Down By Contact (Wilmington Breakers Book 1)

by Johnson, Sloan

  “Plans change,” I said, pushing past Nate. I wanted to get inside and crack open a bottle of beer. Or whiskey. Maybe tequila. I wasn’t usually a big drinker during the season, but tonight definitely called for enough alcohol that my mind would go on strike for a while.

  “Not to say I told you so, but I knew it was a bad idea for you to get mixed up with him again,” Nate scolded. I dropped my bag in front of the stairs. “He’s never going to be happy sitting at home while you’re doing your thing. He needs to be the center of attention.”

  “You know what? Fuck you very much,” I spat out, spinning around, ready to hit my brother for talking shit about Griffin. “He’s not some diva wanting the spotlight. The only thing he’s ever asked for is for me to acknowledge what he means to me. I’m the one who swore up and down that we were just friends, not giving two shits about how that made him feel every time I denied him. He wanted to be at my games, but I was the one who made him feel like he wasn’t welcome. Even though there was no way he’d stick out in a crowd of over seventy thousand people, I asked him to stay home.

  “And isn’t it fucking hilarious that I’m realizing all of this now, when it was just a couple months ago that I shredded PJ for doing the exact same thing to you,” I pointed out. That was a sobering realization. When Nate was the one sitting at home while his boyfriend played, I was outraged on his behalf. I couldn’t imagine how any man who claimed to care could be so thoughtless. It never dawned on me that I was so pissed off because, subconsciously, I’d done the same thing to Griffin when we were in college. “We both fucked up, but now we’re both trying to fix it.”

  “That’d be easier if he was here,” Nate countered. “Unless, of course, you’re trying to test-drive a long-distance relationship.”

  “And he will be here. Tomorrow.” I popped the lid off my beer and took a long swallow. “Maybe by that point, I’ll have my head out of my ass enough to quit pissing him off.”

  “How’d you manage that?” Nate reached around me for a bag of chips. Now that I took the time to look around, it seemed my brother had fully stocked the kitchen when he got to town.

  “Long story short, he’s losing his job. Because of me. He’s planning on flying back to California when they officially give him the ax, but I don’t want him to go.”

  “So you told him to quit working and move in with you,” Nate finished, his tone flat. He pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a deep sigh. “That’s a shitty solution for so many reasons.”

  “Yeah, I’m kinda getting that now,” I grumbled. Now that I was looking at the similarities between our relationship and my brother’s with his boyfriend, I realized I’d been doing everything to Griffin that I’d ripped into PJ for doing to Nate.

  Nate and I moved out to the deck. The sun was still shining bright, a glaring reminder that my stupidity was costing me precious time I should be spending with Griffin. Time we would be spending together if I wasn’t an idiot.

  “How do I fix it?” I asked, unable to look at Nate in case his disappointment with me was painted all over his face. Whether or not he approved of my rekindling a relationship with Griffin, that didn’t mean he’d give me a free pass on being an idiot.

  “It’s not as simple as pulling out a roll of duct tape,” Nate responded.

  “I know that, asshole,” I snapped back. “I’m not looking for a quick fix, but where do I even start? Is there even a point in trying when I’m in no place to give him what he needs?”

  “Have you even asked him what that is?” It sounded suspiciously like Nate was shifting to Griffin’s side. He’d gone from being pissed at Griffin for upsetting me to angry with me for thinking I knew what my boyfriend needed or wanted. I flipped my brother off when he let out a sarcastic huff, most likely because he knew he was right. “You can’t assume you know what his expectations are if you don’t talk to him. First of all, he’s already been through this with you. He knows what he’s getting into. But more importantly, he knew what your life is like now when the two of you decided to try again. I’d be willing to bet you’re offering him what’d work best for you, even if that’s not what he’s looking for.”

