Intergalactic Pain in the Ass

by Jaide Fox

  Bubba giggled like a little girl and waved them away with fluttering, fat fingers. “Let them go. Oh, and darling, if you don't find something to your liking, come back here. I have plenty of things I'm sure could tempt you."

  Despite his weakened condition, Hauk led the way to the exit. Bubba's men pushed them out the door and slammed it behind them. Hauk glared at Sylo, cupping his groin protectively as if it'd jump off his body and run back inside to that futt. “What the fuck was that all about?"

  He shrugged. “He's always like that, the damned pervert. Pinched my ass a couple times when I came here looking to make some deals. It was all I could do not to slap the hell out of him. Ever since then, he's had the impression vulkhans swing that way. Think after this is done you'd like to partner up?"

  "What the hell?"

  He snickered. “Not that way. Hell, do you think of anything besides sex?"

  Hauk grunted. “Let's just get Cole and get the hell out of here before he changes his mind."

  Hahn nodded, and together they jogged to the center of town to where the auctions were held. The inhabitants ignored them, accustomed to seeing odd behavior and all manner of visitors. There were no vulkahns besides themselves, apparently, but by the looks of the place, most every other Federation ruled species—and some that were not—were here. Why in the universe black markets were always held in shitholes, Hauk didn't know. He also couldn't figure why Cole would be brought here, but Sylo had assured him this was the most likely spot in the universe the trogs would take Cole, and after a few minutes, Hauk discovered Sylo was right.

  By coincidence, they were just leading away a woman to her new master and bringing another onto the stage when Hauk happened to look up at the raised auction area. The crowd surged with interest, jostling each other for closer positions, eyes locked on her as she was prodded to stand on the central part of the stage that jutted out into the crowd like an proffered hand.

  Cole glared at the crowd, her eyes blazing, her sun streaked, red hair curling wildly around her shoulders in the wind. Hauk felt like he'd been punched in the gut, so extreme was his reaction to seeing her again. How long had it been, a month? Two months? No, three months since he'd forced her to accept his kiss, trapped her beneath his body. This was no submissive woman, no woman to be sold on the market like a toy. Though he had every urge to play with her.

  His testicles tightened, and his cock came out of hiding and hardened to see her so furious and unharmed ... and to see her in the outfit she wore. It clung to her skin like it had been sprayed on. Silvery, shiny black and gleaming in the sun, the garment was slit all the way down to her crotch, exposing a wide swath of creamy skin; the tiny hole in her middle that he hadn't yet discovered its purpose; and the wide valley of her breasts. Her breasts bulged at the front, threatening to explode from the neckline at any moment.

  Hauk was riveted, waiting for the wind or a heavy breath to release them. He was disappointed when they stood there, defying gravity and his fervent wishes.

  Sylo whistled, snapping him out of his stupefaction. “Jesus H. Christ,” he echoed one of Hauk's and Tor's favorite Earth sayings. “Did she look like that on board Tor's ship?"

  Hauk swallowed, fighting the rising tide of blood that threatened to make his cock burst free of his jumpsuit and launch to the nearest female. “Hell no,” he croaked. By the Federation—he had to get her out of that outfit.

  "She looks good now,” Sylo said, giving another long, soft whistle.

  The auctioneer stepped up, gesturing at Cole's attributes with a pole, nervously moving around her. Cole bared her teeth at him, and he stepped back, withdrawing the pole from her reach. He stepped to a podium, facing the crowd. “Do I hear fifty credits for this prime alien female? She has fire in her aplenty for mating or whatever your heart desires."

  Hauk tipped his head at the auctioneer.

  "I've got fifty. Do I hear seventy five?"

  "Here!” someone yelled in the crowd.

  Hauk glared in the direction of the voice, upping the bid.

  "Looks like we've got trouble. That Futt over there is bidding on her too,” Sylo muttered as Hauk fought to keep the highest bid.

  Within minutes, it was up to five hundred credits and jumped to one thousand. Hauk started sweating, surreptitiously counting the credit chips he had on him.

  "Fifteen hundred credits. Do I have fifteen fifty?” the auctioneer called, ringing out over the suddenly silent, expectant crowd.

