by C. P. Watson
That kid was sweet but too intrusive, though he had good intentions, I did not want to get on my father's good side, I wanted him to know of my anger and pain. I stormed out of my room and down the steps, my mind spiralling out of control.
"Kylie, are you okay?" My grandfather called as I stomped my feet into the kitchen.
"Yeah, I am totally fine," I grumbled sarcastically before opening the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water and slamming it shut.
"Sweetie, do you want to talk about it?" He walked closer to me and placed his hand on my shoulder.
"I'm fine, I think I am going to take a nap. Wake me up when mom arrives." I said already walking up the steps. Mom was going to rent a car so she would meet us at the house, so I didn't need to worry about her arrival.
When I plopped myself down on my bed and picked back up my phone, I immediately went into Ava's messaging screen and just stared at it, before resting my phone back down and looking at the ceiling.
“Hello, may I ask who this is?” A little boy questioned over the phone, he did not seem much younger than me.
“Who are you? I thought it was someone else calling.” I said biting down on my upper lip.
“My dad calls this number sometimes and yells at someone, I was just wondering who it is.” The boy said making my eyes well up with tears.
"I'm his daughter, he calls my mother sometimes, why does he... I thought he doesn't want anything to do with us."
"You're my sister? He never told me about you. Can I have your number? I can't be on the phone for very long."
I hesitated for a moment before giving in.
"Kay," I heard my grandfather say. Looking up, my eyes locked with his worried eyes, "I'm making dinner, I was wondering if you wanted to help." He said, his hesitance clear.
I shook my head and sat up, "I don't feel too well at the moment." He nodded but still walked over to me. He sat next to me on my bed and placed his hands in mine.
"You're not afraid of me, are you? I mean after everything that happened..."
"I'm not. I am not afraid of men grandpa and neither am I a lesbian because of it," I stated before pulling my hands away.
"I was just wondering dear but know that I would never do anything to hurt you." He said sincerity laced with his voice.
"I know grandpa." I gave him a small smile.
"By the way, I invited Ava and her family over. Just a heads up." My eyes immediately glimmered with happiness.
"Really?" I smiled before pressing my lips together.
"Is there something I should know about?" He said, obviously suspecting something about Ava and I.
"No, I just really miss Natalie." I gave him a shy grin knowing he knew I was lying but I was not ready to discuss the little Ava and I shared.
"Okay honey, get ready. I am downstairs helping Marge make dinner." He said referring to the housekeeper who occasionally helped him make dinner.
I immediately picked up my phone and texted Ava, "hey, why didn't you tell me you are coming over?"
She took a few minutes to respond, so I ended up staring at the ceiling again. "I'm sorry babe, but I wanted to surprise you."
I smiled as I replied to her message, "you'll get to meet my mom. She'll arrive soon."
"Oh great, it's nice to make a grown woman panic."
"Panic?" I texted back.
"I am going to meet the mother of the girl I like." She texted back which also included a wink emoji.
"You're adorable, but my mom is pretty chill. Just be yourself."
"Okay cutie, I am getting ready, will be there soon." I pressed my lips together before placing down my phone and getting off of my bed.
I walked into the bathroom and took a quick shower before drying my skin with a towel I had used earlier and heading towards my closet.
Knowing that Ava was coming over, I decided to wear something to make my presence a bit more noticeable, and it would have shown my mother I was more than okay. She was likely going to arrive in between dinner, or maybe later. So, as I picked up a short, black, body-fitted dress, that seemed to make my ass look a lot bigger than it's supposed to be, I thought of what Ava's reaction would be. But then I thought of how it might sexual arouse her and threw it back into the pile and frowned. I decided on a pair of shorts and a white button down along with a pair of boxer shorts and sports bra.
As I finished getting ready and took a final glance at myself in the mirror, I knew I should have made a better effort, but it did not matter anyway.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Imade my way downstairs and passed the living room to see my grandfather involved in light conversation with Ava and her family. Their eyes turned to me as I entered the room, and their conversation came to an immediate halt. “Kylie, you look very pretty,” Natalie said as she ran over to me and wrapped her arms around my right leg.
I looked down at her uncomfortably and gave her a smile, “it's nice to see you too, I really like your dress.” I said as she stepped back away from me.
"You got to wear shorts, mommy why did I have to wear a dress?" She looked over at her mother and pouted.
"Because you look beautiful in a dress."
"But Kylie is wearing shorts and she still looks beautiful."
"She does honey, now leave the girl alone." Natalie sighed and walked over to her mother and took a seat next to her.
I took a seat next to Ava since it was the only couch that had unoccupied seats and gave her a smile.
"Hey."
"Hi," I said as I fiddled with my fingers.
"I think you look beautiful too." She whispered making my cheeks heat up.
"So, Kylie, how is the tutoring working out? Ava told me about it." Mrs Reese asked while I heard the doorbell ring. Grandpa got up to answer it.
"It's good, makes my life more complicated, but the students seem to be getting somewhere."
"That's good, so have you applied for Harvard already?"
I nodded, "I have but no response as yet."
