Holding onto Hope

by Nicki Edwards

  Courtney glanced up. ‘Better now you’re here. Did you get hold of Lachie?’

  ‘Mitch was going to call him. I haven’t heard anything.’ Hope pulled out her phone and checked it in case she’d missed a call. Nothing. ‘I’m sure he’ll be here or call you as soon as Mitch finds him.’

  Fresh tears filled Courtney’s eyes. ‘Is Ollie going to die?’

  ‘No!’ Hope smoothed her cousin’s hair. ‘He’s in good hands, I promise.’ She looked around. The doctor in charge was giving his instructions clearly and calmly.

  ‘Can you help them?’ Courtney asked.

  ‘It’s probably best if I don’t.’

  ‘Please Hope, look after my baby.’

  Hope approached one of the nurses and checked her name badge. Jane.

  ‘Hi. I’m Hope Rossi. I’m a paediatric nurse up at the Children’s. I’m Critical Care trained too. I don’t want to get in the way, but if there’s anything I can do to help...’ She left her sentence hanging.

  Jane gave a tight smile. ‘Thanks. At this stage I don’t think so, but I’ll be sure to ask if I need a hand.’ She dashed off.

  Hope turned back to Courtney and shrugged. Courtney’s eyes pleaded with her. Hope stepped up to the side of the cot and smiled at the doctor and repeated her introduction.

  ‘Nice to meet you, Hope. I’m John Daley. We’re okay for now, thanks, but if we need to intubate, we might need your help.’

  ‘I’ve been working in Oncology for years, but I’m critical care trained.’

  ‘Where’s the father.’

  ‘We’re not sure.’

  John glanced at her.

  ‘He’s an anaesthetist,’ Hope explained, ‘and he was called in to do an emergency case this morning. We haven’t been able to get hold of him yet.’

  Jane rushed in, face flushed. ‘I’ve called the paediatrician and she’s on her way. And we have an anaesthetist and an anaesthetic nurse on standby in the hospital in case you get into difficulties tubing.’

  ‘Perfect. Good. We’re okay for now, but if he has another seizure, I want to get him sedated and tubed.’

  John turned his attention back to finding a tiny vein to get a second IV access. Hope watched, itching to help. She wanted to suggest they use an intra-osseous device but perhaps they didn’t have one.

  ‘Has someone drawn up the drugs?’ she asked. ‘I could do that.’

  John glanced at one of the nurses, a young girl who looked clearly uncomfortable. ‘Hayley’s a grad. She doesn’t have much experience. Jane knows what she’s doing, but we don’t see that many babies in here.’

  ‘Or babies this sick,’ Hope concluded.

  ‘No.’

  Hope stayed quiet, willing John to find a vein. When she saw the flashback, she gave a silent cheer. ‘Do you want to take off some blood?’

  ‘Yeah, we’ll take off some more. I’m not sure we got enough before and they’ve probably haemolysed.’

  Hope handed him a syringe with a blunt tipped needle attached. He passed it back and she handed him the primed IV tubing. While he screwed on the line, she put blood into the pathology tubes and set them aside.

  ‘Are PIPER on their way?’ she asked as she handed John a dressing and the tapes he needed to secure the IV line in Oliver’s hand.

  ‘Yes. They should be here soon. I’d prefer to wait for them before we tube, but if we have to, we’ll do it here.’

  Hope glanced at Oliver. He had a non-rebreather oxygen mask over his face, but despite that, his saturation levels were still low. ‘What about high flow oxygen?’ she asked.

  ‘I’ve asked Jane to get that set up. We can CPAP if we need to.’

  ‘You can put nasal prongs on him too,’ Hope said. ‘Turn up the O2 flow on both the non-rebreather and the prongs as high as it will go.’

  ‘Good plan.’ John pointed to a large trolley. ‘Top drawer has all the airway equipment.’

  Hope went to the trolley, pulled out nasal prongs and handed them to John before gathering the rest of the equipment he’d need for intubation. Oliver was stable for now, but Hope would feel much better when he was intubated and in Intensive Care in Melbourne.

  Hope’s phone rang. Mitchell. She stepped into the hallway to take the call.

  ‘Have you got hold of Lachie?’ she asked before he had a chance to speak.

