Wanted

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  “I would rather you not dirty it.”

  “Since I am the one cleaning, I think that option should be up to me.”

  “The girls—”

  “Need something to do at night,” she interrupted crisply. “You read The Budget.”

  “Even Winnie—”

  Katie was tired of being compared to his sister. “I’m sure Winnie had other things to do. Jonathan, when you asked for my help, you didn’t say I had to follow your directions like a child.” She stood up and stepped toward him, consciously pulling her shoulders back and lifting her chin. “I am not a child.”

  Something flashed in his eyes that she couldn’t quite recognize. Embarrassment? Awareness? “I know you aren’t, Katie.”

  Something about the way he said her name—the way he looked at her so directly—made her heart beat a little faster. She felt flustered and at a loss of words. Suddenly she wasn’t all that sure what had upset her so much. “I…I had hoped we would be getting to know each other better, Jonathan.”

  As the air surrounding them thickened, he murmured, “We are.”

  A second passed. Two. Katie could hardly look away.

  He spoke again. “I’m…sorry if I haven’t seemed appreciative of your efforts. I…I am, Katie.”

  She wasn’t sure what to say to that. So many feelings were brewing inside her, she felt disjointed, confused. Finally, she settled on claiming practicality. “Then, would you please help me build a fire in here? It would make this room cozy and welcoming. I’d like to instruct the girls on quilting this evening.”

  After a long moment where he seemed to be at war with himself, he finally nodded. Rubbing the scar on his thumb, he said quietly, “Katie, I did not plan for this.”

  She hadn’t planned on many of the things that had happened at the Lundys’. She hadn’t planned on feeling so alone, or having to constantly prove herself to the girls. She hadn’t planned on being so aware of Jonathan’s moods. Of being so excited to see him at the end of each day. Of the keen sense of disappointment when a meal passed and he’d hardly dared to look her way.

  But things seemed to be changing. “I know you didn’t,” she murmured, wondering if he, too, might be feeling the pull between them.

  “When I asked you here, I was only thinking of my daughters. I had only wanted you to watch over them.”

  “There’s more involved with girls than simply making sure they are fed and clothed. I want to get to know them, and have them know me. Jonathan, I can’t help being myself. I can’t merely sit meekly for two months. That is not who I am.”

  “No, it’s not.” His eyes lit up. “I…I am starting to see that I hadn’t known you before.”

  “I’m tired of being kept at an arm’s length as if I’m hired help. It isn’t fair. I came here as a friend.”

  Pain entered his eyes, like he’d known he’d been hurting her feelings but hadn’t known what else to do. “I realize that.”

  “I’ve been terribly lonely. Won’t you consider letting me in your life…if only as much as a little bit?”

  Obviously at a loss for words, Jonathan swallowed hard, blushed mightily, then abruptly stood up, turned on his heel and left.

  Feeling bemused, Katie watched him leave. Had she made any headway…or merely made things worse?

  “Katie?”

  Thank the Lord for Hannah! The little girl was peeking around the corner, her eyes wide and her mouth shaped in a little “o.” “Come in, Hannah,” she said with a smile. “We have much to do.” Pointing to the fabric, she said, “We need to think about what size squares to make for our quilt.”

  Thumb hovering near her mouth, the five-year-old tiptoed in. “I havena seen my daed talk like that before.”

  “I did not mean to upset him.”

  Blue eyes blinked. “You just wanted your way?”

  In spite of her jangling nerves, Katie laughed. “I suppose so. I guess I’m not quite as easygoing as everyone thought I was, hmm?”

  Hannah sidled closer, her dark indigo dress brightening up the vacant room as much as her cheery personality. “You’re different than Aunt Winnie.”

  “I know. She’ll be back soon.”

  Hannah nodded, then picked up her favorite piece of fabric. In her arms, the buttery yellow stood in vivid contrast against the dark blue. “Winnie doesn’t know how to sew.”

  “She can sew well enough, I imagine.”

  “No, she can’t. She sends out for the sewing. She bought my daed a suit from Mrs. Yoder for his birthday.”

