Don't Explain

by Audrey Dacey

  The woman stood up, and he mimicked her movement. He shook her hand as she thanked him for his business. Then he was left alone.

  This practice was his dream since being accepted to medical school. It was everything that he wanted but didn't have the courage to do in Sacramento. He now realized that he had been avoiding the work of starting a business, and it had nothing to do with the economy or the time or the place. The struggle he always claimed to have was a personal one. He had not been willing to take the risk. So, he just stockpiled money until he could muster the courage.

  Hanging out with Caitlyn had given him the courage to risk again. It had benefited him, at least for a while. Even back at the U of A, he was not willing to risk much without Caitlyn by his side. While she wasn't by his side now, she had encouraged him to take this step, and that was enough for him. For now.

  Michael glanced at his watch. 10:30. Caitlyn's morning rush would be over. He had noticed that Caitlyn’s business had picked up over the last two weeks, especially in the mornings. His meeting to close the papers was not until noon. He had to try to talk to her again.

  He locked the door to the office and headed to his car. His crimson red BMW Z4 arrived two days ago. It sat high on top of the moving truck. It looked like it would have easily toppled over with the slightest breeze, but it had arrived with no damages, except for the mass grave of insects on his windshield and front end. He sighed at the coupe before him; he'd have to get something a bit more practical.

  He climbed into the car and headed toward the coffee shop. The practice was close by. He could see the coffee shop from his soon-to-be office's window, and while he did not choose the office for that reason, it helped with the decision.

  He parked in small gravel lot and looked through the front window from a distance. Alexis was standing guard as usual.

  He watched Caitlyn for a few minutes. She moved with elegance behind the counter filling a dark-haired man's order. She smiled a delicate smile at him, and Michael felt a hot rush of jealousy rush through him. He knew that he had no right; she no longer belonged to him, but he did not want to see her with anyone else. He had to hold himself back from bolting in there and doing something rash. The man left immediately after receiving his drink, and Michael felt the heat in his face and limbs dissipate.

  Michael watched Caitlyn intently. He remembered how he felt against her, how he grazed his fingers along the curves of her breasts that were currently hidden away under the apron draped over her neck. He felt himself becoming aroused and was about to leave when he saw Alexis leave the counter and move toward the restroom. This was his opportunity. Maybe the only one he would have.

  He quickly jumped out of his car and moved to the door. He made sure the restroom door was closed before he jingled the bells of the front door.

  “Caitlyn,” he said softly. She lifted her head and took a step back. Her eyes darted to the bathroom door, and she opened her mouth as though she was going to cry out, but she stopped herself. Michael's heart pounded hard against his chest. “Please give me a minute.” He started to stride slowly toward the counter. He did not want to scare her away by coming on too aggressively.

  “O-okay,” she stammered against forced breath.

  “It was an accident. You know that right? This wasn't how it was supposed to be.” He paused as he saw her soften her rigid stance. He wanted to move behind the counter, pull her against him, and kiss her tenderly on her forehead, mouth, and neck. “You were my best friend. We can just be friends again, can't we? Without awkwardness?” He lied. He knew it was a lie, and he hated that he said it, but he was willing to do anything just to be near her again for a moment.

  “I don't know, Michael.” She looked down at her shoes, “It's a lot more complicated now.”

  She was right, and he knew it.

  “We live in the same town now. It'll be hard to avoid me. Let's call a truce before it gets too ugly. I want you to be my friend in this. I need you as a friend.” He walked around the counter and stood before her. He could feel her breath against his skin, and his will was overpowering hers. She began to turn away from him, but he grabbed her and held her against his chest. She submitted to his hug and wrapped her arms around his neck. He felt the little hairs stand up on end, and he had to quickly catch his breath. He closed his eyes and remembered the last time that they were together.

  “Okay,” she whispered in his ear, sending heat down his spine and to his groin.

  “What the hell do you think you are doing?” Michael and Caitlyn dropped their arms from the embrace, and Michael turned to find Alexis, red in the face, charging toward them. “Get out of here!”

  Michael heard a hushed protest from Caitlyn, but he knew that Alexis would not have heard her. He threw his hands up in surrender, “I'm leaving.” He walked to the door and turned back to smile kindly at Caitlyn before leaving.

  Caitlyn let out a deep breath that she had been holding.

  “Why?” Alexis looked and sounded exasperated.

  “He's my friend. This wasn't his fault. I wouldn't love him if he didn't do the right thing. That's not the Michael I know and wanted to be with.”

  “You drank his Kool-Aid. I can't believe this! Ten minutes ago you were tragically crushed because he left you for that goodie-two-shoes.” Alexis was clenching her fists tightly at her sides and breathing deeply.

  Caitlyn knew that the only thing Alexis liked more than hearing about sexual exploits was to complain about being wronged. Caitlyn usually found this to be a charming and amusing quality, but when used against her, she liked it a lot less.

  “He lives here. It's a small town. I can't avoid him forever; you can’t protect me forever. I needed an armistice. If nothing else, he won't be bothering me to be his friend any more. He'll probably leave me alone more now.”