  ‘He’s on his way.’

  ‘Where is he?’

  ‘He’s already at the hospital,’ Mitchell said. ‘After the emergency case, he was called in to do an ortho case. Took me ages to track him down but he’s going to shower and change and get down to the Emergency Department as soon as he can.’

  ‘Thank God.’.

  ‘Where are you now?’ Mitchell asked.

  ‘Still in ED.’

  ‘How’s Oliver?’

  ‘No change. But Lachie needs to be here.’

  ‘He can’t be far away.’

  ‘How’s Margot?’ Hope asked.

  ‘She’s fine. We’ve fed Charlotte and Piper, and Margot is on the phone organising somewhere to stay in Melbourne.’

  ‘What will you do?’ Hope asked. ‘Will you drive here?’

  ‘I think it’s best if I drive Margot and the girls straight to the hospital in Melbourne and meet you there.’

  Hope rubbed her forehead. ‘Okay. That makes sense. The PIPER team are on their way and I reckon they’ll end up airlifting him to Melbourne.’

  ‘Call me as soon as you know what’s happening.’

  ‘I will.’

  ‘And Hope?’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘You’re doing a great job.’

  ‘Thanks, Mitch, so are you. Thank you for being here.’

  As she disconnected, she heard Lachie’s voice. She stepped into the hallway and went to him, arms open.

  He hugged her briefly. ‘How’s Ollie?’

  She almost had to jog to keep up with his long strides as he walked towards the resuscitation cubicle.

  ‘They called me and told me to be on standby in case they needed to help tube a neonate, but I had no idea...’

  Hope put a hand on his arm. ‘He’s stable for now. I think they want to leave tubing him up to the PIPER crew.’

  Lachie entered resus, automatically squirted alcohol rub into his hands and went straight to Oliver’s cot. Courtney burst into tears.

  ‘It’s okay, sweetheart,’ he stroked her cheek. ‘It’s okay. He’s okay.’

  ‘They want to put a tube in to help his breathing,’ Courtney said. ‘I don’t want him to die.’

  ‘He’s not going to die,’ Lachie said.

  ‘But babies die from whooping cough. Remember that little boy in Western Australia? Riley. It was because of him I knew we had to be immunised.’ She faltered as more tears fell. ‘Why did this happen to our Ollie?’

  Lachie clenched and unclenched his jaw before running a hand over the stubble on his chin. His face was pale, and he looked exhausted. ‘I don’t know, I really don’t, but he’s a fighter, Court. He’ll be alright.’

  Hope stared down at Oliver. Lachlan was right. He was a fighter. The youngest and smallest of the triplets at birth, he’d nearly caught up to his sisters in size. She stood between Courtney and Lachlan in silence, watching the rise and fall of Oliver’s chest. She was used to seeing sick children, but when it was someone she knew, someone she was related to, it was too real, too frightening.

  Hope slipped an arm around Courtney’s waist. ‘Stay positive.’

  ‘I’m trying,’ she whispered.

  ‘Everything’s okay now. Lachie’s here. Mitchell and your Mum have the girls and they’re going to meet you in Melbourne. Ollie will be fine.’

  Moments later, as the PIPER team arrived, Oliver coughed so hard he vomited, then his tiny body stiffened, and he had another seizure. Everyone flew into action and with Lachie looking over their shoulder, Oliver was swiftly sedated and intubated.

  As he was wheeled out of the hospital in the plastic humidicrib, lo
oking a dusky colour, Hope’s peace shattered.

  Everything was far from okay.

  For the next six hours Hope sat on a chair in the corner of the room while Courtney and Lachie stood vigil, one on either side of the cot, watching the lifting and caving in of Oliver’s chest, cocooned by a darkness broken only by the digital readout of the monitors that surrounded him.

  None of them left the room except to go to the bathroom, make another cup of instant coffee or take phone calls from Margot who was still in Macarthur Point with the Mitchell and the girls and absolutely beside herself with worry.

  Fear breathed down everyone’s neck: hot, hard, and relentless and there was nothing anyone could do but wait, hope and pray.

  Lachie slipped his arm around Courtney, and she rested against him. ‘We have to keep believing he’ll be okay,’ he said quietly. ‘The staff here are awesome. They know what they’re doing.’

