Secrets 03 - Shattered Secrets

by Lana Williams

  He frowned. Though he hadn’t planned to apologize, he hadn’t expected her to dismiss it. “How so?”

  With a brittle laugh, she tugged her hand from his. “A girl of sixteen hasn’t even experienced life. Thank goodness you didn’t take me seriously. Your rejection of me didn’t matter.”

  Confusion filled him as he stared at her. She was taking one of the most heart-wrenching moments of his life and making light of it, as though it hadn’t mattered.

  That moment, when she’d declared her love after he’d come to the country to recover from the accident, had been impossible.

  He’d taken great care to hide how injured he was, how damaged he felt. As he’d stared at Moira’s aura, he’d already known he couldn’t remain in England. Not after seeing the dark aura of a fellow university student who’d called on him in London only to be killed in a carriage accident later that day. Next had been a young maid at the London townhouse whose aura had grown increasingly dark for several days until another servant had found her body hanging from a rafter in the servants’ quarters, having taken her own life.

  At first he’d feared he somehow caused the deaths but soon realized he was merely a seer of what was to come. Tortured by the new ability, he told no one. Not even his two close friends who’d also been injured in the accident at the university. He’d sustained the worst injuries and assumed he was the only one who had this terrible skill.

  While he’d hoped the countryside, away from so many people, would grant him peace, the aura-seeing ability continued.

  Moira’s words had seemed like a lifeline cast into the dark hole in which he’d fallen. Yet he’d somehow found the strength to set aside his own feelings to do what he thought best for her—set her free. Did she act this way now out of embarrassment or pride or something else?

  But damned if he’d allow her to brush it off as though it hadn’t mattered. Because it had. Deeply. He still had feelings for her and though he didn’t care to examine them too closely, it didn’t lessen them.

  He lifted his hand to cup her cheek, watching for a reaction. The catch of her breath, the slight widening of her eyes, indicated it mattered. They mattered. And most of all, today mattered.

  He bent closer, drawing out the moment, giving her a chance to pull back if he was wrong. Christ, but he hoped he wasn’t.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Moira couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. Sensations swirled through her, warm and dangerous. And, oh, so tempting. Her eyes drifted closed and she had no choice but to allow the moment to take her.

  For an instant, nothing happened. Then she felt his breath on her lips, and at last his mouth touched hers. Sparks ignited in her stomach, threatening her heart. His lips were firm against hers. He tilted his head as though to better fit with hers. The result was simply marvelous.

  His thumb moved gently over her cheek, adding to the desire pouring through her. This was nothing like the one kiss they’d shared so very long ago.

  He pulled away as though surprised, his smoky blue gaze capturing hers before he took her mouth again.

  She raised a hand to his shoulder, then up to his hair, needing a connection to him. A physical link to keep her anchored.

  When he drew back again, she nearly whimpered in protest then heard the girls. Reality sank in, dissolving the spell she’d been under. She opened her eyes to find Lucas staring at her, heat burning in his gaze.

  “I beg to differ. It matters,” he whispered.

  She had no answer, for she wasn’t sure what he meant or why he’d kissed her. Had it been to prove he could gain a reaction from her? Or had it been something more?

  No. She couldn’t allow that question to even cross her mind. He’d broken her heart once before. If she allowed herself to care for him again and he walked away, she feared he’d shatter it. There wouldn’t be enough left to piece back together.

  The girls saved her from having to respond.

  “Amelia says she has more than me, but I don’t think that’s true.” Addie held out her basket for their inspection.

  “You’ve been working hard,” Lucas said. “Amelia, how many do you have?”

  Moira drew a deep breath to try to regain her composure while Lucas spoke to the girls. As she watched him with them, her heart squeezed again. She realized she was in more danger than she’d thought. She couldn’t allow her feelings for him to grow. She needed to remain strong and make certain the kiss they’d just shared was a onetime event not to be repeated.

  *

  The next morning, Lucas looked up from the references for the latest governess candidate, Miss Bigley, to study her. The woman’s application told him she was twenty-nine, had significant experience, and was available immediately. While she seemed more than qualified on paper and in person, still he hesitated. How could she possibly compare to how Moira was with Amelia and Addie?

  If only he hadn’t kissed her. Maybe then she wouldn’t occupy his mind every moment of the day. No, he wouldn’t lie to himself. She’d occupied it prior to that kiss. He wanted Moira in this house as much as the girls did.

  He reminded himself Moira wasn’t an option. She’d made it clear she couldn’t serve as governess for the girls. Thus far, Miss Bigley seemed to be the next best thing.

  He scowled. “As I explained, the girls need to be kept busy to avoid trouble.”

  “May I ask to what sort of trouble you’re referring?”

  “Nothing out of the ordinary. Normal childish pranks.” He decided against describing the most recent event. No need to put preconceived ideas into her mind.

  He offered her the position and she agreed to start the next day.

  Somehow, he didn’t think she would last long. Not when the girls wanted Moira. In truth, he was anticipating what those sweet little girls were going to come up with next.

