Don't Explain

by Audrey Dacey

  “I forgot about dinner.” Caitlyn tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and sat down on the edge of the chair. She hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but it was true. The moment she saw her mom lying at the bottom of the staircase, she had forgotten about all about Charles, Michael, the fake pregnancy, and the fire until someone reminded her. All the good and the bad in her life didn’t matter.

  “I can’t go to dinner with you tonight. I’m sorry.”

  Charles was silent. Caitlyn glance over at Michael who had leaned forward with his forearms resting on his knees and carefully examined his hands. He didn’t look up at Caitlyn when she glanced over at him

  Caitlyn could feel the tension all around her. She didn’t want this stress right now. She wasn’t supposed to have it. Michael was supposed to be forty-five minutes away, and she was supposed to accept Charles’s dinner invitation.

  She couldn’t stand the silence any longer. “My mother has been hospitalized and is having surgery. I can’t leave until I know that she’s okay.”

  “Wow. I’m sorry.”

  Caitlyn didn’t want to blow her chance with Charles. She thought that they could have something, but she remembered what Michael had said about her mother and the care she was going to need in the next few months. The care Caitlyn had to provide her. Not only would her mother refuse to go to a nursing home, Caitlyn couldn’t afford to put her in one. Maybe she just wasn’t meant to have a man in her life. But she wasn’t ready to give up that quickly.

  “I’d still like to have dinner with you. It can’t be tonight, but when I’m free can I call you on this number?”

  Michael shifted in his seat, grabbing Caitlyn’s attention for a moment, but Charles brought her back when he said, “I’d like that. It might not be as convenient, but I’d guess you’re worth the trouble.”

  Caitlyn smiled, and then bit her lip to try to hold it back. She felt her cheeks flush. “Okay I’ll do that then. Thanks for understanding, Charles.”

  “No problem. I will be waiting for your call.”

  After hanging up the phone, Caitlyn went to save Charles’s number immediately but Michael interrupted her. “Who’s Charles?”

  Caitlyn looked up at Michael who was running both hands through his hair. “That’s not really any of your business.”

  Michael crossed his arms and slouched back into the chair. “Fair enough.” She watched as he sat there staring across the room blankly. Suddenly he sat up and slapped his knees. “Well, let me take you to the cafeteria for some dinner.”

  Caitlyn sighed. “I don’t think so.”

  “Why not? It’s a meal in a hospital. Friends do that for friends who are waiting for news about their family, and we’re friends.” Caitlyn didn’t know how to answer him. She searched her mind, but she was blank. “Right?” he asked when she didn’t respond.

  “Let’s not go into this here, now. I’m not in the mood. Besides, you have a fiancée, who has probably made you a five-star meal, to eat with.”

  A small woman pushed through the double doors wearing scrubs. Caitlyn looked up at her when she called her name.

  “Excuse me,” she said to Michael, and then stood up. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be just fine. Just leave.”

  Caitlyn walked over to the doctor. “Is she alright?”

  “Miss Murphy, I’m Dr. Wallace. We’ve moved your mother to the recovery room. The procedure went well, and we…”

  Caitlyn, relieved by her first sentences, tuned the woman out as she watched Michael get up and leave the waiting room. She never thought it would be like this. It wasn’t supposed to be, but right now the last person she wanted to comfort her was Michael.

  Damn it, she thought. This was probably her only chance to tell Michael about Margaret’s un-condition. It didn’t matter now. He’d figure it out. The fact that she had forgotten probably meant that it wasn’t important for her to be the one to tell him.

  “Miss Murphy?”

  Caitlyn shook her head and turned her attention back to Dr. Wallace. “Sorry. So where do we go from here?”

  #

  “This isn’t going to work. I want to go home.” Cat Murphy adjusted herself in the hospital bed.

  “Sorry Mrs. Murphy, but you’re going to have to stay here for at least another five days.” Michael put his stethoscope in his ears and listened to the steady rhythm of her heart. He looked at her intently and said, “You should consider a nursing home for a few months while you recover.”

