Cas: Heroes at Heart

by Maryann Jordan

  She smiled, linked fingers with his, then finished eating in companionable silence. The afternoon passed similarly to the morning… she working on her manuscript, and he on his furniture.

  “I need to run back to my house and grab one of my notebooks.”

  Cas looked up at Bianca as she tossed a smile and wave toward him before leaving the workshop. Two days had passed, and they had spent every moment together except when he was at the garage the previous day. But their nights had been spent together.

  Now, the next day, they were back in his workshop. He was glad that he had been staining and was not sure how she could have worked with the louder machinery. So far, she had stayed perched on a table in the front corner by a window, near the open door, her fingers typing a steady rhythm on her laptop.

  Taking the opportunity to cut a few pieces of wood while she was gone, he then looked up at the sawdust floating through the air. Damn! Her laptop! He grabbed the vacuum and hustled over to the table. Pleased that it looked as though there was little sawdust on the table, he quickly vacuumed over and around her laptop and phone. Turning off the vacuum, he picked up her phone to move it away from the edge of the table. Almost on cue, it chimed several times in a row, indicating texts coming in, one right after the other.

  He knew he should look away, and yet, at the screen right in front of him, he stared at the gray text bubbles, reading each word.

  Hey, babe. Miss you. Did you get my message?

  Can’t wait to see you again.

  As soon as I can get to you, I’ll come.

  You and me, together… Always.

  There was no picture of the sender at the top of the screen, just a letter. B. He dropped the phone onto the table next to her laptop and stepped back. He knew he should not have looked and hated that he did so, but what had been seen could not be unseen. His chest deflated as air rushed from his lungs, the reality of her situation slamming against the words she had spoken.

  She had never expected to see me again. Her plans of just seeing her childhood home may have altered with discovering me, but that doesn’t take away the fact that she has someone. Someone waiting for her. Or rather, someone who plans on joining her here.

  Scrubbing his hand over his face, he fought to catch his breath. Nothing made sense. He could hear her humming as she reapproached the workshop and darted away from her laptop and phone, making sure to be standing next to the piece of furniture he had been working on. He tossed down the rag and tried to force a smile onto his face as she stepped to the doorway.

  “Got it!” She held a spiral notebook in her hand, clutching it to her heart as though it were treasure.

  “I… uh… hate to cut this short, but I got a call while you were gone. I need to go… uh… go to the garage. I’m needed there. So… uh…”

  “Oh, sure.” She tilted her head slightly, peering at him as though to discern a possible mood change. He remained silent, and she turned toward the table, picking up her laptop and phone before sliding them along with the notebook into a bag. “I’m sorry you have to go into the garage today. I know you’d hoped to finish what you’re working on.”

  “Yeah, well, the paycheck from the garage pays my bills.” A flash of surprise moved through her eyes, and he silently cursed his harsh tone. Still feeling as though he could not suck in enough air, he turned away from her as he closed and locked the workshop door. Not knowing what else to say, he forced another smile onto his face and said, “I’ll give you a call.”

  She stepped forward and placed her hand on his chest, lifting on her toes for a kiss. He acquiesced, loving the feel of her lips on his, but quickly stepped back. “Hate to run, but Jayden’s in a real pickle without me.” Again, he ignored the hurt that had replaced the surprise on her face.

  “Oh, well, okay. Just give me a call and I can come back over anytime. Or you can come to me… I’m just through the woods.” She winked, and her lighthearted tone drew him in, but before he had a chance to change his mind, she offered him a smile as she tossed her hand up in a wave.

  He hustled through his back door, standing away from the window while still peering out as she walked slowly away from him and into the woods toward her house. Placing his hands on his hips, he dropped his chin and slowly shook his head. He felt like an ass for practically shoving her away from him, and yet, the texts were burned into his mind. Fuckin’ hell. Now what do I do?

