by C. P. Watson
I sighed as I walked behind her desk and took a seat before opening the register. "Fucking teacher's pet," I heard the same girl say out loud making me raise my head.
"If you are so offended that I am smarter than you, then you should get over yourself because I ‘am’ smarter than you," I said looking at her. Her bullshit was really starting to piss me off.
She scoffed, "don't think so highly of yourself just because you are some city girl, there must be a reason why you came to this town, must have been expelled or something.”
I rolled my eyes.
"Jumping to conclusions won't get you anywhere in life," I said as I looked back down at the register. I took a deep breath trying not to get angry before I called out the first name on the list.
The boy made his presence known and I placed a tick next to his name, it continued like that until I reached the end of the list. The girl did not even bother to say anything when I called her name, except that she was present.
As I closed the register, I heard her speak, "you are just a stupid dyke." It seemed as though she had run out of other ways to criticize me that she had to insult my sexuality.
“Do you seriously want to upset me?” I grumbled as I stood from the desk. I did not intend to get into a fight with her but she was getting on my last nerve. “Look, insult me all you want, it just proves that you are threatened by me,” I said as Ava walked back into the class.
“Everything okay?” She asked as I walked back to my seat.
"Yes," I mumbled taking my seat.
CHAPTER FOUR
The class was soon over and I could not be happier. I leaned against my locker wondering if I should have gone home and head back later for my class after lunch, or stay and wait. I had nothing to do and sighed as I was left alone in the hallways. “Kylie.” I recognized the voice instantly and turned my attention to see Ava walking towards me.
“Hey, you have a free period too?” I asked as she stopped beside me.
"Yeah, I am free until after lunch." I nodded as I gripped the strap of my satchel, I was suddenly becoming tense.
"Yeah, me too."
"Well, you are in all of my classes." She said leaning against the locker next to mine.
"You only teach Juniors and Seniors?" She nodded as she turned her attention to the wall in front of us.
"Want to start grading those assignments to kill time?" She suggested which sounded good at the moment.
"Sure," I said and she began to walk in the direction of her class. I walked behind her and we both entered.
"Can I ask a question?" She asked as I sat down on the seat directly in front of her desk. I nodded as I clasped my hands in front of me.
"What is it like?" She questioned as she sat down behind her desk.
"To be a lesbian?" She nodded and I took a breath before speaking.
"Well, heterosexuals often like to ask questions about it." I said making her laugh, "but being a lesbian has its difficult moments, especially in the society we live in. I have experienced a few people trying to insult me about my sexual orientation, but that is just how it is. I’d rather not cause conflict and risk losing my chances being accepted into Harvard." I finished, which made her bite down on the side of her cheek.
"How did you know that you are a lesbian?" She said looking at me intently. "I mean did you feel attracted to a girl or something?"
I shook my head, "I didn't have to feel attracted to someone to know that I am. I just knew. But I do remember, back when I was little, I would run behind this girl in preschool. She was a complete bitch though."
"Okay, was she cute at least?"
"Yeah, Brazilian. I was a total potato back then so I didn't stand a chance."
"She might have felt the same." I shrugged.
"Does not matter now, I haven't seen her in years," I said as I tapped my fingers against the surface of the desk.
"So, have you ever been in a relationship?" She asked making me arch my brow.
"I don't see how that question pertains to my sexuality," I said making her press her lips together. I assumed that she was just curious. "No, I haven't."
"Really? I presumed you would have had a lot of girlfriends, you are very beau..." she left off what she was going to say.
“No girlfriends. I have never been interested in anyone.”
“Do you think you will ever?”
“You know, for a teacher, you are getting too personal with your student,” I said with amusement as she picked up the stack of papers that were the assignments, off the desk.
She ignored my remark, obviously not wanting to discuss how inappropriate our conversations were for a teacher-student relationship.
"Here, you can start grading these." I collected half of the pile from her and placed it in front of me. "You are good at the English Language, right?"
I nodded as I picked up the first paper from the pile. "Yeah, I am, but I think you know that already," I said as I scanned the words written on the first page of the pile.
"Your grandfather brags a lot about you." She said as she handed me a pen. I stretched to grab it and immediately circled a misspelt word.
"There is nothing to brag about," I mumbled as I continued to read the essay.
We stayed in silence until I graded every paper I was given and took a deep breath after I was finished.
“That was fast. I hope you didn't skim through them.” She said as I looked up at her.
“I am very efficient,” I said as I got up and stretched my limbs.
"Help me finish grading the rest since you are so efficient." I picked up the pen from my desk, walked over to her and picked up one of the unmarked papers. I leaned down on her desk next to her and read through it, making corrections where necessary before putting it down on the pile with the others I had graded already and picked up another unmarked one.