  "I don't think I have enough credits for this,” Hauk whispered loudly at Sylo, glaring across the crowd at the futt. The futt smiled at him, baring a row of jagged teeth.

  "Don't worry, just win. I can cover what you can't,” Sylo replied with grim determination.

  Cole was bravely staring straight ahead, ignoring the proceedings. Determined to win this peacefully, Hauk continued to bid, throwing caution to the wind and raising the stakes higher and higher. He should have known those damned futts wouldn't let them do anything easily—damned greedy bastards. Ustbol was crooked, just like he'd supposed it would be.

  Finally, after what seemed an excruciating amount of time had passed, the ferocious bidding stopped. Hauk felt like fainting as he put in the final, winning bid of ten thousand credit chips—nearly enough to buy a low end space rocket.

  Cole was going to pay him back for every one of them. He relished the thought of what he'd make her do, smiling grimly.

  Hauk and Sylo pushed through the crowd to the stage. “Okay, Hauk, you get the girl and meet me back at the ship."

  Hauk stopped him. “Wait, don't you need this?” he asked, reaching for his money pouch.

  Sylo stopped his hand, shaking his head. “No, I told you I have it covered. You keep what you have. We'll probably need it later. I'll see you back at the ship in a few minutes."

  Sylo turned away and walked off with an auction handler to take care of the payment.

  Shrugging, Hauk went up the steps of the stage to take Cole. She gave him a strange look, like she didn't know who the hell he was. He remembered then that they still had the transformers on. He grinned, imagining what she must be thinking right now. He couldn't take a chance on someone overhearing their conversation though, so he opted not to tell her his name. He held a finger up to his lips. “Shhhh. Don't worry. We're going to get you out of here."

  She nodded, and he untied her hands, leading her off through the crowd. They picked their way through, moving toward the landing site.

  They'd barely gotten beyond the central square and past the throng of people when Sylo came hurtling past them in a cloud of dust. “Run!"

  Chapter Three

  More so than Sylo's fleeing and yelled warning over his shoulder, it was the hot blast of laser missing his head by inches that got Hauk's ass moving.

  "Oh shit!"

  He didn't look back. He just started running, half dragging Cole along with him.

  Behind him, he could hear the sound of many feet pounding the hard packed dirt. A chunk of dried mud exploded from an overhang they ran under through the alley. A potted plant fell out of a window as a blast went wild and struck it. Hauk cringed, blinking away the dirt exploding around them, wishing he wasn't quite so big a target. Lucky for them their pursuers couldn't shoot while running ... and were too dumb to stop and take aim.

  Hauk gritted his teeth, praying their brains wouldn't kick in and their own luck wouldn't run out. Another zipped by, barely missing Hauk's ass. He heard Sylo yelp, saw an extra spring in his step as he leapt forward.

  Panting, barely ahead of them, Sylo pulled the com. unit from his belt, flipping it open and yelling into it, “Fuzzy! We're coming in hot! Do you read? Fuzzy, answer me!” He glanced back over his shoulder at Hauk. “I'm not getting anything. I think it caught that last blast. You try getting the ship."

  Hauk broke his out, but Cole tore it out of his grip, screaming into it, “Beam us the fuck up, Fuzzy!"

  Hauk wrestled it away from her, giving her an appalled loo
k. “Are you crazy? Only Federation ships have those,” he wheezed. “Fuzz, listen, home in on my signal and pick us up. Now you asswipe!"

  There was no response save for some static and something like a muffled grunt.

  He prayed Fuzzy had gotten the message and was on the way. If not ... he'd end up Bubba's bitch.

  The thought gave him a burst of energy. He caught Cole's hand again, urging her faster.

  Unbelievably, they were pulling ahead of their pursuers through the winding alleyways. Hauk didn't trust their luck, so didn't slow down, and after heart pounding minutes, they finally passed the outskirts of town like they'd been squeezed out of a tube. Emptiness opened before them—vast, dusty emptiness.

  Hauk couldn't see anything but dirt and dust clouds, and definitely no ship. “Hell!” Hauk yelled, grinding to a halt, trying to catch his breath. His rear hole was already hurting in anticipated pain at the thought of what he'd have to succumb to. By the Federation, they weren't going to get him without a fight! Hauk took out his laser, grimacing.