  16

  Two days. It had been two days since Cas walked out of the workshop, sending her on her way. Bianca stood in her kitchen, caught between fuming and wanting to cry. When he did not call the night he left, she assumed he must have gotten in late. She knew the next day was a regularly scheduled day for him to work in the garage, but again at night, no word from him.

  She had walked through the woods and knocked on his back door, but there was no answer. His pickup truck was not parked near the house, but she was unable to see inside the garage, so she had no idea if it was in there.

  Now, it was the morning of the third day and he had not contacted her. It was as though he flipped a switch on their relationship. Put the brakes on. Called a halt. All the other idioms she could think of ran through her mind, but they all meant the same thing. For some reason, Cas decided that he did not want to be with her.

  Swallowing deeply, that idea cut through her. After all we’ve been through. After finding each other again. After all we said to each other. Why?

  It was that last ‘why’ that had the fury storming through her. If he did not want to be with her it would hurt, but she had dealt with hurt before. But to walk away without giving her a reason, to stop what was building without giving her the courtesy of an explanation — that had her pissed.

  She slammed her coffee mug onto the counter with such force, she was surprised it did not shatter. Sliding her feet into tennis shoes, she darted out the back door and stomped through the woods. Coming out on the other side, she noticed the door of his workshop was standing open. So, he is home today! Home… and didn’t bother to contact me.

  Reaching the open doorway, her feet stuttered to a halt as she saw him standing in the workshop, his back to her, his head bowed. A beam of sunlight was coming through the window, illuminating him, and her angry words fled. Just as she was about to call out, he began speaking, and she realized he had his phone pressed to his ear.

  “You’re not telling me anything I don’t know. I know I shouldn’t have looked at someone’s phone messages, but they were right in front of me and I did.”

  He paused, probably listening to the person on the other end of the line, but Bianca was more focused on the words he had just said. Is he talking about me?

  “Why should I try to talk to someone when I don’t know if they’re telling the truth? Sure, I thought it was something special, and then I saw messages from another guy. Messages that indicate she’s still in an ongoing relationship.”

  She stared at his back as he still faced away from her. Her mind raced, wondering who he could be talking about. An old girlfriend? Or someone he was seeing right before I moved in? But he told me there wasn’t anyone.

  “No, no, it isn’t anyone you know. Just some girl who moved into the cabin next door.”

  At those words, she gasped, eyes wide in disbelief. He whirled around at the sound, his eyes growing wide as they locked onto hers.

  “Shit, I gotta go.” His hand fell to his side, his phone dangling in his fingers. “Bianca, I didn’t mean for you to hear that—”

  “No kidding, asshole.” Her entire body vibrated with anger and betrayal. As though moving of their own accord, her feet stomped into the workshop. “I couldn’t believe you ignored me for two whole days, and I’ve made myself sick with worry about what was happening. I replayed every conversation that we had over and over in my mind, and all I could remember was the sharing and the caring and the desire to become something. I memorized the moments we lay naked in each other’s arms, and you gave me no indication that I was just som
e girl who moved into the cabin next door.”

  Hands lifted to placate, Cas stepped forward, his face anguished. “Jesus, Bianca. I didn’t mean it like that. I just… I just haven’t had a chance to figure out what to say to you.”

  Tilting her head to the side, her eyes bugged. “What to say to me? Hmmm… let’s see. ‘It was fun seeing you again after all these years, and by the way, you’re a great fuck?’ Something like that? Or maybe more along the lines of ‘Gee, it’s not you… it’s me.’”

  In the face of her sarcastic anger, his face hardened. “You’re hardly the hurt person here, Bianca. I saw the messages from your boyfriend. I know I shouldn’t have looked, but they came in on your phone when I was standing right there.”

  She fell back a step, his words hitting her in the gut, causing her to suck in a quick breath. “Wh… what are you talking about?”

  “The messages that came in a couple of days ago. ‘Hey, babe. Miss you. I can’t wait to see you again. I’m coming. You and me, together… Always.’ From B. Talk about words being burned on my brain! How do you think I felt falling in love with someone only to find out she was playing me?”

