Don't Explain

by Audrey Dacey

  Why did she have to do anything at all? When the baby did not come in eight months, Michael would figure it out; he was a doctor after all. He should understand how these things work, and based on her answer to Alexis's question about the “duck bill,” she had a bit more reading to do if she was going to be convincing.

  At the same time, it appeared to Caitlyn that Margaret was trying to get pregnant now, and if she succeeded, Michael would be in the same predicament even if it was more complicated than before. He would not abandon his child; therefore, he would not abandon Margaret. Her moment of enlightenment crushed her hopes of this working itself out.

  Caitlyn sighed with displeasure at herself and at the situation. She pulled over to the nearest business, a drugstore, to collect herself. She was not driving with any purpose and realized that she had no recollection of how she had gotten from Alexis's house to this drugstore. She decided to wander around inside for a while to regain some mindfulness and confidence in her ability to drive.

  The store was deserted, save a few chatty employees at the front register and a young man stocking cold medicine. When Caitlyn entered the store, the employees at the register looked at her, then at the clock, and back at her again. The final look was a mixture of disappointment and anger for interrupting their quiet evening so close to closing time. Caitlyn darted into one of the aisles to avoid their stares. She looked around and found she was surrounded by lubricants and condoms. Her cheeks flushed for a moment imagining what the employees must be thinking but got over it when she saw the ovulation strips. Her emotions immediately reverted to anger and frustration. She sat down in the aisle and stared at the product, letting out a disgruntled sigh every once and a while.

  “Can I help you find something?”

  Caitlyn was shaken by the presence of another person and a little embarrassed to be found on the floor. She turned to the young man who had disrupted her thoughts and shook her head no. As he turned away, Caitlyn detected a “she-must-be-crazy” vibe from his look. Regardless, she sat on the floor for a few more moments perusing the shelves.

  Her eye was caught by the section that contained pregnancy tests. She could prove that Margaret was faking the pregnancy by making her take one and showing it to Michael. She quickly stood up and grabbed one off of the shelf. She stared at the box as though she expected it to give her all of the answers she sought if she read it carefully enough. Instead she realized that showing a negative pregnancy test to Michael would prove nothing except that she could pee on a stick. She put it back and headed toward the door.

  Figuring she should buy something to justify her time in the store, she grabbed a box of tampons on her way out of the aisle. Sloth-like, she dragged herself toward the critical eyes of the women at the front. They couldn't fault her for buying tampons this late. Before she was able to reach their station, she turned back and grabbed the coveted item. She set before the cashier two boxes, a two-pack pregnancy test and tampons. The cashier looked at her with one raised eyebrow.

  CHAPTER 14

  Thinking about the next day’s events caused Caitlyn to toss and turn all night. She didn't let her alarm go off that morning, and she was ready and off to work particularly early.

  She made herself a double-shot latte when she got to work. She threw herself into baking to keep her thoughts at bay. The more time she spent in her head, the slower time crawled through the morning. After the muffins were finished, she attacked a batch of cinnamon rolls. A powerful, sweet smell emanated from the little shop and began signaling the new regulars that she was ready for them. Caitlyn made their orders, her hair a mess and her apron and cheeks covered in flour. Despite her being disheveled, several customers told her how vibrant she looked that day. She felt a bit ashamed that she looked vibrant because she was going to destroy her nemesis. But what were nemeses for if not destroying?

  She was so completely distracted by her thoughts and her work that she did not stop to properly greet Michael and Margaret who had come into the coffee shop, ordered, and received their beverages from her. When she finally slowed her pace and looked around the shop, she noticed the pair staring at her with a third chair meant to beckon her over when she was available. Feeling as though she could not ignore its call, she headed toward them, her forced civility accompanied by a smile.

  “Hey guys. I'm sorry. I was working so hard I barely noticed that you came in.”

  Michael stared at her unconvinced. “So, when you said that you would have dinner with us tomorrow?”