  "You shouldn't have called Fuzz an asshole,” Sylo said, panting.

  "I said asswipe."

  "Same difference. You know how bad they hate being made fun of,” he muttered beside him, propping his hands on his knees, gasping for breath.

  "I didn't know Fuzz was so federation damned sensitive,” he grumbled.

  Cole wiped dirt and sweat from her forehead. “We just gonna sit here and let them catch us? Hey, give me that laser, I aim to take some of them out."

  "Get your damn hands off it!” Hauk grit out, fighting for control of the weapon before she managed to shoot him in the crotch somehow.

  Cole let go, nearly toppling Hauk. “What's that noise?” she asked, looking around.

  A rumble sounded behind them. The wind stirred, blasting them with sand. Hauk turned, sure he'd see the mob finally bearing down on them.

  The ship hovered above them, lowering the ramp.

  "Hot damn!” Hauk whooped, running for it.

  They clambered inside, shutting the ramp behind them, running up to the cockpit—saved!

  And Hauk was going to plant a fat juicy one on that hairy bastard.

  * * * *

  Cole was so thankful to be out of that godforsaken Ustbol, she could've kissed both of the guys. She was almost skipping behind them, following wordlessly to the cockpit, still catching her breath but grinning like an idiot. As soon as she was sure they'd gotten away, she'd thank both of them—and then make sure they took her straight home.

  They seemed just gullible enough she thought she could twirl them around her fingers with the right combination of nagging and sweetness.

  "I'd like to know why the hell we had to run out of there. What the hell did you do back there, Sylo?” the man with the incredibly long blond streaked hair asked the other man, whose hair was cut rakishly short but with long bangs. Both of them seemed familiar to her, and she was sure she must have met them on Vulkahn before. Their voices were the same as every other vulkahn she'd heard though—that weird accent got in the way so there was no distinguishing them there.

  "Hey, they stole her first. I figure it was making it even stealing her back,” the short-haired man, Sylo, said, pushing through into the cockpit.

  "That's the stupidest, federation damned thing I've ever heard you say. You planned that from the start, didn't you, Sylo?” the blond said. He mimicked his friend, “We'll just buy her back and not start any trouble."

  Cole began, “All right, guys. This was a blast, literally, but if you could just—"

  Cole stopped at the door and gaped, wide-eyed as a ... monster stood and greeted them with a frown. It was covered with short, white hair and stood about her height, from what she could tell, and she wasn't about to get closer. No doubt, this had to be Fuzzy.

  "Thanks, Fuzz. You damned near gave us a mecre fit when you didn't show."

  The hairy creature glowered at Sylo, who seemed to be the captain, and in a husky, whining voice, complained at him in an incomprehensible language. Even with her translation necklace on, Cole couldn't understand what Fuzzy was saying, but she had a good idea. The captain glared at Fuzzy as it—he—sat down in a pilot seat.

  Sylo and the other man grunted in unison, attitudes as similar as twins. “Huh? We were moving around too much? Well, we sure as shit weren't about to sit still so they could shoot us.” He dropped into a chair and buckled in, glancing down at a screen on the control board. He turned white. “What the—? Oh shit! Punch it! Now, now, now!"

  Cole didn't have time to so much as brace herself for a fall. The ship slammed into gear, and she tumbled down as it tipped, heading almost straight into the sky. Cole cussed a blue streak as she felt her balance slip and disappear completely. She rolled back, down the hall, ‘pulverizing’ every bone and muscle in her body as she traveled the length of the ship and landed in a bruised, groaning heap at the bottom.

  Further ‘up’ the ship, she dimly heard an echoing crash. It was rolling toward her, sounding like nothing so much like a boulder hurtling down to crush her.

  "Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit,” one of the men yelled, falling closer.

  Drunkenly, Cole tried to crawl out of the way, but the room was spinning. Her stomach was choking off the breath to her lungs, and she couldn't move for fear of hurling. As the ship rumbled and quaked from their ascent, Cole did something she'd never done in her entire life.