  The pain that hit Bianca’s heart was as powerful as what sent her to the hospital years before. Only this time, she knew it was the pain of a heart that had shattered into a million pieces.

  Her feet wanted to turn and run. Her mouth wanted to scream until she was hoarse. Her eyes wanted to weep. But for a moment, she could do none of those. Instead, she stared at the boy she had loved and lost and the man she had wanted a future with. Reality slipped over her, its icy fingers wrapping around her body, and she shivered.

  She turned and stumbled to the doorway of the workshop, her hand reaching out to hold onto the doorframe, uncertain her legs would continue to hold her upright. Her fingers tightened against the wood, and she sucked in a deep breath. Looking over her shoulder, she held his gaze. “I told you that Lionel was still trying to contact me. By the time the trial was over, his initial pleas for money had turned to threats, which then turned into declarations of love. I didn’t block his number because my lawyer encouraged me to forward all texts to her. She said they would be important if I needed to obtain a restraining order.”

  She heard him gasp, but she did not give him a chance to speak or come closer. “The B was for Lionel Baxter. I couldn’t stand to see the name Lionel pop up on my phone so often, so I just labeled it as B.”

  “Oh, shit, Bianca. I’m so fuckin’ sorry,” he cried, rushing toward her.

  She threw her hand up to stop him, afraid that if he did, she would not have the strength to do what needed to be done. “Don’t touch me!” By now, she was facing forward and had walked several steps into the yard. She could feel his presence hovering nearby, but she tamped down the desire to fall into his arms, afraid that if she turned around fully and stared into his face, she would give in.

  Glancing over her shoulder once more, she said, “Your number, on the other hand, I will block.” With that, she raced toward the woods, desperate to find solace in her own little cabin.

  The next day, Cas sat in the office of the garage, leaning forward with his forearms resting on his knees, his eyes staring at his hands. “I can’t believe how bad I fucked up.” He lifted his gaze and stared at Ruby sitting in her chair, her eyes full of sympathy. He had given her the gist of the story, mentioning that Bianca was somebody he knew from long ago. Jayden was out on a towing assignment, and Cas had taken the opportunity to confide in Ruby.

  “Why do you think you were so quick to assume those texts were from a current boyfriend and that she had been lying to you?”

  Snorting, he shook his head. “Damn, you go straight to it, don’t you?” He saw her lips curve slightly, and he sucked in a deep breath before letting it out slowly. “As excited as I was to see her and be reunited, I guess deep down inside I couldn’t believe that she really wanted to be with me. She’s smart and beautiful. She works for herself, editing and writing books. On top of that, she’s got family money. She used to live in a gated community and went to a private school. I’m… I’m just… not that.”

  “And what are you?” Ruby prodded.

  He held up his hands and said, “I work with these. No matter how much I scrub, I think grease is embedded. These nicks and cuts come from the tools I use in my woodworking. I wear jeans and boots, not suits. My house is surrounded by trees, away from most other people, which is the way I like it, but not many people want a hermit-type life.”

  “You not only didn’t trust her, you didn’t trust yourself.” Ruby leaned forward, her eyes radiating understanding. “Cas, I was just like you. I cleaned fancy houses for just enough money to cover my expenses. Then, at the end of the day, I went back to my grandmother’s tiny house. When the man I was dating was mean, it was sometimes hard to believe that I deserved better. When Jaden came into my life, I thought he was too good for me. He was smart, owned his own business, had people in his life that adored him.” Lifting her thin shoulders, she shrugged. “I was just plain old Ruby. It wasn’t that I was unhappy with my life, I just couldn’t believe that he wanted to share his life with me.”

  Nodding, Cas silently agreed, her words resonating. “I was so stupid, Ruby. She’s been through so much. If anyone deserves to not be hurt, it’s her.” He winced, remembering the pain on Bianca’s face when he last saw her. “I don’t even know how to start fixing what I broke. Maybe I can’t. Maybe I should just stay out of her life and leave her to something better.”

  “And if you do?”

