by Liam Hurley
I approached their flat with all the enthusiasm of a turkey opening an advent calendar. The entire journey reeked of memories. I parked my car in the same spot I’d done for years previously and walked the same street as I’d done since I was a fresh-faced second year at University. I pushed the main door open to the building (which never locked) and started the walk to the third floor. The hallway had the same musty smell, and it sent me flooding back to the past. I smiled as I arrived at their door. The nerves were floating from my gut to my throat. I swallowed them down and rapped the door three times. I waited. The door opened inwards.
“Fuck... ing. Hell.”
Ryan stood gawping at me.
“Nice to see you too.” I said.
“Look at… what the… what’s happened?”
“Oh, you mean?” I pointed to my stomach.
“Yeah… where… how?”
“I have no idea; I just woke up like this.”
“How long were you asleep for?”
“About eight months.”
He stepped out into the hallway and hugged me. I hugged him back. It was a friend hug, but a good one for once.
“Come in, come in.” he leant back.
I walked into the hallway and forward towards the living room. Ryan closed the front door behind us and I took a seat on the couch. Simon Cowell was smiling widely on the TV screen. Ryan followed me into the room.
“Do you want a beer?” he pointed towards the kitchen.
“Yeah go on.”
He walked through to the kitchen and I turned back to the TV in time to see a cleaner from Doncaster sing I Will Survive. He was pretty good.
“So, tell me.”
Ryan passed a cold beer to me. I took it with a smile and drank from it.
“About?” I asked.
“About? About The X Factor.” He pointed to the TV. “The weight! Where’s it gone?”
“Oh yeah, I lost it.”
“How though?”
“Just like exercise and eating well.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it. There’s no big secret.”
“What’ve you been eating?”
“Erm, well I’ve cut plenty of carbs, and I stick to lean meat and veg.”
“Veg?” Ryan squinted at me.
“Yeah it’s like this mad green stuff. Grows out the ground.”
“I just mean, I’ve never seen you eat veg before.”
“Hence the nineteen stone.” I shrugged.
“Well, you look great.”
“Thanks. Where’s Tom?”
“He went to the shop to get food, should I ring him and ask him to get some… what did you call it, veg?”
“Funny.”
Ryan threw a PlayStation controller my way and fired up FIFA. We were sixty minutes into a 3-3 thriller when we heard the lock click open for the front door.
“Tom?” shouted Ryan. “Oh, fuck off ref.”
“Bollocks, you went right through me.” I said.
“Alright, just putting this shopping away.” Shouted Tom as he walked down the corridor.
Rooney smashed the free-kick off the bar.
“Fucks sake, you jammy bastard.” I said.
Tom pushed the living room door open.
“Alright Jim.”
He took a seat next to me on the couch and opened his own beer.
“Alright mate.”
“Who’s Madrid?” Tom asked.
“Ryan.”
“Decent.”
Ryan was staring at Tom. He paused the game.
“I was in on goal then!” I said.
“Tom?” said Ryan.
“Yeah?”
“Look at Jimmy.”
“Okay…” he turned and looked at me. “Hiya.”
“Hi.” I laughed.
“Why am I doing this Ryan?” asked Tom.
“Anything look different to you?”
“Erm…”
“Take your time Tom.”
He was looking at me with all the intensity of a five-year-old child watching Countdown. His eyes flicked over me a few times.
“Changed your hair?” he said.
“No!” said Ryan.
“Yes!” I said.
“What?” said Tom.
“No, I have changed my hair, look I’ve grown it out a bit.” I pulled at the ends of it.
“Right fair enough.” said Ryan. “But look at his body Tom, look!”
Tom eyed me once more. His eyes went up and down as he focused in on my mid-section.
“You look different.”
“I do.” I said.
“I can see it, he’s almost there.” Said Ryan.
“Is that a new t-shirt?”
“No!” said Ryan again.
“It is actually.” I said.
“He’s lost weight Tom! Look at him you fucking moron.” Ryan pointed at me.
“Oh yeah, I know, I saw him last week.”
“What?” said Ryan.
“Yeah, what?” I said.
“Yeah, you were walking down Oxford Road with a load of Mexican blokes.”
“Tom, have you been eating shoes again?” said Ryan.
“No, he was! And I thought, ‘oh there’s a skinny version of Jimmy, then I realised it was Jimmy.’” Said Tom.
“What?” said Ryan looking at me.
