by Susan Stoker
He could tell she wanted to ask, and was impressed when she merely shook her head. “It doesn’t matter.”
He went on, wanting to explain everything before she told him to fuck off. “After I left, I got shit-faced drunk. I didn’t have anywhere to go and felt like dog shit for leaving without a word. I woke up in an alley with two assholes going through my pockets, trying to rob me blind. I was too drunk to fend them off, but luckily there was a law enforcement convention going on that weekend. Two highway patrol officers who were in town for the conference chased the pickpockets off and took pity on me. I have no idea why, but they hauled my ass out of that alley and back to their hotel. They threw me in the shower, saw the Army tattoo on my back, and when I woke up—on the floor, by the way—got me some coffee, then forced me to talk. Refused to let me leave until I explained why I’d been so drunk that I let myself pass out in a fucking alley.”
TJ took a breath, then continued. He hadn’t told this story to another person since the day it had happened, and he knew he only had another minute or so to get to the point before Milena shook herself out of her surprised stupor and took off on him.
“I told them everything. About my last mission. About my injuries. About you. About leaving. They told me I was a dumbass then promised to help me…if I wanted it. I almost told them to fuck off, but then I remembered how you always used to tell me that everything happened for a reason. That I’d been hurt because it allowed us to meet. I wanted to believe you. So I agreed. I signed up to attend the next deputy academy. The men who’d picked my worthless carcass off the street were from El Paso. They introduced me to a couple friends of theirs who were stationed in Austin, and suddenly I found myself living in a piece-of-shit motel and working my ass off every day to get in shape for the academy.
“I had to pass a shitload of tests, and I think one of my new friends pulled some strings, but I was accepted. Before I was set to start training, I went back for you. But you were gone. I wanted to look for you, but I was about to start a six-month intensive program. I vowed to find you after I graduated, but by then you were long gone.”
He stared at Milena, willing her to believe him. To give him another chance. “There hasn’t been one day that’s gone by that I haven’t thought about you. Wondered where you were. Who you were with. What you were doing.” His eyes went to her left hand—which he’d been too agitated to notice during her interrogation—but she had crossed her arms in front of her and he couldn’t see if she was wearing a wedding ring or not.
She sighed. “You left without saying goodbye. Without a note. Nothing. I thought you were hurt, sick…dead. And you let me suffer that way.”
TJ knew this would be hard, but he’d had no idea how hard. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry just doesn’t cut it,” Milena said in a harsh tone.
“Where’d you go?” he asked.
“Too little, too late,” she told him. “Go away. Please. Leave me alone. You’ve done enough. I can’t endure what you put me through again.”
“No,” TJ told her in no uncertain terms. “I’m not going away. I’m going to make amends for everything I’ve done.”
“Don’t you get it? I don’t want you to make amends,” she said, her chest heaving with emotion. “There’s nothing to make amends for. We’re done. It’s over!” She flung her arm out as she spoke. “I hate you, TJ! I hate what you did to me! Hate what I suffered through because of you. I don’t like to even think about that time in my life. I’ve moved on.”
He reached out and snagged her hand in midair and held it in front of him. His thumb brushed back and forth over the base of her ring finger. Her blessedly empty ring finger. “Are you married?”
“What? No.”
One side of his mouth twitched up in a satisfied smile. “Then I’m not leaving,” he insisted. “Everything happens for a reason, that’s what you always said. Well, I got a call from an acquaintance up at Fort Hood. He informed me about a possible dangerous situation in my district. He’d gotten a call from Ian Taggart up in Dallas, who was worried about his niece. Turns out she was good friends with a Milena Reinhardt. Can you imagine how it felt to hear your name after all that time? We’ve come full circle—and I have another chance to prove to you how much you mean to me.”
“Don’t,” Milena begged, trying to pull her hand from his. “Just leave me alone.”
