Don't Explain

by Audrey Dacey

Caitlyn didn't wake up until 9:30 the next morning, but when she did, she felt more refreshed than she had from a night's sleep in a long time. She packed the few things that she brought and checked out. She wasn’t ready to go back home, but she had to get back to reality.

  She turned on her cell phone and saw that she had several messages. She had turned her phone off after Charles called the night before to ask where to pick her up. She didn’t want to be bothered this time, and this was going to be one of the few times in the future that she would have zero responsibilities. The hospital was taking care of her mother, and she didn’t have a job. Caitlyn didn’t want any unexpected responsibilities popping up in the middle of her date, so she cut herself off.

  She considered listening to the messages before she left, but she guessed that it was probably just Alexis demanding to know what happened and where she was. If it was something else, it could wait a little longer—at least until she got home—and she would deal with it then.

  The ride back was over quickly. It always seemed to her that it took twice as long to get somewhere than it did to get home from the same place. As she passed the sign announcing her arrival to town, her phone rang. She was a bit taken aback by the display on her caller ID and answered teasingly, “Aren't you calling about two and a half days too early?”

  “I don't really believe in those types of rules. Why would I want to wait to see you if I like you?” questioned Charles. “What are your plans for lunch today?”

  She was crushed by the question and for a moment considered quickly flipping her car around and heading back, but instead she replied, “Unfortunately, I am already back in Maple Field. I didn’t figure I’d hear from you again so soon, so I left after I woke up. Sorry. I really wish I could come back, but I should go back to the hospital.” She regretted leaving so early in the day. She hadn't contemplated the possibility that she could have seen Charles again before she went home. If she had an excuse to stay away longer, she would have gladly taken it.

  Maple Field was rushing reality back to her, and she realized that she didn’t know when she would get to see Charles again. “I had a really good time with you last night, but the thing is I don’t know how long I’m going to be able to date you. My mother will be coming home from the hospital soon, and I’m going to have to take care of her all the time.”

  “You think too far into the future. What about tonight? What if I were passing through Maple Field this evening? Would you have dinner with me?”

  Caitlyn smiled. “Yeah, I can have dinner tonight. Why don't you come over to my house, and I’ll order something.”

  She drove her car down the slope of her driveway and saw Michael's car parked in front of her house. “Hey, I have to go. Can I call you in a little bit to give you directions?”

  “You're not going to ditch me are you? Forget to call and then turn off your ringer so you don't hear me calling?” he asked, sounding concerned.

  She gave a quick laugh. “I wouldn't do that. I promise. I'll talk to you soon.”

  “Okay. Bye.” Her voice faded as she talked at the phone instead of into it. She hung up mid syllable, and the last bit was cut off.

  Caitlyn wondered what fresh hell was waiting for her now. This is why she should have checked her messages; she hated surprises.

  She parked her car and scrambled out. She hesitantly approached the red coupe and again reconsidered flipping around and heading back into Amherst, but it was too late. From a short distance she couldn't see anyone in the car, so she lifted herself onto her toes to peek through the driver's side window. Michael was sleeping inside, his jacket was pulled over him like a blanket, and he looked as uncomfortable as he undoubtedly felt. Caitlyn slowly approached the car and then tapped on the window with her fingernail, and though he briefly stirred, he did not awaken. Banging on the window with her fist seemed rude. It was bad enough that she had to wake him. She hated waking people up. For a moment, she considered just leaving him there and going about her day, but she knew that she wouldn't be able to get anything done with him sleeping her driveway, especially the thing she wanted the most: to relax.

  She moved to the passenger side and opened the door. Caitlyn figured that she could tap him on the shoulder and tell him to go home, but before she could touch him the cold air assaulted his senses and he rose. Michael turned and looked at Caitlyn and smiled. “I was waiting for you.” He yawned and stretched his arms above his head.

