passionately kissed Caitlyn, pulling her against his hard body. “I'll be right back.” He walked out onto the front porch closing the door behind him. Caitlyn wanted to be comforted by his kiss and his promise, but she had a sick feeling in her stomach. She was sure that this gorgeous woman—one that he loved not too long ago—could shake Michael up.