On the Edge

by Mari Brown

  We tell Seth goodbye, leaving him in the care of one of the maids, as Trish won’t pay any attention to him. Bruce has yet to hire a true nanny for Seth, so I may need to talk to him about that. The next few weeks are going to be rough on the family. Julie is going to require some major healing time and probably physical therapy too.

  Cole drives us towards the hospital and I am so lost in my thoughts that I don’t realize his hand has been on my thigh the whole time we’ve been in the car.

  “Welcome back, Kitten.”

  “Ha!” I snort laugh. “I got lost in my own head. I’m just so worried about Seth and Julie.” I turn a little more so I’m sitting sideways, gazing at Cole’s face. “Trish is such a bitch and she’s never going to be the kind of mother Seth needs. I think your dad should look into hiring someone full time to be there for Seth. A motherly or grandmotherly type is what he needs.”

  I don’t know why I think I know anything about this. I just know what sucked for me when I was growing up. I don’t want to see someone I’ve come to love have to grow up with a mother like mine who doesn’t give a shit. He has a father and siblings who love him, but if they get him a nanny, that would help give him the maternal influence he needs.

  “You think my dad should hire a nanny for Seth?” Cole asks with disbelief in his voice.

  “Yes,” I say. “Seth needs someone who can concentrate on him. Julie is going to need a lot of focus in the next few weeks.” I straighten back in the seat and look out the side window, watching the trees whiz by us. “Her physical healing is going to be the easy part, Cole. It’s the emotional trauma that scares me.”

  “I’m worried about her, too. I want to kill all of them. I still can’t believe you shot the bastard before anyone else could.” He’s still a little miffed with me.

  “Fuck!” I turn to face him again. “What time do we have to be at the police station today?”

  “I called dad when you were in the shower. We’re to meet the family lawyer at the station around four this afternoon. He’ll sit with each of us as we’re questioned.”

  “Okay, that sounds good. Maybe I won’t be as nervous with the attorney there,” I reply.

  “You’ll be fine, Kat. All we have to do is stick to the story and no one will go to jail for this. And if they do, Pete will take the rap for you,” he states in an even tone.

  How can he be so calm? Pete is willing to take the blame for my actions. Panic rolls through my body, my heart rate increases, my breathing becomes sporadic. In short, I’m freaking out. My body tingles from one end to the other. My chest begins collapsing in on itself.

  “Kitten.” Cole’s worried voice breaks through the fog in my brain.

  I can’t seem to focus enough to look at him. I place my head between my legs, panting and praying that I don’t pass out. I barely register a hand rubbing my back in a soothing manner. I feel as if I’m disconnected from my body but, at the same time, a one ton weight sits on my chest.

  “Babe, take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth.”

  Cole’s voice finally breaks through and I hear what he’s telling me. I have no idea how long he’s been talking to me like that, but as I take some deep breaths, calm washes over me.

  “Shit, you scared the fuck out of me, Kat.”

  I see the worried look on his face.

  “I’m sorry. I was just suddenly struck with a panic attack. The thought of Pete taking the rap for me sent me catapulting into the abyss.” I reach for Cole’s hand and lift it in mine. “I’m okay.”

  “Are you sure? We can wait here a few more minutes before heading to the hospital.” That’s when I realize that, at some point during my panic attack, Cole pulled over into a parking lot. “Thanks, Cole, for helping me through it. I’ll be okay now, I’m sure.”

  He starts the car again, and because we’re just a couple blocks from the hospital, in no time, we’re pulling in at the hospital. As we cross the parking lot, Cole takes my hand in his. That simple gesture conveys so much to me. He is here for me no matter what I need. This little token of affection makes me fall deeper for him. My grip on his hand tightens because I know that Cole is my rock, my strength, and my shield. He is my Knight!

  Cole and I walk through the white halls of the hospital over to the elevator that will take us upstairs. Bruce has arranged for Julie to be in a private room while she is in the hospital. I learn yet another lesson about being a Knight and what money can get a person.

