Don't Explain

by Audrey Dacey

  Her thoughts were interrupted by a man who slid into her booth across the table from her. She was startled by his intrusion but more confused as to what right he thought he had to sit in someone's booth without asking permission. She felt his eyes focus on her, and for a fleeting moment, for an unknown reason, she felt a sense of shame. She shook it off, realizing that it was ridiculous that a stranger could do that to her by only looking at her. She sipped her juice nonchalantly and then inquired, “Can I help you with something?”

  Caitlyn peered at him hoping he felt that her eyes were making him as uncomfortable as his made her feel. He was tall, which was obvious even when he was sitting. He had a small frame and a slightly muscular build to make up for it. His hair was trimmed too short to be styled; it just poked out in all directions. He was dressed well: a light, black sweater was layered over a blue dress shirt. He looked like a professional. There was something familiar about him, but Caitlyn couldn't quite place it.

  “You looked upset, so I figured I would come over here and distract you,” he replied without disrupting any of his composure. He leaned back into the seat and crossed his right ankle over his left thigh to get more comfortable.

  Caitlyn was taken aback by his apparent arrogance and felt her face get hot with resentment. “I am quite fine on my own, thank you. No need to take pity on me.” She turned her body away from him and her eyes back toward the window.

  He looked at her inquisitively, his eyes narrowed to study her face more carefully. “Did you grow up around here?”

  “Excuse me?” She crossed her arms under her chest.

  “Did you grow up around here?” He repeated himself slowly and with precision so that she could easily grasp what she was saying.

  This only offended her more. “No.”

  “Where did you grow up?”

  She was irked and no longer willing to hide it, “I really don't see what business of yours it is.”

  “I think I know you. I think we may have gone to school together,” he held out his hand. “Charles Rhys.”

  Caitlyn took his hand, searching in the back of her mind for a Charles Rhys in her past. It dawned on her. “You were in Mrs. Mendez's fourth grade class.” Caitlyn had left town at the end of fifth grade and had forgotten all about elementary school; it was not very important to her until this moment. “Caitlyn Murphy, fellow graduate of the class.” Her mood immediately shifted, and she smiled slightly at the prospect of meeting someone from so far in her past. “You were one of the science kids. The ones that stayed in during recess to work on science experiments.”

  “Guilty.” He jokingly raised his hands in surrender.

  “I still have my book of experiments for kids that you guys found too basic for your taste. I thought they were pretty cool, you know. But you guys wouldn't even look at it.”

  “Why settle for bread when you can make chocolate cake?”

  “Did you do anything with all the wisdom you gained from your extracurricular activities?”

  “I work in the physics department at Amherst. How about you?”

  “You could say I am a chemist of sorts. I mix different chemical compounds to create reactions that make people go 'yum.'“ He stared at her, confused but amused, and after an appropriate anticipation-building silence, she said, “I own a coffee shop in Maple Field. I mean, I used to own a coffee shop.” It was the same practiced spiel that she always said when telling someone about her business.

  “What happened?” He folded his arms and leaned forward on the table.

  “It burned to the ground three days ago. So, I am currently unemployed and the center of an arson investigation. So I am taking a mini vacation and staying with my mother.” She tried to say it as though it didn’t matter. It was just another thing that happened to people and was easy to move on from, but it wasn’t. She could feel the heaviness return to her chest. She sniffled back the tears that were trying to break through.

  “Wow. I’m really sorry.” He grabbed her hand that was resting on the table. “Are you okay?”

  Caitlyn shook her head. “Not really.”

  “Worcester isn't much of a vacation from Maple Field,” he commented.

  “It's all the vacation I can afford. I just needed to get out of the small town I live in. It was getting hard to breathe with all the fresh air. I’m sick of hearing people talk about my troubles behind my back because they aren’t that sneaky about it. Most of the time they don’t know what the hell they are talking about. This is less of a vacation and more of a break from my life. I need my mind to stop racing before I can deal with anymore of that small town drama.”

  “I can only imagine going through what you are going through.”

  “You don’t know the half of it.” She stopped and took a moment to collect herself with a few breaths. If she hadn't, she might have spilled the whole story of her life and broken down sobbing. She didn't want to do that, so she pretended like she didn’t want to talk about it. “It’s a long, complicated story that is not appropriate to tell a complete stranger.” Charles raised an eyebrow at her.

  “I think I know what might cheer you up.”

  “I doubt that.”

  “What do you say to dinner tonight? I don't have any plans for this evening, and if you feel like spilling your guts, I’m open to hearing it.”

  It had been a long time since Caitlyn had been asked out on a real date by someone she hardly knew, and her knee-jerk reaction was to say no. “Like I said you’re a stranger. It would be weird.”

  “I don't have to be a stranger. Besides, I think dinner will acquaint us nicely.”

  Caitlyn stared at him for a moment, and he looked right into her eyes. “Alright,” she said, grabbing a pen from her purse and a napkin from a dispenser on the table. “This is my cell phone number. Call me, and we’ll set something up. No guarantees that I’ll tell you anything worth hearing.”

