Lord Harrow's Heart

by Susan M. Baganz

  The next morning, she arrived in the private parlor early and encountered Marcus, Michael, and Phillip. She sat to pour some coffee and helped herself to some of the food. The sun was beginning to peek past the horizon.

  “We will depart as soon as you are ready, Lady St. John,” Phillip remarked.

  “Where is Lord Harrow?” she asked. She had looked forward to time together with him in the carriage today. Being near him was a comfort she was wondering if she could ever live without again.

  “He rode on ahead of us to alert his staff and have the carriage made ready,” Marcus stated.

  “Oh.” She experienced a deep sense of loss and suddenly had no more appetite. She rose. “Let us be off.”

  Phillip escorted her out the door and assisted her into the carriage.

  The sky appeared ominously dark even as the sun was trying to poke past the trees to the east of them.

  The carriage took off at a spanking pace. Realizing they didn’t need to make the horses last for long, Marcus ran them so they could reach Hartview in good time.

  When they crested the hill before descending into the valley where Hartview was nestled, Valeria gazed out the window in wonder. The woods and the gardens were spectacular. The building was Palladian in style and well-maintained. The stables off to the north were also tidy and well-kept. The sun broke through the clouds casting a golden glow on the mansion and Valeria found herself longing for time to explore the home that Theo had grown up in, as if doing so would give her greater insight into the man she was coming to love.

  Love? Did she even understand what that was? It had been so long. But if this was love, she wanted more of it. She wanted Lord Theodore Harrow for her own. The realization shook her to her core.

  ~*~

  Theo greeted the group and moved to let down the carriage stairs to assist Lady St. John. The minute her feet hit the ground he released his grasp of her. He motioned for the group to enter the mansion for a brief rest before they resumed their journey with fresh horses and his own carriage.

  Theo was loath to let Valeria go but after the reminder last night of his past, the love that destroyed and took his mother from him, he needed to pull back. Lady St. John made it clear she did not want to marry. Why would he waste his time pursuing a woman who did not want him? Her kisses drove him wild, but he needed to step away from the temptation she presented. The temptation to love when it wasn’t returned came with the vain hope that, someday, she would find him worthy enough. Would any woman? His fingers still tingled for minutes after releasing her and escorting his friends into the house.

  The meal was brief, and his chef packed a basket for the carriage.

  “Michael, I can drive the carriage now if you would like a breather,” Theo offered.

  “I’m glad you didn’t purchase that matched pair. Given your poor judgement in even considering them, I think Michael should drive.” Phillip grinned and nudged Michael who nodded.

  “I did not buy that pair. While they were beautiful to look at, they almost killed Lady St. John.” All the men glanced at the woman who still wore her arm in a sling. “I have a full stable and a surefooted pair that will likely be able to take us as far as Corby if handled well.”

  Michael shrugged. “I’m fine riding alongside. It will feel good to not be bouncing my bottom for miles and miles.”

  “Fine. It is settled. Shall we head out?”

  Marcus helped Valeria to rise. She glanced over at Theo with an eyebrow raised but permitted Lord Remington to assist her in entering the carriage.

  Theo climbed on top, took the reins in hand and started out. The men joining behind on horseback.

  The miles passed with the steady clomping of the horses’ hooves and the bouncing of the well sprung carriage over the rutted roads. Theo kept a cautious gaze to the sky as dark clouds drew nearer. He was grateful for his hat and his many caped coat. Even if it were to rain they could make good time if the roads were not too muddy.

  The rain did come accompanied by thunder. The horses skittered at the sound and the flashing of lightning.

  Michael rode on ahead to arrange for rooms in Corby at the Hen and Rooster.

  The rain slowed to a mere sprinkle. Still, Theo looked forward to drying off for a spell before resuming their journey. A tingle went up Theo’s spine as they turned a corner in the road and he pulled the horses to a stop at a large tree that had either fallen, or been strategically placed there. He reached for his gun as he tied off the reins and stepped down. He knocked on the door of the carriage. “Stay put and keep your head down.”

