Holding onto Hope

by Nicki Edwards

  ‘Really?’ Courtney frowned.’ That doesn’t sound like something Mitch would do.’

  ‘Well, yeah, I guess he didn’t come right out and ask me to quit, but he wants me to be with him in Macarthur Point and that means he expects me to give up my job.’

  ‘Hmmm.’

  Hope watched the cogs in Courtney’s head turn. Her cousin was a hopeless romantic, but she also strongly believed in equality between men and women.

  ‘There’s no chance he’d consider moving to Melbourne?’

  Hope shook her head. She hadn’t even asked him, but she knew it wasn’t an option.

  ‘Does he know you love him?’ Courtney asked.

  ‘Do I?’’

  ‘I think you do.’

  Hope sighed. Courtney was right, but she wasn’t ready to voice her true feelings for Mitch, especially after telling him to stay away.

  ‘Does he love you?’ Courtney asked.

  ‘He didn’t say it so many words, but yeah, he does.’

  Courtney was silent for a few seconds. ‘I don’t get it. You both have amazing chemistry, yet you’re telling me neither of you are prepared to compromise on something as simple as your jobs.’

  ‘It’s not that simple. And you don’t get it. You haven’t had to give up anything for Lachie.’

  ‘Is that what you think?’

  Hope nodded. ‘It’s what it looks like.’

  ‘Talk to any couple, Hope, and they’ll tell you compromise is part of a healthy relationship. When two people merge and share their lives, communication isn’t the number one factor in keeping the relationship strong, compromise is.

  ‘But to me compromise means one person has to give something up—like a career—or extend themselves for the greater good of the relationship. It feels a lot like subtraction, like I’m the only one giving up what I want and getting nothing back. I don’t want to do that.’

  ‘Which makes you stubborn.’

  ‘Which makes me honest about what I’m feeling.’

  ‘Yes, you’re right, unhealthy compromise will feel a lot like subtraction and long term, if this one-sided relationship were to continue, the lack of balance would breed resentment and anger and most likely, in the end, the relationship won’t survive. The key then, isn’t in saying you won’t ever sacrifice what you want for the sake of the relationship, but rather in compromising in a healthy and positive way, so you both feel valued and fulfilled.’

  When did her cousin get so wise? Hope sighed. Why did it feel like she was the one making the compromise, not Mitch? There was no equality in that. ‘You think I should give in.’

  ‘Aw, Hon, it’s not giving in.’ Courtney laid her hand on Hope’s forearm. ‘You’ve been in love with Mitch for half your life. It’s just taken seventeen years to find each other again and realise it. I think you owe it to each other to take a little longer than fifteen minutes to break up. Call him. Talk to him.’ Courtney’s phone vibrated. She picked it up and glanced at the screen. ‘Sorry. That’s Mum. I need to go and feed.’ She pushed back her chair. ‘Have a think about it.’

  Hope ordered another coffee and a muffin and sat. Her mind churned. Maybe she should take Courtney’s advice and call Mitch. She picked up her phone and stared at it. Her screensaver was a photo of the two of them and tears welled. They looked good together. So happy. So in love.

  She put the phone back down. She couldn’t call him.

  ‘Hope?’

  A voice called out across the room. Hope turned to see her friend Felicity weaving her way between the tables Felicity had been volunteering on the Mercy ship in Africa and Hope hadn’t seen her for almost a year.

  They greeted each other with a warm hug. ‘I didn’t expect to see you here,’ Felicity said.

  Hope had emailed her after breaking up with Brett and leaving her job. Communication had been sporadic due to limited Internet access for Felicity on board the ship and the time difference between Australia and West Africa, so Hope wasn’t even sure Felicity had received her email.

  ‘Do you have time for a coffee?’ Felicity asked.

  Hope indicated her cup. ‘I just ordered a second one. And yes, I have time.’

  ‘Great. Give me a second.’ Felicity headed over to the counter.

  While she placed her order, Hope took a moment to compose herself. She didn’t want Felicity to guess something was wrong and start asking questions. Felicity returned and pulled out the chair opposite Hope.

  ‘Why are you here? I got your email. I thought you’d quit.’

