You, Me and Us.

by Liam Hurley

  “That doesn’t sound good.”

  “It wasn’t.”

  “How are things going with the band? I haven’t seen any gigs online for a while.” She said.

  I noted the fact that she still checked our band page. I didn’t let the small win show on my face however. Lady Ga-Ga would be proud.

  “We’ve been on a bit of a hiatus.” I said.

  “How come? And don’t say because of me!” she said.

  “Well… kidding. No, I’ve been living back at my Mum and Dad’s and I’ve just not been available to rehearse and that. And I was just kind of over it.”

  “That’s a shame. You were good together.”

  “We were.” I nodded. “Almost like a real band.”

  “What?” she said.

  “Nothing.”

  “So, is that the dream over? No more music?” she said.

  “Just because something ends doesn’t mean it’s over.” I said.

  “Very wise.” She nodded. “I bet you do yoga now.”

  “I do.” I laughed.

  “Seriously? I was joking!” she laughed as well.

  “Why did you leave me?”

  It came out of the blue. I knew I’d have to ask it. I thought I’d known the answer for a long time. Daniel. Or jealously. Or being fat. But being sat with Erin made me unsure. I had to know.

  “Jimmy…” she said.

  “Yeah?”

  “Jimmy why are you doing this? I thought you just wanted a catch-up. You’ve been grilling me non-stop.”

  “Erin, I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t want a catch up with you. I don’t want to know how you are, or where you’re working or any of that. I came here today to get answers and drink black coffee.”

  “Let me guess, and you’re all out of black coffee?” she said.

  I looked down at the cup.

  “There’s a bit left actually.” I drank it. “Right. And now I’m all out of black coffee. So. Answers?”

  She sighed.

  “Jimmy, we just weren’t right for each other back then. I know you loved me. And it scared me. At first it was exciting and fun. You made me feel like I was wanted and needed. But it just got very tiring in the end. I know how much you loved me, and I think it just turned on you eventually and ate you up. All those intense feelings are hard to control.”

  “So, it was my fault?” I said.

  “That’s not what I’m saying. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It wasn’t yours, it wasn’t mine and I’m going to say it, it wasn’t Daniel’s either. We just weren’t right together back then. I didn’t want love and commitment back then. I wanted fun. Now I know fun isn’t all that great when that’s all there is, but we live and learn.”

  “We certainly do.” I said.

  “Why do you think we broke up?” she asked.

  I wasn’t expecting that. The table hadn’t just turned. It had turned on me.

  “A few things. Erm. I thought the main one was Daniel obviously. And I thought you’d done that with him because of me being jealous all the time and accusing you of all sorts. Which came from my own insecurities about me and my body and shit. So, really, I thought we broke up because of me. Because I wasn’t enough.” I said with a shrug. My throat closed slightly.

  “No Jimmy. You were more than enough. If anything, you were too much.”

  “Is that a fat joke?” I said.

  She laughed.

  “No. It isn’t.”

  We sat staring at the empty cups together. I had what I needed. I didn’t suddenly feel infinitely better though. But I didn’t feel any worse either. I guess that was a good sign. I drummed my fingers on the table. I was playing a beat.

  “Do you want another coffee?” I asked her.

  I wasn’t sure why I asked that. It felt like we were done here.

  “No.”

  Phew. That was a relief I thought. What else could we talk about?

  “You left in such a rush when you moved out.” She said.

  “I know, it was just too painful to stay.” I said.

  “You left some things at mine. I boxed them up.”

  “Right.” I said.

  I thought I knew where this was going. But I couldn’t be sure.

  “Do you want another coffee back at mine? You could pick up your stuff?” she said.

  “Why didn’t you bring my stuff here for me?” I asked.

  “Use your head Jimmy.” She said.

  She reached across the table and grabbed my hand.

  I froze. What the fuck should I do? I looked around for guidance. But there was no Antonio, no Mum, no Dad, no Tom, no Ryan, no Joe and no Gemma here.

  Just you, me and us.

  Epilogue- Here We Go Again

  I still wasn’t used to it. The anxious energy was playing havoc on my stomach. And I couldn’t even smoke to try and calm down. I gnawed on the nicotine gum. Ryan was twisting his guitar strings and strumming the odd note. Tom was hunched over the table, pen in hand, scribbling on our set list.

