Intergalactic Pain in the Ass

by Jaide Fox

  Fuzzy pulled up a map on the screen, pointing at a speck.

  "Looks close enough to jump. Is it federation controlled?"

  Fuzzy shrugged.

  "Well, looks far enough away from every damned thing, they probably won't look for us there. Chart it. We'll make the jump as soon as I'm through this. I think I lost them far enough back with that last move,” Sylo said, pushing through into darkness.

  Hauk snorted, bracing himself for the jump. “I hate jumping."

  "Suck it up. No choice. We have to hide out for a little while. They'll never think to look for us on ... wherever it is."

  Yeah. He'd heard that before. Hauk grunted in response, closing his eyes as the room spun around him in a colorful blur. His body started to lift from his chair, pulling in a thousand directions as the ship jumped space.

  * * * *

  It was the roaring chirp of insects that woke her. For a minute, Cole thought she was back home, sleeping with the window open on a night after a rain.

  Groggily, Cole rolled over, intent in blocking the noise out with a pillow. That is, she tried to roll over. Her arms and legs wouldn't move. She blinked the sleep from her eyes, squashing her chin as she looked down at her feet.

  Her legs were strapped down to the bed. Craning her head, she couldn't see above, but she could feel that her arms were strapped down as well.

  What the hell had happened? The last thing she remembered was falling after one of those maniacs started the ship.

  Could it be they were actually interested in her as a sex slave? Cole frowned at that thought, almost tempted to laugh. She had no interest in being a boy toy—not that her wishes would ever come in to question—but frankly, she just didn't have what it took to drive the boy's wild. Aliens were weird though. There was no telling what in the world ran through their minds when they saw her.

  Cole examined herself. The rest of her body was basically free. If she could scrunch up a little, she was sure she could slip out from under the belts....

  Cole bounced and jiggled, freeing nothing but one boob from the indecent outfit she was wearing. She dropped her head on the bunk, exhausted from her struggles.

  Her breast poked up at the ceiling obscenely. She chewed the inside of her lip, considering what she was going to do.

  Obviously, the ship wasn't moving. It didn't feel like it, and she could still hear a cacophony of bugs outside, which told her they'd landed somewhere. Were the guys planning on using her as a sex slave?

  Footsteps sounded outside the room, coming closer. Cole panicked when she remembered her chest was half hanging out. She wiggled, willing it to move back in place, then blew at her hair, trying to cover herself, to no avail.

  The door slid open on a hiss of pressurized air. The blond-haired man stepped inside and stopped. His gaze seized on her breast, and he stopped breathing.

  Cole didn't stop breathing. She was suddenly panting, and she was determined not to let him think she was going to just lay still and let him do whatever he wanted. She tried to act unperturbed. “I was wondering when one of you would come in."

  He blinked, catching himself, and suddenly smiled. “Sorry to keep you waiting."

  She frowned.

  He bent over her. One of the thin braids of his hair trailed over her stomach as he leaned down. “I see you've fallen out. Let me help you get that back in."

  He closed his fingers over her breast, pressing it toward the edge of her jumpsuit. Her nipple immediately pebbled against his fingers. A flash of heat surged over her skin. Cole looked at his hand with dismay, unable to believe that so simple a touch could evoke such a response in her. She swallowed, hard, getting a hold of herself.

  He stopped instantly, releasing her, looking at her breast then drawing his gaze up to hers painstakingly slow. Cole felt it like a caress, and then he frowned, giving her a hard look beneath his dark, heavy eyebrows. “Are you enjoying this?” he demanded.

  She frowned back at him, irritated that he'd noted her response. “No!"

  His eyes narrowed. “Sure?"

  "I'm positive,” she gritted out, commanding her nipple to lay down as he touched her again. It only made it worse. A spasm of pleasure shot through her breast, curling down to her belly in liquid fire. Cole bit her lip, stifling the small gasp that wanted to tear from her throat.

  He squeezed her, pushing her back into place, dragging his callused fingertips across her flesh as he withdrew until she thought she'd scream. If she was able, she'd kick him in the head. Her opposite breast felt sorely ignored, while the other was hotly alive with pulsing awareness.