  Alexis shook her head in disappointment. “You idiot. You have put yourself in the same place you were in at the U of A. Only now you don't have any hope. He's knocked up another woman and left you for her.”

  Caitlyn thought that maybe Alexis was upset because she did not have to actively protect her friend any longer.

  “I'll still need you. This is going to be difficult for me.”

  “No kidding.”

  “Besides, weren't you going to help me get over it by taking me to Fitchburg this weekend to hit a few bars? I need it even more now.”

  Alexis narrowed her eyes on Caitlyn, “True. I still need to get you laid to help with the healing process.” She paused. “Fine, but consult with me before jumping into anything with Michael. Promise?”

  Caitlyn held up her right hand to swear to keep the agreement. “I admit I was swept away, and I need your guidance when it comes to him. I will make no more moves without your approval.”

  “Good. You know I'm just looking out for you.”

  “I know you are, but I’ve been hiding for two weeks. It’s time for me to move on. Why don't you head to your house and get some rest? You've been great, but you obviously need a break from me. At least until the weekend.” Caitlyn thought about the sleeping bag that was on her sofa and her bathroom that looked like a drugstore cosmetic aisle blew up and the debris landed around her sink and shower. It was nice having Alexis around for a little while, but she was ready to get her space back. Apparently Alexis felt the same way, and she quickly agreed and was out of the coffee shop within minutes.

  Caitlyn looked out the window into the parking lot. She thought about the hug Michael had given her. His touch immediately warmed her, and she wanted him right there. Her desire for him had not waned with the time. She considered pulling him into the back of the shop and making love to him right there. His blue eyes trapped her, and she knew that she would forgive him, even though she wasn't quite ready. He could easily manipulate her, she knew it, and she let him. She could still smell his musk on her shirt, and it made her long to kiss him again.

  Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt the vibration of her phone in her a
pron pocket. Alexis had given her it back before she left, and she was glad to be able to answer it again. It was annoying to not be able to get phone calls and check her messages without someone previewing them.

  Her heart skipped when she saw that it was Michael's number on the display. She hesitated only for a moment. “Hello?” she questioned meekly.

  “Hey. I'm glad you answered.”

  “Me too.” She lied. She was pretty sure that answering his call was a very bad idea.

  “So, we are going to start moving into the house tomorrow. Come over. Meet Margaret.” He commanded innocently.

  Caitlyn's heart dropped to her stomach, and she felt sick. She knew that she should say no. She knew that she should ask Alexis first. But all she could do was think of the embrace and without thought of anything else, anything reasonable, she agreed.

  “She's really sweet. You ladies have a lot in common. I think you might like her.”

  Doubt it.

  “Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I'm not even sure that I like you very much.” He laughed, but she was not joking. “I'll be over after work.”

  She hung up the phone, realizing what she had just done and knowing that she had no one to confide in. She moved to the espresso machine to console herself with something hot and sweet.

  CHAPTER 11

  The house Michael had bought sat on five acres of land at the edge of town. It wasn't a big house, but Michael had big plans for it. The house sat a quarter of a mile off of the road. The first 100 yards of driveway looked more like a jeep path in the middle of the forest, but it quickly opened up to a beautifully landscaped yard with the last portion of the driveway smoothly paved. It was an oasis in the middle of an untamed forest. Even in the midst of fall, the grass was a vibrant green. A flower bed lined the wooden panels of the split-level home. Caitlyn pulled into the path and watched as Sam, Michael's Doberman pinscher, greeted her by barking and running along the side of the car as she approached the end of the driveway.

  Two large white trucks were parked by the garage door. Boxes seemed to be spilling out, along with mismatched lamps, a floral sofa, and a lack of cohesion that did not seem to fit Michael's clean-line style.

  With a superhuman effort, she pulled herself out of the car, but before she closed the door, she felt overwhelmed and started to get back in. She set her head on the steering wheel as she started up the old Volkswagen again, but she faintly heard her name being called and knew that she had been discovered. She was doomed. This was a terrible idea. She climbed back out of her car and headed toward the door.

  Michael was standing in the doorway with a huge smile on his face. He gave her a hug when she reached him, and she let it linger for a moment while she took in his fresh scent.

  “Come on. Let me introduce you to Margaret.” He seemed to push her away from him as he said it. Caitlyn followed him into the house and up a half flight of stairs. Big, burly men moved about the house carrying furniture and boxes. At this point, it was looking more like a garage sale than a purposeful design. Strangely, clothes, books, dirty paper and plastic tableware had already been strewn across the place despite the couple only having been there since the morning. Caitlyn figured that was why Michael was not bothered by her mess the first time he came into her house.

  Caitlyn plastered a big smile on her face. She had stood in front of the mirror and worked on it all morning.

  She thought it looked genuine, but when Michael saw it he commented, “Be nice.”

  Startled by the accusation that she was being anything else, Caitlyn replied, “This is me being nice,” but dropped the fake grin anyway. Michael saw that she was serious and commented no further.