  Cat crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes on Michael, “Have you been talking to Caitlyn? Is this her idea?”

  “No. It’s all me.” Michael had not seen Caitlyn for the three days Cat had been in the hospital. He had been sneaking in and checking on her when he was in the hospital and had a spare moment. He was avoiding Caitlyn. She had been cold, and obviously needed some space, so once he heard that Cat was okay, he left, but he was going to make sure that it stayed that way.

  “Caitlyn can take care of me just fine. It’ll be good for both of us.”

  Michael shook his head and looped the stethoscope around his neck. “She’s not qualified. It would be better if you had a medical professional take care of you. Besides, Caitlyn’s going to have to work on reopening the coffee shop. You’re going to need someone help you almost constantly.”

  “She’s not going to reopen the coffee shop if she doesn’t get the insurance money, and that is not looking good.”

  Cat was good at talking around subjects, and for the past few days she had been dancing around this one. Michael didn’t know what was going on, and he didn’t want to admit to Cat that her daughter didn’t want anything to do with him, but he was sick of not knowing exactly what was going on.

  “What’s going on with that anyway?” He tried to be casual about his question, but Cat raised her eyebrows at him.

  “Caitlyn hasn’t told you what’s going on?”

  “All we talk about is you.” He smiled.

  “It’s serious. Really serious.” She smoothed out the blanket and winced a little when she touched her left side. “They’re real morons over there at the insurance company. Because they think that Caitlyn burned the place down, they’re combing through all the soot, and talking to everyone she’s ever known. They talked to her kindergarten teacher. Can you believe that?”

  “They think she burned the coffee shop down?” Michael was stunned, and Cat’s eyebrow rose again.

  “They haven’t talked to you about it yet? Caitlyn didn’t tell you this?”

  “What are you doing here?”

  Michael turned around to find Caitlyn in the doorway with bundle of flowers. “I was just checking on your mom.”

  Caitlyn looked exhausted. There were dark circles under her eyes, her hair was piled messily on the top of her head, and her clothes were wrinkled, but it didn’t make her any less beautiful. Michael thought that it was amazing what Caitlyn was doing for her mother. For someone that drove her crazy.

  There was no way he was going to let Caitlyn take care of her mother full time. She wouldn’t survive it, at least not with her sanity.

  Caitlyn entered the room, but turned her attention to her mother who began talking. “Your little doctor friend here was just telling me that I have to stay here for five more days. Caitlyn that’s not acceptable. There is no way that I can sleep in this bed for that many days. Have you felt the mattress? It’s like sleeping on a bag of Halloween candy. Plus, I can’t smoke.”

  “Maybe that’s not such a bad thing, Ma,” Caitlyn said while throwing the old flowers away. “If I’m going to stay with you, I’d prefer it if you don’t smoke.”

  Cat grunted. “Your friend here also said that I should go to a nursing home, but I set him straight.”

  Michael was about to defend himself, but Caitlyn was quick to say, “That’s good, Ma.” She placed the flowers on the bedside table and turned to Michael. “Can I please speak with you in the hall?”

  “I have to get going, bu
t we’ll talk next time.” He promised Margaret that he wouldn’t talk to Caitlyn alone, and he already failed to mention the waiting room the other night. He wasn’t sure why he was so afraid of telling Margaret. He wasn’t doing anything wrong, and they were in a very public place. There was something about Margaret’s tone when she said it though. Something threatening. This was strange because Margaret always understood and always trusted him.

  “Please.” Caitlyn bit her lip, and he watched it become plump as she dragged it through her teeth. This was why he couldn’t be around her. No matter how hard he tried to make it not true, she turned him on. Messy hair and all.

  “Sorry.” Michael turned, left the room, and walked down the hallway without looking back.