  As we walk in the room, straight ahead is a sitting area with dark blue leather couches and recliners, taupe colored end tables, and pillows to match. A small kitchenette in one corner with a full-size refrigerator, a sink, and a microwave on the countertop takes up one short wall. Through a little archway, the taupe wood theme continues with hospital furniture that looks like state of the art. That has to be the most comfortable hospital bed I’ve ever seen in my life. Julie lays there on the bed, her face still swollen, purple, and cut to hell. I’m so thankful that, even though she looks like hell, nothing is going to leave a scar.

  Justin is sound asleep in a recliner on one side of her bed, and Bruce is sitting on the other side of the bed, staring at Julie. Hurt, pain, and anger swim in his eyes as he looks at his beautiful, little girl. I can’t imagine how it feels for him as a father, but I know how awful it feels to be the best friend. I can’t conceive what it would feel like to have a parent who cares enough about you to be sitting by your side either.

  “Dad,” Cole calls softly. Bruce turns and gives a small smile. Cole hands the bag the maid sent with us to his dad. “This has clothes for you and Justin both.”

  “Thanks, son. How’s Seth?” he asks. Cole doesn’t say anything, and I look back and forth between the two men.

  “His mother is a bitch. He had nightmares last night, but Trish wouldn’t do anything, so he slept with us.” I take a breath. “I think you should hire a nanny because he needs a maternal influence of some kind,” I say in a quick burst of words. I stare at Bruce when I’m finished. I don’t know what I expect to see on his face, but I’m surprised to see what looks like pride.

  “I should hire him a nanny, huh?” he says quietly.

  “Yes. We left him with the maid, because Trish was already snorting powder this morning. Not to mention, she’s a cunt. What kind of mother won’t let her kid sleep with her after what he’s been through? For God’s sake, he was kidnapped, saw his older sister beaten, and witnessed his brother’s girlfriend shoot someone.”

  “I’ll call my secretary on Monday and get her to find some candidates to interview. I think you’re right, Katarina. I also expect you to help decide who we hire for him.”

  “What? Why me?” I ask, sputtering my words out in shock.

  “Because you care about Seth, and you’ll keep his best interest at heart. The doctor and I spoke at length this morning about Julie.” With that, he turns back towards his little girl. “She’s going to need weeks of therapy to regain the strength in the arm and leg that received traumatic injuries. Not to mention she’s suffered a concussion and has bruised ribs.” He turns back to face us again, his hand holding Julie’s listless one. “I’m so thankful the damage isn’t worse than it is. I don’t know what I would do if she had suffered permanent damage or been raped.”

  His words send an icy cold wave of emotion over me. I agree, what happened to her is bad enough, but if worse had happened to her who knows what we would be facing.

  “What about emotionally? Could he say what she would be facing?”

  “He says each person responds to trauma differently, but they are going to have a psychiatrist come in and speak with her once she is more alert.” He goes on to explain that right now she is heavily medicated because of the pain so she’ll be sleeping a lot over the next couple of days.

  “I’m going into the family bathroom to shower and change clothes. Thanks for bringing them to me.” Bruce stands and motions to the chair where he’d been sitting. “Com
e, Katarina, take my place.”

  I move over but, before sitting down, stand beside Julie’s bed just looking at her. I start at her head and work my way down her body to all the visible parts, memorizing every bruise, cut, and mark. The more I look at Julie, the less I care that I shot that guy and I’m almost ready to take responsibility for doing so.

  Cole walks up behind me and rests his chin on the top of my head. “She is going to come through this and we all have you to thank for it.” I look up at Cole, trying to judge what is going through his mind. “I hate that you got involved, but I can’t dispute that you produced results. Doesn’t mean I want you to do it again.”

  I slowly turn so that I’m facing him. I don’t ever want to leave the comfort of his arms.