  “Did I say that? I was agreeing to everything. It's kind of what you do in the service business. That does not, however, mean that I won't join you.” Service with a smile; she was managing her true feelings much better than before.

  “Looks like business has really picked up.”

  Caitlyn couldn’t help but give him a huge smile. “It really has. I sold $3,000 worth of food and beverages last week? Can you believe that? Two weeks ago I was lucky to bring in $30.” She was really proud of herself. At least this aspect of her life fell in to place, and soon everything else would too.

  The MIDI sound of “Ode to Joy” vibrated out of Michael's pocket putting a disappointed look on his face. He stared at Caitlyn suspiciously then glanced at his phone. “It's St. Vincent’s,” he started with a vexing look in Caitlyn's direction. “I need to take this. I'll be right back.” He answered the phone and headed out of the coffee shop glancing back once nervously at the women sitting across from one another. She was happy that his practice was starting to get off the ground; she was even happier that she was given a moment alone with Margaret.

  “So how do you feel?” Caitlyn implored sweetly.

  “I’ve felt better. I had hoped the tea would help settle my stomach, but no such luck. Do you have any of that specialty pregnancy tea? I used to get it in Sacramento, but I haven’t found it here yet.” Margaret’s voice lacked its normal animated tone, and she didn’t look like her normal self that morning. Her face was pale, and she had the beginning of dark circles under her eyes.

  “You know,” Caitlyn said as sweetly as she possibly could manage, “I don't. I should really order some for you though.” She paused deciding her next move. “So that when you really are pregnant, it will be available.” Caitlyn didn't know how this was going to go over; she assumed the worst. She was right.

  “Excuse me? Why would you say that to me?” She spoke quietly and quickly.

  “I saw the ovulation strips.”

  Margaret looked down at her lap when she heard this and frowned. Caitlyn tried to remain calm, but the anxiety was building in her.

  “Those were old.” Margaret refused to look up at Caitlyn. She was lying, and not particularly well.

  “That’s crap, and you know it.” Caitlyn was proud of herself. She knew that she had become more straight forward in the past few years, but she had never stood up to a challenge like this one before. This gave her the drive to push forward and her anxiety was beginning to melt away. She was right about Margaret. “You had them out and ready to use. If they were old, they wouldn't be out, and you certainly wouldn't have brought them from California. Admit it: you're not pregnant.”

  “I am so,” whimpered the two-year-old inside Margaret.

  “Prove it then.” Caitlyn stood up, went to the cashier's counter, and grabbed a plastic bag. She returned to Margaret and set the bag on the table. Margaret's eyes were set on the bag, but she had yet to look at Caitlyn again. “In this bag is a pregnancy test. You can take it and prove to me that you are pregnant, or I can tell Michael that I think you are faking the pregnancy and you will have to do the same for him later. Either way, you're going to have to prove that you're actually pregnant.”

  There was a brief silence followed by Margaret's confession. “I was pregnant…” She looked up; tears were rolling down her cheeks. “But… but… I lost the baby right after I got here, and I didn't have the heart to tell Michael. I figured no one would notice if the baby was a little late. H
e's been so wonderful about the whole thing. I couldn't not produce a child for him. It must have been the stress of the move. There was too much going on. I exhausted myself, and I think that I lost the baby because of it. I told Michael that we shouldn't move, that we should just tell them to bring our stuff back to Sacramento, but he insisted on staying.” Pools continued to form in the corners of her eyes, and her face turned a pinkish hue. She looked more embarrassed than sad.

  Caitlyn was stunned, and she suddenly felt bad for Margaret. She wasn't proud of what she did next, but this was the opportunity she had been waiting for. It was the chance to crush her bête noire, and she took it. “You can tell him the truth or I can. It's your choice.” Her voice was all seriousness and showed a lack of concern for Margaret's feelings, and it made her feel a little sick.

