Lord Harrow's Heart

by Susan M. Baganz

  On the third day, he opened his eyes and they no longer held that glassy look. He took in the ceiling with its wooden beams, the far wall, and finally his gaze rested on her. “Valeria? What are you doing here?”

  “You have been very ill, I have been nursing you back to the land of the living.”

  “I’m warm under all these blankets.” He moved to take them off but realized quickly how little he was wearing underneath them. “Perhaps someone else can come to help me?” The color rose in his cheeks.

  She bit back a smile. “If you insist. I will see if Lord Remington is available.” She rose and left the room.

  ~*~

  Theo needed to use the chamber pot, but a lady was in the room. As soon as she left he threw back the covers and welcomed the cooler air. His hair felt damp. He must have had a fever because he was weak. He managed to take care of his needs before he collapsed back into the bed. He threw one sheet over himself in case Lady St. John returned.

  Someone knocked at the door.

  “Who is it?”

  “Marcus.”

  “Enter.”

  Marcus came into the room appearing hearty and whole. If he remembered correctly Marcus and Jared were the only two to come through their adventures unscathed. “What happened? How did I get here?”

  Marcus sat down. “I have a maid coming soon with a bath for you and some food.”

  “My question?”

  Marcus laughed. “You never used to be this impatient, Theo. You had influenza. Between rescuing Lady St. John from the fire and driving that carriage with insufficient clothing through the damp and cold early morning hours, by the time we reached Stone you were barely functioning. You got us our rooms and went straight to bed. It wasn’t until later when I came to check on you, that we realized how ill you were.”

  “How long?”

  “Three days.”

  Theo groaned. “Is Dartanian safe?”

  “We’ve managed to keep everyone alive for the nonce. I even purchased some clothing to replace your singed articles. We will see how you fare today and perhaps we can depart tomorrow and make Rugley or Lichfield. I will drive the carriage since neither you nor Michael will be physically ready for that.”

  “True, but am I ready to spend days in a carriage with Lady St. John?” Theo asked.

  Marcus grinned. “Whether you are ready or not, you will need to. Perhaps in a few days we will reach Rose Hill and you will be free to leave if you desire and return your carriage to Hartview.”

  “If I desire.” Theo grimaced. “That seems to be the crux of my problem, Marcus—desire.”

  ~*~

  Valeria didn’t know what to do or say as they entered the carriage the next day. She hoped to talk with Theo privately but after he awakened from his fever she was denied access to his room.

  Dartanian recovered from his illness and the fire in fine form and was as chatty as he ever could be.

  “Dartanian, how does it feel to be a peer of the realm now?” Michael’s cheeky grin was back.

  “I’m more important than Lord Harrow!” the boy crowed. His eyes were bright, and he bounced in the seat.

  Theo smiled kindly at the boy’s antics.

  “Dartanian, no one is more important than anyone else. We all have equal value in the eyes of God,” Valeria said.

  “But, Maman, I’m a lord now. Isn’t that like being God?”

  Theo laughed. “Oh, if only that were true, Dartanian. Then you and I could have anything we would want and would not need to work for it.”

  “I want a pony. Can I have a pony, Maman?” The boy put pressure on Valeria’s right arm and she winced.

  “Young man, be gentle with your mother. A gentleman always treats a woman with respect.” Theo’s tone was serious.

  The boy’s eyes filled with tears. “Maman je suis désdé.”

  Valeria wiped her son’s tears. “I forgive you, mon enfant.”

  “I’m not a baby anymore, Maman. I am a lord and I want a pony.” The young boy set his jaw and narrowed his eyes.

  “We will need to see what the trustees of your estate will say about that. Lords do not have as many choices until they are grown.”

  “Like Lord Harrow?”

  Valeria smiled. “Yes, like Lord Harrow.”

  Theo mustered a weak grin.

  “Do you get whatever you want, Lord Harrow?”

  Valeria found Theo’s gaze boring into hers, his eyes a deep green. “No, son, I do not.” He broke the gaze and turned to her son. “I have many material blessings due to my wealth and title, but love cannot be bought.”

