Lessons Learned

by Amy Lynn Steele

  I stood and crossed the room, straitening his already straight tie. I used it to pull his face down to mine. I only meant to give him a quick kiss, but his hands circled my hips as he pulled me closer. I was surprised when I felt the bed at the back of my legs and the kiss getting hotter. Cooper’s hands moved from my hips, lightly touching the skin of my back. He pulled back, his eyelids hooded with desire.

  “You are the most beautiful woman and I am so lucky,” his voice was a little rough.

  The kiss started again and I could feel us beginning to fall back onto the bed. Cooper’s phone rang from the dresser, causing me to jump. The sound didn’t distract him at all. If anything it fueled his need. My pajama shirt was being pushed and bunched under his hands and I was working to get his fitted suit jacket off when the phone started its shrill cry again. Cooper groaned, then cursed before standing up to get it. He shook his head before answering.

  “I’m getting ready to leave in just a few minutes, mom.” There was silence while he listened to her end of the conversation. “Yes, I know where it is and I’ll stop on my way in.” He hung up the phone, tossing it back on the dresser.

  “Work beckons your attention over this?” I lay half dressed on the bed watching as he pulled his jacket back in place, fanning an arm over my body.

  His ice blue eyes were smoldering when he looked at me. “I’d rather spend all day in bed with you.” The rasp in his voice and the look in his eyes caused chills to run over my exposed skin.

  For a split second I thought he might climb back into bed, but his eyes closed and he let out a long breath. “Duty has called in the form of my mother. I am meeting Martin at the hospital for my first lesson before I go into the office.”

  I huffed out a breath of frustration and climbed out of bed. I put my arms around Coop and gave him a gentle kiss. “Have a good day at the office honey.”

  He smiled and I melted. We had been saying this to each other over the last year, but today something about it just felt different. Logically, I knew he would be gone the same amount of time as before. But, for some reason, it just seemed like more. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t back in school yet. Maybe in the fall I’d feel normal again.

  “I’ll text you as much as I can,” Coop said and kissed my nose.

  I walked downstairs with him and stole one last kiss at the door. I watched him get into his car, a silver travel mug of coffee in his hand as he pulled out of the garage. Sighing, I started my day with a big cup of coffee. I forgot I was even holding my phone until it rang, causing me to spill hot coffee on the counter.

  “Hello?” I answered, not bothering to look at the caller ID.

  “Hey, I didn’t interrupt anything did I?” Christina asked with a laugh.

  “No, Cooper just left for work,” my voice sounding pathetic.

  “Good, come over here. It’s time to get into serious wedding planning mode,” Christina’s voice high with excitement.

  “Don’t act like you haven’t had a wedding binder since you were ten,” I teased.

  “Fine, but don’t tell Sean,” her voice in a harsh whisper.

  Christina Harper was the most organized person I knew. She had been collecting highlighters and post-it notes since first grade. All of her books were alphabetized, as were her CDs. She was always one step ahead. There was only one time she hadn’t planned ahead and instead had decided to live in the now. That exception had resulted in baby Joel. She now says that the best things are unplanned.

  I spent the late morning into the early evening with Christina and my nephew. She had me scanning dress ideas, color schemes, and hairstyles. She was writing and rewriting the guest list, while we took turns holding Joel when he was awake. I kept checking my phone for texts from Cooper. I had only received one which said that his day was busier than he’d imagined and that he should be home around eight. Well, eight was better than midnight, which is when he had returned home from school sometimes.

  “Where are you hiding, Kitten?” Sean’s voice echoed from the kitchen.

  Christina’s face tinted with color. “We’re in here planning your future,” she called merrily.

  Sean tossed his keys onto the coffee table and knelt on the floor next to Christina. He kissed her slowly, his hand cradling the back of her head. I had to look away because it was a kissed filled with so much promise. When I looked back he was taking the baby from Christina, kissing his small head and smiling.

  “You bored with all this girl stuff?” He asked his son. “Yeah, let’s go be men.”