  His head jerked up and he stared at Ruby.

  She continued, “And if you stay out of her life, how does that make you feel?”

  The idea that he would never see her again after having found her sliced through him. “I have to believe it was fate that brought us together the first time. Fate that brought us together last week. I don’t want to lose her again.”

  Ruby smiled. “Then tell her you’re sorry. Ask for forgiveness.” She laughed, then added, “Remember what Benjamin Franklin said… ‘Never ruin an apology with an excuse.’”

  “Oh, great,” he complained. “Are you saying I shouldn’t try to explain what I was thinking?”

  Shaking her head, Ruby said, “You can explain your reason, but Cas, don’t try to pass it off with excuses. Just be honest. Just be you.”

  “What if it’s not enough?” He swallowed deeply, his chest tight.

  “Then you’ll know. You’ll know if she’s truly the right one.”

  They sat in silence for a moment, then they heard the rumble of the large tow truck as it pulled in front of the bays. Standing, he said, “Thanks, Ruby. I’ll follow your advice and pray that she forgives me.”

  Just as he walked out the door, she called out. “You know, a grand gesture also goes a long way.” Laughing, she winked as he rolled his eyes.

  17

  Bianca stared at the open document on her laptop, but no words came. Writing romance always came naturally. For years it was what she dreamed of, and she would weave tales based on those dreams. Then, for a few glorious days, she finally understood the way the heart truly beat in time with another person.

  Leaning back in her chair, she glanced out the window. A few glorious days. Even to her own ears that now sounded foolish. No one in real life can fall in love in a few glorious days. But it wasn’t just a few days… it began years ago. She rubbed her forehead in an effort to still the ache in her head.

  The weather had been so mild, she loved having her windows open to allow a breeze to blow through. Suddenly, she sat up straight, cocking her head to the side. The sound of tinkling wind chimes met her ears. She had not remembered hearing that before. She jumped from her seat and walked toward the back door, curious to see where the lyrical sound was coming from.

  There, hanging from a tree in the back yard, was a beautiful wind chime. Hurrying outside, she gasped as she recognized the handiwork. The top was a round disc of smooth, staine
d wood, the image of a tree carved in relief. From around the outer edge hung strings, each connected to a beautiful colored piece of glass. As the breeze blew, the chimes rang out a delicate melody.

  Nearby, hanging from another branch, was a piece of paper. She reached up and snagged it, her breath catching in her throat as she unfolded the page and read it aloud with the sound of the chimes in the background.

  “I am so sorry for hurting you. I could inflict all kinds of pain on myself, but it would not take back any I gave to you. Maeve Binchy”

  Her breath left her lungs in a rush as she held the paper against her chest. She recognized the quote from one of her beloved books, Echoes by Maeve Binchy. It was the first book she had borrowed from Miss Ethel and had always thought that David’s apology was beautiful.

  She was uncertain how to respond. His gesture was so beautiful, and yet her disappointment had been so great she was reticent to move forward. Inwardly growling, she wondered why all the great emotions had to clash… love and anger, heartache and redemption, pride and forgiveness.

  Battling the urge to run straight to see him, she walked back into the house, laying the sweet note on the kitchen counter. After fixing a cup of tea, she sipped the hot brew, allowing her churning emotions a chance to settle. From the front of the house, she could hear a slight knocking. Unable to keep from leaping to her feet, she rushed to the front door and threw it open.

  There was no one there, and disappointment scored through her. Being honest with herself, she had to admit she had hoped Cas would be standing there. The slight knocking could still be heard, and she stepped forward, looking to the right of the porch. There, much to her amazement, sat a beautifully carved rocking chair. She had seen it in Cas’ workshop, unfinished in the corner.

  She darted to it, her hand lovingly gliding over the smooth wood. The curved top of the chair back was carved with the same little boy and girl peeking from behind the tree that Cas had used in the baby beds. Another note was tucked between the slats of the seat. Snatching it up, she unfolded the paper, her eyes eager to see what he had written, not surprised to see another quote.