“I watched over that school for several weeks, Doc. Saw you coming and going, and it killed me to do nothing but sit there. That place was bad news, and every time you set foot in there, you were in danger. I fucking hated it, but I did what I was told and stood back, giving the Feds as much information as I could, if only to make them move faster and get you out of there.”
“You were there last night, weren’t you?” Milena asked, her voice quivering. “When I was being questioned.”
“Yeah, Doc. I was there. Cruz is a friend of mine. I told him to go easy on you, and he did, until he let you fucking think you were going to jail.” TJ took a deep breath and tried to get a hold of himself. “Give me a week. Talk to me. Ask me anything. I’ll tell you everything you want to know. Everything I refused to tell you three years ago. I’m an open book to you. Give me a chance.”
Milena swallowed and shook her head. “I can’t.”
“You can. I’m not going anywhere this time, Doc. I have a full-time job, I’m a highway patrol officer with the Texas Department of Public Safety. No one knows where Jeremiah and his son are. I’m going to make sure you’re safe until they’re caught and put behind bars.”
Her eyes widened in shock. “Please tell me you aren’t the protection the FBI guy talked about last night…er…this morning.”
TJ nodded. “I am. I volunteered. There’s a chance they’re long gone, but there’s no way in hell I’m going to let them hurt one hair on your head.”
“Great, just great,” she mumbled.
“I’m here to stay, Doc. I’ll take things as slowly as you need me to. Just give me a chance. Please.”
He was getting to her, he could tell. Shifting his hold on her hand, he stepped a little closer and rubbed his thumb against her palm this time, remembering how much she used to love it when he did that when they’d held hands. Her lemony scent wafted up to him, and he almost felt dizzy smelling it once again. It brought back so many amazing memories, it made his heart hurt.
Just when he thought she was going to agree, Milena ripped her hand from his grasp and took a step away from him.
“No. You hurt me so bad, TJ. You have no idea what I’ve been through since you left.”
“Then tell me,” he begged. “Let me make it up to you.”
“You can’t.” She actually sounded sad. “Leave me alone.”
She began to step away, not turning her back on him, as if he was a wild animal she had to keep her eye on.
“I’m not giving up, Doc. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Milena pressed her lips together and shook her head, but she didn’t say anything.
TJ let her back away from him, and when she turned and practically fled down the sidewalk, he didn’t follow. He watched as she climbed into a dark green mini-van parked in a public lot across the street. An older man sat in the driver’s seat, watching him. TJ knew it was her dad because he’d looked up everything he could about Milena a couple weeks ago.
He wasn’t holding back now. He’d use every scrap of information he’d ferreted out about her to win her affection. She might’ve said she hated him, but the look in her eyes and the way she’d leaned toward him rather than away belied those words. No matter how long it took, he’d be patient and prove to her once and for all that he wasn’t the man he used to be. He was better.
She had to forgive him. She just had to. The alternative was unthinkable.
Chapter 4
“That was him, wasn’t it?”
Milena sighed. Her dad wasn’t going to give it up. She adored him, but he was super protective of those he loved. And he wa
s stubborn. Probably where she’d gotten it from.
“Yeah, dad. That was him.”
“What does he want? Does he know about JT? Is he trying to intimidate you into letting him have custody? Well, that’s not going to happen. Not as long as I have anything to say about it! I’ll refinance the fucking house eight times over before I let anyone take our little boy away. No fucking way.”
Milena didn’t want to smile, but she couldn’t help it. She reached over and patted her dad on the shoulder. “Calm down, Dad. He doesn’t want custody of JT.”
“Why not? Does he not think he’s the father? Idiot.”
“It’s not that.”
“Then what? Talk to me, Milena.”
She sighed again, then blurted out the truth. “He doesn’t know about him.”
There was a long pause, and Milena was scared to look at her dad. She fiddled with her fingers in her lap.
“What?”
“He doesn’t know about him. I…he left before I knew I was pregnant. I never saw him again until today.”