  She passed out cold.

  * * * *

  "Federation damn you to hell, Sylo!” Hauk yelled, gritting his teeth as he pulled himself to his feet. His hands stung from catching his great weight on a door frame.

  "Jesus!” Hauk said, grimacing as the ship lurched. “What the fuck is going on?” he asked groggily into the intercom before staggering to the back to check on Cole. He found her at the ass end of the ship, laying on the floor.

  "Got some heat on our tail,” Sylo's voice came through the intercom.

  "Guess they want that money, huh, numbnuts?” Hauk grumbled to himself, dropping to the floor to examine her. She was still breathing, strong and steadily.

  "Computer, run a preliminary system scan on the female and search for injuries,” he said, feeling his gut clench as he looked down at her.

  A violet laser beam appeared from the wall intercom unit, flashing in one fleeting pass over her body.

  His insides twisted as he waited for the results.

  "Scan complete. There are no life-threatening injuries. She has suffered a slight concussion and her heart rate is accelerated above normal due to a hormonal rush."

  "But she's all right?"

  "Yes."

  Hauk studied her for several moments uneasily. He was more than a little disconcerted that she looked so pale and fragile. She was so strong willed—hard headed—and so competent in taking care of herself, he hadn't really thought of her as being delicate. Staring at her now, he felt something completely alien to him—a sense of protectiveness.

  Resolutely, he quashed it. The woman was trouble. She might look vulnerable and defenseless, but she was almost as deadly with her body as she was with her tongue.

  Heat surged through him as his cock responded to the thoughts about her body in a wholly unwelcome way.

  He quashed that too.

  The woman needed a lesson!

  A faint smile curled his lips at that thought. She didn't have the faintest idea of who he was. It was plain as day that the morph disguises had thrown her. She thought they were just slavers out to buy a pet.

  The faint smile widened into a grin as it occurred to him that he could teach her a lesson and have a little bit of fun while he was at it.

  Scooping her up, he carried her into his cabin and deposited her carefully on his bunk. He pulled some belting from a compartment and lashed her arms and legs securely to the bed. When he felt that she was secure and he wouldn't have to worry about her escaping, he left the room and headed for the cockpit.

&
nbsp; The ship lurched as he traversed the narrow hall, but despite bracing himself for more falls, he finally managed to make it to the cockpit.

  The view outside the windows made his eyes swim dizzily. He dropped into a chair, strapping in before he could be dumped out of it. “You lose them yet?"

  Sylo ignored him, concentrating on flying. “Find us someplace to hide, Fuzz,” Sylo said through gritted teeth. A laser blast skated past their right flank, streaming out into the darkness before them like a streak of sunlight.

  Hauk gripped the arms of his chair, bracing as the ship took a hit and shuddered from the impact.

  "Damn.” Sylo's fingers flew over a control circuit before returning to the steerage controls. “The shields are holding. We're just damn lucky they're not outfitted with tracers."

  "Some asteroids ahead,” Hauk said, pointing, wincing as Sylo barely scraped beneath two colliding rocks. “Ooh. You almost got that one."

  "You want to do this?” Sylo said, audibly irritated.

  Hauk grunted in response and winced as they passed between more shifting asteroids. He didn't know why the hell they were headed this way anyway.

  "I'm trying to shake them off my tail, okay?” Sylo said, as if reading Hauk's mind.

  "Well, you're going about it bass ackwards. Everyone hides in asteroid belts."

  Sylo fumed over the controls, hunching his shoulders up, trying to block out Hauk's voice.

  Hauk leaned forward in his chair, breathing down Sylo's neck as he pointed past the side of his head out the view panel. “No, don't go that way. That way! Go above them. NO. You're doing that all wrong!” He leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. “They're going to catch us."

  Fuzzy echoed him.

  Sylo glanced over his shoulder, glaring at them both. “Would you two shut up? I'll do the drivin—shit!” He just missed clipping a wing and set them in a twirl as he veered from folly, diving down through the belt in a stomach churning move.

  "Great. Now you've done it,” Hauk grumbled sickly.

  "Fuzz, find me someplace to hide before I do something stupid,” Sylo growled.