Secrets 03 - Shattered Secrets

by Lana Williams

  She knew it was rude, but it had to be said. “Have you lost your mind?”

  “Most likely.” He looked away for a moment, making her wonder what he might be thinking.

  She had to make him see what a ridiculous suggestion he’d made. “What would be the exact purpose of us marrying?”

  He raised his brow as though surprised she had to ask. “To protect the girls, of course.”

  “You’re suggesting I remain here with them while you return to Brazil?” Did he have any idea how incredibly selfish that was?

  He had the grace to look guilty yet he nodded. “They need someone who will remain with them always. As you so clearly pointed out, you are not a relative. The simplest solution is to make you one. We’d be married in name only, of course.”

  “A marriage of convenience?”

  His gaze dropped to her lips for a moment before lifting again. “Yes.”

  Pain, swift and sharp, speared through her. She wanted to shake her fist in protest. Better that than to crumple to the ground in tears. How had this come to pass? To have the man she loved propose but only for convenience seemed a cruel twist of fate. “No.”

  “Why?” He actually sounded surprised.

  She turned, unable to face him or his question. It took everything she had to gather her emotions and tuck them far away, back down into the recesses of her soul.

  With a deep breath, she faced him once again. “I am no more qualified to be your wife than I am the girls’ governess.”

  He frowned. “Now I must ask if you’ve lost your mind. You are an intelligent lady of high morals with a kind disposition. That is all I require.”

  “That’s hardly the necessary pedigree for a proper wife.”

  “According to who?”

  “According to anyone who matters.” It was all she could do not to shake him. What could he possibly be thinking? A marriage of convenience would never work. Not for her. Even the idea of it sent a flurry of butterflies loose in her stomach. Married to Lucas, but only in name? No. It was impossible. Unbearable. Unthinkable.

  “Provide a valid reason for declining my offer.”

  “I have. You’re just not listening.” She had to leave before she said something she’d regret.

  Like yes.

  “I must go,” she said. “Please consider what I said. The girls need you.”

  “Moira.” His hand, warm and strong on her arm, stopped her.

  She glanced up, wishing she’d see more than his calm demeanor. Wishing he’d look at her with passion or desire…or love. That would change everything. But she saw nothing.

  “Please consider it. It’s the ideal solution for all.” He released her arm.

  Everyone but her. Not bothering to answer, she turned and left the room, all too aware that he watched her. She let herself out the front door, not wanting to pass through the kitchen and risk running into any servants. She couldn’t speak to anyone right now.

  As she crossed the meadow toward her home, she let the tears fall. Hadn’t she promised herself she would never cry over Lucas again? But how could she have guessed he would make such a suggestion?

  A marriage of convenience sounded terrible. That would mean the end of her dreams of having a family of her own, something she longed for body and soul. The end of the small flicker of hope she hadn’t realized she still held that someday, Lucas might love her.

  Or would it?

  She stopped mid-step as her mind whirled with possibilities. A tiny voice inside her refused to remain quiet. What if? What if?

  What if she made a few demands of her own? Why did a marriage have to be on his terms?

  Dare she take such a risk?

  Granted, Lucas was not the same person he’d been ten years ago but neither was she. Heaven knew she still loved him. Loved him with all her heart. Her grandmother used to tell her that true love was worth any price.

  She glanced over her shoulder at the manor, blinking away her tears. She had much to consider. If she decided to make her own counterproposal to Lucas, she needed to carefully weigh the consequences. After all, he could say no as easily as she had.

  She told herself she had nothing to lose, but she knew that was a lie. She had everything to lose, most especially her heart.

  *

  Lucas scowled as he pulled out his desk chair in the library the next morning to look over the correspondence awaiting his attention, unable to lighten his foul mood.

  He still couldn’t believe Moira had refused him. Had she somehow realized how broken he was? She’d asked if he’d lost his mind—perhaps she sensed it was true.

  When the idea to propose had taken hold, he’d been so certain it was the right course for everyone involved—the girls, Moira, and him. Why hadn’t she seen that?

  Granted, it was selfish of him to suggest such a thing. But Moira obviously cared deeply for Addie and Amelia and they loved her. With them taken care of, he’d be free to return to Brazil, his secrets intact, where no one would be there to watch as he lost the fragile hold of his sanity. And Moira would have…well, she’d have the protection of his name and two little girls who loved her very much. While she deserved much more, there was little else he could offer her.

  Odd how the notion of leaving didn’t seem quite as appealing as it had when he’d first arrived. He would miss the girls. Despite his attempt to maintain some distance, he already cared for them. His life had been very quiet in Brazil, and while he’d told himself that was how he preferred it, now he wasn’t so sure. The chaos Amelia and Addie created was entertaining at the least.

  Then there was Moira. There had always been Moira. After being near her, kissing her even, she consumed his thoughts day and night. In the quiet of his library, he could admit his desire for her was growing. But that was not the reason he’d proposed. He shook his head. Besides, it would be a marriage in name only. Desire had nothing to do with it.

  He was lying to himself again.