  ‘I’m trying,’ Courtney whispered. ‘But it’s so hard.’

  Lachie laid his chin on Courtney’s head. ‘That’s all you can do, darling. Hold on tight. He’s going to make it, I promise.’

  When Courtney touched Oliver’s face again, a tear ran down Hope’s cheek and she brushed it away.

  He had to make it.

  *

  On the morning of Oliver’s third day in hospital, Hope woke up at the Airbnb she and Margot were staying in with the girls just around the corner from the hospital. Mitchell had rented the house because it was close to the hospital and slept ten people. The cost was exorbitant, but he’d handed over his credit card without hesitation and refused Hope’s offer to at least pay for herself. Courtney and Lachlan had been offered a room at Ronald McDonald house, but they’d wanted to be together with Margot and Hope and the girls.

  Hope had expected Mitchell would stay too, but after dropping Margot and the girls in Melbourne, he’d apologised that he’d had to get back to Macarthur Point to the clinic. They hadn’t spoken to each other except via text and even then, the messages were short with Mitchell asking how Oliver was doing and Hope passing on updates.

  She knew they needed to talk about the future, but it was clear it was the last thing on both of their minds.

  Hope skipped breakfast and headed straight to the hospital, getting to the ICU just after eight. There was no sign of Courtney or Lachlan.

  ‘You just missed them. They’ve gone for coffee,’ a nurse said when he saw Hope looking around the unit for them.

  ‘How’s Oliver doing?’ Hope asked.

  ‘Turned a corner. We lightened his sedation and he’s breathing on his only with only a smidge of support.’

  Hope grinned.

  Twenty four hours earlier she’d overheard one of the nurses saying Ollie might need ECMO—Extracorporeal Membrane Oxygenation—a life-saving piece of equipment that acted as an artificial heart and lungs, mimicking the natural function of those organs, allowing a patient to rest while their organs healed. Thankfully that wasn’t going to be necessary.

  Also, thankfully, neither Charlotte nor Piper had gotten sick and they were back at the house being cared for by Margot and Hope. Because the house was so close to the hospital, Courtney was able to go backwards and forwards so that she could continue to breastfeed the girls.

  ‘Amazing. Such great news. Is it okay if I go and sit with him?’

  ‘Go for it,’ the nurse replied.

  She went over and sat beside his crib. Oliver lay on his back, fast asleep, his tiny arms above his head, an IV line in each. There was a line in each of his little legs too, pushed into a frog-like position by his nappy.

  The rash on his legs and arms was still evident but it was nowhere near as ugly as it had been the day before. For the first time since Saturday, Hope relaxed.

  She stayed by his side until Courtney and Lachlan returned, bearing take away coffees for everyone and wearing smiles. For two people who had cat-napped in chairs at Oliver’s bedside, they looked remarkably good.

  ‘He’s turned the corner,’ Courtney said, greeting Hope with a hug.

  ‘I can see that. He doesn’t look like he’s struggling to breathe.’

  ‘The nurse said once the doctors come around this morning they’ll possibly take out the breathing tube.’

  Hope hugged Courtney again. ‘He’s going to be fine.’

  Courtney exhaled heavily. ‘I don’t know how I would have coped if he wasn’t.’

  They chatted for a few minutes until the nurse interrupted.

  ‘The doctors are on their way now.’

  Hope stood. ‘I’ll go. Call me as soon as you know what’s happening.’

  After hugging them both, she exited the unit.

  She was heading to the lifts when a voice called her name. She turned to see Sean, her former boss, striding towards her.

  ‘Hope Rossi, please tell me the reason you’re here is because you’re on your way to see me to tell me you’re coming back to work,’ Sean said.

  Hope shook her head. ‘My cousin’s son is in PICU.’

  Sean’s face fell. ‘Is he okay?’

  ‘He will be.’

  ‘What’s wrong with him?’

  ‘Whooping cough.’

  ‘Not another one.’

  She nodded. One of the nurses in ICU had said there had been two other babies admitted with whooping cough in the last month.

  ‘How old is he?’

  ‘A little over four months. But he was prem. He’s a triplet and was the smallest of them.’

  ‘Did they have to tube him?’