"But you have gotten a scholarship from Yale, Princeton and Columbia." I rolled my eyes and sighed at my mother's voice.
"Hi mom, you arrived earlier than I expected." I got up, walked over and gave her a hug.
"Hi baby, I've missed you." She gave me a kiss on the forehead before we released from the embrace.
"Thanks for blurting about my life." She scrunched up her nose and begun to take off her jacket.
"Can't I be proud of you?" I rolled my eyes.
"Phillip, it's nice to see you. It's been a very long time." My mom said walking over to the man, "and Diane, you haven't aged at all." She said giving the woman a hug. "High school seems so far away now." My mother chuckled making me arch my brow. "Don't give me that look, Kylie, we aren't that old."
"She doesn't seem to know that we were best friends in high school."
"Yes, including that you ditched me for married life way too soon." My mother nudged Mrs Reese's shoulder.
"Oh, stop it, Philip was the one anxious to marry me." Mr Reese wrapped his arm around his wife's shoulder.
"Of course, Ava was born soon after." He said as he looked over to his daughter. "Come, honey, I doubt you'll remember Jaclyn." He chuckled as she made her way beside me.
"It's nice to meet you Mrs. Blanckaert." She said stretching out her hand for my mother take.
"You've grown so much, last time I saw you, you were still wearing onesies." My mother chuckled.
"Let's eat then since everyone is here." My grandfather said making everyone walk into the dining room. We took seats, mine being directly opposite of Ava and my mom right beside me.
Everyone began to pass along the dishes, taking out what they wanted from the platters and then continued to pass it along. I only took a piece of rotisserie chicken since my appetite was always small and unvaried.
"So how has school been baby? Better than in the city?" My mother questioned looking at me.
"It's fine, Literature isn't too difficult." She nod
ded.
"Any girlfriends I should know about?" I rolled my eyes.
"Nope, still not interested in anyone," I said as I looked over to Ava.
"Hm, you say that now, wait till you are in college."
"Yeah, still won't be interested, we all know why," I said sarcastically which was unfunny to everyone at the table, either they knew why or was oblivious.
"Yeah, some should have known much sooner." My grandfather mumbled making my mother groan.
"Dad, it's not something she wanted people to know about."
I furrowed my brows, "mom, I was a child." I said making her shake her head.
"I did what was best for you then." I suddenly grew irritated.
"Sure, when he started hitting me, that should have been the moment you left, but you didn't." I looked down at my plate and sighed.
"So I am being blamed for what happened?" My mother spat, her emotions on edge as if she was in more pain than I was.
"It was your responsibility as a mother to protect her Jaclyn, you miserably failed." My grandfather included.
I looked up at Ava and she gave me a reassuring smile, I bit down on my bottom lip and wiped my hand across my face.
"I'm seeing someone," I said wanting to detour the conversation from where it was.
"Really? That's great? How's the sex?"
"Mom!" I yelled making my fork topple over the table and unto my lap.
"What? It's only obvious I would want to know. You've never dated anyone, or at least I have never known."
"You know that is quite impossible for me emotionally," I said making her press her lips together, immediately regretting what she said, which made us go back on the topic I was trying to avoid.
"Jaclyn, try to be sensitive to Kay's feelings. I wonder if this is how you handled situations while she was left in your care."
"Dad really? I divorced the bastard. What more do you want from me? I already had a nervous breakdown, I already cried myself to sleep while still taking care of Kylie. I went through enough hell for one lifetime."
"Oh fuck, seriously, I am trying to avoid this topic but you seem to want to discuss it." I slapped my hand on my forehead as tears began to well up in my eyes. "You think you went through torture mom, I went through everything you did, either watching or experiencing, nothing will be more fucked up than what has happened to me." I closed my eyes shut as I pushed the chair out and got up, "I can't even have a fucking peaceful dinner without my fucking life blowing up in my face. Now everyone thinks I am crazy." I covered my face with my hands and sobbed as I felt a hand stroking my back. I could not move for some reason, my body felt lifeless as the tears fell from my eyes.
"Sweetie, you're not crazy. You've been through a lot, much more than I have. I am sorry for being inconsiderate towards your feelings."
"Kylie," I heard Ava's voice. I ignored the comforting tone and continued to wallow.
"Ava, is she okay?" I then heard Natalie's voice along with her mother's.
"Shh, sweetie."
"Kylie, come on, stop making a scene." My mother whispered in my ear making me flinch. I knew that I was causing unnecessary drama, but I couldn't help myself. My mental state was too fucked up to control.
I raised my head up from being buried into my hands, tears still pouring down my face as I stepped backwards and violently shook my head as if it would have helped me to regain my composure, but sadly, it did not.
"It’s too difficult to live with," I said before walking away from the table, up the steps and into my room.
◆◆◆
I COLLIDED WITH MY bed, my face being smothered into it. “Kylie.” I heard Ava's voice again and then felt her face against my back. She kissed the side of my neck before running her fingers through my hair. I let out a deep breath as her gentle touch made my heart flutter. “Tell me when you feel uncomfortable and I will stop.” She said as I flipped over to face her.