“Baby…” Her dad’s tone had turned sad…and even a little accusatory. “I can’t say I like the man, not after what he did. The way he left you. But your mom and I thought all along that he knew. That he chose to not be a part of his son’s life. As much as I hate to say it, baby, he deserves to know. Then we can decide what to do depending on how he reacts.”
“I know,” Milena said quietly. And she did. She’d been so surprised to see him, and it had brought back so many hurt feelings she’d thought she’d dealt with. The last thing she’d been thinking about was telling the man she still loved that he had a son.
“What did he want if it wasn’t about JT?”
“He apologized for leaving. Told me some of what happened. He wants to talk to me more.”
After another long pause, when she didn’t elaborate, her dad asked, “And?”
“I told him no.”
“That’s your right,” her dad said.
Milena relaxed. She loved the support her parents always gave her. No matter what decisions she’d made, they’d been behind her one hundred percent. “I don’t think he’s going to take no for an answer,” she admitted softly.
“I don’t think he is either,” her dad said.
Milena’s head whipped up and she stared at her dad. “You don’t? Why?”
“Honey, I saw the way he was looking at you. With longing, remorse, and regret.”
“You could see all that from all the way across the street?” she asked dubiously, not sure what to believe anymore. TJ had sounded sincere, but she’d trusted him once, and he’d hurt her more than she’d ever thought possible. She couldn’t do it again.
“What I saw was a man determined to right a wrong. I thought he was being intense because he wanted his son, but if he doesn’t know about JT, then that’s not what was happening.”
“He said he’ll be the one assigned to protect me until Jeremiah and Jonathan are arrested.”
“I have no doubt he’ll do what it takes to keep you safe.”
“He hurt me, Daddy,” Milena said quietly.
“I know. And that makes me want to beat the fucker into the ground.”
Milena held back the chuckle that wanted to escape. Her dad wasn’t exactly Arnold Schwarzenegger. He was a couple inches shorter than TJ and definitely wasn’t in any kind of shape to be taking on anyone. His gut was prominent on his frame and he’d only get hurt if he got into any real altercation. But the fact that he wanted to hurt TJ actually made Milena feel good. Protected.
“I’m not sure you could beat him up,” Milena said dryly.
“I know. But I’d give it my best shot if it came to that. I can’t deny I’d feel better knowing he’d be looking out for you until those assholes are put behind bars where they belong. But, honey, you need to tell him about his son. Even if nothing else comes from you talking to him, he deserves to know. Not only that…but JT deserves to know his father. I’m not saying that young man will even want to be in his son’s life, but it’s his decision to make. Not yours.”
Her dad was right, Milena knew he was, but it scared the shit out of her.
“Besides, I think you need to talk to him for your own sake.”
“Why?”
“Why? Milena, JT’s room is filled with pictures of his father. He carries that little pillow around with him everywhere. You tell your son bedtime stories about how brave and good his father is. You wouldn’t do any of that if you didn’t still have feelings for the man.”
Milena swallowed. Hard. Her dad was right. Of course he was.
“What are you scared of, honey?” Bob Reinhardt asked softly. “If he tries to take him from you, we’ll take him to court. He hasn’t paid a cent in child support in two years. He wasn’t there when you were sick. He hasn’t changed one diaper, sat up one night with JT when he cried, nothing. He’s not going to get custody.”
“I’m not afraid of that,” Milena said honestly.
“Then what?”
She blinked back the tears in her eyes. “I still love him. Even after he left without a word. What if I let him back in and he doesn’t want anything to do with me? If I tell him about JT, I might have to see him for the rest of my life. I’m not sure I could handle it if he married someone else and had kids with her. It’d tear me apart, Daddy.”
Her father didn’t say a word as he pulled into the driveway of the huge suburban house he’d bought for his wife so many years ago. He cut the engine and reached a hand out to his daughter. Palming her cheek, he said, “If you forgive him and let him back into your life, there’s no way he’ll be able to resist falling back in love with you.”