  He led her through the maze of moving boxes and into the kitchen where a table and chairs had been set up. He pulled a chair out for her, and she sat reluctantly. “I'll go get Margaret,” he said as he turned to leave the room. Caitlyn looked out the sliding door that led to a beautiful deck looking over the carefully groomed backyard. Caitlyn envied the birds outside the window. They were free. They didn't fall in love only to have their hearts broken. They just flitted about without a care. She realized that her train of thought was ridiculous and shook her head to get rid of it.

  Michael returned with a smiling Margaret tucked under his arm, her arms wrapped around his waist.

  “Hi, Caitlyn,” she said, unwrapping herself from Michael and thrusting her hand toward Caitlyn.

  Caitlyn stood and took the hand in to hers, shaking it sharply. “Hi.” She felt the fake smile begin to cross her face but quickly stopped herself thinking of Michael's comment. Now she didn't know what to do with her face, and a wiry half-smile twisted itself onto her face.

  “I’m so glad that you decided to come over so we could meet. I feel really bad about coming to your house that night. I want to make it up to you, and I hope that we can be the friends that I want us to be. Michael tells me you are a really good friend,” Margaret said, her mocha curls bouncing as she spoke.

  Caitlyn sat back down in the kitchen chair speechless. It wasn’t something that she ever really considered, being friends with Margaret. She didn’t really want her as a friend, but if Michael was going to be her friend, she supposed there was no other way. She’d have to at least fake it. She was pretty bad at faking it, so she didn’t say anything.

  Michael and Margaret crossed the kitchen to the other side of the table. Michael had pasted a smile on his face that was similar to the one Caitlyn had tried when she first arrived as he pulled a chair out for Margaret.

  “So you own a coffee shop?” Margaret asked.

  Caitlyn nodded her head. This was weirder than she thought it would be. She’d seen Michael with other women as part of a couple before, but this was different. “What do you do?”

  “I am a speech-language pathologist.”

  Caitlyn’s eyebrows rose and her eyes became wide, “And that means?”

  Margaret laughed. “I help people speak more fluently.”

  Caitlyn hadn’t noticed it before, but she realized that Margaret did sound like a television news anchor. A perfect one. Everything about her was put together and perfect.

  “But it’s not that interesting. Tell me about running a coffee shop. Do you love it? I bet I would just love that. I used to drink so much coffee before I found out that…” her voice trailed. “Do you have a lot of business? I saw that write up in the paper. I bet that brought in a lot of business.” Margaret turned to Michael and gave him a smile as though there was a joke between them that Caitlyn was not invited to be a part of.

  “I do love it so far. Much more so since the shop has become busy. I hope it stays busy for a while.” It was good for getting her mind off of things, like the couple sitting in front of her. “I didn’t get off to a great start, and because of the buy-one-get-one promotion, I barely broke even last week.”

  “Really? That’s too bad. I figured you would have made buckets from that.”

  Caitlyn shifted in her seat. She kept forgetting that she should hate Margaret for destroying her life because she was so nice. It was too bad that she considered Margaret an enemy. “I try to keep my prices as low as possible. Because of that there isn’t much of a profit margin per drink. When I give out free stuff, the margin becomes almost nonexistent.”

  “But getting people in the door will probably make it worth it in the long run,” Michael said.

  Caitlyn nodded. Caitlyn had almost forgotten he was there, and he was the one she came to see. He was the one that she wanted to talk to. To be alone with. She hated herself for it. More so now that Margaret was turning out to be a decent human being and not at all the vicious whore Caitlyn concocted in her imagination. The problem was being in the same room only reminded Caitlyn that she was still in love with Michael, and that her heart was still broken. She’d do just about anything to stop her chest from aching. “As long as they keep coming back, yeah. But I’m not ready to count my chickens.”

  “This is so
interesting, Caitlyn. I wish I had the courage to do something like that.” Caitlyn would have thought that Margaret was putting her on, but she seemed sincere. It was creepy that little-miss-perfect in her sweater set and khakis with her fancy job title would care anything about running a coffee shop.

  “We didn’t offer you a drink!” Margaret raised her hands in the air and slammed them down on the wood laminate tabletop, making a clicking sound and drawing Caitlyn’s attentions to Margaret’s hands. A beautiful diamond rind shone from the top of a gold band that wrapped around Margaret’s left ring finger.

  “Oh,” Caitlyn choked out. She felt like the floor had just fallen out below her. It was logical that he would marry her, but she did not want him to. It was a mistake. “You’re engaged? I didn't know with all that has happened in the past couple of weeks.”

  Margaret looked down at her ring, and Caitlyn shot a glare at Michael for a second for not telling her this very important detail before she accepted his apologies and invitation to the house.

  “It’s beautiful, isn’t it? Michael has really good taste for such things.” Michael gave a half-smile and then looked down at his lap.

  “It’s very nice. Congratulations.” Caitlyn could hardly breathe, and she put all of her focus on pulling air into her lungs.

  “Thanks,” they both said.

  The room was silent for several moments, and Caitlyn tried to search her mind for a reason to leave.

  Michael grabbed Margaret’s hand and held it in his before moving it into his lap. Then he said, “So, we have dense woods behind the house. I was thinking about walking the property line tomorrow afternoon. Do you ladies want to come?”