  I needed to relax. I jumped out my seat and walked to the door. I pulled it open and peaked through the gap I’d created. I could see them. The audience were ready. I shut the door.

  I turned around to the guys.

  “Fuck, I’m nervous.” I said.

  I decided to lie on the floor and take some deep breaths. I closed my eyes and started to count down from thirty.

  “Same.” Said Ryan. “At least you’ve done some singing recently. I haven’t played this thing since the contest.”

  I breathed out.

  “I told you, it was karaoke. Half the audience couldn’t even understand English.”

  “Still, at least it was something.”

  I bent my legs to my chest. In one fluid motion I kicked them into the air and flipped into a standing position. A perfect kip-up.

  “What the hell was that?” said Ryan.

  “A kip-up. One day mate, one day.”

  I walked to the mirror and stared at myself. I’d done away with tradition and worn a white t shirt with blue jeans. A big change. I hope she’s here I thought. I know I shouldn’t do. I could feel myself heading down a path which was all too familiar but I really did hope she was out there.

  “Okay, think we’re all done lads.” Said Tom.

  Ryan and I approached the table and Tom slid the set-list our way. We both looked down at it. Pokémon, Twist and Shout, Candy, True, quite a few of my favourites. I smiled. He’d written the list for me.

  “Yeah, I’m good with all that.” Said Ryan.

  “Jim?” said Tom.

  “Erm, just one suggestion.” I held my hand out for the pen.

  Tom passed it to me. I span the set list around so it faced me. I wrote eight letters along the top, right above Pokémon. I span it back around to them both. Tom raised his eyebrows.

  “You sure mate?” he asked.

  “I’m sure.” I said.

  “For fucks sake, here we go again eh?” said Ryan.

  “What does that mean?” I asked.

  There was a sudden a knock at the door which made each of us snap our heads and attentions that way. The door opened inwards and a mop of ginger hair appeared from behind it.

  “We’re ready for you boys.” Said Joe.

  “No problem” I said.

  Joe nodded and closed the door. Tom stood up and the three of us walked towards it.

  “Let’s do this.” Said Ryan.

  Joe’s voice came loudly through the speakers.

  “Welcome to Ronnie’s everyone! Please take advantage of our two-for-one offers tonight, on vodka, rum and whiskey! And please would you welcome to the stage and welcome back… Who’s That Band!”

  The noise. I’d forgotten what it does to you. On the inside. My arms tingled up and down as goose bumps erupted all over me. The crowd continued to cheer as Ryan flung the door open and him and Tom marched out towards the stage. I watched them go.

  I followed a moment later. I stood to t
he side of the stage as Ryan found his spot behind the microphone to the left-hand side and Tom sat down behind the keyboard. They both played a note or two.

  I took a deep breath. Here we go, I thought. It is time.

  I marched up the two steps and bounded onto the stage. The crowd cheered, but I struggled to see any of them as the spotlight blinded me. I tried to shield my eyes and look for faces but it was pointless. I stepped up to the mic.

  “Hello, everyone, we’re Who’s That Band… and we’re going to start things off with a favourite of mine….”

  I turned around and nodded to Tom who began the first chords. I kept my back to audience as he played through the opening. As he reached the peak of the notes, Ryan came in with the opening riff. I took a deep breath and span around, grabbing the mic as I came level with it.

  “Bang bang baby,

  Shake shake, sugar,

  I don’t know ya but I kinda thinka shoulda,

  Your lips are making me lose control,

  And damn those eyes are gunna make me fall, ow!”

  I sang with everything I had. My heart, my brain and my balls. I sang all the words I should’ve said in the past, and let the last trace of the demon die away on stage. I sang like my life depended on it. Because to me, it did.

  “I saw you out at night when I should be in a slumber,

  I came to say hello, and see if I could get ya number,

  You looked me up and down and said ‘I’m not the girl for you’,

  But I’ve made hundreds of mistakes, what harm will one more do?

  Bang bang baby,

  Shake shake sugar,

  Now that I know ya,

  I kinda thinka I shouldn’t.”

  I pushed my way through the crowd once I came off stage. I ignored the well-wishes and dodged the shocked expressions of people who hadn’t seen me for months. I had one goal in mind, I needed to find you.

  I’d spotted you mid-way through the gig, seeing you again really made me lose track for a moment. I blinked into the spotlight to try and remove the image of your smiling face. It worked. Well, it blinded me, but it’s the same difference.