Milena wanted to believe him. Wanted to believe it with every fiber of her being, but she honestly wasn’t so sure. TJ had left her so easily before, what would prevent him from doing it once more? If she let him back into her life, and their son’s, and he left again, it wouldn’t just be her heart broken this time. She knew that like she knew she needed oxygen to breathe.
She didn’t respond to her dad’s words, but he didn’t seem to expect her to. He merely ran his hand over the top of her head as he used to do all the time when she was little and climbed out of the van.
After taking a deep breath, Milena did the same. Eager to get inside, see her baby boy, then not think about anything for a while. Her mom had promised to take JT out of the house so she could take a nap, and that’s just what she was going to do. Not think about Jeremiah Jones, his son, the awful things that had been done to the girls at the school, her job at the clinic that she still didn’t know if she’d get back, and certainly not Thomas James Rockwell.
Chapter 5
“You sure this is a good idea?” Daxton Chambers asked his friend.
“Yes.” TJ’s answer was short and to the point. He’d called the Texas Ranger for some moral support. He’d admitted that he’d been watching the school for weeks and gotten all of Milena’s contact information from the law enforcement database. He’d been there when Dax had met Mackenzie for the first time, and for some reason he’d felt the urge to call his friend to talk about the situation with Milena.
“You haven’t ever mentioned this chick before,” Dax said.
“Because I thought she was a part of my past. I didn’t think I’d ever see her again.”
“But now you have.”
“Now I have,” TJ agreed. “In a nutshell, I met her when I was in the VA hospital after I got hurt in the Middle East. We lived together for a couple months before I made the worst decision of my life.”
“Let me guess,” Dax said dryly. “You thought she was too good for you. That you’d fuck up her life. So you left.”
TJ huffed out a breath. “Yeah, that’s about it.”
“Good luck then, man. You’re gonna need it.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be all supportive and shit?” TJ asked grumpily. “That’s why I called.”
“I am being supportive. Wou
ld you rather I lie and tell you that I think this’ll be a cakewalk?”
“No. But you know, maybe a little bit of positivity wouldn’t go amiss here.”
“I could tell the second you said her name that you’re serious about this woman, TJ. I absolutely will not blow smoke up your ass about her or the situation. If I thought you didn’t give one shit about her, I would’ve told you to have a one-night stand and get her out of your system, but this one’s different.”
“Yeah,” TJ agreed. “She is.”
“Right, so I’m gonna be straight with you. And by the way, I want to meet her. And I’m sure Mack will too,” Dax said.
“I think it’s a bit early to be setting up meet and greets,” TJ returned.
“I didn’t mean today, asshole. After she forgives you. After you’re back in her good graces.”
TJ couldn’t help but smile. Dax couldn’t see it, of course, but it felt really good that his friend was absolutely certain he could get Milena to forgive him. “Deal.”
“Call me later,” Dax ordered. “I want to hear more about this fucking child-abuse bullshit.”
Being reminded about Jeremiah Jones and his equally perverted son—and the fact that Milena and her friend had been in the middle of that shit—made his teeth clench. “I will. Cruz thinks the perverts who ran the place are long gone, but I’ve got a bad feeling about them. They slipped away in the raid, and so far, no one can find them. I don’t think Milena needs full-time protection, but I’m doing what I can to keep my eye out for her in the meantime.”
“Fuck. Anything you need, all you have to do is ask,” Dax said.
“Appreciate it. She’s at the clinic now, but I’m going to head over there when she gets off. I’ll let you know if I think I need to step up my surveillance.”
“You better. You’d do it for me or any of the others. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Later.” TJ hung up and took a deep breath then looked at the clock. He had a couple hours to kill before Milena would get off work at the clinic. He knew she’d been working mornings downtown ever since she took the job at the school. He was betting on the fact that she’d head home after her shift, and that was where he was planning on attempting to talk to her.