  What he felt for Moira was not simple passion. It was far more complicated. She was an amazing person, beautiful, intelligent, with a body that begged to be touched. Why she was still unmarried was a mystery, but he was grateful for it. The idea of her starting a family with another man formed an ache in his chest that he didn’t care to examine too closely.

  He needed to decide his next course of action. Should he say something to his nieces and allow them to pressure Moira? They’d certainly be in favor of the marriage, but that seemed too underhanded.

  Did he try to convince Moira to see the logic of his plan? Should he offer her something more to convince her to change her mind? He hadn’t yet visited with her father since his return. Perhaps he needed something Lucas could provide and would cause Moira to reconsider.

  Or he could kiss her until she agreed. The image that idea created made his body grow heavy with need. Christ, but he wanted her.

  Whispering from the hall just outside the library door caught his attention. Amelia peeked into the room. “Uncle Lucas, have you seen Aunt Moira?”

  “No, I have not.”

  “We’re playing hide and seek but we can’t find her.”

  Addie stepped around Amelia to enter the room. “May we please search for her in here?”

  “I don’t think you’ll find her but do as you must.” As he focused his attention back on the letter he held only to freeze when a warm hand came to rest on his knee.

  Surely that wasn’t who he thought it was.

  He glanced at the girls who searched a corner of the room then leaned back in his chair to look under his desk as unobtrusively as possible.

  Moira peeked out from under the desk, her finger on her lips, motioning him to be quiet.

  He couldn’t have spoken if she’d begged him. The sight of her between his knees caused all blood to rush from his brain to a locale much closer to her.

  “Are you quite certain you haven’t seen her?” Addie asked as she shifted the heavy damask drapes.

  Moira’s ga
ze held his as she grinned, shaking her head.

  “Quite.” Lucas had no desire to give away her position, for then she’d leave. That was the last thing he wanted. He leaned forward again to better hide her.

  As though to reward his response, Moira moved her hand to the inside of his knee, sending a surge of heat through him. Did the woman have any idea what she was doing to him?

  The girls discussed the problem, trying to decide where to search next. Addie seemed insistent that Moira was in the library and squatted down to peer under the couch. Amelia looked behind a chair. The massive desk hid her well.

  Lucas could only hope they weren’t speaking to him as his entire being was focused on Moira and her hand on his thigh. Something pressed against his shin—his breath stopped as he recognized the softness of her breast.

  Part of him wanted to order the girls from the room so he could end this torture. The other part of him wanted them to stay so Moira would continue to touch him.

  Obviously it had been far too long since he’d been with a woman if Moira had this affect on him. But no. Moira was the only one who had ever had made him feel like this. What he was to do about it was another matter entirely.

  At last the girls wandered off to search another room, leaving Lucas to breathe a sigh of relief. A tug on his trousers had him easing back to look down at the tempting vixen between his legs.

  “Are they gone?” she whispered.

  “Yes,” he answered reluctantly.

  “Shhh.” She crooked her finger at him, and he found himself sliding off his chair to join her under the desk.

  The oversized, ornate piece of furniture had been in the family for generations. He’d never cared for it until now. They sat hip-to-hip, shoulder-to-shoulder in the cozy, dark space.

  “They might be listening at the door. Those girls are sneaky.”

  Her scent teased him, and he readily breathed it in. The heady fragrance permeated his senses, adding to his desire.

  “This is one of their favorite games,” she whispered with a smile, her gaze on his. “They’re far too good at it.”

  His mind had a terrible time understanding her words. The intimacy of the space and their positions engulfed him. He could only focus on her mouth, the rosy hue of her lips, the slight bow that begged to be kissed.

  What was he to do but comply?

  Uncertain of her reaction, he moved slowly, turning toward her, waiting for her to stop him. She lifted a hand to his chest and he paused, but that hand slid up to his shoulder as she eased forward, just as cautious as he.

  At last their lips touched and he sighed with pleasure. He cupped her cheek then lowered his hand to her shoulder, squeezing it lightly, wanting to feel every part of her. He kissed her thoroughly. Whether her lips parted in surprise or desire, he didn’t know, but her tongue met his and danced. He hadn’t realized such a heated kiss was possible. Now he was certain he couldn’t live without it.

  The trickle of desire became a flood, roaring in his ears. He braced himself with one hand, but the other continued to caress her, moving from her shoulder to the curve of her waist, inching up to the swell of her breast.

  She gasped, giving him pause. He knew he was moving too quickly, and he certainly didn’t want to frighten her. He drew back for a moment, eyes closed, to rein in his desire.

  “Lucas?”

  He nearly groaned but prepared himself for her demand that he stop. Instead, he felt the warmth of her lips on his as her fingers tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck, sending shivers down his spine.

  “You taste so sweet,” he murmured then devoured her mouth with his.

  He shifted to stretch his legs out so he could ease her onto his lap, grateful as never before for the huge desk and the generous space they now occupied. Her soft body felt so good against him, adding another layer of sensation to his passion. He knew he needed to stop, that he’d taken this too far, but first he needed more.

  This new position was much more satisfactory, allowing him to caress her with both hands. He held her ribs, moving until he again felt the curve of her breasts with his palms. He captured the weight of one in his hand, molding the soft orb. Her gasp sent a sharp spear of desire through him, urging him to continue. His thumbs shifted to find the tip of her breast through the fabric of her gown.