  ‘Yeah, he’s still tubed but they doctors are hopeful they can extubate later today. He turned a corner last night and he’s only getting a few assisted breaths from the vent.’

  ‘Great news.’

  ‘What are you doing up on this floor?’ she asked. Oncology was on level two.

  ‘Meeting. We’re so short-staffed they called an emergency meeting. I can offer you your job back on the spot if you can start tomorrow.’

  ‘It’s tempting. I didn’t realise how much I missed it until I was back in the building.’

  ‘But?’

  ‘I’m not sure I’m ready to come back. The reason I left was I needed time out.’ Sean knew about her split with Brett, so she didn’t need to elaborate.

  ‘It’s been six weeks, Hope. Isn’t that long enough?’

  ‘I don’t know. I’d need to check with my cousin first to see if she still needs help. I heard her husband saying he was going to take long service leave, so maybe they won’t need me.’

  The last thing she wanted to do was get in the way even though Courtney and Lachlan had assured her countless times that she could stay as long as she wanted.

  Sean put a hand on Hope’s arm. ‘Come back. I need you. Please, Hope, please. I know I’m begging.’

  Hope chuckled. ‘When do you need an answer?’

  ‘Before the end of today.’

  She frowned. ‘That soon?’

  Sean nodded. ‘Like I said. I’m desperate and management are screaming for answers. Our budget has been blown with all the agency staff I’ve been using.’

  ‘I’ll need to think about it. Can I call you tomorrow?’

  ‘As long as the answer is yes, you can call me anytime.’ He dashed off with a wave and Hope got in the lift, more confused than ever. She knew Mitchell wanted her to stay in Macarthur Point, but she also knew if she said yes to him, she was saying yes to forever, and she wasn’t sure she was ready for that.

  She headed outside. First, she needed to go for a long walk to clear her head. Then she needed to talk to Mitch.

  Chapter 24

  When Lachie called to say Oliver was going to be alright, Mitchell had never felt such relief in his life. He arranged for Ian to cover him at the clinic and drove to Melbourne. As well as needing to see Oliver for himself, he needed to see Hope. They’d texted backwards and forwards, but neither of them had spoken and they needed to. His gut told him something was wrong, and he needed to eyeba
ll her to convince himself he was imagining things.

  He entered the hospital and headed to the bank of lifts that would take him to the Intensive Care Unit.

  Images of Saturday’s unfolding drama scurried through his mind. The transfer via ambulance from The Anchorage to the hospital in Warrnambool and the panic of trying to track down Lachlan. Then he’d had to keep Margot calm and help her feed the girls. He’d freaked at first when Margot handed him a bottle and a screaming baby, but in the end, it wasn’t that different from feeding poddy lambs. Finally, he’d helped Margot strap them into their car seats and driven to the hospital in Warrnambool where everyone was waiting for the PIPER team to airlift Oliver to Melbourne.

  That night, after everyone had gone, he’d helped Margot pack bags for everyone and driven her and the girls up to Melbourne, said a brief hello to Hope then turned around and driven straight back to Macarthur Point.

  The hardest thing he’d had to do in a long time was make the call to Beth when he got home. The last thing he wanted was for her to hear via the grapevine that Oliver had whooping cough, especially after it was confirmed she had it too. As he expected, she was devastated.

  For the next three days, with nothing but the occasional texts from Hope and Lachie, fear had loomed in his mind like a constant dark cloud. Despite lack of sleep and worry, he’d pushed on, gone to work and tried to remain as upbeat and positive as he could. It wasn’t easy. Whenever he walked down the street people asked him how Oliver was and how everyone was coping.

  He wished he was in Melbourne with everyone, but it would have been irresponsible of him to shut the clinic. Usually Ian could have stepped in to help, but he’d made plans to head away to Tasmania for a couple of days to visit his sister and even though he’d offered to cancel his trip, Mitchell refused to let him.

  The doors to the lift opened and Hope walked out, blinking as if the light was too bright. She hadn’t seen him yet and he took a moment to look at her. His heart broke. As gorgeous as she was, the poor thing looked exhausted. She wore no makeup, her hair was in a scruffy knot on the top of her head and her clothes looked like they’d been slept in.

  His stomach went into freefall. Had everyone been lying about Oliver?

  ‘Hope!’