  Phillip and Marcus dismounted and tied their horses to the carriage as they came around, also with hands on their guns.

  Theo surveyed the scene. “It was moved. This tree did not fall between Michael’s passing here and our arrival.”

  A scream rent the air.

  The three men turned to see a brute removing Valeria forcibly from the carriage.

  Theo leveled his gun but the man holding Valeria was hiding behind her with a knife to the side of her throat.

  Valeria’s eyes were closed but she opened them and spoke calmly. “Theo, promise me you will find Dartanian and care for him.”

  “There will be no need of that,” Theo responded as his gun wavered.

  Phillip had managed to move around the far side of the carriage and was working his way up behind the man.

  Marcus stood by Theo’s side with his gun also drawn but not aimed.

  “Go ahead and try to kill me,” the thug said. He had an advantage as Lady St. John was taller than him and provided him with complete coverage.

  “It would be my pleasure,” Theo responded. His eyes bored into Valeria’s. He moved his eyes to the side and back.

  She got the message. She stomped down hard with her heel on the thug’s foot and spun away.

  Theo shot.

  The man went down.

  Theo rushed to Valeria’s side as Marcus reconnoitered the area to ensure that there were no other attackers.

  Phillip checked the fallen man and looked to Theo.

  “He’s dead. You haven’t lost your touch, Theo. I would hate to ever have to meet you for a duel.” Phillip rolled the man off the road and into the ditch and went to find his horse that had whinnied when the gun fired.

  Theo helped Valeria to her feet from the muddy road where she’d fallen. She was holding her right arm and biting her lower lip.

  “Did you re-injure yourself?”

  She nodded and blinked back tears.

  Theo brought her back to the carriage and bade her to sit inside without a word spoken. He pulled a flask of brandy out of a pocket in the carriage, unscrewed the top, and handed it to her. “This will take the edge off the pain.”

  She sipped from the metal bottle. She leaned back against the squabs and her shoulders dropped as she tried to relax.

  “This was my fault. I suspected a trap and left you unprotected. Please forgive me, Lady St. John.”

  “Valeria. I want to hear my name on your tongue.” She gazed at his lips, and then back to his eyes. “You have nothing to forgive. I also should have been prepared for this possibility.” She reached for her reticule and pulled out a small pistol. She opened the chamber and out dropped the bullet. “I possessed a tool to protect myself and failed to use it. The fault lies with me.”

  Theo noted the cut on her neck where the knife had been pressing in, pulled out his handkerchief, and applied it to the small wound. Valeria put her fingers over his and he quickly removed his hand, leaving the cloth for her to handle. He swallowed hard. Why was every move this woman made so fascinating to him? He had been terrified when he’d realized the danger she was in. He nodded to Lady St. John and stepped out of the carriage.

  Theo never had to kill before, but he had no regrets having done so today. Still, the fear he experienced at seeing Valeria in danger made him want to retch. He stepped off the road for a moment in the woods under the pretense of needing to relieve
himself. Instead he vomited the contents of his breakfast. He finally stood up straight and headed back to the carriage.

  Marcus and Phillip managed to roll the log off the road.

  Theo helped himself to his own flask of brandy as the storm clouds unleashed their fury around him. Despite the rain, they resumed their journey to Corby unimpaired and arrived at the Hen and Rooster later than anticipated.

  Michael arranged a private parlour for them as well as lodging for the night.

  Theo managed to change into drier clothing and found himself alone in the private parlor. He was into his second tankard when Michael arrived.

  “Phillip told me about what happened out there. We may need to come up with a better plan to protect Lady St. John.”

  “I suppose you have an idea, Michael?” Theo was experiencing numbness with his third tankard of ale. Dinner had not yet arrived.

  “I think you need to return to the carriage with her.”

  “No.”

  “Why not? You admire her and have not been averse to her company before this. Why not ride in comfort in your own carriage?”