  “I can’t make promises I won’t be able to keep. I will always fight for your family, because they’re my family too. But I will try my best to behave,” I say quietly while looking him dead on so he sees that I mean every word I say. Standing on my tippy toes, I place a small kiss on his lips, come back down on my heels, and stare in those gorgeous blues. I’m not sure how long we stand there before Julie moans. I turn to see her move in the bed and her eyes flutter open.

  “Julie,” I say quietly.

  “Kat” is her hoarse reply.

  I fight back tears when I hear my name on her lips, thankful to hear her sweet voice. I want to take back all the times I was a bitch when she wanted to dress me like I’m a doll, and the million other weird little things she always wanted me to do with her. I vow then and there that I won’t ever complain again when she wants us to do something that will cement our bond.

  “Don’t move or try to talk too much,” I say. “You need to rest and let your body heal.”

  Cole has moved to stand beside me and he gives his sister a small smile. “Listen to Kat. She’s becoming a master at taking care of our family.”

  A small twist of Julie’s lips is the only sign she’s heard anything we’ve said.

  “Thank you,” she mumbles from the bed. I look at her, perplexed. “I owe you one.”

  That’s when it hits me. She knows I shot the guy who did this to her. Tears slide down my cheeks.

  “Don’t thank me.” I slump against Cole. “I should have stopped them from taking you in the first place.”

  Cole’s strong arms hold me tight to him. “Kitten, you did the best you could at the time. No regrets,” he says leaving me no room for doubt. He doesn’t want me to doubt, but that doesn’t mean I won’t have any doubts.

  I lean over the bed and get right by Julie’s ear to whisper to her. “I love you.”

  Her eyes open, and as tears pool, she looks at me wide-eyed. I swipe away a few stray tears, and since I can’t hug her, I gently squeeze her hand. I sit down in the recliner and watch Cole with his little sister. I’m struck by the love he shows her and by the simple ways he treats her with such tender care.

  Justin stirs and stretches, and then opening his eyes, he smiles at his twin. When he looks at me, a grin breaks across his face.

  “The newest badass bitch in the Knight family,” he says with mirth.

  “Don’t get carried away, Justin. I don’t want to make a habit of this shit.”

  Bruce comes back in, showered and dressed in fresh clothes. “Morning, kids,” he says to Julie and Justin. “Justin, you have a bag with fresh clothes in the bathroom.”

  Justin immediately pops up and heads towards the bathroom. “A shower, then food,” he calls out as he closes the bathroom door behind him. I can’t help but shake my head at him as he disappears.

  Two weeks have gone by. Julie’s physical healing is faster than anyone dreamed possible. She pushes hard through every physical therapy session, determined not to let any injury beat her. Emotionally, she’s not doing as well. Nightmares plague her sleep, and she’s always angry and lashing out at all of us. We try to be patient and understanding with her. After all, she’s the one who was beaten, not us, so we have no idea what she’s really going through. Things are going as well as can be expected.

  This morning I’m helping Bruce interview candidates for Seth’s nanny. When I brought it up two weeks ago, Bruce immediately told his secretary to place an advertisement for the nanny position. Applications have been coming in for over a week, and Bruce has me reading through them. My job is to pick the ones I like on paper, and then give that stack to Bruce for him to go through as well. By the time we’re done, our applicants are narrowed from a few dozen to six. Those six ladies have been scheduled to come in every two hours today to be interviewed. I still don’t understand why Bruce wants me as part of the process, but he insists. So here I sit with him, on a couch in his office, across from a chair for the candidates to sit in when they arrive.

  The first candidate is due at any time. She is a forty-one-year old woman whose children are grown and her husband passed away a couple of years ago. She has experience raising a family, but is willing to love another child as her own, according to her application. When she enters the room, her appearance immediately takes me by surprise. Even though she’s dressed professionally, her clothing is sexy and provocative. Even with her qualifications, she’s trying to impress Bruce as a man, not an employer and that immediately turns me off. When Bruce questions her, I don’t bother listening to most of her answers. By the time he asks if I have any questions for her, I’m ready to punch her. I let Bruce know I have no questions and waste no time showing her out the door.

