You, Me and Us.

by Liam Hurley

  I could hear Antonio in my head. Now Jimmy, one-two, now. I could feel my muscles bracing themselves.

  “Come on, that’s out of order.” Said Daniel. “You don’t even know Bex.”

  “No, she doesn’t know you,” I said. I glanced down at Bex. “Honestly, check his phone.”

  “What’s your fucking problem?” he said.

  He stepped right in front of me. I could almost see the chain hanging from the ceiling to his head. I could smell the leather and the sweat. My hands were beginning to clench.

  “You. You’re my problem.” I said. “But, I’ve got good news and bad news for you.”

  “What? Just fuck off will you.”

  He’d taken a step closer to me. Jimmy, bend the knee, twist the ankle, push through with the right.

  “The good news, is I’ve made a list of people I need to let things go with, and find some closure. You know, move on from the past. The bad news Daniel, is you’re not on that list.”

  I twisted my right knee inwards, and lifted my heel with it. The force ran up the side of my body and into my shoulder just in time for my right hand to connect with Daniel’s jaw. Thud. It was the perfect right cross.

  I stepped closer to him, ready to throw a second and third punch, but it was unnecessary. He’d fallen to the ground and dragged a table with him. I stepped back and admired my work.

  Daniel pulled himself up. I noticed his legs wobble, so I moved in for the kill. Suddenly, a large pair of arms wrapped themselves around me and dragged me backwards, and I saw more arms reach for Daniel.

  Tony and Joe carried me to the back room and shoved me onto the bench once more.

  “Thanks Tony.” Said Joe. “You get back out there.”

  “You sure?” he said, with a menacingly look my way.

  “Sure. I’ll take care of this one.” Said Joe.

  Tony glared at me again. He huffed and stormed from the room, slamming the door behind him.

  I unclenched my hand for the first time and noticed it didn’t hurt anywhere near as bad as the last time I’d punched someone.

  “So, you come back after six months, and punch another customer?” said Joe.

  “Yes. And I’d say sorry but I’m not. I’ve wanted to do that for ages. Kick me out again if you want, it was worth it” I said.

  I was almost smiling, but Joe was glaring at me so I daren’t. I raised my eyebrows at him. He continued to stay stern.

  “You know he could tell the police about this? And then we could both be in the shit. The brewery could take the place off me. Would it be worth it still?”

  I thought for a moment.

  “Yeah, it would.” I smiled at last.

  Joe looked at me. He held for a few more moments before he cracked a smile too.

  “You’re unbelievable You know that?” He said.

  “So, I’ve been told.” I said.

  “That favour you asked about, when do you want to do it?” he asked.

  “Soon. I’ll let you know. I’ve got one more person to see first.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four- City Coffee Again

  A part of me always knew I’d have to see Erin again. Especially after seeing Daniel in Ronnie’s. It was clear to me that to really get closure, to put it all behind me, to kill the demon, I’d have to see Erin. Antonio was right, there were too many unanswered questions haunting me.

  I unblocked her Facebook the morning after I’d been to Ronnie’s. I sent her a message to see when she was free. She suggested the following Saturday in her ‘new favourite coffee shop’. And that is how I found myself coughing my lungs up in front of City Coffee, with Erin staring at me.

  “Jimmy?” she said.

  I managed to compose myself. I breathed in a few times before I spoke.

  “Hi.” I said.

  We stood and looked at each other for a moment. Erin was wearing the leather jacket I’d first seen her in. Her lips were plastered in her standard red lipstick. I gulped.

  “Should we go in?” she said.

  I nodded. She turned around and pushed the door open. I trailed behind her with my head down. I looked around the café, it was relatively empty. But I was still going to put my plan of action in place.

  “Will you order? I’ll get some seats before they all get taken.” I said.

  Erin glanced around the room, and squinted her eyes at the emptiness of it.

  “Black coffee for me please.” I said, I wasn’t waiting for an answer.

  I strode away from her towards the back of the café and out of eye sight of the counter. I needed privacy. I found a table with an empty chair on each side of it. I pulled one of the chairs out and sat down in it. I slumped my head into my hands.

  Breathe. In… and…. Out. I told myself. I followed my own instructions and tried to control my heart rate, but the adrenaline was racing around my veins. My legs were shaking. It felt like the night of the ‘wonder-vac’ all over again.

  I slapped myself gently. That was nice. It focused me. I closed my eyes and did it once more. Good. The slapping was really keeping me on a level. I did it again. Harder.

  “You okay?”

  I opened one of my eyes to see Erin stood in front of me holding two mugs. Brilliant.