  Wiping her tear-stained cheeks with the back of her hand, Margaret stared unbelievingly at Caitlyn. “I can't. He'll throw me out.”

  “He has to know. He would have figured it out eventually. It will be better for you if you tell him now.”

  The bell rang on the door to the shop, and Michael reappeared. When he saw that neither woman was smiling, concern crossed his face. “What’s going on?” he asked.

  Margaret gulped and just shook her head.

  Caitlyn tightly clutched the plastic bag that Margaret had flung into her lap under the table. “Nothing. We’re not doing anything.”

  The regulars began to leave and, though cordial in their words, stared uneasily at the trio. Caitlyn felt her face flush when she realized that she hadn’t been as discreet as she had planned. “Wow. A lot of people are leaving. I gotta go clean up. I’ll talk to you guys later.” She quickly stood up and headed to the kitchen. When she got there, she sat on the floor exhausted from her confrontation, ashamed by her behavior, and worried that she had only made things worse.

  #

  She sat by the phone all night expecting that coveted phone call from Michael. She glanced out her front window anytime she saw something out of the corner of her eye, thinking it might be him. To Caitlyn's disappointment, he neither called nor appeared that evening. How could this be? Another sleepless night passed, and instead of being invigorated in the morning as she had been the previous day, she was exhausted and had to drag herself through her morning routine. The second hand on the clock in the coffee shop seemed to tick by at half its normal rate, and Caitlyn even changed the batteries in it to make sure it wasn't running slow.

  Caitlyn poured through the possibilities of what took place between Michael and Margaret the day before, and nothing she could come up with explained the outcome. She had neither seen nor heard from Michael since yesterday morning. It did not make sense that Margaret wouldn't tell him knowing that Caitlyn would, but if she did tell him, he would certainly have come to see her.

  Another shot of espresso dripped into the two ounce glass. A brown sugar cube dissolved quickly into the hot liquid, and in one gulp it was gone. The burn in Caitlyn's mouth and throat went unnoticed until later. While she thought that this was an appropriate method of soothing her tired eyes, twisted stomach, and anxious heart, it made her eyes water, her stomach ache, and her heart race.

  Six shots of espresso and four mochaccinos later, it was time to close the shop and find out what happened. She rushed through her chores and left thirty minutes earlier than she usually did.

  As far as she knew, she was still expected for dinner at Margaret and Michael’s. The drive to Michael's was reckless at best, but Caitlyn made it, untouched by another vehicle or a tree trunk. The length of the driveway annoyed her, and she almost hit Sam who ran excitedly next to her car.

  The sound of her car door and Sam's barking roused the house, and Michael came out of the front door wearing dirty jeans and a white t-shirt that was accented with light green paint. He wiped the sweat off of his brow and headed down the small hill to greet his guest, who was confused not only by his physical state but also his emotional one. A bright smile shone from his face.

  “Hey, Caitlyn, how's it going?”

  “I hadn't heard from you since yesterday morning. I didn't know if we were having dinner.” She felt weird under the glow of his goofy grin. “Is everything alright?” The last word she said slowly when she saw Margaret approaching.

  His smile turned serious when he heard his fiancée in the distance and whispered, “Listen, I know all about you telling Margaret about your feelings for me. You can't do that. She is emotional right now because of the hormones, and the stress can cause complications. You have to accept that there is nothing you can do about this situation and move on.”

  Caitlyn was stunned. She didn't know how to respond because it wasn't even within the realm of what she imagined would happen. All that left her mouth was a quiet, slow “okay” of confusion. Margaret had reached Michael and looped her arm through his. “Did you show her?”

  “Not yet,” he smiled again looking at Margaret then turned back to Caitlyn. “Margaret went to the doctor yesterday afternoon.” He started digging into his pocket with his free hand. “They used the fetal Doppler and got this.” He pulled out his phone, toyed with it a moment, and then a fast, steady thump resonated from the speaker. “It's the heartbeat. Isn't that amazing?”