  The next three ladies are no better. I swear they either don’t realize Bruce is married or they don’t even care. I admit I’m not a fan of Trish, but shit, making the moves on a married man while interviewing for the position of nanny is not cool at all.

  It’s not until the second to last lady comes in that I perk up. She’s a short, portly woman who’s in her late fifties or early sixties. Everything about her sends out warm, positive vibes. Hell, maybe Bruce would hire her for me. I pay close attention to what Bruce asks her and then I ask a few questions of my own about nightmares, picky eaters, and temper tantrums. Her replies satisfy me, and as she leaves, we promise Ms. Bea a call within 48 hours. In my mind, she is the one, but we have one more interview. As soon as the last applicant leaves, we slump back on the couch, mentally exhausted.

  “Well, Katarina,” Bruce says, turning to face me while tossing his notebook on the table. “What do you think?”

  “I think I want to hire Ms. Bea for him.” I flip through the papers in my hand.

  “I figured you would.” He walks over to the bar and pours a shot of whiskey. He sits down carefully while taking a sip, and then leans over, picks up his notebook, and flips forward a few pages to where he made notes on Ms. Bea. “So, should I call her back in tomorrow to meet Seth and see how they get along?”

  “Yeah, we should. I really like her, Bruce. Hell, if Seth doesn’t like her, can we hire to be my nanny?” I ask, totally serious in my request.

  He lets out a small laugh before looking back at me.

  “You’re serious, Katarina. Really? You’re eighteen.”

  I hang my head a little before lifting it back up and meeting his eyes.

  “She made me feel warm and fuzzy and special. She is everything a mother figure should be.” I say, finally admitting that I’m still looking for a mother figure in my own life.

  I leave Bruce to call Ms. Bea and make arrangements for her to come back tomorrow to meet with Seth. When I get to the family room, Justin is playing video games.

  “Do you ever do anything other than play video games?”

  Justin glances up from the game and smirks. “I fuck girls, too.”

  I shoot him a dirty look. “That was just rude Justin!” I say, trying to keep from laughing at his smart-ass reply to me.

  “So, did you finish helping my dad?” Justin asks, tossing the controller on the table in front of him.

  “I did! We agreed on a possible nanny. He’s arranging for her to come back tomorrow and meet Seth,” I s
ay as I throw myself down on the love seat.

  “Is she hot?”

  “I think she will be a little old for you, Justin.” I laugh. Of course, Justin thinks they are getting a hot nanny.

  “You picked an old lady?” He rolls his eyes.

  “Don’t be an ass. I did find the most suitable candidate to be the grandmotherly type. In fact, I told your dad that I want her for my nanny if Seth doesn’t like her.”

  “What the fuck do you need a nanny for?” Justin bursts out laughing.

  “I don’t need one. I just want her. I really liked her and I think she’ll be good for Seth.”

  We lapse into a comfortable silence and sit there quietly until the front door opens and several voices drift into the family room.

  Cole and Drew come in and I look at Drew over to make sure he’s okay. Ever since Julie got hurt, I’ve been worried about him. We’ve talked some and he’s told me that the very real possibility of me getting hurt hit him. We’re the only family the other has, so the thought of losing me hit him hard. The last couple weeks not only has he stuck close to me, he’s given Cole a bunch of shit about keeping me safe. I almost feel sorry for Cole some days.

  Rushing home after school, I glance over at Justin who’s driving. He seems happier than I’ve seen him in a few weeks. I can’t blame him. After three weeks in the hospital, Julie is finally coming home. I look out the window as buildings whoosh by.

  “Are you in a hurry?” I tease.

  “Yes.”

  “That explains why girls are always so upset with you.”

  “Fuck you, Kat,” he says, laughing. “At least I’m getting some.”

  “Whatever, asshat.” I twist towards him as much as the seat belt will allow. “I choose not to get any.”

  Justin snorts with laughter. “I can’t imagine my brother not getting any and having to jerk himself.”