  “I gathered that much, but I think that you should go home. I don't want to see you right now.” Caitlyn wanted to yell, but she managed to stay cool and matter-of-fact. She could feel a wave of emotion rising in her. She wanted to—she had to—get out of there as quickly as possible. She turned to leave him, but before she could get a safe distance away, he grabbed her shoulder, stopping her movement.

  “You were right. She was lying to me. She was never pregnant.”

  Her heart becoming heavy, Caitlyn turned back to him, “Michael, I really don't want to deal with this right now.” She took a moment to catch her breath and the fear, anger, sadness, and love began washing over her. “I don't want to be brought back into this mess that is you and me. It's too painful, and frankly, it's unfair for you to spend the night in my driveway expecting that I would get over it because you know the truth. You didn't believe me when I told you what was going on, and you knowing I was being honest doesn't make that any less painful.”

  Michael's face was struck with sadness, and he looked at his lap. “I'm sorry, Caitlyn. I was blinded by my want to believe her, and my thought that everyone had a bit of goodness in them. But I need you. You're the only one that I can talk to about this. You're the only one I have to help me.”

  Caitlyn felt sick and confused. “You don't have me,” she said sternly. She knew that if she wasn't careful he could easily pull her back. She let the anger become prominent.

  Michael gulped, trying to push back tears, but they began welling in his eyes anyway. “I love you. I have loved you since my first night here. I wanted to be with you. You know that. Please, don't send me away. I want you.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her toward him. She felt the little hairs on her arms rise up with the warmth of his body. “Please.” He leaned over and kissed her delicately on the mouth. She began kissing him back, but after a few moments she pulled back abruptly.

  Her heart ached. She wanted to forgive him, lead him to her bedroom, and make passionate love like that first week, but she thought about what Charles had said about letting darkness into her life. She considered the darkness that she had let him bring in over the last few days, the last few weeks and months, and managed to say, though not without struggle and gentle tears, “You had a choice. You didn't choose me, and I realized that I couldn't wait around. Michael, I’m seeing Charles now, and I'm not going to cut a really good guy out of my life because your first choice went away.” Maybe this would make him go away. If he knew that she was moving on, maybe he wouldn't try to pull her back.

  Michael leaned in close to her and brushed the hair away from her face and then said, “Caitlyn, she wasn't my first choice. I thought she was my only choice. If it were any other way it would have been me and you the whole time. But I thought she was having my baby. I thought it was the honorable thing to do.”

  Caitlyn stepped out of the car and then wiped the tears from her cheeks forcefully. “Go home.” Michael slammed his palms against the steering wheel forcefully. She slammed the door shut and disappeared into her house.

  When Caitlyn got inside, she pressed her back to the door and slid down so that she was sitting on the floor. She took several deep breaths to clear the tears from her eyes and the sickness from her stomach. The allure of being with Michael was too overwhelming for her, and it took all of her effort not to jump up and run back out to him. It wasn't until she heard his tires grinding in the gravel that she was able to let go of any of the tension in her body.

  She pulled herself together and called Charles.

&nb
sp; #

  Alexis stood in Caitlyn's kitchen with a warm mug of black coffee in her hand; she was eerily quiet, and Caitlyn knew that she was upset that she left without calling or telling her what was wrong. “I know that you like to protect me, but sometimes I have to take care of myself,” she said.

  Alexis looked smugly into her cup. Caitlyn walked over to her friend and put her arm around her shoulder. “I don't love you any less. It's just that with all the craziness, I haven't been able to do anything for myself—just me. I appreciate all you do for me, but you should be proud of me. I went out on my own and met a great guy.”

  “He's really better than college guy?” She looked up doubtingly at her friend.

  “He's unbelievably better than college guy.”

  Alexis finally laughed. “He would have been a lot of fun.”

  “Yeah, but I don't know if he would have been worth the shot in the ass to get rid of the syphilis.”

  Alexis laughed again. Caitlyn was glad that the conversation had rolled back around to something light. She had started with the news about Michael, and segued into Charles, which brought up the question of why she had been neglecting Alexis. She didn't want to talk about that stuff anymore. She didn't want to talk about Michael, and how even from a distance he was still tugging on the string that connected them.