  I took a few solid minutes to consider Nate’s accusation, watching the families playing in the surf. In a dream world, that’d be us. We wouldn’t be a conventional family, but I wanted all of it. Until recently, maybe even still as those images came to the forefront of my mind, I’d thought of having a full house as something distant, once football was done. But I didn’t want to wait. I wanted it now and I wanted it with Griffin. I’d never admit to anyone else that, in the past, his was the face I saw looking back at me from across the kitchen table. His was the hand I held as we walked along the beach. His was the body curled up against mine during quiet nights at home.

  Shit. Nate’s right. I jumped out of my seat, ready to sprint to the motel and promise Griffin we’d find a way to compromise between what each of us wanted from the other. I’d explain to him that I’d reacted out of fear, unwilling to let him go now that something I’d only fantasized about was turning into reality. Unfortunately for me, my brother had other ideas. He wrapped a hand around my wrist, yanking me back into my chair.

  “I know what you’re thinking, but don’t,” he warned me. “He’s asked you for some time to think, so the best course of action is for you to give it to him. Prove to him that you’re trying to put his needs above your own, no matter how much it pisses you off.”

  “What? And give him time to realize what an unreasonable bastard I am?” I scoffed. That might’ve been the stupidest idea of the day, and that was saying something.

  “If he really thinks that, don’t you think you’d be delaying the inevitable by running to him even though he’s asking you for time?” Nate countered. I really hated it when Nate made a valid point. “Tonight, you need to follow his lead; spend some time on your own thinking about what you can do to meet him halfway. If I have to, I’ll lock you in your room to keep you from doing something stupid.”

  “But you hate Griffin. Shouldn’t you be encouraging me to scare him off as quickly as possible?”

  “I don’t hate him, Zach.” Nate sighed, stood, and walked into the kitchen. I turned around to see where he’d gone, certain he was as sick of my simpering as I was, but no, he simply had the forethought to grab a bottle of bourbon and two glasses. When he returned, he continued as though he hadn’t walked away. “I hate what he did to you, but you’re right; there are a lot of similarities between the two of you and PJ and me. I don’t know what I would’ve done if we’d met when he was still fighting to have a professional career. Hell, we almost didn’t make it now, with him on the verge of retirement. Relationships are a hell of a lot of work. If you and Griffin get through everything working against you, I think the two of you will be good together.”

  “So basically, you’re telling me your mission is to make sure I don’t fuck up a good thing?”

  “Yeah, pretty much,” he deadpanned as he handed me a glass of bourbon. I followed suit when he held his glass high. “Here’s to having someone who knows our thoughts better than we do, and isn’t afraid to call us out for trying to sabotage our happiness.”

  We clinked glasses and tossed back the liquid. Getting drunk enough that I couldn’t find my way back to Griffin tonight sounded like a damn good plan.

  Twenty-Five

  (Griffin)

  If I had a car, I’d have gone for a drive. If Liam had been in town, I’d have asked if he wanted to go to the bar for a drink. I needed something to keep me from walking along the beach, thinking about the past. Twice now, I’d gotten as far as the hotel lobby before turning back, unwilling to stab myself in the heart while I tried to figure out when everything had spiraled out of control.

  Telling Zach to drop me off at the hotel had been the hardest thing I’d done in my adult life. Harder even than leaving him when we were in college, because I’d foolishly clung to the hope that our past issues would miraculousl
y disappear. As I stared past the grime coating my hotel room window, I tried convincing myself that hope wasn’t lost; that I was simply trying to learn from the mistakes of the past so we could find a solution that wouldn’t leave either of us resenting the other.

  Bam. Bam, bam. Bam. I glared at the door, ready to snap on whoever stood on the other side. Bam. “Open up!”

  “Go away!” I yelled back. The only person who knew I was holed up in this crappy place was Zach, and that wasn’t his voice. Whoever it was had the wrong damn room and needed to move along.

  “Griffin, answer the damn door!” Okay, so not the wrong room. But who in the hell would be pounding like the building was on fire? There was only one way to find out, so I pushed off the rock-hard bed and shuffled to the door.