  *

  “We tried to like her, Aunt Moira. Truly we did.” Addie blinked her big brown eyes at Moira.

  Moira didn’t believe her for a moment. Rather than dignify that statement with an answer, Moira merely raised her brow. “Truly?”

  Amelia scowled, not bothering to tell a fib like her sister. “She insisted we stay on a strict schedule. We did not care for that.”

  “We can’t work on our studies every moment of the day.”

  “We worked on your studies most of the time when I was with you,” Moira said.

  “When you are with us, it doesn’t feel like work at all,” Addie said.

  Moira’s heart softened. What could she say to that? “I expected you both to be on your best behavior. I must say I’m disappointed.”

  The girls shared a look but Moira didn’t know what they might be thinking.

  “What did your uncle have to say when Miss Bigley left?”

  Amelia sighed. “I’m not certain I should repeat it. He also said he was disappointed with us.”

  “It is very important to him that he find a governess who he can depend on over the coming years. Miss Bigley had excellent references.”

  “He only wants that so he can leave us,” Addie said as she sat down in her chair with a huff.

  Moira understood why the girls didn’t like the idea, but she was a little surprised how much they’d taken to Lucas in the short time he’d been home. He was not exactly a warm and friendly person, nor had he made much of an effort to become acquainted with the girls as far as she knew.

  “He is only doing what he thinks is best for you.” Moira didn’t agree with it, but that didn’t matter. She’d already made her opinion clear when Lucas first arrived but it hadn’t made any difference. He still intended to leave.

  “Why doesn’t he ask what we think is best for us?”

  Amelia had a valid point. “Have you asked your uncle that question?” Moira asked.

  “He said he would take our opinion under consideration. I’m not sure what that means.”

  “Why can’t you stay with us, Aunt Moira? We love you best.” Addie came forward to take Moira’s
hand and looked up at her imploringly, her big eyes and long lashes tugging at Moira’s resolve.

  “I love both of you as well. But I’m not truly your aunt, nor am I a qualified governess. You need someone who can teach you more than I’m able.”

  “You’re the smartest person we know,” Addie said.

  “I will take that as a compliment.” Moira sat down at the table and gathered both girls into her arms. “You know I love you both very much, but you need more than I can provide.”

  “No, we don’t,” Addie argued.

  “Arguing is not always your best course of action,” Moira reminded her.

  The girls glanced at each other, confirming what Moira already knew.

  “You have been deliberately chasing away the governesses, haven’t you?”

  “I don’t think we should answer that question.” Amelia narrowed her eyes as she watched Moira.

  “I don’t think you should either,” Moira agreed. “Girls, I will always love you, but you must understand I may not always be nearby. One day, I’ll get married and have children of my own.” She swallowed hard, wondering if that was even true. She’d always thought she would. Yet here she remained, somehow tied to the Stanby family.

  “But we need you.” Amelia looked quite sad as she looked up at Moira. “What about us?”

  With a sigh, Moira held both of them tight. “Please know your uncle is trying to do what he thinks is best for you. And you will always have me. Always.” She leaned back to look at them to see if they understood.

  “I don’t think we’ll have Uncle Lucas.” Addie squeezed Amelia’s hands as she said the words.

  Amelia shook her head in agreement.

  “That’s not true,” Moira argued. “He’s your uncle. You may not know him very well, but he is related to you and you will always have him, too.”

  “But if neither of you are here, what good does that do? You’ll be no different than Mother and Father,” Amelia said. “We have them in our hearts, but they can’t truly help us.”

  Moira hardly knew what to say. “I think you should share your concerns with your uncle.” She could make no promises on Lucas’s behalf. If he understood their worries, maybe he would change his mind.

  She clearly didn’t understand why he wanted to return to Brazil so soon…or at all. But the girls deserved a response to their concerns. The least she could do was help them obtain one.

  *

  The next morning, Lucas studied the report he’d received from the investigator he’d hired to gather information into his brother’s death. The details noted made no sense.

  The question Lucas still had no answer to was why. Why had his brother been shot? While he knew all too well how stubborn Markus could be, if confronted with a gun at close range and a demand for money, Lucas thought he’d hand it over. He had the girls to think of, after all. He surely would’ve treated life as precious, especially after losing his wife.

  From what the investigator had gathered, the police had not found any money on his person, but he’d still been in possession of his pocket watch, which was quite valuable.

  Yet if it hadn’t been a robbery, what else could it have been? Unfortunately, he had no answers, and based on what was in the report, he wouldn’t be receiving any additional ones. The police had no leads. The only witness to come forward was a young lad and the police had been unable to identify the killer based on what little the boy had seen. Lucas’s investigator hadn’t spoken with the boy as he had disappeared.

  He stared out the window across the meadow. Clouds once again coated the sky, leaving the previous day’s sunshine nothing but a memory. The view before him was still lovely. Autumn colors painted the trees framing the lake. He realized he’d missed the changing seasons. The rolling hills were dotted with cottages and harvested fields. His brother had taken good care of the property, both inside and out.