  CHAPTER 18

  Four days had passed since she found Michael in her mother’s hospital room. They had successfully avoided each other for those days, but she knew that he kept checking in on her mother. She started to forgive him. He wasn’t a bad guy. A bad thing happened to him, and she had to make it right. She realized that she got so angry because she was still in love with him, and she had to try one last time before she could really move on.

  The more she thought about Margaret's story the more she doubted it. How could she have had a miscarriage without anyone knowing? Especially Michael. How could she expect to get pregnant again a couple of weeks later? Internet searches in her vacuous amounts of free time backed up her suspicions with science, and she was positive that Margaret was a liar.

  Initially, she had been conflicted. She had decided that she was not going to interfere. She would let nature take its course and let the consequences catch up with Margaret. Ovulation strips meant that Margaret was late enough in her cycle to think that she could conceive, and that time was probably past now. She was already pregnant, or Michael had a few more weeks to figure it out. But as time passed, it ate away at her. Now that she knew Margaret was a liar, Caitlyn was determined to expose her to Michael and send her packing back to California. She had to tread lightly, though, knowing how cheerful Michael was the last time she saw him. Plus she needed to come up with a method of telling him that made her seem like the heroine and not the villain.

  “You want to go bowling?” Caitlyn asked into the phone. She knew he liked bowling, beer, and pizza so maybe the combination would lighten the mood for the serious conversation.

  “We can't tonight, but how about tomorrow?” was his response.

  “That's fine.” She paused. “Can it be just the two of us?”

  He hesitated with a sigh, “I don't want Margaret to get the wrong idea. After what you said to her, she doesn't really trust you alone with me.”

  “Right.” Caitlyn played along for the moment. This was going to complicate things, but she could work with it. Her mother was going to be out of the hospital soon, and this might be the last chance she had for a long time.

  “But it will be fun for the three of us to go bowling. I know that you could be great friends… if you talked about anything except me.”

  When he brought up Margaret and their relationship, she became disinterested in the conversation and was only complying to get him to come. “Sure thing. Do you want to meet there at 6:00?”

  “Sounds like a plan then.” The receiver went dead for a moment, “I’m glad you called, Murph. I want to be your friend, but it’s going to take a while for us to get used to that. If we don’t practice, it’ll never happen. I told Margaret everything, and she understands. I was just in a bad place when she left, and you helped me out. Just hang in there a little longer, and it won't be awkward anymore.”

  “I'll see you there, Michael.” She hung up the phone angrily. She contemplated his final comments very carefully and saw that he was officially belittling their relationship. She figured that he would change it a bit for Margaret, but for him to say to Caitlyn that “she helped him out” was unbearable. Tomorrow, she thought aggressively, the charade would end, and Margaret would have to answer for herself.

  #

  Michael hung up the phone and sighed heavily. He looked over at Margaret who was eating crackers to settle her stomach and watching some TV drama that he didn't find interesting. She looked up at him and asked who was on the phone.

  “It was Caitlyn. We're all going bowling tomorrow.”

  “You should have asked me. I hate bowling. Besides, I don’t know how comfortable I feel around her at this point. It’s still kind of sensitive.”

  Michael made his way over to the couch to try and talk her into it. “She's my friend,” he started calmly. “She shouldn't have said the things that she said to you, but I told you she was a rebound. She's not a threat.” Michael was not a great liar, but he was able to sell this to Margaret who split her attention between him and the television.

  Michael dreamt of Caitlyn nightly since seeing her in the hospital a few days earlier. Though her scent and touch had begun to fade from his memory, he was almost immediately aroused when he saw her. He tried to keep things strictly friendly, but he got the feeling that he might be coming off too cold. It surprised him when she called but was glad that he hadn't scared her away completely.

  “You should call one of your doctor friends from St. Vincent’s to go with us. Set her up on a date.”

  “I think she is dating someone.”

  “Is he coming?”

  “I don’t know for sure, but it didn’t sound like it.”

  “Get someone to go with us. It will be less awkward.”