  Caitlyn turned to look at Margaret, “It really is,” she said irritatingly astonished.

  “When I heard it, I wanted to get working on the nursery as soon as possible. So I painted all evening, woke up and started working again. Only twenty-five more weeks until he or she is here!”

  Dazed, Caitlyn saw the complete joy on Michael's face. She saw him pull Margaret closer and give her a kiss lovingly on the mouth. Caitlyn gulped back the acid that rose in her. Suddenly, she realized that she not only had the power to destroy Margaret, but also to break Michael's heart. How could she break his heart? He had broken hers, but this was different. This felt malicious.

  She followed him down the hallway on the top floor. They stopped halfway down the hall at an open door, and Michael glowed even more brightly at his hard work. Various words of astonishment and good-will left Caitlyn's mouth as she looked at the mostly painted room while Michael pointed out where they planned to put each piece of furniture and wall decal.

  Caitlyn withstood as much as she could before she excused herself. She told them she was not feeling well. It was not a lie. As she left, Margaret gave her a crooked cruel grin over Michael's shoulder. She had won.

  Caitlyn stayed fully alert on her way home thinking only of the road. She couldn't bear to think of anything else. When she got home, it was late afternoon, but she moved to her bedroom anyway and immediately fell asleep.

  A couple hours later she woke up and immediately called Alexis, and within twenty minutes, they were sitting on the couch in Caitlyn's cottage eating popcorn and ignoring the movie they had rented.

  “What do you mean she has a recording of the heart beat? She can't. She's not pregnant.” Alexis stood up.

  “Where are you going?” Caitlyn asked fearfully.

  “I'm going to go kick her ass.” She was serious, and Caitlyn had to physically restrain Alexis from jumping into her car, driving over to Michael's house, and actually fighting Margaret.

  “How did she get it?” Alexis was still red in the face from anger.

  “I don't know for sure, but I think that she downloaded it onto her phone.”

  Alexis shook her head in disbelief, “I don't understand. Why does she think this will end well for her?”

  “I wondered the same thing, but all I can think is that if she does get pregnant again, Michael is in the same predicament. Just because she makes him angry by tricking him into getting her pregnant for real doesn't mean he's going to abandon the child.” Caitlyn fell back on the couch cushions, confused and hurt. She knew that Margaret not being pregnant could be a good thing for her. It meant Michael was not tied to Margaret, and that they had a real chance again. She was willing to do almost anything for that.

  Alex
is rapidly tapped her friend's knee trying to get her to sit back up, “We have to stop her from getting pregnant!”

  “I considered it, but I don't know how to get the truth to Michael without crushing him. He was so happy after hearing 'the heartbeat'. He won't take this well.”

  “Is there any way to keep him from having sex with her?” Alexis asked, excited at the prospect.

  “It's not like I can crawl in between them as they are about to have sex. She's obviously determined and will do anything to get pregnant.” The thought brought the fiery sickness from Caitlyn's stomach to her throat.

  “Then you have to just tell him. And then you'll be the one to comfort him. He'll thank you for revealing the truth, eventually, I mean. But he'll need a friend, and you'll be there. It's perfect. Once he gets over it, he'll want to get back to where you guys left off.” Alexis bounced up and down excitedly on the couch.

  Caitlyn gave her a questioning look. “I thought you hated him.”

  “I hate her more. Besides, I've tried prying you away from him; it hasn't worked. So, let's get rid of her so that you can be happy.”

  “I don't know, Alexis.” Tears began welling in her eyes. “He might hate me for this.”

  Alexis moved the bowl of popcorn that separated them and crawled over to hug Caitlyn, “Hey, we don't have to decide anything right now.”

  Caitlyn wished it was true. She needed to make up her mind quickly though or Margaret would be successful in her attempt to get pregnant, and she would really lose Michael forever.

  A knock at the door startled Caitlyn out of her thoughts, and she wiped the tears from her eyes before giving Alexis a suspicious look.