  I felt as though the floor dropped out from under me when I put my eye to the peephole. Although he was the smaller twin and had a closely trimmed beard, the eyes staring back at me were exactly the same. Anger practically radiated off Nate’s body, which made me wish I’d simply ignored his pounding so he’d think the room was empty.

  “Not really up for a chat, Nate,” I informed him. If he was here, it was probably to cuss me out for hurting his brother again. I had it coming for what’d happened years earlier, but I didn’t want to hear it. No one could beat me up more than I already had for how much I’d hurt Zach. Not even his overly protective brother.

  “You can open the door or we can shout back and forth, it’s up to you,” Nate responded. He disappeared from view, but I knew he was still on the other side of the door. “Whether or not you want to hear it, I’ve got something to say. Now, would you rather open the door so we can talk like reasonable adults, or would you prefer that anyone within earshot hear my brother’s personal business?”

  Low blow. Nate knew damn well I wouldn’t put Zach’s privacy in any more danger than I already had. I slid the chain bolt and stepped aside as I opened the door. Nate looked me up and down before letting out what I could only assume was a disgusted grunt. I watched him as he sauntered across the room as though I was the one visiting him and took a seat at the small table in the corner. He quirked an eyebrow as he stared at me, waiting for me to close the door and follow him.

  “I meant it, Nate. I’m not in the mood for a lecture about how I fucked over your brother a second time,” I warned him. Hell, I was still trying to figure out what’d changed between leaving Raleigh and pulling off the highway. Actually, that was a lie. I’d sprung it on Zach that I was probably unemployed, and he’d tried to fix the problem for me. He didn’t understand why I was so upset that he was offering me a solution that’d keep us on the same coast. I couldn’t explain to him why it was so important that I be able to stand on my own two feet. Hell, the longer I sat in this hotel room with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company, I couldn’t figure out why I was throwing away what we shared out of a stubborn need to be self-sufficient.

  “Then I suppose it’s a good thing for me that I’m not here to lecture you,” Nate responded sarcastically.

  “You’re not?” Nate laughed at my shocked expression. “Don’t get me wrong, that’s great news, but why are you here if not to tell me what an asshole I am and how Zach’s better off without me constantly screwing him over?”

  “Is that what you’re doing?” Nate asked, relaxing back in his seat. “Did you come here with the sole purpose of outing him so he’d have to fight public opinion as much, if not more, than his teammates for a spot on the Breakers’ line?”

  “I didn’t even know what team would be featured when I took the job,” I swore to him. “And if I hadn’t needed the job, I would’ve turned it down when I found out we were coming here. It was never my intention to do anything to hurt his career, not even when we were in college.”

  Okay, so it was a bit of a stretch to claim I’d have quit my job when our destination was revealed. I’d struggled with how to face Zach again, but I’d seen this assignment as a way for me to apologize to him and explain why I’d walked away. But Nate didn’t need to know all of that.

  “I was pissed at you for a long time,” Nate admitted, helping himself to the bottle of warm water that I didn’t want to know how much would cost me. “I don’t know what all Zach told you, but it really fucked with his head when you left. You might’ve thought you were freeing him to follow his dreams, but he almost lost everything. If you’d pulled that shit during the football season, it would’ve ended his career.”

  “So much for not lecturing me,” I scoffed. “And for your information, yes, we talked about the toll our breakup took on him. It made me feel like complete shit, but I’d reached a point where I knew I’d never be happy hiding away any more than he liked keeping me locked in the closet. I may have gone about it the wrong way, but I did what I did for him out of love. Neither of us would’ve been able to keep going the way we had been indefinitely, and at the time, it felt like the right move. But I wouldn’t expect you to understand that since you’ve always been the one who’s ruled by logic and rules.”

  Nate’s demeanor subtly shifted as I explained myself. He softened in a way I didn’t expect from him. It wasn’t until he flinched at my final accusation that I fully realized what a prick I was being. His shoulders hunched forward as he scrubbed the back of his neck. “You’re right, I didn’t understand why you left, not when it happened. But I do now. I get it, because I was where you are and I know it’s not easy. That’s why I’m here.

