Down By Contact (Wilmington Breakers Book 1)

by Johnson, Sloan

  “Sounds like you’ve already made up your mind,” I said, trying to not sound as defeated as I felt. Cuts were taking place through the day, and those who weren’t in danger would already be on their way out of town to enjoy their last weekend off before pre-season games started. He knew there was no way for me to reel back from this. It took every bit of strength I could muster to hold my head high as I walked out of the building.

  Liam found me some time later, sitting in the quad trying to convince myself it’d been a mistake to push Zach into giving us another chance. If I’d just kept my damn mouth shut, none of this would’ve happened. And you’d still be miserable and alone. “Hey man, heard you and Giles had a pretty intense chat this morning.”

  “You could say that.” I stared straight ahead, not wanting to see the disappointment in Liam’s eyes. He’d been my mentor at the beginning of the project, but I’d distanced myself from him as soon as Zach and I started working through our issues. That was easier than risking him telling me what I already knew; that I was slowly committing career suicide every time I put Zach’s reputation above my job.

  “For what it’s worth, I’d have done the same thing if I’d been in your shoes,” he told me. That was comforting, but it didn’t change the fact that my ass would be on a flight back to LA by Monday.

  “Even though it could be the end of my career?” It was hard to believe he’d have been so careless, knowing he had a wife and son waiting on him at home. They relied on him. I had no one to keep me in check, even now. Hell, I could practically hear Zach telling me I didn’t need to worry about getting another job right away when he found out about Giles’s threats. While I appreciated him wanting to keep me close, I wasn’t cut out to sit at home while he busted his ass for us.

  Liam stopped to consider my question and shrugged. “Probably,” was his only answer before he went back to thinking. “I mean, it’s not the same scenario or anything, but I think if I had to choose between Courtney and a job, I’d pick her every time. She’s the most important thing in my life and if someone was threatening to destroy her, I’d fucking end them.”

  “So you’re not pissed at me? Giles made it sound like I’m enemy number one to most of the crew right now.”

  “Man, fuck him,” Liam said dismissively. “In a way, it’s entertaining to watch all the guys bolt the second they see us coming. They’re forcing production to get back to what the show was originally about, which was a team’s journey through training camp. I talked to deShawn for a while last night. He said most of the guys are rallying around Zach, both on and off the field. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but I hope it is. I can’t imagine how hard it’d be to worry about someone filing a harassment complaint or taking matters into their own hands all the time.”

  “Yeah, it’s not easy, but I think he’ll be fine,” I assured him. I couldn’t be certain, because Zach had been so busy with the final days before cuts that we hadn’t talked other than a quick text from him letting me know everything had gone well and he was looking forward to seeing me this weekend. It was the last weekend he’d have off until week six of the regular season when they had a bye, so we were hoping to make the most of our limited time together. Speaking of which… “Are you heading back to the beach this weekend?”

  “No, deShawn’s heading to a wedding out of state. Because the bride and groom wouldn’t sign waivers, I’m staying here. Courtney’s flying in tonight and we’re going to have our own little family vacation.” We both stood, and Liam patted me on the back as we ambled back to the dorms to get our stuff.

  As I watched the players walking out of their residence building, I thought more about how Giles had set me up to fail. He expected me to figure out a way to get the players to interact more with the cameras since he blamed me for their icy demeanor, but they were all leaving town for the same forty-eight hours I’d been given to accomplish my task. In the past, I would’ve stormed back to his office and demanded he extend my deadline. I’d have done anything to keep the bosses happy.

  The new me? My pace slowed and my shoulders slumped as I realized this was the last time I’d walk the Patterson campus as part of the Outside the Pocket crew. One lesson I’d learned from my past was there was more than one way to make my dreams come true. I had no clue what the future looked like, but I’d fly home with my head held high, knowing I hadn’t sold out the man I loved for the sake of seeing my name in the credits.

  “It’s been good working with you,” Liam said, offering me a quick handshake. That was all the confirmation I needed that my fate had already been decided.

  “Thanks. Wish it hadn’t come down to this, but such is life,” I said with a shrug. “It’s hard to be upset when I look at the bigger picture. It won’t be fun trying to explain what happened here when I’m trying to find another gig, but I’ll get through somehow.”

  “Well, and if it’s any consolation, anyone who’s been in the business a while knows what an ass-kisser Giles is. They know the man has zero backbone when it comes to doing what he’s told to do, even when it’s the wrong decision. And in this case, calling it a bad idea is a huge understatement. He and the network are lucky Zach hasn’t thought about a defamation suit.”

  “Wouldn’t do him any good even if he was out for blood,” I pointed out, hating that we were even having this conversation. “No one’s said anything untrue. He is gay. We are in a relationship.”

  “Still, there has to be a way he could go after them for putting all this out there without his permission,” Liam argued. I was surprised to see people from all sides upset about what’d been done to Zach. Or what could have been done if his teammates hadn’t immediately rallied around him to show they wouldn’t put up with anyone talking shit about him. The Breakers were the real trump card here; they’d proven that acceptance wasn’t some distant fantasy.