  Christina laughed. “And what would that entail?”

  Sean shrugged as he started to walk away. “Farting, scratching and spitting. The usual.”

  I said my goodbyes to everyone and left them to be a family. I wanted to get home and start a fabulous dinner to celebrate Coop’s first day in the corporate world. I couldn’t stop my mind from drifting back to Sean’s face as he held Joel. He was serene. It made me think of Cooper as a father, as I imagined watching him hold our baby. Could my heart ever give him that opportunity?

  Chapter Eighteen

  Cooper

  My mind was bouncing in every direction as I drove home for the night. My day had been intense as I attempted to learn how the family business was run. I had a huge amount of respect for my mom and Martin when I realized how much I still had to learn. The thing that surprised me was how much I liked it. I enjoyed the pace, the pressure and the way everything worked together in order to run smoothly. I had planned on hating it for as long as I can remember, especially during those summers when I had worked in the restaurant. Back then I only wanted to read and surf, not work for my mom. But now I can see what an incredible empire my mom had been building all of these years.

  The garage door opened at glacial speed, but the familiar site of home eased the tension I hadn’t realized I was holding in my shoulders. As soon as I was out of the car I started loosening my tie and pulling at the buttons of my collar. My hands instinctively ran though my hair and I found myself sighing as I opened the door. The kitchen looked dark and I had to blink a few times before realizing it wasn’t.

  The kitchen was bathed in the warm flickering light of candles. The scents of garlic and rosemary hung in the air. I searched the room until I found what I was looking for. In four quick steps I crossed the kitchen and had Allison in my arms. I took her face in my hands, gently, as if I was holding a bubble. Her dark chocolate brown eyes widened a fraction before her head tilted up. I pulled her mouth soundly to mine. When I pulled back, her eyes were closed and she was smiling.

  “I love you,” my voice tight with an emotion I couldn’t identify.

  I pulled her mouth back to mine almost roughly as though I couldn’t get enough. I could never get enough of this woman. My fingers twisted themselves in her silken hair, pulling her even closer to me. A soft moan escaped her lips as her hands clasped my neck.

  “It smells wonderful in here,” I said against her mouth.

  Ali smiled. “Dinner will burn if I don’t get it out of the oven.”

  “Dessert first?” I suggested.

  Ali laughed again, but didn’t pull away. Instead she pushed far enough back to jump on the counter. Her eyes were dark and hooded as she looks at me. I hadn’t noticed the heels she was wearing until she hooked them over the cabinet doors.

  Dinner was only slightly burned that night. We ate the roasted chicken that Ali had made, special for my first day, completely naked at our kitchen table. I opened a bottle of chardonnay and poured us each a glass while I told her about my day. We moved to the sofa and cuddled under a blanket, where we continued talking, Ali told me about the day she spent wedding planning. I had to open another bottle of wine. It was close to midnight when we finally made it upstairs and into bed.

  The next six weeks became busier and busier as Martin passed more responsibilities in my direction. Twice I fell asleep in the office and didn’t get home until after one in the morning. The first time Ali had been vi
sibly frustrated, the second time she was already asleep in bed and I don’t think she realized what time I had gotten in. She seemed off lately, not her normal happy self. I started to rack my brain for ways to cheer her up, searching for something in my control.

  I pulled the jump drive she’d given me for Christmas from my pocket. It was attached to my key ring where I always kept it. I plugged it into my computer and opened the file. All the words Ali had written to tell this story leapt out at me. It was a beautifully complicated love story. It was our story. I called Sean first thing in the morning to ask his opinion and recruit him for what I had planned. He was in and thought it was a great idea.

  “She might kill you though. There is always the possibility that by doing this, you’ll end up with a furious wife.” he warned.

  “Yeah, but the outcome is worth it.” I hoped I was right.