"That took you about five minutes to read." She said as I looked up at her, our faces only inches away from each other.
"Are you timing me?" I smirked making her look down at the paper in front of her.
"Ever considered being a teacher? I think you would be great at it."
"I am good at grading papers but to teach, no." I began to read the paper in front of me and corrected the structure of a sentence.
"Well, you'll just have to be my assistant forever." She said dramatically making me laugh.
"I plan on doing much greater things with my life, so I won’t be your pet forever."
"Would you stop saying that?" I looked at her.
"What?"
"My pet. It just sounds wrong."
"You just have a dirty mind," I said and grinned looking at her.
She rolled her eyes, "grade that paper already." She growled.
"Yes, ma'am."
Soon we were finished and the bell had not rung yet to signal that it was lunch, so we just sat in silence. "I guess you don't have to come over later since we finished grading the assignments," I said breaking the silence.
"I am still coming over."
"You love spending time with me, don't you?" I smirked and she rolled her eyes.
"I am giving a pop quiz today." She said and my smirk faltered.
"A pop quiz? It is only the second day of school." I whined making her give me an amused look.
"Don't fret too much, I bet you will do great."
"I will definitely do great if I can get a peek at the questions," I said jokingly.
"It's just on identifying figures of speech." She said with a calm voice.
"Really? That's easy."
"Yeah, you seem to know everything already." She said smiling.
"I doubt it. I dropped Literature a while ago."
"Why did you drop it?" She asked.
"I didn't like the teacher," I said as I fiddled with a strand of my hair.
"Well lucky for you, I am great." She grinned making me smile.
"What's so great about you?" I humoured teasing her and she scoffed.
"I am amazing." She boasted as the bell, signalling that it was lunch, rang.
"I guess that is my queue to leave," I got up and picked up my satchel.
"Going to the cafeteria for lunch?" She questioned.
"Um... I don't want to; can I stay here?" I asked realizing I had nowhere else to go unless I wanted to lean against my locker for an entire hour.
"Sure, did you bring lunch?" She asked as she took out a brown paper bag from her handbag. I shook my head, I did not eat much. "Want half of my sandwich?" She offered but I refused.
”You don't eat much, do you?"
"I eat once a day, dinner sustains me."
"You should take better care of yourself. Is it because you don't want to gain weight?"
I shook my head as I sat back down. "Just don't eat much," I said as she took her sandwich out of the paper bag.
"Too bad for you, my mother makes the best egg salad sandwiches." She took a bite of it and chewed. I looked away, not wanting to seem weird by watching her eat.
"Why were you so mean today?" I asked referring to her giving the entire class detention.
I looked back at her and she swallowed at the same time, "they underestimate me. Most of them I have known since they were babies and our age gap is barely five years as well, so I have to be strict." She shrugged and placed her sandwich down. "I have to be that way or I would just talk to them like how I talk to you."
"And how do you talk to me?" I questioned.
"I not too long ago asked you about your sexuality." She said as she leaned her head back.
"You seem to need the advice," I said hinting at what was obvious.
"I am just curious to know." She stated flatly before picking up back her sandwich.
"Okay, can I get a peek at that quiz now?" I grinned making her roll her eyes.
"So how has school been? Have you made any friends?" She questioned ignoring what I had said.
I puckered my lips as I rested my chin on my folded arms. "I rather stay alone."
"You don't seem to want to be alone, or you would have left already." I bit down on my bottom lip as I thought about what she said.
"I mostly prefer to be alone," I mumbled knowing that I felt no need to leave. ‘Why didn't I want to leave?’
"You're a mystery Kylie, one that I want to figure out."
I arched my brow looking up at her, "you should stick to being my teacher, not my guidance counsellor." I said not being mean but setting my ground.
"We'll see." She said and took another bite of her sandwich. Soon lunch was over and class began. She kept giving me looks throughout the class, looks that I ignored. Something about what she said made me feel uneasy. I did not like people getting into my life, trying to figure out what was wrong with me. My life was not one to share with the world, or anyone for that matter. The few people that knew were too concerned, which always made them pity me. I hated the looks and stares. I hated people knowing why I was the way I was.
"Mommy is daddy okay? You said he would be okay." I tugged on the hem of her dress, making her look down at me. She lifted me up and placed me down on the kitchen counter to sit.
"Yes, he is okay baby and you will never see him again." She said as she ran her fingers through my hair. I could still see the faint bruises on her face, ones that had been healing since that night.
"Is he upset with me? I didn't mean to..." Tears began to slide down my cheeks.
"No baby," she took my little hands in hers. "You didn't do anything wrong, do you know what self-defence is?" She asked as she rubbed her thumbs against the palms of my hands. I shook my head and she continued, "it is when you do something to protect yourself, weren't you protecting yourself?" She asked making me think for a moment.