  “Not worth it,” I countered. “Zach told his teammates so there were no rumors or tension there. He’s looking forward to acting like this is no big deal in hopes that everyone else will react the same way. Suing the production company would make that impossible.”

  “Okay, but it is a big deal,” Liam argued. It didn’t make sense to me that he was pushing so hard for a lawsuit. “He can pretend he’s just like everyone else, but he’s not. Like it or not, he’s become a pioneer, opening doors for gay football players, just like Mason Atley and Sean Tucker did for baseball.”

  “Yeah, but you’re forgetting they had a choice in the matter. He didn’t want to be a poster boy. He didn’t want to make a grand exit from the closet.” My voice grew louder, catching the attention of a few passersby. “The only thing Zach has ever wanted was to keep his life low key. He plays football even though his dad tried pushing him into baseball, because he didn’t want to try and meet his dad’s expectations. He went to Patterson instead of a more prestigious school because he wanted to stay close to his brother and Patterson offered him a full ride. Wilmington drafting him was a dream come true because he could stay close to home. He’s not cut out to be a mouthpiece.”

  And that’s what it all boiled down to. My chest tightened as the gravity of the situation hit me. I’d played a huge role in everything that Zach was going through. I’d been so eager to be part of a long-standing show that I hadn’t even considered the lengths show executives went to to twist reality into something more entertaining. If I hadn’t been here, there was a chance his sexuality would still be under wraps. Fuck.

  Twenty-Four

  (Zach)

  Griffin was once again quiet and tense as I drove down the interstate toward Wilmington. I’d been looking forward to seeing him again since I’d left him in the hotel room Wednesday morning. When it’d been a different camera operator who met up with me after practice, I thought I was going to be sick. That quickly gave way to anger, and I wanted to spin around and deck the asshole trailing me. That was the day I’d needed Griffin most and he wasn’t there. It wasn’t until late that evening, when he texted
to let me know he’d called in sick for the day at Nixon’s urging, that I started to calm down a bit.

  “Okay, what in the hell’s wrong now?” I asked when I couldn’t take another second of his awkward silence. “Are you having second thoughts about us?”

  “What?” No!” His head whipped around to stare at me. “I have no clue how we’ll make a relationship work, but that doesn’t mean I’m having second thoughts. Not at all. I was more worried you were.”

  “Why in the actual fuck would you think that?” I asked, wishing like hell I wasn’t driving so I could smack some sense into him. I’d just fucking come out to the whole team to prove how serious I was about being with him.

  “If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have had to tell your teammates you were gay before you were ready. If I wasn’t here, you’d be able to focus on training instead of splitting your attention between the game and the drama that’s unfolding,” he said, counting off the reasons on his fingers. “Since the day I landed in North Carolina, I’ve been throwing distractions in front of you, and I know damn well that’s the one thing you never wanted.”

  “Yeah, well maybe I need to not get what I want sometimes,” I argued. “And you fucking know me, Griffin. If I didn’t want you, we wouldn’t be here right now. But if you weren’t just as stubborn as me, if you hadn’t made me talk to you when we were at my place, I’d still be missing out. I love you, you jackass. What do I have to do to prove that to you?”

  “I don’t know!” Griffin shouted. “Things were so fucking easy when we first decided to give us another shot. It was stupid of me to think there wouldn’t be problems eventually. And now, I’m going to be getting on a fucking plane early next week and I have no clue when I’m going to see you again. I feel like it’s really shitty timing because there’s no way you can give me time during the season, and I still have to earn a living. And before you even fucking say it, no, I’m not begging for your time. I get it. I know you well enough to know you have priorities and I’ll keep coming in number two.”

  “Fuck you!” I yelled. “Have I seriously treated you like second place in my life? Yeah, I did when we were kids, but if you’re honest with yourself, you know that’s not what this is. Do you realize I’ve talked to you more than I’ve talked to my own brother since camp began?”

  Shit. I’d been so distracted by everything going on with the stupid-ass show, I’d forgotten that Nate had flown up earlier today and was probably sitting at my place waiting for us to spend the weekend together. And this wasn’t the time to tell Griffin we were having company; not when we needed privacy to figure out the problems brewing between us before—

  “Wait. What the fuck do you mean you’re flying out at the beginning of the week?” I asked as soon as my brain processed everything he’d said. “I thought you were filming until the final round of cuts.”

  “Yeah, the show is,” he confirmed, and I fought to slow my racing heart. For a second I was worried that we didn’t have as long together as I thought. And then, he dropped the real bomb. “Unfortunately, it’s pretty much been decided that I won’t be part of the production team when you guys come back from your days off.”

  “How in the fuck does that work?” I asked, thoroughly confused. I’d be damned if they were going to assign someone else to follow me around. I’d tolerated this plan, even when I was sure there was no way Griffin and I could be professional around one another, but no way in hell was someone going to march in and take his job.

  “Technically, I violated my contract just by talking to you,” he informed me. I opened my mouth to tell him how fucking stupid they were because Giles had admitted they were hoping for fireworks between us, but he stopped me. “I’m pretty sure this was their plan all along, even if they hadn’t counted on us winding up together. They were hoping we’d get into it, they’d get footage for the show and they could send me packing because they couldn’t risk you telling them to fuck off if they didn’t. Either way, the result is the same. I’m out of a job and have no option other than to tuck my tail between my legs and head back to California.”