  Katie struggled to hide her surprise. No Amish woman was expected to be an expert at everything. Sure enough, there were many who bartered or traded goods to get unpleasant projects done. But sewing was as much a part of her family as baking shoofly pie for guests. It was hard to imagine Winnie not sewing at all. In fact, Katie distinctly remembered working on a quilt with Winnie when they were just girls.

  But perhaps Winnie had never really enjoyed such activities? “Mrs. Yoder does fine work.”

  “Does Mrs. Brenneman do that, too?”

  “No. My mother is a very fine seamstress.”

  After a moment’s reflection, Hannah confided, “Mary said my mamm didn’t like to sew, neither.”

  “I can teach you if you’d like to learn.”

  “We’ll use this yellow?”

  “Definitely. I think we’ll make a quilt called Sunshine and Shadow. It’s made up of light and dark squares. It’s a very lovely pattern.”

  “What if you leave before it’s done?”

  Unexpectedly, the thought of leaving caused Katie’s heart to tighten. Hannah’s smiles and sweet nature had claimed her heart. Katie looked forward to more days of holding Hannah’s hand when they went to inspect the goat after school. Of baking buttermilk cookies with her, of showing Hannah how to measure ingredients just right. “I’m close by,” she murmured, realizing her voice sounded husky. “Even if I’m living at the inn, we’ll still have sewing lessons then.”

  Finally satisfied, Hannah crossed the two feet that had separated them and scrambled up on the seat next to Katie. “I’m ready.”

  “Then I’m ready, too.”

  Together they looked at a pattern book her mother brought, so intent that Katie hardly noticed Jonathan had come back in and was building up a fire.

  And she was not aware of the pure relief that crossed his features as he saw how Hannah had taken to her. Katie only concentrated on the girl next to her.

  As Anna stood next to Henry at the counter of Mr. McClusky’s store a week before Thanksgiving, she could hardly believe the differences in her life. Mere months ago, she had accompanied Henry there for the first time. But unlike now, she’d tried to stay in the shadows. Lurking. Afraid of being found. She’d also been fiercely doing her best to deny her feelings for Henry Brenneman.

  No, that wasn’t quite right, she decided. For the first two weeks or so, there wasn’t much to deny. She’d made up her mind to not like him. And the feeling had been mutual.

  But now, dressed Plain and very close to taking her vows to the church…and later to Henry, Anna felt at peace. Henry was a good man, good in his heart and strong and stalwart. Sometimes she didn’t know what she had done to deserve this new life of hers.

  The door opened, bringing in a trio of women, dressed in harvest-colored sweaters and wool slacks. One of the ladies had a turkey pin on her jacket. Another wore a diamond cross around her neck. Each was holding Amish-made crafts and candles.

  They were tourists, obviously. And they were staring at Anna and Henry as if they were the major specimens of their science project. Their interest made Anna want to check for crumbs on her cheeks, but Henry merely nodded in their direction.

  Mr. McClusky acknowledged the tourists with a gracious smile. “Ladies. Good afternoon.”

  “Afternoon,” they chorused, all eyes still pinned on Anna and Henry.

  “May I help you with anything?” Mr. McClusky tried to engage the ladies.
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br />   The tallest woman, the one with the turkey pin, shook her head. “No, thanks. We’re just here to sightsee.” She turned back to stare at Anna like she’d just discovered a great wonder of the world.

  Anna felt the blood drain away from her cheeks. “Come,” Henry said in German, pulling her away from the curious stares.

  Anna wasn’t aware she was holding her breath until they disappeared down the aisle.

  Once in relative privacy, he stopped her. “Are you all right?”

  “Jah. Danke,” she murmured, only realizing after the fact that he’d spoken to her in Pennsylvania Dutch and she’d replied in the same fashion. “I um, didn’t realize I’d be so uncomfortable being stared at.”

  “It is different outside of the inn, isn’t it?”

  “Yes. At the inn, it’s your parents’ home, so it feels like we’re the hosts. Here, I feel so exposed and at their mercy.”

  “They mean no harm.”

  “I suppose. It’s just that it’s different at the inn.”