  “Fair enough. It's a date.” Charles stood up, grabbing the napkin and shoving it in his pocket. He gave Caitlyn a crooked smile and dropped a bill on his table as he headed out the door. Caitlyn sat in awe at the moments that had just passed. It seemed strange that yet another man from her past approached her and asked her to dinner. She felt as though she had managed to be unnoticed by the opposite sex for many years and now she was attracting them like bees to pollen. What was she doing differently?

  Caitlyn looked down at her clothes and then at her warped reflection in the back of a spoon. She was being more lax with her appearance. She certainly wasn't trying harder to appeal to men. Whatever it was, it was apparently working in her favor.

  Wait. Who was she kidding? There was no way he was going to call her.

  CHAPTER 17

  “Ma!” Caitlyn said as she closed the front door behind her. “Have you had lunch yet?” She shuffled the shopping bags in her hands as she walked down the hallway. After the chance meeting at the diner, Caitlyn realized that she didn't have anything appropriate to wear for a dinner date. So, she changed her plans and ended up going to Auburn Mall. Just in case she would need it.

  She found a simple but elegant dark brown dress to wear that evening. It hugged her curves gently, stopping at her knees and had a beautiful boat neck that accented her neck and collar bone. She bought gold strappy heels to complete the outfit.

  She was swept away into a girliness with which she was not accustomed, and she treated herself to a haircut and facial.

  Her mood had changed significantly from when she was driving into town, and occasionally she caught a glimpse of herself in the store windows smiling. It almost felt wrong, but she didn’t care. The worst thing that could happen to her right now was Charles wouldn’t call, and in the scheme of things, that wasn’t a big deal.

  She began to wonder why she ever thought it was good to lock herself up in a small town filled with married couples and the elderly. She belonged out there with a crowd more like her: youthful, single, and successful. Now there wasn’t anything anchoring
her to that town.

  Alexis had tried to get her out, but she didn't want to be a part of the loud bar scene any more. She didn't want the guys that Alexis tried to set her up with. She wanted to sit down and have good conversations like she did this morning. She did not want to put on a show in hopes of luring a guy into bed with the hopes of trapping him into a relationship.

  For a moment she contemplated selling her cottage and moving to Worcester permanently, but rationality soon overtook her. She couldn’t move out of town while she was under investigation. It wouldn’t look good. It probably didn’t look good that she was staying with her mother and treating herself with new clothes and a haircut three days after her business burned down.

  She swore to herself. Maybe she should return the clothes and head home. She realized that it didn’t matter. Either way it looked bad, and if she changed her mind, it might look worse. From now she’d have to be more careful about what she did and didn’t do.

  Suddenly, Caitlyn felt like something was wrong. The house was strangely quiet. “Ma! Where are you?” She slowly walked into the den, but the TV was off and no one was in the room.

  Was her car in the driveway? Caitlyn wondered. Her mother didn’t go out on her own much because she hated to drive. Caitlyn walked back to the front door and peered out. The Chevy was still there. So where was her mother?

  Caitlyn walked around the house, looked out the windows into the backyard, and stopped in every room on the first floor, but she didn’t find her mother.

  Oh well, she thought, she’s probably across the street, or out with a neighbor.

  Caitlyn decided to get settled in her room. The first thing she had to do was wash the sheets. She was sure that they were unused as her mother didn’t have many overnight guests, but Caitlyn couldn’t stand the thought of being wrapped in the stench of cigarette smoke.

  Cool air poured through the window after Caitlyn opened it and turned on the ceiling fan. She pulled the sheets and comforter off the bed and then took down the curtains as well. If nothing else, it was helping her mother, not insulting her. Selling that to her was another story, but it was better than the smell. Caitlyn would probably run out to the store and pick up some Febreeze later and maybe a candle.

  She carried the bundle to the door at the top of the basement stairs and fumbled trying to get the door open. After getting the handle unlatched, she kicked the door open with her foot and was surprised to see that the lights were on. Caitlyn peered over the sheets and down the stair case.

  “Oh my God!” Caitlyn dropped the laundry behind her and took the stairs two at a time to the bottom where her mother was lying unconscious. “Mom! Mom, are you okay?”

  Caitlyn took in the scene. Her mother’s eyes were closed, and her skin was pale. One of her legs bulged out at the side and a trickle of blood streamed down her forehead and into her eye.

  Caitlyn wanted to grab her, hold her in her arms, but she knew she couldn’t. So, she pulled out her phone and dialed.

  “911, what’s your emergency?”

  “I’m at 16 Green Street in Worcester. My mom is hurt very seriously. I need an ambulance.” Caitlyn said, staring blankly at the lifeless figure. Caitlyn’s hand became shaky, and she couldn’t feel any part of her body.

  “Do you know what happened, ma’am?”

  “She fell down the basement stairs. I don’t know how. I wasn’t here. I just found her.”

  “Okay. I’m sending an ambulance to the house now. Can you tell me how your mother is? Is she awake and talking to you?”

  “No, she’s not. I don’t even know if she’s alive. I don’t know how long she’s been here.”

  “Can you see if she’s breathing or can you take her pulse without moving her body?”