  Charles is better for me. Charles likes me. Michael brings me pain. She had been repeating this mantra over and over, but it wasn’t as effective as she hoped.

  Caitlyn was building the courage to tell Alexis the most significant thing that was happening in her life—she was leaving Maple Field for several months. This was one of the reasons she had been avoiding Alexis.

  “So, my mom is going to be released from the hospital tomorrow.” Caitlyn carefully sipped her coffee.

  “That’s great.” Caitlyn could see out of the corner of her eye that Alexis was smiling. “Can I go with you to pick her up?”

  “Yeah of course if you want to.” Caitlyn gulped. “But you’ll have to take your own car.”

  Alexis set down her mug, “What? Why?”

  “Mom’s going to need a lot of help when she gets out of the hospital. Since I don’t have a job, I’m going to go and live with her while she recovers.”

  “No, don’t do it. It won’t be a few months. It’ll be forever. You’ll be trapped in that house until she dies. You don’t want that.”

  Caitlyn sighed. “I don’t have any other options.”

  Her friend threw her hands into the air. “Are you kidding me? There are nursing homes, in-home care workers.” She stopped for a second. “You can’t leave me in this town alone.”

  Caitlyn gave her a half-smile. “I don’t have the money to do any of that. I have the opposite of money. I’m probably going to have to sell the house.”

  “What the hell, Caitlyn? I have enough money. Let me pay for it. I would be more than happy to if it keeps you sane and two houses down.”

  Caitlyn shook her head. “You know I can’t do that. I can’t take your money.”

  “This is complete crap. You know that, right?”

  “It doesn’t matter what it is. I have to do it.”

  “This sucks.”

  Caitlyn walked over to her friend and held her arms out wide. Alexis embraced her.

  “I have to get ready for my date with Charles. You want to help me pick out some food and do my hair? I have to admit, you know how to do my hair.” Caitlyn knew that she had to give Alexis something to fuss over, and she was willing to let it be her hair.

  “Alright. I’ll do it, but if I do it, it’s going to be hot. You better get laid this time.” Alexis gave her a serious look.

  Caitlyn smiled. “I’ll do my best.” Alexis’s eyes narrowed at her. “I’m going to try as hard as I can.”

  “It’s not a guarantee, but I’ll take it.”

  Alexis grabbed Caitlyn’s hand and pulled her through the bedroom and into the bathroom. They looked in the mirror at one another as Alexis fiddled with Caitlyn’s hair. “Is he better than Michael? Are you sure you're ready for this?”

  Caitlyn bit her lip. She didn't know, so she lied. “Of course.” The more time she spent with Charles the more she would like him and the less she would think about Michael. The less she thought about Michael, the less she would want him.

  Alexis gave her a sharp look and asked, “You're not going to stop sharing all the juicy details with me just because you’re forty-five minutes away?”

  “Hell no! I have to expose my exploits to someone. Who would I share them with but you?”

  Alexis seemed content again and dug through Caitlyn’s drawers and cabinets grabbing the tools she would need.

  Alexis got one curl into Caitlyn’s hair when there was a sharp knock on the door. Caitlyn looked at her watch. It wasn’t even 4:30 yet. Would Charles show up that early?

  She gave Alexis a wide-eyed look. Alexis put down the curling iron and said, “You stay here. I don’t care who it is, I’ll tell them that you are not fit for visitors.”

  “Thanks.”

  Alexis disappeared into the other room, and Caitlyn began looking through her makeup bag. She tried to ignore the voices in the other room, but she didn’t recognize the other voice. Caitlyn wasn’t alarmed until Alexis called for her in the other room.

  Caitlyn got up and hesitantly walked through the bedroom, trying to get a peek of who was in the living room before she went in there, but she couldn’t get a good view.

  Her heart raced when she saw that Danny Moreno stood in her doorway. Caitlyn came to only one conclusion. “You’re here to arrest me, aren’t you?”