  He straightened and smiled. “Better?"

  She gave him a disgusted look “When are you letting me loose?” It had been way too long since she'd been laid, obviously, or she'd have never responded to such a perfunctory touch. The urge to beat him in the head came on her again.

  "I hadn't thought about it. I suppose I could now. There's no place you can run off to. You're not going to run, are you?"

  Run? On some alien planet? It was too much to hope they'd reached Vulkahn already. She didn't remember hearing bugs there. Besides which, she'd be better off with them than on her own—she'd already experienced enough of the other aliens in the universe to last her a life time. “No,” she said truthfully.

  "All right If you cause trouble, I'll have to punish you."

  "Fine by me."

  He freed her, and she shook her arms and legs, working the blood flow back into them. She groaned, feeling bruised all over. That other guy needed his butt kicked for tearing out of Ustbol like that.

  "All right, well, you might as well meet the rest of the crew,” he said, opening the door and heading out to a common room. The hairy creature and the other man were sitting in front of a view screen, watching old Earth movies.

  Jesus! She had no idea how far couch potato syndrome had spread. If nothing else, Earth could claim that honor.

  "This is Sylo and Fuzzy.” Each nodded, barely taking their eyes from the screen. They were watching Star Trek.

  "And your name?"

  His brown eyes twinkled. “You may address me as Master."

  Chapter Four

  Cole sent a narrow eyed glared toward “Master” who was lounging against a rock a few feet away from the ship drinking brew and making helpful suggestions to Fuzzy and Sylo who were working on repairing the damage to the ship.

  "Dammit, Fuzzy!” Sylo exclaimed furiously from beneath the open panel. “Will you quit with that damn cutting torch! We're trying to put this thing back together, not cut it into scrap metal!"

  Fuzzy made a noise that was apparently supposed to be a laugh then began to chatter in that strange language that Cole couldn't understand, but Sylo apparently didn't have any trouble understanding.

  "I don't care if they do always use the cutting torch to weld in those old transmissions from Earth. You have to use the welder to put the metal together."

  "I hope none of the indigenous life is anywhere around, ‘cause if they are, the way you two are arguing, they're sure to hear us,” Hauk said between sips of brew.

  "Are they hostile?” she asked the jackass lazing against the rock.

  "Master,” he prompted. “Are they hostile, Master?"

  Cole gritted her teeth and mimicked him.

  He cocked an eyebrow at her. “You sure are cocky for a slave."

  Cole narrowed her eyes at him again but forced a tight smile. “Maybe because I'm not a slave?"

  "Weren't,” he corrected her. “You are now. I bought you fair and square."

  "Stole me you mean,” she muttered under her breath.

  "What's that, slave?"

  Cole gave him a look. “I'd really like a bath,” she said, changing the subject abruptly. “This place is so humid."

  She fanned her neck and chest, unconsciously drawing his attention to her wide cleavage and the trickles of sweat there. Cole stopped when his look threatened to set her blood to boiling.

  He clear
ed his throat, shifting in place and resting an arm on his lap. “The facilities on the ship are working. You don't need to ask my permission,” he said with a wave of his other hand, sloshing his brew.

  Cole had to curb the urge to find something big and heavy and whack him on his soft head with it. “I meant with water, ja—Master."

  "Water?” he exclaimed. “This world you're from must be very primitive."

  It occurred to Cole that he was being deliberately provocative. She eyed him with disfavor as he began to search the ground around him and finally lifted a container. Tipping it up to his head, he opened his mouth and allowed small wafer-like food to drop on his tongue.

  "What are you eating?” she asked abruptly.

  "Just some energy chips. We're out of food. Fuzzy ate most of it. Want some?” he offered, pouring a few into his hand and holding it out.

  Cole moved a little closer and inspected them. Picking one up, she sniffed it. It looked and smelled like a guacamole chip. A segment of an old Sci-Fi movie popped into her head, however ... and a purely malicious thought. She widened her eyes as if horrified. “It's soylent green,” she cried, slapping the chips out of his hand. “Soylent green is people! It's people!"