  “Back off, Michael.”

  Michael’s eyes narrowed as he came to stand before the much taller Theo. “What is wrong with you?”

  Theo slammed his mug down and grabbed Michael by the cravat, almost lifting the smaller man off his feet. “I asked you to leave me alone,” he said through gritted teeth.

  Michael never flinched as he stared into Theo’s eyes, and answered with a low voice. “Or what?”

  Theo released Michael with a shove.

  Michael wouldn’t back down from a fight. He might be smaller, but he was scrappy and was well-trained in street fighting.

  Theo picked up his mug, went to the fireplace, and drank deeply of the bitter brew. What was wrong with him? He had never before been so discouraged.

  “Theo?” Michael had righted himself after being pushed back.

  “I’m a buffleheaded idiot.” Theo turned, threw the mug, and shattered it against the far wall.

  Michael ducked even though the mug had not come near him. Theo stormed toward the door and was there when it opened.

  Valeria almost ran into him.

  Theo stepped back. He looked at the woman he feared he would lose. He swallowed hard. “Lady St. John.” He bowed, pushed past her, and rushed up the stairs to his room. Once inside the door he threw some kindling on the banked fire and pulled out a flask from his inner coat pocket that he had filled earlier. He dumped some of the brandy on the fire and jumped back as the flames exploded. Slumping in the chair by the blazing fire, he drank deeply from the flask, relishing the burn as it went down his throat—welcoming the numbness to his senses. He closed his eyes and let his entire body finally relax for the first time since the previous evening.

  He never heard the knock on the door but the water splashing on his face got his attention. Sputtering he struggled to open his eyes and found Marcus standing before him.

  “Theo. You are three sheets to the wind. I do not know if I have ever seen you like this.” Marcus pulled up a straight-backed chair and flipped it around. He sat on it with his legs spread and his arms folded over the back side.

  Theo observed as if from some hazy otherworld. “I’ll be fine by morning.” Theo’s tongue had grown two sizes and did not work right. Still, he raised his flask, uncapped it, and drank some more. This time the burn was coming back up on him. He could feel his heartbeat throughout his entire body.

  “We’ve been friends for a long time, Theo. Never once have you threatened anyone, much less tried to intimidate one of us,” Marcus stated. “We are worried about you. Ever since last night…” Marcus lifted a hand and rubbed his forehead. “It has to do with your parents, right?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “How many times over the years have I poured my heart out to you, Theo? Give me an opportunity to reciprocate.” Marcus gazed at his friend, warm brown eyes radiating warmth, not a threat.

  “I can’t be around her, Marcus.”

  “Who?”

  “Valeria. Lady St. John.”

  “Why? I thought you were halfway to falling in love with her.”

  “She won’t have me. I’m tired of being on the outside.”

  Marcus’s brow furrowed. “I don’t understand.”

  Theo waved a hand lazily at him. “How would you? Everyone always loved you. You never had any doubt growing up that you were wanted and special. Even Josie couldn’t deny her love for you for long. But me?” Theo pointed an unsteady finger at his chest and poked himself a few times. Watching his finger was fascinating as it bounced off his chest. He almost forgot the topic of conversation. “No one wants me.”

  “You have not been our friend over the years out of pity, Theo.”

  “Perhaps not, but now that you are all happily married and having babies, I’m not content to be the jolly uncle anymore. It hurts,” he poked himself some more in his chest, “right here.”

  “If you want Lady St. John, woo her. Court her. Give her a chance.”

  Theo waved his hand at his friend. “She’s declared she will never remarry. A love affair would be fine but not marriage. But I don’t want a mistress. I want a wife. Children. Love.” Theo closed his eyes as despair washed over him.

  “Come on big guy, let’s get you to your bed. We all want those things for you too.”

  Theo was unsteady on his feet as Marcus looped an arm around his neck and half walked, half dragged him to the bed. Theo fell onto the mattress face first.