  He looked down at her, and as much as he hated the idea, he agreed. At least he wouldn’t have to see her with the other guy, and if she was dating him, she probably wouldn’t warm up to whomever he brought.

  Michael sat down on the couch next to Margaret and put his arm around her shoulder. He was beginning to settle into his life with her. It wasn't perfect, but it was becoming tolerable. They still hadn't had sex; he kept pushing it off, but he was getting to a critical point, and it was difficult denying her even if he had Caitlyn on his mind.

  Margaret suddenly sat up and left the room without a word. As he watched her leave, he wondered if sex with Margaret would be the same as before she left him. It had satisfied his need but was uninspired. She would have him lie flat on his back while she rode him sitting up, facing his feet, until he came, and then she would slip off and go to sleep. In retrospect they shared no real intimacy, and he couldn't remember the last time she even pretended to climax.

  As if she had been reading his thoughts, Margaret reappeared in the room wearing transparent, red baby doll lingerie. Her breasts were busting out of the top and immediately drew his attention. She had pulled her hair out of the low bun she had been sporting for days, and it was curled around her face making her dark eyes pop.

  He forgot all about the taskmaster she had been for the last few weeks as she stood there, as provocative as the first time he met her. She beckoned him with a single finger, and he rose to meet her at the entrance to the hallway.

  This was it. He had to try to make it work with Margaret, and it was not going to work without sex.

  He wrapped his arms around her, grabbing her bare bottom and squeezing it tightly in his hand. She pulled him closer and ran her fingers around his groin. He leaned down and kissed her hard. He lifted her up and carried her to their bedroom.

  It didn't feel right.

  He placed her on the bed and went to his night stand to grab a condom. She rushed to grab it out of his hands. “You don't really need that now, do you?” She threw it across the room.

  He watched it fly through the air and land on the ground. He looked down at Margaret. Something was wrong. She was acting weird. Too sexy. Too desperate.

  Michael crawled on top of her and kissed her hard. He tried to force passion into the kiss, but he failed.

  The image of Caitlyn came to his mind. He wanted to be able to kiss Margaret and feel the way he felt with Caitlyn, but it wasn't coming to him. Despite Margaret throwing herself at him, he fail
ed to get aroused.

  He raised himself off the bed and looked down at a confused Margaret. “I need a shower,” he said plainly. He turned to walk away, but she grabbed him by the pants and pulled him back to her.

  “I could join you,” she said in a seductive voice.

  “Thanks, but I think I'd rather just be alone.” He removed her hand from his pants and locked himself in the bathroom.

  This would be so much easier if he wasn't in love with someone else.

  #

  Caitlyn had a glass of beer from the pitcher she bought before the couple arrived at the bowling alley. Her nerves were unlike anything that she had felt before: her stomach flipped and flopped, her head pounded. She normally did not approve of calming herself with outside substances, but she made an exception in this case. Her plan was not as well thought out as she had originally wanted, and this made her exceedingly nervous. She wondered when she would do it, if Margaret insisted on being there; how she would do it, if it should be hinted at or straightforward; and what she would do afterward, if anything at all.

  Margaret marched into the alley in one of her sweater sets. Michael looked around the room, and Caitlyn began waving her arms wildly above her head to indicate her location. The two made their way to lane thirteen where Caitlyn stood in goofy shoes, beer in hand. A guy seemed to be following them over to the lane, staring at her intently, but she didn't recognize him.

  “Caitlyn,” Michael began, “I would like to introduce you to Tom. I work with him occasionally at St. Vincent’s.” He paused for a moment.

  She considered putting her beer down and leaving immediately, but she knew that tonight was too important to storm out.

  “I thought you two might hit it off.”

  Tom held out his hand, and she took it in hers while she surveyed the man before her. He was attractive on his own, but next to Michael, he could not compete. His dirty blonde hair lay to one side, flatly. He was short and fairly skinny and had a crooked smile that put her at ease and strangely appealed to her.