  He swallowed audibly, turning a sickly shade of green. “What?"

  She snickered. “Just kidding. Heh heh. Don't tell me you've never seen that old Sci-Fi transmission from Earth?"

  Fuzzy and Sylo both snickered. “You fell right into that one, Sharmin,” Sylo called to him.

  "Charmin?” She chortled, giggling, and giggling harder when he frowned fiercely at her.

  He glared at her. “What is so funny?"

  Cole caught her breath, holding her sides. “Oh, nothing.” Cole threw a glance at Sylo and Fuzzy to see if they'd gotten the joke. Sylo stared at her curiously for several moments, and then light dawned and he sniggered.

  "Oh, you think it's funny too? Well, why don't someone fill me in on the joke?"

  "The transmissions,” Sylo exclaimed. “You know, that primitive stuff that Earth people use to wipe their—"

  Sharmin's eyes narrowed. “I'm surrounded by a bunch of children. You can't think of anything better to do than call names?"

  "I'm hot, tired, and bored,” Cole said plaintively, feeling a little childish, now that he mentioned it. “Didn't someone say there's a lake near here?"

  "About a quarter of a mile from here. That way,” Sylo supplied. “Why?"

  "Because I want to take a bath!"

  "Oh no you don't,” Sharmin said. “I'm in no mood to chase your shapely ass all over this planet."

  "Why would I run,” Cole said indignantly. “It's not like I could get home from here."

  "She's got a point,” Sylo put in.

  "Stay out of this,” Sharmin snarled irritably. “Even if she doesn't have plans of escape, how do we know it's safe? We don't know anything about this planet."

  "The water is just plain H2O,” Sylo said. “We checked out everything when we landed."

  "Yeah, but we don't know anything about the natives. There was nothing in the data banks."

  "You could always let me take your gun,” Cole suggested hopefully.

  "As if you could use it,” Sharmin said sarcastically.

  Cole planted her hands on her hips. “Look buddy, where I come from, I happen to be a cop. I know how to handle myself, and I certainly know how to use a weapon."

  "Right,” Hauk snapped. “Like you did that time when—” He broke off abruptly, realizing that knowledge of that little incident would give away his disguise. “Anyway, I'm not about to hand my piece over to a slave."

  Cole's eyes narrowed. She hadn't missed the abrupt change in his speech, but he couldn't possibly have any knowledge about her first visit to Zampi Space Station when she and Sam had first been captured, unless.... She looked him over critically, but she knew she'd never seen him before. On the other hand, that didn't rule out the possibility that he knew some of the guys that had been instrumental in her original capture. “You don't know this asshole named Hauk do you?"

  His face reddened. His lips tightened with barely suppressed anger. “No,” he said through gritted teeth.

  Cole didn't really believe him, but she couldn't see how it might change her situation either. If he was friends with Hauk, the chances were better than even that he was as big an asshole as Hauk was, which she could well believe. Master my behind. “So, can I go?” she asked suddenly.

  Sharmin gave her a sulky look. “Suit yourself. But if you get hold of some horrible beast, don't come screaming to me."

  Ignoring that last remark, Cole turned around and stalked off to the pool she'd been directed to. Reaching it to her relief without incident, she sat down on the bank for a little while, dipping her feet in the water and glancing around now and then to make certain Sharmin hadn't decided to follow her. It'd be just like that jerk to wait for her to strip and sneak up and watch.

  Finally, feeling just a tad miffed that he hadn't followed her, she got up and discarded her clothing, wading out into the water cautiously. The water felt wonderful. She swam for a little while, allowing it to soothe her chafed nerves and cool her down. Finally feeling refreshed, she looked around again to make certain Sharmin hadn't sneaked up while she was swimming, and when she was sure she was alone, she waded out, sloughing the excess water from her body and hair with her hands.

  She was still too wet to put her clothing on, however. There was no way she'd get that skin tight outfit up wet skin. She'd been too ticked off after her discussion with Sharmin to think about bringing something to dry off with. Deciding there was no hope for it, that she had to wait to air dry, she tore off a large leaf from a plant nearby and began fanning herself to hurry the process along. No way was she going to lay down and sun dry—that was just asking for trouble.