  ‘Long story.’

  ‘I’ve got all the time in the world,’ Felicity replied. ‘I’m officially unemployed too and I want to hear all about what happened between you and Brett. I thought you were planning on getting married.’

  Hope frowned and ignored Felicity’s question about Brett. ‘Unemployed?’

  Felicity shrugged. ‘Mine’s a long story too. I finished up early. My niece has cancer and I wanted to come home to be with her and my sister.’

  ‘Oh, I’m so sorry. How old is your niece?’

  ‘Four, nearly, five. You’ve probably met her on the Oncology ward. She’s having treatment here.’

  ‘What’s her name?’ she asked.

  ‘Zoe.’

  Hope stared at Felicity in disbelief. ‘Are you kidding? Michelle’s daughter?’

  Felicity’s brows drew together. ‘Yeah. Michelle is my sister.’

  ‘I met them a few weeks ago when I was down in Macarthur Point visiting family.’

  ‘Oh my gosh, that was you? That’s where Michelle and James live. Michelle said she’d met a nurse, but she couldn’t remember your name. Wow. What a small world. She showed me some of the amazing photos you took of her and Zoe down on the rocks at the beach. Thank you so much. They will have the most amazing memories to cherish.’

  Hope smiled. ‘How’s Zoe doing?’

  Felicity’s smile faded. ‘Not good. This will be her last round of chemo. Michelle and James just want to take her home.’

  Hope’s heart sank even though she’d known it was inevitable. ‘I’m sorry. That sucks.’

  They talked about Zoe’s treatment for a bit longer then moved onto Felicity’s role on the ship.

  ‘You would have some amazing stories to tell,’ Hope said.

  ‘Probably nothing that would surprise you,’ Felicity replied.

  Felicity had heard Hope’s stories about her upbringing in third world countries. Felicity’s own life had been spent travelling the world with her parents, but unlike Hope, Felicity had lived the life of luxury as the daughter of diplomats.

  Where Hope had lived in houses with dirt floors, Felicity had lived in palace-like mansions. Despite that, or perhaps because of it, Felicity was one of those people who wanted to make a difference in the world. And thanks to a healthy trust fund and wealthy parents backing her, she’d been able to pay her way on board the ship.

  ‘What was the best part?’ Hope asked.

  ‘Apart from the obvious, which is watching children see their mothers for the first time, or walk again for the first time in years, or see the expression on a person’s face when they look at themselves in the mirror for the first time after surgery to remove incredible goitres and tumours from their necks and faces, it was the way the whole ship runs. It’s incredible to think the crew is made up of people from all over the world with different knowledge and skills sets yet we all worked together.’

  ‘No hospital politics?’ Hope asked with a laugh.

  ‘Oh, there are always politics, but when you live in such close quarters, you learn how to accept your differences of opinion. You learn what’s important and what’s not.’

  ‘You sound different.’

  ‘I am. It’s impossible not to be changed. I was part of providing thousands of life changing surgeries on board the ship, but as much as it was life changing for the people I had the privilege of helping, the biggest difference has been in my life.’

  ‘How’s t
hat?’

  ‘You know me. I always had strong opinions on everything from faith to politics, but since serving on the ship, a lot of my views have changed. It’s been a good thing. I think I’ve become a lot more tolerant.’

  ‘Will you go back?’

  Felicity hesitated a fraction longer than Hope expected. ‘Yes. No. Maybe for one more stint. It’s a long story for another day and it depends on lots of things. And obviously I’ll stay here until...well...I want to be here for my sister.’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Anyway...’ Felicity smiled broadly. ‘Luckily Zo-zo is well enough to get up to SeaWorld on the Gold Coast next week. She’s even going to swim with the dolphins which is a dream come true. Some guy contacted Michelle. He’s paid for the whole thing. Flights, accommodation. Everything.’

  Hope’s heart raced. That sounded like something Mitch would do.

  ‘James and Michelle had started organising a fun run to raise money to take her there, but they had too much on their plate, so they called it off.’

  Hope hadn’t heard anything about the run being cancelled. ‘Did Michelle tell you who paid for it?’