  “I’m grood thanks. I mean, I’m good, thanks.” I smiled. “Which one is mine?”

  She looked down at the mugs.

  “They’re both the same.” She put them down on the table.

  “You drink black coffee too?” I asked. “You love milk. In fact, you used to have a go at me about milk all the time.”

  “I didn’t have a go at you about milk. I had a go at you for drinking the milk straight from the carton. I just thought I’d try a black one for once.”

  My eyes must’ve given my thought process away.

  “Why do you always go there?” she asked.

  “Where?”

  “To sex! And rude things. And jokes. I know what you were thinking.”

  I shrugged and took a gulp of my coffee. Hot, hot, hot. I swallowed it and felt it burn my throat. I gasped.

  “You okay?” she asked, again.

  “Fine.” I choked. “Just, wrong hole.”

  She raised her eyebrows. I managed to regain some composure.

  “See, you’re just as bad as me,” I said.

  She laughed. I laughed. We sat and smiled for a moment. I’d almost forgot why I was here, it felt like we were right back outside the gay club for a minute. The thought made me a shudder. I decided to change subject.

  “So, I can’t believe we’ve been here for five whole minutes and you haven’t mentioned my weight loss yet.” I said.

  She smiled.

  “You look good. How much have you lost?”

  “Erm, oh I dunno, like five stone.”

  “Woah. How?”

  “Amazingly, through diet and exercise.” How was it so difficult for people to grasp that?

  “I’ll have to try that sometime.”

  “I’d sort out my personality first if I was you.”

  She scowled at me. I felt better. More in control of the situation. It was still odd to be sat here though, with Erin fucking Poppet across from me.

  “It’s so weird seeing you. I’ve spent the last nine months avoiding you. And now here you are.” I said.

  “Yep. Here I am.” She said, and took a sip of her coffee. “Eurgh, black coffee isn’t great.”

  “Better than being fat.” I said.

  “There’s a lot of worse things in the world than being fat Jimmy.”

  “This coming from the girl who broke up with me because I was fat.”

  “What?” she spluttered some of the coffee out. “I didn’t break up with you because you were fat, why would you think that?”

  “Well maybe not on the surface. But the whole Daniel thing. He was skinny. So, if I wasn’t fat back then you wouldn’t have been interested in him.”

  “Are you really that stupid?” she said. “I wasn’t interested i
n Daniel when we were together. Not seriously anyway, I told you it was just attention.”

  “Oh, so that’s why you were kissing him at New Year’s?”

  “How on earth do you know that?” she said.

  “I saw it on Facebook. That’s why I blocked you.”

  “We’d broken up by New Years. I don’t know why it would bother you.”

  “Oh yeah, fuck me, that’s right. Feelings just stop as soon as someone breaks up with you. Sorry, my bad.”

  “And I didn’t care you were fat. I liked you that way. I didn’t like how jealous you were.”

  “Well maybe I was jealous because I was fat. And some good-looking skinny guy was sniffing around my girlfriend.” I said.

  “Isn’t that your issue though?”

  “Maybe. But I’ve dealt with it now.” I pointed at my stomach.

  She looked down at my body.

  “So, you’ve lost weight, and now everything is ok? You’re not jealous of Daniel anymore.”

  I laughed. It was a fake laugh.

  “Me? Of Daniel? Now? Good one Erin.”

  “He texted me you know. He told me about what happened in Ronnie’s with you two.”

  “Oh. Right.” I dropped the fake laugh.

  “Since when do you punch people?” she said.

  “I’ll have you know since we broke up I’ve punched two people. And had a 50% success rate.”

  “Wow, such a bad boy.”

  “And I threw a kebab at a policeman.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “I swear down.” I raised my three middle fingers in the air. “Scout’s honour.”

  “I know you didn’t do it for me. But thanks for hitting Daniel.”

  “What?”

  “He kinda messed me around. Pretty much at New Year’s.”

  “Shock horror. Boy messes girl around, girl goes back to boy, boy messes girl around again.” I said.

  “You don’t have to be so smug about it.” She said.

  I grinned down at my coffee. I was feeling good. But I knew I had questions I needed answers to. I couldn’t waste this chance just sitting here bragging about my weight loss and having digs at her. I’d come here for a reason. I prepared to ask my first question. And in classic school ground fashion, first was worst.

  “Have you met anyone else?” I asked in the calmest tone possible.

  She paused for a moment. She always knew how to keep me on edge.

  “No.” she said at last. “I’m done with men.”

  “Me too.” I said.

  She laughed.

  “Why’s that?” I asked.