  “Can’t do the carriage tomorrow.”

  “Why?”

  “I might kiss her.”

  Marcus chuckled. “Theo, only you care enough about her to keep her safe and the rest of us, we’re all married. Our wives would not want us in there alone. So, sorry ol’ chap, but you’re the man for the job.”

  Theo would have responded but his eyes closed, and his tongue felt like lead. He even heard himself snore as he slipped off into oblivion.

  ~*~

  Valeria did not know what to make of Lord Harrow the following day. He mumbled a greeting as they broke their fast and after helping her into the carriage he climbed in and made a vain attempt to snuggle into the furthest corner. He closed his eyes but she could tell he was not sleeping. He did not look at her or speak.

  Michael had spoken briefly with Marcus after Theo left the room abruptly. The broken ceramic mug laying on the floor gave testimony to the tension that had been in the room prior to their arrival. That the argument may have been about her was only confirmed when Michael and Marcus both glanced over at her during their whispering in the corner.

  Valeria decided that a day alone in a carriage was painful, but a day in a carriage with a man who refused to talk or look at her was even more so. “Theodore?”

  “Hmm?” He opened his bloodshot eyes but did not glance her way.

  “Are you unwell?”

  “If I am, it is my own fault. Nothing to concern your pretty head over.”

  Pretty? Well, at least that was something positive. “I am concerned. I hoped we would be friends, but you’ve hardly said more than a handful of words since the past two nights. I wanted to apologize if I said or did anything to offend you.”

  At this, Theo looked over at her. His eyes were a pale, bleak gray. His face was haggard in appearance.

  “You overindulged last night, didn’t you?”

  Theo only shrugged and turned his head away.

  He never appeared to her to be a man who was given to drink.

  “Imbécile parfait,” she murmured under her breath.

  “I prefer buffleheaded idiot.” He gave her a wry grin. “I did not mean to take my foul mood out on you. You’ve done nothing to apologize for.”

  Valeria was confused. She did nothing, yet he seemed to be withholding himself from her. “Why won’t you talk to me?”

  “I am talking to you. I’m more in the mood for solitude today
.” He turned and gazed out the window again.

  “I’m sure your head is giving you enough noise for now. I will leave you to yourself.”

  His grimace and wrinkled forehead indicated troubled thoughts. What more could she do for him? He had done so much to protect and care for her and now, now she wished she could return the favor. But how? She asked God about it. Then she turned her mind to her concerns for Dartanian.

  Her son was young, and he had been afraid of his father and grandfather as they’d treated him harshly. He had never really opened up and been comfortable around men until Lord Harrow entered their lives. She glanced back at that man who was now snoring softly in the corner. He would make a wonderful father someday. He would be the one she would be willing to make babies with. Traitorous heart!

  What was it about this man that made her want to give up her vow to avoid men at all costs? She knew with certainty that yesterday when he pointed that gun towards her and indicated that she should act fast, that he would have done anything to save her had it been within his power. She had seen him turn white when the bullet found its home. The sight had shaken her, but he had kept her from looking at the body as Phillip dealt with it. Theo shook as he placed her back in the carriage and without her speaking had understood her pain.

  Her collarbone still ached, and she figured it would be a few more weeks before the bone healed. His protectiveness toward her could not be due to that initial accident, could it? She did not want to be loved out of pity, for how long would that last? But she sensed more noble depths in the man across from her. A man who would seek her safety before his own. A man who had killed for her. A man who set aside his comfortable life to help her find her son. A man who commanded the loyalty of friends who were willing to abandon all to assist her. This man was nothing like her deceased husband. Nothing at all.

  ~*~

  The day dragged on and Theo was miserable. The scent of orange blossoms filled the air in the close confines of the carriage. When they would hit a particularly deep rut in the road he could tell it caused her pain even though she made no sound. Never in all his life had he wanted to protect a woman more than this one. It tore him up inside that she wanted nothing to do with him other than to be a friend.