  ‘One of the local vets she said.’

  ‘Mitchell Davis?’

  ‘Yeah, that sounds right. Apparently, he’d heard about Zoe’s Fight and he was training for the run himself. When he found out they had to cancel it, he still wanted to help. He’d heard Zoe wanted to swim with the dolphins. Michelle doesn’t even know how he knew.’

  ‘I told him.’

  Felicity brows knitted. ‘Is he a friend of yours?’

  ‘Yeah. Although right now, we’re not exactly on speaking terms.’

  Felicity held up a hand. ‘Hold that thought. I’m getting another coffee. Sounds like there’s a good story here.’

  While Hope filled Felicity in on the birth of the triplets, Margot’s heart attack, breaking up with Brett, going to Macarthur Point and Mitchell, Felicity sat in silence.

  ‘Have you told him how you feel?’ she asked when Hope had finished talking.

  ‘I want to, but I don’t know how. I want to tell him I can’t eat or sleep, that I’m exhausted, that I miss him. That nothing feels right anymore. I want to tell him I need him to hold me against his chest and say it’s okay. That he understands I need to stay in Melbourne, and he’s prepared to move here to be with me.’

  ‘And if he doesn’t move to Melbourne?’

  Hope explained about Mitchell’s clinic and how he’d just built his forever home.

  ‘What are you going to do?’ Felicity asked.

  Hope exhaled slowly. ‘I don’t know.’

  Felicity stared at her, concern all over her face. ‘I know we haven’t stayed in touch much this past year—it’s been hard with me on the ship—but before I left when I saw you with Brett I wanted to tell you that I was worried about you. He was a control freak.’

  ‘Yeah. I figured that out.’

  Felicity put a hand on her arm. ‘I’m glad you were brave enough to walk away. Too many women can’t.’

  ‘I was worried I’d be another statistic.’

  ‘That bad?’

  Hope nodded.

  Felicity’s phone pinged and she glanced at it. ‘Oops, look at the time. I should let you get going. I can’t believe we’ve sat and chatted for nearly two hours.’

  ‘It’s been great,’ Hope agreed, as she stood and picked up her bag. ‘We definitely should do it again. I’ll give you a call.’

  ‘I’d love to catch up, but if I don’t answer, it will be because I’m busy with Michelle and Zoe. They have to be my priority.’

  ‘Of course.’ They were standing outside the cafe now. ‘Stay in touch won’t you. And let me know how everything goes with Zoe,’ Hope added.

  ‘I will. And you let me know when you’ve figured out how to make things work with you and this Mitch guy. He sounds like a keeper.’ Felicity turned and with a wave, strode off.

  Hope sighed heavily. If only figuring it out was that easy.

  Chapter 26

  Four weeks since he’d last spoken to her, Mitchell was missing Hope so much he felt like he had the flu. When Courtney called to let him know they were coming home from hospital, he’d dared to ask about Hope, crossing his fingers as he did, that she’d changed her mind about staying in Melbourne, but apparently, she hadn’t.

  Courtney said she moved in with her friend Felicity in a flat near the hospital. Mitchell got the impression Courtney was as upset as he was.

  He kept himself busy at work and at home and tried to tell himself he was okay, but it wasn’t working. He’d lost all motivation at work, wouldn’t have eaten if Beth hadn’t brought him meals and he hadn’t been for a run or a surf in weeks.

  One morning he woke with a crazy idea. He tried to flick it away, but once it took root, it stuck, and he couldn’t make it shift.

  If he wanted Hope in his life—which he did—he needed to go to her. It was that simple.

  At work he paced all morning. On his desk he looked at the paperwork he was supposed to do and gave up. His thoughts had never felt so jumbled. Images of Hope bounced into his head and no matter what he did, they refused to leave.

  ‘What are you going to do?’ Ian asked, coming into Mitchell’s office bearing two cans of soft drink. He handed one to Mitchell and kept one for himself.

  The week after he came back from Melbourne Clancy and Ian had bugged him about why he was in such a foul mood and he’d come clean and told them everything.