  He gently clucked his tongue. “Anna, the inn is your home now, too, yes?”

  His sweet words made everything feel right again. No matter what, she was happy with Henry, and happy with how things were going with their life. She needed to remember that. “Yes.”

  “Let’s pay for our things and go home.” His voice seemed to linger on the word.

  Contentment settled over Anna as she followed him to the counter and stood by while he paid for the pasta and flour that their kitchen had run out of. Taking his bags from Mr. McClusky, Henry said, “Good-bye, then.”

  “Bye, Henry, Anna,” the older man said with a knowing smile, making Anna wonder if he, too, was thinking of not so long ago when she didn’t quite fit into this world. Much like the “sightseeing” ladies in the store. “Oh, I almost forgot.” Sam McClusky’s forehead creased. “Katie got another letter.”

  “Another?” Anna’s hand shot out before Henry could claim it. She looked to Henry in alarm. What was going on?

  Sam nodded. “Yeah. The first one came about ten days ago, right, Henry?”

  “More or less.”

  As Anna looked at Henry curiously, Sam continued. “I have to tell you both, the girl who’s been dropping these letters off looks pretty desperate. It ain’t my business, but if I were you, Henry, I might talk to Katie. I wouldn’t want to have some stranger looking for my sister the way she is.”

  Henry looked genuinely alarmed. “Thank you for the note, and for your concern.” He frowned at the envelope in Anna’s hand before facing the proprietor again. “When did you say the girl dropped this off?”

  “Three or four days ago. She was asking all kinds of questions about Katie, about where she lives, what she does, but I put her off.” With a self-satisfied smile, he waggled his white bushy eyebrows. “You know me, I’m not about to divulge anything to outsiders.”

  Anna knew she would be forever grateful for that character trait. “I know that for a fact, Mr. McClusky. You certainly kept your silence when Rob was after me.”

  “He was no good, Anna.” Shaking his head in dismay, he added, “I still can’t believe he tried to bribe me in order to find you.”

  “If he had known what kind of person you are, Rob Peterson would have never tried such a thing,” Anna said. “I can’t imagine you ever accepting a bribe. You are a gut friend, indeed.”

  “I appreciate your help,” Henry said before ushering Anna out into the brisk wind. As they walked across the busy parking lot toward their buggy, he murmured, “Something isn’t right.”

  Anna had a sudden desire to toss the envelope in the trash and never tell Katie of its existence. Turning to Henry, she asked, “Did she let you read the first note?”

  “Nope. She got right angry when I tried to learn about the contents, too. Anna, Katie had quite a rebellious time during her running-around years. I’m wondering if her past has come back to haunt her.”

  Anna knew all about running from her mistakes, but yet, Katie was the sweetest girl she knew. “I doubt that. What did Katie do during her rumspringa, stay out late one or two nights?”

  To her surprise, he shook his head. “Oh no. It was more than that. She’d go out almost every night. She wore makeup, too.”

  Anna couldn’t help but chuckle. “Oh, Henry. That doesn’t sound too strange. If you could have seen some of the girls in my ninth grade class—why the makeup they were trying out was crazy!”

  “No, it wasna like that.” He narrowed his eyes as he remembered. “It wasn’t the makeup she wore, it was more the way she seemed to embrace everything about the English. And…her running around lasted a long time. My sister, Rebekeh, and I were sorely worried that we were going to lose her.”

  “Lose her? To what?”

  “To the outside world.” He held up his hand when it was obvious she was about to find offense. “Her leaving was a real matter of concern. She wouldn’t talk to us about her new friends, wouldn’t let even Rebekeh counsel her. She kept saying that we wouldn’t understand.”

  “If it’s her past that is bothering her, I know she won’t get very far. I’m proof the past always comes back. You can’t hide from it for long.”

  “That’s what makes me naerflich. I think my sister is truly worried about being reminded of her past, but she won’t let me help.”

  “I can understand you being nervous. Well, I’ll go to the Lundy farm tomorrow and deliver the letter. While I’m there, I’ll try to get Katie to tell me what all this means.”

  He glanced at her in gratitude. “You’d do that?”