  Danny looked at Alexis who was blocking the entrance and said, “Excuse me.”

  “No way. I’m not going to let you take her.”

  “I’m not here to arrest her, but I do have some questions.”

  “It’s fine, Alexis. Let him in.”

  Alexis dropped her arm from the door frame and scowled at him as he walked into the cottage.

  Caitlyn moved further into the room, “Would you like some coffee?”

  Danny shook his head. “No, I just have a couple of quick questions, and then I’ll leave you alone.”

  Caitlyn sat down on her couch and sighed. “I don’t know how much more I can tell you. I’ve told you and the insurance company everything I know.” She motioned to have Danny sit down, and Alexis sat next to her on the couch.”

  “We are now positive that the fire was an act of arson. The lab detected kerosene in and around the wood stove in the center of the room.”

  Caitlyn took in a sharp breath and blinked back the tears in her eyes. “I didn’t burn down my coffee shop.”

  “I didn’t say you did. There’s a little more. We also found a necklace on the wood stove. We think it was caught on the handle when the arsonist poured the gasoline.” Danny held out a photo. “Do you recognize this?”

  Caitlyn took the picture in her hands and her mouth fell open when she looked at the picture of a tarnished white gold rectangle. “Oh my God,” she said.

  Danny shifted in his seat. “Is it yours?”

  Caitlyn shook her head and then turned to Alexis, “Why would she do this?”

  Alexis raised her shoulders and turned out her hands.

  “Caitlyn, who does that belong to?”

  She looked up at Danny with wide-eyes. “Margaret Black. It’s Margaret Black’s locket. I don’t know if you can open it, or if it will be there, but there’s a picture of children in it from the hospital where she volunteered.”

  He pulled a small notepad and began writing. “Do you know where I can find Ms. Black?”

  Caitlyn put her hand over her mouth and shook her head. “Last I knew she was living with Michael Fitzgerald, but I think something happened… He lives on Prince. 153 Prince.”

  Danny stood up, “Okay. That’s everything for now. We’ll be in touch.”

  Caitlyn raised and handed him the picture. “Thanks, Danny.”
/>
  He smiled. “Just doing my job.”

  Caitlyn walked him to the door and shut it behind him, and then turned to Alexis. “I’m not going to prison.”

  Alexis smiled. “Nope. But you can reopen the shop here in Maple Field!”

  Caitlyn shook her head. “I can’t open a coffee shop and take care of my mother.”

  Alexis took a deep breath but didn’t stop smiling. “We still have to get you ready. Let’s focus on that for now, and we’ll figure everything else out later.”

  #

  Charles arrived at Caitlyn's at about 6:00. She had gone to a nearby Chinese restaurant and ordered takeout for them to share. They sat on the floor around the coffee table, chopsticks finagling lo mien and pot stickers, and talked more about their pasts. Caitlyn contemplated telling him about what had happened with Michael that morning but decided that it was unimportant and adopted a “don't ask, don't tell” policy on today's events. She was still overwhelmed by everything and decided to use Charles as a way to forget, not a person to vent to.

  No matter how hard she attempted to have good time with Charles, she couldn't get Michael out of her head, and it was making her crazy. His words and that morning’s kiss haunted their date and prevented her from enjoying herself. She imagined that he would pull up to her house and see that someone was there only to come in and pick a fight, or maybe he would see that she was telling him the truth and leave her alone. She felt pathetic when she realized that the former was more appealing than the latter.

  There were several times that she even stopped listening to Charles because Michael was so completely occupying her thoughts. Charles noticed. After a couple of missed responses, Charles stopped and asked if she was alright, but she dismissed it as nothing important and digressed. When she was focused on their conversation, she enjoyed Charles's company.

  After dinner they sat looking at the fireplace. Caitlyn leaned back into Charles's chest, and he stroked her hair gently. She wanted to get into the mood, to continue what she had stopped the night before, but she couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. She should be less stressed out, but she was tense from her head to her little toe.