  I spent an extra hour at the office finishing my surprise project for Ali. I really hoped this was a good surprise for her and that she would not get upset. Sean sent his part of the project over about twenty minutes later and everything looked perfect. With a few more clicks I was done. Ali’s book was now being processed for publishing through Amazon. Nerves caused my hands to twitch, but this story – our story – should be read to inspire others. I shut off my laptop and packed it in my bag.

  When I got home, Ali was sitting at the kitchen table. The summer sun had already dipped into the ocean, casting dark shadows in the room. She didn’t seem to notice me or the fact that she was sitting in a dark room. I sat my keys down and made my way to her. When I touched her shoulder, she jumped.

  “I didn’t hear you come in,” she said quickly.

  I could feel my eyebrows knit together. “You didn’t notice that you were sitting in a dark room either?” She looked away from me. “Allison, what’s going on?”

  “I’m just so tired.” she said, and it was evident all over her face.

  I couldn’t help smiling at her before I kissed her cheek, which felt warm and a little damp. It seemed as if she might have been crying. “Why don’t you lie down while I make you dinner?”

  She smiled and it almost touched her eyes. “Okay.”

  I watched her climb the stairs to our bedroom. There was something going on with her, but she wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. And, if I learned one thing about Ali it was that you can’t make her talk if she’s not ready. I made her a simple pasta dish, some comfort food, for dinner. I set up a tray at the sofa so she could recline and eat. The lights were off in our bedroom and I could hear Ali breathing softly. I didn’t have the heart to wake her. Instead I went into the bathroom to change out of my suit. The lights seemed so bright compared to our room. The change from darkness to light made my pupils dilate quickly, causing me to sneeze. I reached for a tissue, but the box was empty. I glanced at the trashcan surprised to find it full of used tissues. After all, I had just emptied the trash last night.

  I reached under the sink for a new box of tissues, but my hand froze before I could grab it. I blinked and then blinked again. No, they were still there. A variety of pregnancy test boxes. I started to pick them up, slowly at first and then franticly. Some of them were empty, some only contained one test inside, but all had at least one missing. My eyes narrowed at the trashcan. Slowly, I picked my way through it, not able to process what I was seeing. By the time I got to the bottom of the trashcan I had recovered eight pregnancy tests – all positive.

  I slumped to the bathroom floor, relying on the wall to hold me upright. Ali was pregnant. I was going to be a father. How long has she suspected? How did I miss the signs? You didn’t miss the signs idiot, you misread them. My pulse raced and my head was spinning. Ali had been so tired, irritable and teary because she was hormonal, not sick.

  Sick. Allison’s heart. I bolted up from the floor, suddenly needing to be in action. I turned off the light and opened the door quietly, leaving Allison to get her rest. I went downstairs, dinner forgotten, and picked up my phone. I held it in my hand and stared at it. I know I needed to do something, but I just had no idea what it was. I vowed to protect my wife, in sickness and in health. I thought we had been through the worst of it when her heart gave out. What would happen to her heart with a baby growing inside of her? Feeling like a failure, I sat my phone down and booted up my laptop. The screen glowed brightly at me as I typed “aneurisms and pregnancy” in the Google search.

  Hundreds of thousands of results popped up in seconds. I read article after article on the subject, not knowing which would apply to Allison. I sighed and dropped my head into my hands, using my fingers to massage my temples where a headache was growing at a steady pace. Blood. It appeared that a lot of the possible complications would arise when the pregnant body produced too much blood. The heart has to pump so much harder through the weakened heart valves.

  “Cooper,” Ali’s sleepy voice came from behind me.

  I shut my laptop and pushed up from the chair. I turned and my heart melted at the sight of her; rumpled clothes, bed head and rubbing her tired eyes while yawning. I had two choices: tell her I knew or wait for her to tell me. For a long moment we stared at each other, not speaking. Ali’s dark eyes closed and she let out a long breath and when she opens her eyes again I could see it. She wasn’t going to say anything about it now.

  “Did I miss dinner?”