  Surprisingly, he felt more at home here than he’d expected after so many years away. While he still missed his parents and his brother, he’d gotten through the worst of that in the early months in Brazil. Living at Traverston Manor now brought more pleasant memories than he’d anticipated. Moira’s presence might have more to do with that than he cared to admit.

  A footman opened the door, interrupting his thoughts. Moira walked in, and he nearly groaned in response.

  What was he to do with her? No matter how sternly he told himself to keep away from her, he couldn’t seem to do so.

  He stood as he watched her walk toward him and could tell from the tight line of her lips that something was on her mind. Was it a villager again? The girls? Or perhaps a servant? She kept abreast of everything and everyone from what he’d noticed thus far. She was far better informed than he.

  “Good day, my lord.”

  He frowned at her formal address even as he noted how the soft green of her gown echoed the color of her eyes. Her hair was caught up in a loose chignon today, tendrils of the blonde strands curling around her ear. An ear that he dearly wanted to nibble.

  “I understand the new governess has decided to leave.”

  He did his best to put all thoughts of nibbling out of his mind and attempted to form a coherent thought. “That was yesterday. Old news.” In all honesty, he was neither upset nor surprised at Miss Bigley’s departure. Surely Moira wasn’t either.

  The look she gave him was one she’d sent him many times in the past and told him she was not amused. That only made him want to tease her more, anything to gain a reaction. What on earth was wrong with him?

  “I’m certain you’re aware the girls have made a bad habit of doing their best to chase away the governesses,” she began.

  “Truly?” He allowed his sarcasm to show, hoping it would help to end this conversation.

  Again she gave him that look. It made him want to kiss her senseless.

  “Perhaps if you’d look at the situation from their perspective, you’d better understand.”

  “Understand what?” He had his own ideas, but he wasn’t averse to hearing hers.

  “They don’t want a temporary substitute for their father.”

  He frowned. “Markus is dead. A temporary substitute is the best they can hope for.”

  “Not if you stay.” She spoke the words gently, as if aware of the seriousness of her request.

  “That’s impossible. I have obligations in Brazil from which I cannot turn away.” He was well aware of the lie he told, but better that she believe it than know the truth.

  “You also have obligations here. Two very important obligations.” She moved around the side of the desk, much to his dismay. “Lucas, those girls need you.”

  “They don’t need me, nor do they want me. You are who they want.” He rose to confront her, uncomfortable with her standing over him. “You, Moira.”

  She shook her head. “I am not even a relative. Nor can I serve as governess. The girls need someone to engage their minds, to help heal their hearts. They need more than I can provide.”

  “You are more qualified than you think.” He wanted to push her, to make her realize she’d be the perfect governess for his nieces. They loved her, and she loved them. In the little time he’d spent with them, he’d seen how she constantly shared with them, teaching them what she knew.

  “They need someone who will be here long term,” she continued.

  “Then they need more than a governess.” His mouth went dry as he stared at her, wondering what on earth he was doing. He couldn’t possibly be thinking what he was thinking. Besides, she’d never agree.

  “Exactly.” She eased closer as though to press her point home. “Then you’ll stay?”

  Emotions warred deep inside Lucas. Guilt, longing, desire—none won the battle. “I can’t.”

  “Why?”

  The single word asked so much more than he could possibly answer. “For more reasons than I can say. I would not be good for them. Not in the long term.” That much he knew. But maybe, just maybe, he could give
Amelia and Addie what they truly wanted.

  “How can you say that? You’re their uncle.”

  He reached out a gentle finger to caress the softness of her cheek. “It has to be you, Moira.”

  She blinked rapidly. “I have my own life.”

  “Do you?” He hated to say it, but he told himself he did this for the girls. “From what I’ve seen, you’re fully involved in all that goes on here.”

  Her body stiffened at his words. “I intend to marry and have a family of my own to care for.” She lifted her chin as she told him this, as if daring him to disagree.

  Thank God she hadn’t already married. He mentally shook himself to attempt to focus on his objective. “But you haven’t yet done so.”

  “I want to.”

  “Is there a man who has caught your interest?”

  Her mouth opened but no words came out for a moment. “Not that it’s any of your business, but no, not yet. Once a governess settles in, I can finally start living my own life.”

  A pang of guilt struck him but with effort he controlled it and forced himself to continue. For the girls. “Moira.” He took a step closer, forcing her to tip up her head to meet his gaze. “Surely you can see the solution as well as I can.”

  She frowned. “What solution would that be?”

  “Marry me.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Although her mouth opened and closed like a fish, Moira could not form a single word. Not one. She could only stare at Lucas. Joy tangled with desperate longing, fighting to be free.

  “What did you say?” she asked at last, her voice carrying a distinct squeak.

  “I’m certain you heard me.”

  “I don’t believe I did.”

  “Can’t you see this is the logical solution?”

  Her stomach dropped. Or was that her heart? Of course. His proposal was all about logic. She blinked rapidly to chase away her tears, reining in that damned hope she couldn’t quite extinguish when it came to Lucas. How could he not realize he was breaking her heart all over again?