  Tears broke through. “I can’t see her breathing.” Caitlyn reached down and placed two fingers on her mother’s neck. “I can’t feel anything. There’s nothing there.” She sat down on the bottom stair. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “Go to the front door. An ambulance should be there soon. You need to let them in and show them where to find your mother.”

  “Okay,” Caitlyn said, but she couldn’t find the strength to stand. She took a deep breath and pulled herself up with the railing. Her feet felt like lead as she ascended the stairs, and she kept looking back at her mother.

  The 911 operator talked to her the whole way up the stairs, but Caitlyn didn’t know what she was saying and couldn’t answer the questions she was asking.

  She couldn’t help but think that she could have prevented this, or at least been there when it happened, so she could have done something sooner. If she hadn’t stopped for breakfast or gone shopping, this might not have happened. Her mother was always telling her that she needed extra help, but Caitlyn thought she was just lonely. She never thought that…

  She made it to the front door just as an ambulance pulled up to the curb. Seeing the men in uniform gave her renewed hope, and she ran out to them.

  “She’s in here!”

  Caitlyn brought them to her mother, and a young man charged down the steps. He ran his fingers along her neck.

  “I have a pulse. Bring a backboard, so we can get her out of here quickly.”

  It didn’t take them long to get Caitlyn’s mother out of the basement and into the back of the ambulance, but from the moment Caitlyn found her mother it felt everything was moving in slow motion.

  #

  Caitlyn twisted and untwisted her hair around her index finger. The waiting room was nearly empty, and the nurses at the station were laughing and gossiping. There should be a rule, Caitlyn thought, that nurses and doctors aren’t allowed to act happy when people who are sitting right in front of them are waiting to find out if their loved one is going to live or die. Caitlyn glared at the women in scrubs. When did common courtesy die? she thought.

  She looked down at the magazine sitting in her lap. She didn’t really care to take a quiz that told her whether or not she makes a good impression. She was pretty sure she already knew the answer, and she’d rather not have that reinforced by a $6 magazine targeted at people significantly younger than her.

  Her mother had been back behind the double doors of the surgical unit for three hours, and no one had told her anything. It wasn’t just frustrating; it was nerve-wracking. The only solace she had was that her mother probably wasn’t dead. They would certainly tell her that.

  Caitlyn closed the magazine and placed it onto the small table next to her. She thought about calling Alexis to come sit with her, but she didn’t want to bother her. Making her sit in a waiting room for news about someone she probably didn’t like all that much wasn’t a nice thing to do.

  Caitlyn looked at a clock high on the wall. It had been a long time since Caitlyn had eaten, and she wondered if she should sneak down to the cafeteria for a few minutes, but she was sure that the second she got up there would be news and they wouldn’t be able to find her.

  When she looked back down, she was surprised to find Michael standing in front of her. She jerked her head back, “What are you doing here?”

  Michael sat in the chair beside her. “I was working a shift in the ER and saw that your mom came in. Are you alright?”

  Caitlyn smiled half-heartedly. “Not really. I have no idea what is going on, and I can’t help but think that I could have prevented this from happening. I was out shopping and getting my hair done while my mom was lying on the basement floor. I was supposed to be there with her.”

  Michael grabbed her hand, but she pulled it back quickly, stuffing it between her crossed legs.

  “The fall broke your mother’s left femur and hip. They are putting some metal rods and screws into the bones so that they can heal properly.”

  Caitlyn tried to focus on her mother, and not on the man next to her. She wanted to pretend that he was just some doctor telling her this news, but she couldn’t. She wanted to slap him in the face even more, but she was able to restrain herself. “How lo
ng will it take her to recover?” Caitlyn asked.

  “She’ll be in the hospital for a couple of days, but she’s going to need some help after that. Maybe some time in a nursing home.” Michael tried to grab her eyes with his, but she didn’t look up at him. If she did, the butterflies would return to her stomach and the ache in her chest would become more acute.

  “She’s not going to like that.” Caitlyn shook her head. “No. I’ll have to stay with her until she’s better.”

  Michael leaned back in the chair. “It’s going to be a long time. Several months at least. If I were you I wouldn’t commit myself that quickly.”

  “Well, I don’t have any other commitments now, do I? Since I could be arrested, maybe they’ll go easier on me if I am taking care of my ailing mother.” Caitlyn glared at Michael.

  “Wait. What happened?”

  Caitlyn jumped in her seat when she felt her phone pulsate in her pocket and gave Michael a crooked, fake smile. She wished he would just go away. He had no reason to be there; it wasn’t his job or responsibility.

  She held up the black, vibrating device and waved it at Michael. “I gotta take this.” Caitlyn didn’t recognize the number, but she didn’t care. She’d talk to a telemarketer about her menstrual cycle if it got her out of this conversation.

  “Hello?”

  “Caitlyn? It’s Charles from breakfast.”

  Caitlyn quickly stood up from her chair and glanced back at Michael with wide eyes, and he gave her a strange look back. It was weird to be near Michael, but it was weirder to talk to Charles while sitting next to Michael. She turned away and whispered, “Hi, Charles.”

  “I’ve been thinking about you all day, and I’ve worked up an appetite from sitting through that conference, so how about that dinner?”