  I knew where to find you. We’d talked about it the day before, I’d shared my secret spot with you, and we’d agreed to meet there after the gig. I ducked behind the DJ booth and shoved the fire exit door open. The warm summer breeze hit me as I entered the alley. I walked a few feet into the setting sun before grabbing a ladder to my right and hoisting myself onto the bottom rung.

  I lifted my left foot up onto the next rung and pulled myself up. I started to ascend. After a few moments I pulled myself onto the roof. I wiped the dust and rusted metal off my palms from the ladder. I scanned the horizon and saw your shadowed outline ahead of me.

  You were sat on the edge of the roof on the opposite side to the ladder. You were dangling your feet off the edge over the top of the neon pink sign which emblazoned the front of the building. I saw two bottles of beer to your right. I took a seat next to them. I took a seat next to you.

  “Jimmy!” Gemma’s face broke into a wide smile. “You were brilliant.”

  She leant over and hugged me. I felt my weight shift slightly.

  “Woah!” I steadied myself and pulled my arms out of the hug. “Careful, we could tip over here.”

  I looked down at the large drop to the pavement and gulped.

  “You were right, it’s beautiful.” She stared out towards the city skyline.

  “You should count yourself lucky, I’ve never taken anyone up here before.”

  Gemma smiled and took a swig of her beer. I copied her.

  “Honestly, it was great fun. Ryan and Tom are really talented, aren’t they?”

  “Hello?!” I pointed to myself. “What am I, fucking sideshow Jim?”

  She laughed.

  “No, you were great too. I really liked that first song, with the sugar bit… what was it called?”

  I felt my face start to flush red.

  “Er, it’s called Bang Bang.”

  “Bang Bang.” She repeated. “Yeah it was really good, I’ve never heard it before.”

  “Well erm, it’s an original. I wrote it.”

  I could feel the skin under my neckline grow hot.

  “Really? That’s so cool. I really did like it.”

  “Good.”

  I smiled and tried to think of how to change the subject.

  “But I’ve forgot the lyrics.” Gemma cut my thought process off.

  “They aren’t the most complex.”

  “You’ll have to teach me sometime. Oh, you could sing it for me!”

  “Well, er- “

  My throat was seizing up.

  “It could be like my own private gig.”

  “Well, I’m not sure.”

  “Please Jimmy, it’d be great.”

  “God. Fine.”

  “Yay! Honestly, I loved that song.”

  “Brilliant.”

  Fuck.

  Author’s Note

  Thank you so much for taking the time to read You, Me and Us.

  I hope you enjoyed reading Jimmy’s story as much as I enjoyed writing it.

  If you did, I would be very grateful if you could leave me a rating and review on Amazon.

  Or, if you’re feeling very generous, you can drop me a word directly on Twitter, @LjHurleyWriter

  You can also contact me via my website www.liamhurley.co.uk where you can stay up to date on my latest news and my blog detailing all the great things which make up a writer’s life. Mostly cats.

  Again, thank you once more.

  Peace and love,

  Liam.

  Acknowledgements

  It would be remiss of me to finish this book without thanking a number of people. The problem is there are a lot of them, so please bear with me. Apologies if I have missed anyone, you all know who you are!

  First of all, I must thank my family for always pushing me to chase my dreams. To each and every one of you, thank you for pushing me even when I was happy to stay still.

  To Emily, thank you so much for being so selfless in selfish times. You have given me so much support and help and no matter what I do I will never be able to repay you. And thanks for Bang Bang.

  To Andy, Paul and Will. Thank you for being the first people I could tell I was writing a book. Thank you for not laughing but being intrigued and supportive. You’re still not getting any money.

  To Cal, Ben, Laurie, Aiden and Sue. Thank you for being my performance backbone over the past few years and ensuring I didn’t fall into the trap of becoming ‘normal’.

  To Lauren, Holly and Jenny. Thank you for repairing my life each time it falls apart. I expect you to keep up the witchcraft as long as I make mistakes.

  To Callum, Billy and Nicola. Thank you for providing me with a daily life I can cope with whilst chasing a nightly dream.

  To my Beta Readers and Tim. Thank you for your invaluable feedback on the early additions of this book. You have all helped shape You, Me and Us into what it is today.

  To Kath. Thank you for releasing the demon.

  And finally thank you to you. Without you, none of this would be possible.