  “Zach’s different when you’re around, in a good way. It pains me to say that, but it’s true.” Nate shifted uncomfortably in his seat, then drained the bottle of water. When he started crinkling the bottle in his hands, I fought the urge to tear it away from him. “He’s not used to being in a relationship, so he’s bound to screw up. And he’s so focused on trying to achieve his own goals he tends to forget that other people are just as driven about their own passions. But he’s coming from a good place.”

  “I know, but how do we meet in the middle when he refuses to budge?” I asked. Maybe Nate had some insight about his twin that I hadn’t thought of.

  “Did he tell you his offer was all or nothing, or are you assuming it’s the only option he’ll accept?” Nate tapped the arm of the chair, waiting for me to answer. When the correct answer didn’t come to me, he huffed out a laugh. “I thought so. Man, I’m starting to think the biggest problem the two of you have is you think it’s possible to communicate without actually talking about a damn thing. He’s convinced you don’t want to be here, that you see living on the East Coast as the death knell for your career, just like you’re assuming your relationship is DOA if you won’t agree to being a house husband. If you guys fail, it’s going to be because you both think you know what the other wants when you have no clue.”

  Dammit, he was right. I got up and grabbed my bag off the floor. If we were going to talk this out, it needed to happen tonight. There could very well be tense moments and angry words, but that was something else we had to work through rather than avoid, because I highly doubted it’d be the last time we didn’t see eye-to-eye. “Don’t suppose you’d want to give me a ride back to Zach’s?”

  Nate bounded out of the chair, keys already in hand. “I knew you’d come to your senses. Thank fuck.”

  I followed him out to the parking lot, trying to wrap my head around how quickly life turned to shit and then came back to rights. I’d been annoyed when Zach told me his brother was coming into town for the weekend, but that frustration was officially gone. If not for Nate playing go-between, there was no way I’d be sitting next to him, hopefully on my way to show Zach I was willing to work for us. Not only that, but I was willing to figure out a way to be here when he needed me without giving up my goals.

  Nate pulled up in front of the house but didn’t turn off the engine. “Aren’t you coming in?”

  “Are you kidding me? You couldn’t pay me enough to go in there with the two of you.” Nate laughed as he playfully punched my arm. “You
two need some privacy, not only so you can talk, but more than likely so you can make up. The house is big, but it’s not that big. It’d need at least another wing to provide an adequate buffer from the noise. So, you’re going to go in there and tell Zach I’ll be back in the morning—late morning—and I’m going to go spend the night at Mom and Dad’s.”

  “You wanna not mention my name to your dad?” I requested. No sense in ruining what could otherwise be a decent night. Lloyd wasn’t a bad guy, he just tended to latch on to anything that pissed him off, and I was near the top of that list.

  “Trust me, your name hasn’t passed my lips in his presence in years. I’m not stupid enough to change that now.” Although it wasn’t his intention, knowing that I’d been persona non grata in the Kendricks’ home twisted something in my gut. “But eventually, they’re going to find out the two of you are back together; you might wanna tell them before it hits the internet.”

  “I’m pretty sure they know,” I admitted. “I mean, we weren’t technically back together when Zach went up to visit them, but your mom’s not stupid. And the way your dad glared at me after Zach told them he was coming out publicly… Well, let’s just say I’m certain he’s worked it out in his head that Zach’s doing this for me.”

  “And you came out alive,” Nate teased. “I’m impressed. But don’t worry, I’m not going to say anything that’ll get Dad going on a rant. Now, get the hell out of my car.”

  “Yes, sir.” I opened the door and got up, then turned back before I shut the door. “Hey, thanks for smacking some sense into both of us. I know you don’t like me, but it means a lot that you’re willing to do this for your brother.”

  Nate sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Griffin, it’s not that I don’t like you. You’re actually a decent guy. My problem is I don’t want my brother to get hurt, and you’ve already done that once. Give me some time to see that you guys are the real deal and we’ll be cool.”