Her eyes were glossed with worry and concern, her hand grazed against my shoulder and her smile gave my broken heart a little bit of happiness.
"Kylie, ugh, I am such a bad mother." My mother began to rant as she stormed into my room, not realizing someone else's presence. "But it's been awhile since you've had a breakdown and I guess I forgot how to be a mother and I am so sorry." She said before realizing that Ava was in the room and noticed how close we were to each other.
"Um, I am gonna go downstairs, come get me if anything okay?" I nodded as Ava left the room, my mother's eyes trailing behind her until she was out of sight.
"Okay, so, um... that girl..."
"She is just a friend," I mumbled as my mother walked closer.
"You did say that you're seeing someone honey." My mother said replacing the position Ava was earlier in.
"Fuck," I grumbled, regretting what I had said.
"She seems nice, is she why you've been having these emotions again?"
"She's good for me I think." I sighed, "it's not her fault that I have outbursts, it's just that I know in relationships you are supposed to have this required intimacy and I am not ready for it, I don't know if I will ever be."
"And she is pushing you?"
I shook my head, "she said if she only gets to hold my hand, that she would be content. She is really sweet mom, but I just feel very guilty that I can't give her more."
"Don't be honey, if she really likes you, your presence should be enough for her and it's good that you are facing your fears, just remember, one step at a time, don't push it, okay? And don't be afraid to let someone into that beautiful heart of yours, because you deserve all the love the world has to offer." She said before wrapping her arms around me, I did not realize that I was crying until the tears began to stream rapidly down my cheeks.
"I love you, mom."
"I love you too baby." She said before kissing my forehead and wiping my tears away with the pads of her thumbs. "Come on, let's go back downstairs." She said as she got up. "And let’s hope your grandfather doesn't give me another lecture."
"You never expected that to happen, so don't blame yourself too much," I said as I got up and she cupped my cheeks with her hands.
"It was my fault, not completely, but I should have left, if I did, none of what happened would have and you would be happy." She said as I saw tears running down her cheeks. "I wish I was stronger for you." She whispered making me close my eyes and inhale deeply.
"It's the past now, there is nothing we can do to change it," I said making her drop her hands from my face and I walked out of my room, with her in tow with me.
I ran down the steps and into the living room, where I saw everyone was seated in silence. "Kylie, are you okay?" I heard Natalie say and looked in her direction to see that she was seated next to her sister.
"Yeah, I think so," I said shifting on my feet uncomfortably.
"So Ava, you're so grown up now, do you still attend school or are you already out in the world of opportunities?"
My mother questioned walking over to the couch where Ava sat. Ava seemed to want to be cautious with what she said, especially because it was obvious that my mother had noticed something between us in my room.
"She graduated college a year ago." Mrs Reese interjected, "now she is teaching at the high school." She added.
"Oh, that's nice." My mother said, "what subject?"
"Literature." There was an awkward silence before my mother looked over at me with a stern look.
"So Kylie is in your class?" Ava nodded hesitantly as I walked over to my mother. She looked at me and I gave her a smile, letting her know not to say anything.
"That's nice, so Diane, I see you have forgotten to tell me about this little one." She looked over to Natalie.
"She is a shy one." Her mother chuckled, before picking the little girl up into her arms.
Natalie giggled, "Hi, you're pretty just like Kylie."
"Well thank you, you are very pretty too." Natalie smiled.
"I love your ring, where did you
get it from?" The little girl asked curiously.
"Oh, my fiancée," she stretched out her hand.
"You're engaged?" Mrs Reese asked with a questioning raise of her brow.
"Oh yes, for a while now actually." Mom bit down on her bottom lip before continuing. "That's something I want to talk about too." My mother looked at me.
"You set the date?" I questioned and she nodded, "that's good."
"It is, you'll get to visit the city." I nodded, "you're going to come right?"
"Of course, I am."
"What are you two talking about?" My grandfather questioned.
"The wedding is planned dad, it's in three weeks." I took a deep breath and sighed. I was happy for her.
"Oh." He said not too enthusiastic, his hostility towards her had not died down as yet, "I'll see if I can make it."
My mother nodded knowing that he likely would have before turning her attention back to Mrs Reese.
"I would love it if your family could join, it’s nothing big, less than fifty people."
"We would love to, are you keeping it in the city?" My mother nodded, "great, Philip, we are going." The man nodded and I looked over to Ava.
I could have shown her around the city, which made me a bit excited. I looked back over to my mother and saw that she caught me staring at Ava. I pressed my lips together and acted like nothing happened.
After Ava and her family left, mom brought out her travelling bag from her rented car and took a shower in my room, not that they weren't about two more rooms in the house but she wanted to have a sleepover.
"She seems really nice." I heard her say as she walked out of the bathroom.
I nodded and sighed. "I really like her."
She walked over and took a seat next to me. "Not to try and ruin what you two share, but I don't know what to think about her being your teacher."
"Yeah, I know, it kinda scares me."
"Baby, just be careful, don't get her in trouble," she kissed my cheek, "and don't break her heart either, okay?" I nodded.