“Yeah, it’s my new job, Tom why didn’t you say hello?”
“You looked busy.”
“What do you mean it’s your new job? You’re working with a Mexican company?”
“No, no I’m a tour guide.”
“What in Mexico?” said Tom.
“No, in Manchester, you saw me Tom.”
“Oh yeah.”
Ryan looked completely befuddled.
“Wait, what’s your job?”
“I’m a tour guide, I take tourists around Manchester.”
“Right. That’s a weird job.” Said Ryan.
“I know.”
Ryan started the game again and we played in near silence for a while. The only sounds were the frequent button bashing and constant swearing. After I vanquished Ryan, he threw his remote to Tom as he was next in the classic winner-stays-on tournament. Ryan sighed and pulled a cigarette from the packet on the table and lit it. I glanced over out of instinct.
“Do you want one mate?” he nudged the packet my way.
“No. No. I’ve quit smoking.”
“What? Why? You love smoking.” He blew a big cloud of smoke out to prove his point. The smell was drawing me in.
“Yeah, well it’s not good for you.”
“Oh my god really?” he held the cigarette at arms’ length. “Shit why hasn’t anyone ever told me that before?”
“Shut up.” I pulled a nicotine chewing gum from my pocket. I began to chew like a dog biting it’s fleas. “So… are we going to talk about the gig or?”
“What gig?” said Tom.
“The gig. When I… you know. Walked off.”
“Oh yeah.” Tom scratched his head. “I’d forgot about that.”
“You’d forgotten about it? Had you Ryan?”
I turned to Ryan, he took a deep drag of his cigarette. He exhaled slowly and the smoke wafted around me. It smelled fantastic.
“No. No I’ve not,” he said.
“Right. So. Let’s talk about it.” I said.
I paused the game and leant back on the couch to make sure I could get a clear view of both of them.
“So. That wasn’t a good time in my life.” I said.
Ryan was staring at me whereas Tom was looking anywhere but my way. I didn’t want to make Tom feel uncomfortable so I directed myself at Ryan.
“Erin and I had just broken up… and well… it was shit.”
“Well yeah, we heard.”
“Yeah, that’s a good point, how did you hear about that?” I said.
“We went to her flat.” Said Ryan.
“What? Both of you?” I looked to Tom too.
“Yes.” Said Tom.
“What the… why?” I said.
“We hadn’t heard from you, we were worried, so we went to yours. Well what we thought was yours.” Said Ryan.
“Oh shit. And what did she say?”
“Well, she was shocked to see us. And even more shocked when we asked where you were.” Said Ryan.
“Right. Balls. Sorry.” I said.
“Yeah it was awkward.” Said Ryan.
“That’s why you wouldn’t sing Bang Bang isn’t it?” said Tom.
“Yep. It was just too painful.”
“What happened with you two?” said Ryan.
I knew I’d have to tell them eventually. The problem was though I hadn’t told anyone the truth about Erin and I. I wanted to fob them off with a generic lie like I’d done to Gemma. But they were my best friends, they’d want details because they cared about me, plus they’re a couple of nosey fuckers.
“Right so… fucking hell… so do you two remember Daniel, came to the gig at the Union that time?” I said.
“Oh, that dickhead.” Said Tom.
“Yeah him. Well I don’t know if you noticed on the night but I was a bit jealous of him.”
“No mate, it wasn’t too clear to be honest.” Said Ryan.
“Fuck off. Yeah well, I hated that Erin spoke to him. He was her ex you know? It pissed me off that they still spoke to each other.”
“That’s normal I’d say.” Said Tom.
“So, one night I left work early and when I got back to the flat Erin wasn’t in.” I said.
“Shit. She was at Daniel’s?” said Ryan.
“That’s what I thought. So, I stripped down to my boxers and bought a vacuum off the telly.” I said.
“What? More details there please.” said Ryan.
“No, no, I get him. Go on Jim” Said Tom.
“But then when she got home, it turned out she’d just been with Charlie. And I’d accused her of being at Daniel’s and cheating on me and just loads of bollocks.”
“And did she break up with you?” asked Ryan.
“Yes. Well not right then. But yes.” I replied.
“When did she… you know break up with you?” he continued.
“About a fortnight later. Right after I’d found out they’d been sending naked pictures to each other.” I closed my eyes.
“What?!” came the reaction from one of them.
I opened my eyes and smiled, trying to make light of the situation.