  She reached out to him, clasping his hand. “Of course I would. I care about Katie. She’s like a sister to me.”

  But as she said those words, a deep sense of foreboding nagged at her. From the day they’d first met, Katie had felt like a sister. Last year, she’d spent hours confiding to Katie about Rob, about his abuse. All along, Katie had just been supportive and caring.

  Why hadn’t Katie ever given her even a hint that she knew what the outside world was like? That at times, she, too, had made mistakes and felt regret for her actions?

  More important, why wasn’t she trusting Anna now?

  Chapter 8

  “You are truly my best friend, Anna,” Katie said as she led the way into the sitzschtupp, which she’d stubbornly taken over. She’d become tired of Jonathan’s rules and hearing about how Winnie and Sarah had always done things. Though she might only be in the Lundy house for a short time, she was determined to at least try and fit in—walking around like an unwelcome guest had become mighty trying.

  Because of that, she had made the front parlor a cozy area. After a few begrudging remarks, even Mary now seemed to look forward to their nightly lessons in measuring, cutting, and piecing together fabric. The result was cheery mix of three-inch squares waiting to be added to their Sunshine and Shadow quilt.

  Anna patted the bright yellow, blue, red, and cream colored fabrics lovingly. “These are beautiful. I like the size of the squares, too. The last Sunshine and Shadow quilt I made, the squares were cut so small, it made my eyes dizzy just to look at it.”

  “The larger pieces are easier for the girls to manage. We’re going to add wide borders, too.”

  “I think it’s going to be pretty.” With a winsome look, Anna sighed. “I’ve been hoping to do some quilting myself, but I haven’t had much time.”

  “You’ve been busy with other things, things far more important than piecing together a new quilt, I’m thinkin’.”

  “I wish I had more to show for all the time I’ve spent studying.” Anna grimaced. “Katie, I’m afraid my Pennsylvania Dutch isn’t getting much better. What am I gonna do if I never learn that language? I promised Henry I’d do my best.”

  “And, you are doing your best, jah? Don’t be hard on yourself, dear Anna. You forget that most of us learned Pennsylvania Dutch before English. And never at such an old age.” As she heard herself, Katie felt her cheeks heat. “Oh! I mean
old…I just meant that most Amish learn to speak Pennsylvania Dutch first.”

  To Katie’s relief, Anna didn’t take offense to the “old” remark. Instead, she looked relieved. “You’re right. I forget how much of what I’m learning you practically take for granted.”

  “You shouldn’t. I know neither Henry nor our parents ever forget your sacrifices. You’ve changed so much for Henry.”

  “I have changed, but not just for Henry. I’ve changed the way I look at things, and I have to admit that I do like this ‘new’ me. Well, most of the time. Other times, I feel so awkward, I’m sure that I’ll never be comfortable.”

  “Don’t fret so. At the end of the day, Henry wants you to be in his life, not a master of two languages.”

  “I don’t seem to be mastering much. I ruined one of your mother’s tablecloths yesterday. I scorched it.”

  “There’s ways to fix scorches. I’m sure my mother told you.”

  “Not that mess. I ruined it something awful, Katie.”

  Katie did her best to keep a straight face. “It’s just fabric. We all make mistakes.”

  Anna rolled her eyes. “Those horrible hens hate me. They peck my fingers something awful.”

  “That’s because they know you fear them.”

  “Of course I do! Their jabs hurt! I don’t know what to do about that. I think your daed has just about had enough of me and my accidents.”

  “I know that’s not true.” Reaching out, Katie clasped Anna’s hand. “Hush, now. One day I’ll tell you about all the things I’ve done wrong at the inn. And there’s a great many things I’ve done wrong.”

  “Promise?”

  Katie hid a smile. Anna’s look of hope was almost comical. “I promise. Well, I will if you vow never to mention bread baking around Henry. He loves to recount my first attempts making cloverleaf rolls.”

  “I’ll give you my word. Though I have to tell you that I’m very curious about what happened.”

  “I can only tell you that it involved too much yeast, too much salt, and a dining room full of paying guests.” Katie shuddered at the memory. “We went through a record amount of water that evening.”