  A smile pulled at my mouth and I took the few steps to Ali and pulled her in my arms. “I can reheat it for you now if you would like.” I kissed the top of her head and inhaled the coconut scent that was her. I guess I would have to be as patient as possible and wait for her to tell me about our baby.

  I couldn’t sleep at all, my mind kept swirling around the thought of Allison being pregnant. For most of the night I watched my wife sleep and a peace came over me. Sure, I was worried about her and her well-being, but I would always be. When I thought I had lost her three years ago my world had ended. But I didn’t lose her then and I sure as hell wouldn’t lose her now. I tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and she sighed at my touch. It didn’t matter how terrified I felt, I would be strong for Ali. I would be strong for both of them.

  At dawn I got out of bed and started a pot of coffee. I glanced at the clock above the stove, then picked up my phone. While drinking my second cup I called my mom, my boss.

  “Mijo,” she answered on the first ring. “Is everything all right?”

  “I need to take today off.” I told her, not asking. There was a long pause of silence before she spoke.

  “Tell me what’s wrong,” her voice softer, using her mom voice.

  “I don’t know if anything is wrong. There is just something I have to take care of today.”

  She was quiet again and I let the silence hang on the line between us. If my mom knew one thing about people, it was that if she is quiet long enough, they usually break and tell her what she wanted to know. I topped off my coffee happy to wait until she broke the silence.

  “Let me know if there is anything I can do,” she finally said.

  “I will mom. I love you,” I told her, meaning it.

  I could almost hear her smile. “I love you too, Mijo.”

  Thirty minutes later I climbed up the stairs to serve Ali breakfast in bed. But, when I opened the door, the bed was vacant.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Allison

  My bladder woke me up, but morning sickness got the best of me. I was washing my mouth out when I heard Cooper come back into our room. I couldn’t help glancing at the trashcan full of tissues and positive pregnancy tests. Guilt flooded through me. I should have had the guts to tell Cooper last night, I just couldn’t find the words. I looked at myself in the mirror; my face was pale and my hair a total mess. Just do it, I told myself. But I didn’t move. I thought about Cooper and what this could mean for both of us, loss. Teach me how to be brave, I pleaded to nobody in particular. Then I opened the bathroom door and found Coop sitting cross legged on the bed, still in his pajamas.
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  I squinted at him. “Did you oversleep?”

  He smiled and shook his head. “Nope.”

  I glanced at the bathroom, then at the clock next to the bed. He was running late. “Did you need to shower?”

  His smile grew. “Not yet.” He stood and picked up a tray of food. “I thought we would have breakfast in bed.”

  My stomach growled at the mention of breakfast, but I forced myself to ignore it. “But you’ll be late.”

  Cooper shrugged. “I am taking today off. Playing a little hooky with my best girl.”

  I blinked a few times trying to let his words sink in, waiting for them to make sense. I opened my mouth to ask him why, but my mouth didn’t get the memo.

  “I’m pregnant,” I blurted out instead. I clasped both hands over my mouth and felt my eyes widen. I hadn’t expected to say anything until I saw the doctor, especially not right now.

  Coop set the food back down and walked slowly over to me, his eyes and face giving nothing away. I had to remind myself to breathe as I watched him. He bent to meet my eyes and I was surprised to find his filled with tears, making them look like melting ice. He pulled my hands from over my mouth, kissed each of them, and then kissed my lips very lightly.

  “I am so in love with you,” he said, his words heavy with emotion.

  That was all I needed to hear before I burst into tears. Cooper pulled me to his chest and held me until the tears stopped. Once they did he helped me back into bed and brought the tray of food over. My tears were forgotten once I saw the breakfast he had prepared. I dug in before he could even get settled in next to me. Everything tasted so good and I couldn’t seem to stop stuffing it into my mouth. Coop’s fingers drew circles lightly on my back and a grin was on his lips.

  “Thank you,” I stopped eating long enough to tell him.

  “Anything for you babe,” he said and took a piece of bacon from a plate.