  Abruptly, a high piercing call came through the wooded area that surrounded the small lake. Cole froze, listening intently. Some kind of bird? she wondered.

  "Whooooopeeeee. Whooooopeeeeeee,” the sound came again.

  "That's a weird bird call,” Cole muttered. Glancing around uneasily, she began to shuffle toward the jumpsuit she'd discarded. She'd almost reached it when she heard the sound again, almost directly behind her.

  Gasping, she whirled to face the threat and gaped at the creatures standing not six feet from her in stunned surprise. A chuckle escaped her. “They look like little teddy bears! How cute!"

  The closest one snarled, showing two rows of jagged teeth, and lifted something that looked ominously like a spear in a threatening attitude.

  "You can't be serious!"

  As a half a dozen of them advanced on her, Cole realized they were deadly serious, and despite their disarming appearance, she had a very bad feeling that these were not the sort of creatures she wanted to tangle with. Whirling, she darted off in the general direction of the ship, every part of her body that could possibly jiggle, jouncing obscenely, as she made a mad dash for freedom.

  She hadn't gone far when something hard and furry caught her around the ankles, and she did a belly flop that knocked the wind out of her. Before she could even catch her breath and try to struggle, she found herself trussed like a thanksgiving turkey.

  * * * *

  Hauk jerked upright. Frowning, he looked around, cocking his head to one side to listen for the strange noise that had startled him from his half slumber. “Did you hear that?"

  "What?” Sylo asked, coming out of the ship just then.

  "I thought I heard something,” he said, rubbing his eyes before looking around.

  "What did it sound like?” Sylo asked curiously.

  Hauk shrugged and yawned. “Bird call maybe?"

  Sylo looked around. “Cole ain't back yet?"

  Hauk sat up straighter. He'd lost his buzz. “What do you mean she isn't back yet? How long has she been gone?"

  Sylo shrugged. “Seemed to me it'd been a couple hours."

  Hauk staggered to his feet, weaving
slightly, trying to shake the fumes of the brew from his fogged mind. “Seriously? Federation damn it to hell! I knew that woman was trouble. I knew she'd take off at the first opportunity."

  Sylo gave him a look. “Why'd you let her go off then?"

  Hauk glared at him. “She probably just got lost,” he said sulkily.

  "Well, you better go hunt her."

  "What do you mean, me? You aren't going to help me?” Hauk demanded.

  "Somebody has to fix this ship. If I leave Fuzz here alone, Fuzz'll have the whole ship disassembled by the time I get back."

  Heaving a long suffering sigh, Hauk started off in the direction of the lake. “If I ain't back pretty quick, you better come look for me, ‘cause I've still got enough of a buzz, I'm not sure I can find my own way back."

  "Sure thing, buddy,” Sylo said, settling in the spot Hauk had just vacated and lifting a brew to his lips.

  Hauk glared at him a moment. He had a bad feeling that it might be a while before Sylo thought to look for either of them if he didn't make it back. “If you take off without me, I'm gonna beat the shit out of you the next time I find you."

  "You and whose army?” Sylo called back to him, chuckling.

  Deciding to ignore that remark, Hauk made his way slowly to the lake. He was uneasy enough, by now, that he would have hurried. Unfortunately, the ground was uneven, and several times he stumbled right off the path and into a tree.

  He started yelling her name as soon as he caught his first glimpse of the lake. As tempting as it was to sneak up on her and possibly get a good view of her charms, he wasn't convinced that he was currently in any condition to fight her off if she decided to take exception to his interests. At least if he warned her he was coming, she couldn't try to punch his lights out. On the other hand, the woman was damned unreasonable—you just never knew about her.

  She didn't respond, however, and when he reached the lake, he stood staring at the water for some time, blankly, before looking around. He found her discarded jumpsuit in a pile nearby, and it sobered him instantly.

  Before his imagination could fully comprehend the ramifications of a jumpsuit and no sign of Cole, a strange noise caught his attention. “Whooooopeeeeeee."