“Yeah I know right. Nuts.”
I drank more beer and let it swill around my mouth. Tom slapped his hand on my back.
“How did you find out?” he asked.
“I went on her laptop. I was trying to find a recipe. I just stumbled across the pictures.”
“And did you see… what did you see?” said Ryan.
“Everything.” I said.
“Her?”
“Yep.”
“His?”
“Yes.”
“Shit.”
“Shit.”
“Shit.”
We sat in silence for a moment. Ryan picked his beer up and look a swig.
“So, Jim. Daniel’s, you know…. was it big?” asked Tom.
Ryan spat his beer all over me.
“What the fuck?” I grabbed my t shirt and began to dry my face with it.
“Sorry, sorry mate.” Ryan wiped my back, and scattered beer onto my arms. “Tom, you can’t ask that.”
“Why not?” he said.
“It’s just not cool.” Said Ryan.
“No, no.” I pulled my t shirt off my face. “it’s fine. It was… average. I think.”
“You think?” said Tom.
“Well, I’ve not got a big sample size to go off, do I? I’ve not seen many. Just mine.” I said.
“And Daniel’s.” said Tom.
“Great.” I said.
“And Tom’s.” said Ryan.
“What? Oh, shit yeah, Chinese New Year.” I said.
We all nodded at the shared memory.
“So, why did she break up with you, you know if you found the pictures of her, surely she was the one in the wrong?” Said Ryan.
“I didn’t want to break up with her. I guess she wanted to break up with me.”
“Fuck.”
“Yep.”
“And when did you leave Ronnie’s?” asked Tom.
“How do you know I left?”
“We went in there looking for you, Joe said you’d quit.”
“Yeah, I left about six months ago…. did Joe mention what happened?”
“No, he just said you’d quit.” Said Ryan.
Good guy. Shame came back to me as I thought about how I left Ronnie’s. I was grateful to Joe for keeping it secret. The last thing I’d want was my friends to know how much of a scumbag I was.
“Yeah, I was sick of working with booze and drunks. I got in a fight on my last night.” I said with a laugh.
“A proper fight?” said Tom.
“Yeah, well I didn’t do well, mostly rolling around on the floor.” I said. “And he was dressed like Father Christmas.”
Tom and Ryan started a new game of FIFA. I sat back on the couch and drank the remainder of the beer. They were bickering amongst themselves as usual. I smiled, I’d missed them both. More than I’d obviously ever say out loud to them. But I did miss them. They were great friends. To not even have a go at me for the gig, and just be 100% supportive. I knew they had my back. I had theirs too obviously. But it was about time I started showing it. I needed to make it up to them. And I also knew I had a few other people I’d have to right a few wrongs with. I’d best start a list.
“How is that offside?” shouted Tom.
“He was beyond the last man.” Said Ryan.
“What does that even mean?” said Tom.
“It means you don’t understand football.” Said Ryan.
I laughed.
“So, gents…. “I paused as they both turned their heads to me. “I’ve had an idea.”
Chapter Twenty-Three- A Tick and a Cross
Thursday night wasn’t usually a busy night in Manchester. Really it was only students who went out. But for some reason as I walked through town, it seemed like the entire city had gathered to watch me take my second step towards closure. I was about to tick the third name on my list.
I slipped between a group of men and took my place at the back of the queue. It was busier than I expected. I pulled out my phone; 10.21pm. I needed to get a move on, I wanted to be there before it got too busy. I looked ahead at the front of the queue to see what the hold-up was. A couple were kissing up against the cash machine.
There was an older woman in front of me. She was anxiously looking at them and shifting her eyes around. She clearly wasn’t going to say anything. I was going to be late. Bollocks.
“’Scuse me.” I said.
They continued to pin each other up against the machine. I raised my voice an octave or three.
“Excuse me. Oi.”
They pulled apart. It sounded like a plunger exiting a toilet.
“Alright mate, calm down.” Said the male counterpart of the two.
“It’s just, we’re waiting.” I said and pointed at the older woman in front of me.
“Speak for yourself love, I was watching ‘em.” She said.
She smiled at me and I realised she didn’t have any teeth. Just gums. She was also carrying about fifteen carrier bags full of rubbish.
“Oh.”
“Here you are mate, use it, buy your bird some new teeth.” Said the man. He spat on the ground and swaggered away, dragging his face-sucking companion along in his wake.