  Her bottom squirmed against him and he moaned in response.

  “Christ, you feel so good, Moira,” he whispered in her ear then spread kisses down her neck.

  “Oh, Lucas.” She slid her hand inside his coat to the thin linen of his shirt.

  While he’d first welcomed the dark intimacy of their position, now he cursed it. More than anything, he wanted to see her, to see the passion on her face, to watch her arch back as his hands roamed her curves.

  “Uncle Lucas?” Addie’s voice broke through the haze of his passion.

  Moira froze, her eyes wide with alarm, her hands still tucked intimately inside his coat.

  Lucas held still, hoping his niece wouldn’t venture forward to search for him.

  “He’s not in here any longer.” She apparently told her sister whose murmured response Lucas couldn’t hear.

  Their voices faded, and Moira heaved a sigh of relief as she removed her hands. Before he could stop her, she scooted off his lap to peek over the top of the desk. “They’re gone for the moment.”

  When she rose and shook out her skirts, he quelled the urge to draw her back onto his lap. Instead, he stood as well and straightened his clothing, not bothering to attempt to hide his erection.

  She glanced at him from under her lashes but he was at a complete loss as to what to say. The words that crossed his mind hardly seemed appropriate. That was marvelous. Now will you marry me? Or perhaps, Surely you see how well a marriage of convenience might work between us? Or maybe, I want you so badly I ache.

  No. None of those would do.

  “I’m sorry I interrupted your,” she waved her hand at the papers on his desk, “work. I’d best find the girls before they accuse me of cheating.” With a smile he couldn’t quite understand, she turned and hurried out the door.

  That smile of hers had him curious. What could it mean? He realized he was quite anxious to find out.

  *

  Moira drew a deep breath as she walked up the stairs toward the nursery. She couldn’t stop smiling. Never could she have planned such a perfect outcome from a simple game of hide and seek. She’d known Lucas might come into the library while she was hiding, but she hadn’t known for sure and certainly hadn’t expected such a passionate encounter.

  Though her plan to turn his proposal into something she could live with was far from complete, at least now she knew one thing: Lucas desired her. That knowledge rekindled her hope.

  She was not so naïve as to think that meant he had feelings for her, but it was also nothing to be taken too lightly. Surely it meant something.

  The problem lay in the risk she took. Lucas’s kisses made her head spin, but even more, they filled her soul. She felt both weak and strong at the same time. She desired him as much as he desired her, perhaps even more so. But she wanted more than a single interlude. She wanted him for life.

  If such a moment of passion overcame them both again, she had to better protect herself. To shore up her defenses in case this all fell apart. Otherwise, she’d be left broken again. That was a risk she couldn’t take.

  She greeted the twins as she entered the nursery.

  Despite her worry, she felt as though she was making progress. Today, that was enough, and it made her very happy indeed.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  The next day, Moira passed through the manor’s kitchen, calling her usual greeting to the servants busy cleaning after luncheon. Her heart was light and she was anxious to see Lucas, to see if he acted any differently or if perhaps he might raise the subject of marriage again.

  She’d run through the possibility many times in her mind but still wasn’t certain what her response should
be. She supposed she had to trust her instincts that her answer would be the right one.

  Her steps slowed as she neared the library and saw Tiago standing outside the door.

  “Good day, Miss Dorsey,” he greeted her with a bow.

  “To you as well. Is his lordship available?”

  “I’m sorry he is not.”

  She’d nearly forgotten about the last time this had happened. She should’ve asked Lucas about it when she’d had the chance.

  “May I ask why?”

  He smiled that polite, charming smile of his and she knew no answer would be forthcoming. “I’m sorry but I’m not at liberty to say.”

  “Surely he’ll see me.” It wasn’t as if she were a guest he had to entertain. “I only need a moment of his time.”

  “I’ll be certain to let him know you inquired of him.”

  Moira couldn’t help but stare at him, wondering what secret he was hiding for Lucas. Why on earth would Lucas insist on this level of privacy? Was something seriously wrong with him?

  She already knew no purpose would be served in arguing with Tiago. Yet she was not one to give up quite so easily. There had to be another way to discover if something was wrong with Lucas.

  She bid Tiago good day and went upstairs to the nursery, pondering what caused Lucas to act like this.

  Amelia jumped to her feet as soon as Moira entered the room. “We’re terribly worried about Uncle Lucas.”

  “He wasn’t feeling well earlier and now Tiago won’t let us see him,” Addie added.

  Moira’s concern increased. “How do you know he wasn’t feeling well?”

  “He kept rubbing his head when he was visiting us. He said it was nothing to worry over, that he had a headache.” Amelia turned to her sister.

  “But we think it is more than that. He didn’t act himself at all.” Addie wrung her hands as she told Moira, glancing at her sister for assurance that she was telling it right.

  Moira’s worry increased three fold. What caused his frequent headaches? Did it have something to do with the loss of his eye? This situation reminded her that she didn’t really know him at all anymore.

  “We offered our help but he said there was nothing we could do.”