  ‘What am I supposed to do?’ Mitchell asked. ‘Follow her to Melbourne and ... what? Traipse around her like a lost puppy?’

  Ian took a swig of his coke and swallowed. ‘Either that or stay here, wallow in misery and self-pity like you currently are, and when you’re my age look back and wonder what happened to your life.’

  ‘Is that what you do?’ Mitchell asked.

  Ian chuckled. ‘Me? No. I look at my life and I feel nothing but gratitude. I’ve had a great life.’

  ‘You’re not lonely?’

  ‘I was at first when Gwen died, but I keep myself busy here and with the kids and grandkids. I’m not miserable.’

  ‘Neither am I.’

  Ian’s look said it all. He took another sip of his drink and swallowed.

  Mitchell sighed. He wasn’t kidding anyone, least of all himself.

  ‘You’re okay with letting her leave?’ Ian asked.

  ‘No, I’m not okay with it but I sure as hell wasn’t going to beg her to stay.’

  Ian shook his head. ‘Young people.’

  ‘What else was I meant to do?’

  ‘Did you tell her you love her?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘There’s your first problem.’ Ian leaned forward and narrowed his gaze. ‘You do love her, don’t you?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Does she feel the same about you.’

  ‘Yes. I think so. Maybe.’ He wasn’t sure of anything anymore.

  Ian stood. ‘Then you’ll make it work.’

  Mitchell tried to picture what it would be like to move to Melbourne. He’d done it before for university and hated it, but maybe it would different now he was older. And if Hope was there, he’d make it work.

  He’d have to sell the practice, or at least see if Ian wanted to take over and get a locum in to help. But what if he did and Hope decided she wanted to move somewhere else? Did she expect him to follow her around the globe? He couldn’t live like that. He’d spent his childhood moving from place to place in foster care and he was done with all that. He wanted to stay put. He wanted to make a life for himself that made sense. Heck, he was doing that right now. He had a place to call home and couldn’t see any good reason to leave it. No reason except Hope. If he wanted to hold onto her and what they had, he’d have to compromise.

  After lunch, he went back to his office, opened a web browser on his computer and typed in “Vet jobs in Melbourne.” There was a surprising number of vacancies. He scrolled thr
ough and found a locum position in an inner-city clinic. The website was modern, there were lots of staff and he’d have no responsibilities for running the practice. Before he could change his mind, he called the number on the screen. Ten minutes later, he’d arranged an interview.

  He sat back in his chair and stared out the window. Something felt off. His office phone rang, and, grateful for the distraction, he picked it up. ‘Yes, Steph.’

  ‘There’s a woman here to see you,’ she said.

  ‘And?’

  ‘She doesn’t have an appointment.’

  ‘Okay.’ That wasn’t unusual but something made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. He waited for Stephanie to give him more information.

  ‘It’s not about an animal. It’s personal,’ she said. The last words were so hushed he had to strain to hear them.

  ‘Give me a second to tidy up and send her in.’ Anything to take his mind off Hope and possible job opportunities.

  He bundled the untouched papers and put them back in the tray to deal with later and closed his laptop. Wiping his desk clear, he used his forearm to sweep empty food containers, a can of drink and two coffee cups into the rubbish bin. He scooped up his pens and put them in an old milo tin and cast his eye around the room to make sure there was nothing else too out of place.

  There was a soft knock on his door. Before he could open it, it swung open and a woman entered. If he had to guess, she was in her late sixties, maybe older. She had ash blonde hair in need of a good hairdresser, heavily wrinkled skin, faded tattoos on both forearms and she had the minty smell of someone who thought chewing gum would hide the smell of nicotine. The look in her eyes reminded him of a rescued greyhound being dragged into the vet to be euthanised.

  He smiled, indicated the chair on her side of the desk and reached out to shake her hand. ‘G’day. I’m Mitchell Davis.’

  ‘Hello.’ She gave him a shy smile, and she trembled a little as she shook his hand. He noted her cigarette-stained fingers, chewed nails and lack of rings or any other jewellery.

  ‘Please, have a seat.’ He waited for her to sit, then sat, rolled his chair close to his desk, and leaned forward. ‘How can I help you?’