  “You do have options, Grif,” I countered. “You don’t have to go back to California at all. You can stay at my place as long as you want. I’ll add you to my personal account so you don’t have to worry about money or anything else.”

  “I’m not going to be your kept man, Zach,” Griffin cut me off. “I tried living in your shadow before and it damn near killed me. As much as I want to be with you, I need to live my own life, too.”

  “Even if it means we aren’t together?” I asked, knowing damn well what a whiny shit I sounded like. I couldn’t help it. Maybe I’d been the idiot for believing we’d find a way around this impasse. In reality, there was a chance both of us being passionate about our careers would always keep us from being together.

  “If you think it’s an either/or thing, then yeah, maybe.” I wasn’t prepared for the physical pain I felt at his blunt admission. “I’m hoping that when you’re not so upset, you’ll see there are ways to make it work without either of us having to give up everything we’ve worked for, because you’re not going to believe me no matter how many times I tell you we can do it.”

  “So, what? You think we’ll be able to survive you disappearing again and popping back to North Carolina whenever it’s convenient for you? Tell me how you see this playing out because I’m in the dark.”

  I paid careful attention to my speed as I drove through town. We were close to the house and I needed to get the hell out of my car. I wanted to drag Griffin around the side of the house and down to our spot on the beach. I wanted to convince him to stay through my actions, because getting through to him with my words wasn’t happening.

  “Drop me off here,” Griffin said as we pulled up to a stoplight.

  “Fuck that,” I argued. If he left now, there’d be no guarantee that we’d be able to talk at all. I’d let him walk away without enough of a fight once; it wasn’t happening again. “You’re coming back to the house. If you don’t want to talk right now, you can stay in your old room upstairs. But I’m not dropping you off so you can stay at a fucking hotel.”

  “Yeah, babe, you are,” he said flatly. “Because you know as well as I do that if I go back to your house tonight, we’re going to keep fighting and we’ll both say shit we don’t mean. I need this, Zach. I need you to give me a few hours of space so I can figure out what the fuck I’m going to do. You need to go home and think about not only what you want, but what you can realistically give me. In the morning, I’ll come over and we’ll sit down to figure this all out.”

  “You promise you’re not going to leave without saying goodbye?” I hated how shattered and insecure I sounded. Someone honked behind me, so I pulled through the intersection and parked along the curb.

  Griffin reached across the seat and took my hand in his. “I’m not going anywhere. It’s killing me to ask you to drop me off at the hotel, but I’m trying to do the right thing here. We both need to take a step back to make sure what we want is actually achievable. Blind faith isn’t enough this time around.”

  Against my better judgment, I pulled into the parking lot of a small hotel at the end of the street, biting my tongue as Griffin stepped out of the car. Even if I thought it was a horrible idea for us to part ways in the middle of a disagreement, I wanted to prove to Griffin that I trusted him to still be here in the morning. Then, we’d talk and I’d convince him we were worth fighting for.

  After he’d disappeared into the lobby, I thumped my forehead against the steering wheel, trying to figure out what had caused this shift in his feelings for me. He said it was because he worried about how much I’d sacrificed for him, but the truth was it didn’t feel like I’d given up anything. In fact, Griffin coming back into my life, us talking through what’d happened in the past, and having a second chance at something I thought I’d lost forever felt like a gift. He’d given me the freedom to be myself. He was the stanchion, holding m
e up when the pressure got to be too much.

  Griffin waved to me from the other side of the lobby windows once he was checked in for the night, then disappeared down the first-floor corridor. I sat in my car, arguing with myself about whether I should respect his wish for space or follow him into his room and demand that we resolve this before sleeping. The image of me barging into his room, shoving him onto the bed and fucking away his doubt was enough to prove he was right; one night alone was what we needed.

  I shifted the car into gear and pulled away slowly, almost as though I was waiting for Griffin to sprint out of the door at the end of the building so he could tell me we were both being idiots. My chest ached and my stomach rolled as I realized that wasn’t going to happen.

  Every light in my house was on when I pulled into the driveway. I so didn’t want to deal with Nate tonight. He’d be pissed at Griffin if I couldn’t school my features before walking inside, and Grif didn’t deserve that. Our problems weren’t entirely his fault, and I wasn’t about to listen to Nate try and blame him like he had in the past.

  Maybe I could follow Griffin’s lead and find a hotel room for the night. That way, I could sort out the confusing shit in my brain before Nate started demanding answers I didn’t have. Before I could put the car in reverse, my twin appeared at the front door, bounding down to meet me. You’d think we hadn’t seen each other in years based on his enthusiasm. He stopped short when I stepped out of the car, slamming the door closed behind me. “Damn, you look like shit.”

  “Good to see you too.” I let out a forced laugh as I pulled him into a hug.

  “No, for real, you look awful.” I shrugged, because I could only imagine how wrung out I looked. “Where’s Griffin? I thought you said he was going to be here with you for the weekend.”