"He... he..." she shushed me already knowing what took place.
"I know baby."
”Miss Blanckaert, lost in space again I see.” I was pushed back into reality at the sound of Ava's voice. I cleared my throat but did not say anything. “Can I have your quiz?” She asked making me look down at the paper in front of me, it was only halfway completed. I groaned as I handed her the paper knowing that I failed the quiz.
She scanned the paper and then looked back at me, the concern expressed on her face. The bell then rang, signalling that the period was over and Ava dismissed the class, still standing next to my desk. I assumed she wanted to speak with me, so I decided against packing away my things.
After everyone left, she walked over to her desk and placed the paper down on the pile with the rest. “Are you okay?” She looked at me, concern laced in her voice. I nodded, my throat was dry, which made my ability to speak a bit impaired. “Kylie.” She walked back over to me, I looked down at my desk not in the mood to make eye contact with her or anyone for that matter. "Please tell me." I took a deep breath as I began to pack away my things.
"I think I am just tired," I got up with my satchel and began to walk towards the door, "come over when you're ready to grade those papers," I added as I walked through the door.
◆◆◆
AS I LAID ON my bed, my arms crossed behind my head and my legs stretched out, I could not help but wonder why my past still affected me. I could barely remember the events that took place, only the little fragments in my memory, small moments that I would remember, but enough for me to know what had happened. I could not remember my first day of preschool, nor that I had to retake the year because I failed miserably, not only because my attention was elsewhere, but because I had missed most of the year. After the incident, I did not attend school for a few months, my mother decided that I needed a break, to process what took place and to heal. She needed to heal as well, we both needed each other. But she did have to go to work, something she could not afford to take a break from since we both still needed to survive. So, while she went to work, I would read, I gained most of my knowledge browsing articles and books online. Anything I was curious about, I would research, even though the internet was not as modernized, I still got by with the privileged access I had.
After the few months passed and mom ended up almost facing charges for not sending me to school, I began my kindergarten year all over again, always being older than almost everyone else in my class.
School seemed to fit better into my life as I grew older, it helped with occupying my time and focus, but it never was my favourite thing. I hoped college would be better, and not too long after that I would be exploring the world of possibilities, indulging in total independence.
I then heard a rap on my door and lifted my head up to look at it, it was closed but the lock was not twitched, “Kylie, it's me.” I heard Ava say, making me take a deep breath along with a heavy sigh.
I sat up and stretched my neck side to side, allowing my muscles to loosen up. “You can come in,” I said as a yawn escaped my lips, I used the palm of my hand to block the yawn from spreading into the air.
"Hey." She said after opening and closing the door behind her. Her eyes then widened as they scanned me, my outfit only being a sports bra and a pair of boy shorts.
"Sorry, I was thinking about taking a nap, but then I remembered that you were coming over," I said as I got up from the bed and walked over to my closet. I picked up a pair of pyjama shorts from the pile of clothing before slipping it on and turning back to face her, her eyes unsubtly checking me out. I let out a chuckle before I walked over and snapped my fingers in front of her. "Are you okay? You seemed to be staring too intently at my ass there." I wiggled my eyebrows making her snap out of whatever trance she was in before her eyes widened again.
"N..noo...ummm...ugh." She stuttered making me laugh again.
"I am fucking with you." I tapped her shoulder before taking a seat back on my bed, "now what would you like me to help you with, ma’am?" She cleared her throat before dropping her bag down beside me on the bed.
"The quiz we had earlier." She said as she took out a folder with papers from her bag. I looked at the folder remembering that I did
not complete the quiz. I let out a loud sigh before throwing myself back in a lying position on the bed and placed my hands over my face.
"You can finish the rest of the quiz before we start grading the rest." She informed making me remove my hands from my face to look up at her.
"Really?" I said, surprise evident in my voice.
She nodded which made me sit up as she handed me a paper. "Hurry up before I change my mind." She humoured before turning her gaze away from me.
I got up from the bed and went for my satchel that was lying on the floor, to take out a pen to write with. I then took a seat at the desk in my room and quickly finished off the rest of the questions.
"I am done," I said after looking at what I had written.
"That was seriously three minutes," she said as she walked over to me and picked up the piece of paper. She looked over it before shaking her head.
"Why do you need Literature classes again?" She questioned looking at me. I shrugged before she walked over to the bed where she left the rest of quizzes, picked them up, walked back over to me and placed the pile on my desk. "You are very smart Kylie, I don't think you need to take Junior Year Literature at all." I shook my head as I opened the folder which contained the unmarked quizzes.
"I rather take it, I know some basic stuff, but I still have lots to learn."