  “They just mess you around.” She said with a wave of her hand.

  I looked up to the ceiling and rolled my eyes.

  “Yeah, all men are bastards.” I said.

  “Oh, stop playing the victim Jimmy.” She said.

  “I’m not playing the victim, you did mess me around!”

  “It was just a few pictures Jimmy, nothing happened with me and Daniel until well after we broke up.”

  I felt a surge of anger come up from my stomach.

  “Right, first of all, you can’t play it off as ‘just a few pictures’ and secondly, after I left, how many minutes did you wait before you invited him over?”

  “Fuck off Jimmy.” She said.

  We both glared at each other across the table. I’m sure we’d been laughing five seconds ago.

  “Have you met anyone?” she said.

  I looked up. I tried to scrutinise why she’d ask me that. I was silent for a second. I looked down at the table and saw a red sugar packet which had been ripped open. All of sudden I felt hot.

  “No. No I’ve not.” I said. “I’m off girls. All they do is mess you around.”

  I smirked. She did the same.

  “Fuck off, I’m trying to be mad at you.” She said.

  “Sorry that I’m perfect.” I said.

  “It must be such a curse. The perfect little victim.”

  “Why did the Daniel thing happen?” I made a mental tick in my head. Two down, one to go.

  “Jimmy, do we have to do this?” she said.

  “Yes.”

  “You’ve asked me about him so many times. Please just leave it.”

  “Just answer me one more time. Come on. You owe me that at least.” I said.

  “Fine. God.” She tutted.

  “Why did it happen?”

  “It just did. There’s no big reason.” She paused. “We were pretty much married Jimmy. And it’d only been a few months. Then when he came ‘sniffing around’, as you’d say, I didn’t even like him. It was just a friendly thing. For me anyway. I know what he’s like though so I should’ve guessed he’d want more.”

  “Yeah, you should’ve. Especially considering I didn’t even know the guy and I knew it the second I laid eyes on him.” I said.

  “And to be honest, it was flattering. You wanted the truth Jim so this is it. I was flattered that someone fancied me. You worked all night and he’d be texting me. It was just a bit of attention.”

  “Just attention?”

  “Yeah. Don’t tell me a girl hasn’t given you attention before and it’s made you feel good or do something stupid.”

  My mind wandered back to George. George and her offer, and how a simple sign of attraction made me do something I’d lived to regret. George and her bag of tricks.

  “Maybe.”

  “What we had was intense. It was scary. You were telling me you loved me and moving in with me. Daniel would never do any of those things. It was just less of a commitment.”

  “You wanted less commitment?” I said.

  “Not every girl wants to get married straight away and have kids Jimmy.”

  “I never said kids. Or marriage. I just mean, he’s a prick! How is that appealing!”

  “You always want what you shouldn’t. Think about your diet, I bet you look forward to cheat days, don’t you?” she said.

  “No, I don’t have cheat days. Because cheating is wrong.” I sat back. That was a good one, I thought.

  “Don’t be so melodramatic Jimmy.” Said Erin.

  “I’m not being melodramatic, I’m making a point. So, just to clarify, the Daniel thing happened because you knew he’d never be serious with you, and because he’s a prick?” I said.

  “It sounds stupid when you put it like that, but, yeah. Essentially.”

  “Right.” I nodded.

  Two down. This next one was going to be a killer. I braced myself. I took a sharp breath in.

  “Why didn’t you tell Ryan and Tom about us?” she said. “They came to the flat you know, looking for you.”

  I exhaled. Damn it, she’d thrown me off course.

  “I know. I couldn’t tell them. It was just too hard. I’ll be honest, I didn’t want it to be true, I didn’t want us to be broken up. I loved you still. So, as long as I could live in world where at least other people thought, and acted like, we were still together, I was going to keep that world going. It meant I could suspend the pain for at least a while. And live in the part of the world where we were still together. Even if you weren’t there. It’s mad I know. But it worked for me.”

  “Oh. But wasn’t it worse in the long run, when they found out you’d been lying to them?”

  “No. They’re good friends. They just wanted me to be okay.”

  “Good. Oh yeah, how did that big gig go? The contest?”

  “Awfully.” I said. “Literally, couldn’t have gone worse.”

  “Oh no, why?” she said.

  “Well I know we’re kind of on a theme here. But again it’s because of you.”

  “How am I to blame for this as well?” she said.

  I laughed.

  “You’re indirectly to blame. I couldn’t sing Bang Bang. Again, too hard. So, we changed the songs and I forgot the lines because we hadn’t rehearsed and it just went to shit.”