  “We will love you, won’t we, Maman?”

  Theo wordlessly gazed out the window.

  Valeria’s heart ached for him because she understood exactly how he felt.

  ~*~

  Theo was thankful that Valeria was alive and well sitting across from him. Dartanian had survived. God had answered his prayers and even helped him rescue her from the fire.

  He promised God that he would give up Valeria if God would spare her life. Theo was, above all, a man of his word. If she was leaving the country it would be easier to bear, but now? Now she would be able to mix amongst the beau monde. He would see her on a regular basis. He would stand by and watch her flirt and dance with everyone but him. She was off limits.

  He’d prayed a lot in his room yesterday as he rested. A Bible had been left. He had spent time reading it and he asked Marcus pointed questions about faith and if he really was now a follower of Jesus.

  God had rescued them. He could no longer deny that God was what he needed to fill the empty void in his soul. He was at peace for the first time in forever. His father may have shamed him and his mother died leaving him lost and alone. He had never experienced the love of a woman and now his heart broke because the one woman he hoped for and desired sat across a carriage from him, tantalizing him with her honey-colored hair. Even her premade, homespun dress did nothing to hide her elegance and beauty.

  But lords did not get everything they wanted in life. He’d learned that long ago. God showed him that Jesus provided everything he needed. He had friends who were willing to sacrifice to help him. Friends who never left him out in the cold, who never failed to show him and tell him about God’s love for him. He was such an idiot to have taken this long to finally surrender to Christ.

  But now that he had, he could not forsake his vow. God answered, and Theo would step aside and trust that somehow God had someone better for him to take to wife. He could not imagine anyone more perfect for that role than the woman across the seat from him. One look at her delectable lips and he was transported back to what it was like to kiss her. To taste her. To hold her in his arms.

  Lord, please take these memories away! But did he really want them gone when he was alone at Hartview or in his townhouse? Would those memories comfort or torture him in the years to come? And would any woman be able to surpass the emotions this woman evoked in him?

  He didn’t have any answers. Only questions. He was anxious to get to Rose Hill so he could depart as quickly as possible and avoid seeing the woman of his dreams again. A black cloud settled on his shoulder with these thoughts. He would study God’s word, try to grow in his faith, and trust that God, as the true Lord, would provide.

  ~*~

  Valeria and Dartanian slept during parts of the carriage rides.

  When awake, Michael would try to entertain them, but he was still in considerable pain from his beating, and the jostling of even this well sprung carriage was taking a toll on his energy.

  Dartanian was undaunted by the adventure. He asked Theo questions about what his future responsibilities would be, and Theo and Michael told him what to expect when it came time to go away to school. Dartanian was not too sure he wanted that.

  Valeria giggled at some of the tales Michael told his nephew and she was grateful that Dartanian still had one family member in his life who was worth looking up to and modeling after.

&
nbsp; Theo was polite and respectful. He told stories with Dartanian sitting in his lap as if’d he always belonged there.

  Valeria’s heart ached for Dartanian to know someone like Theo as a father. Gentle. Patient. Sweet.

  Another night and another inn and Valeria still felt shut out from the man who had stolen her heart and made her want to believe in love.

  “Lady St. John. Come take a walk with me in the garden.” Marcus extended an arm to her and escorted her out of the inn. “If the weather holds and we escape any trouble, we may reach Rose Hill tomorrow night.”

  Valeria smiled.

  As they entered the garden she dropped her arm and walked side by side with him. “I look forward to getting better acquainted with Josie, Beth, and Katrina.”

  “You are welcome to stay with us as long as you need to. You belong to a unique group of women who have all been impacted by the Black Diamond in some way or another. I am fortunate that Josie was spared worse than what she endured with Lord Bastion.”

  “Archibald was a dirty dish,” she said flatly and gave an involuntary shiver.

  “Did he…? Wait. I do not really wish to know.” The handsome Viscount frowned.

  Valeria bit her lip. There were so many things she wished she did not know.

  “I wanted to share that after you were booted from Theo’s room, he and I had several hours to talk.”

  She raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

  “Theo has accepted Christ. He did so while at the Diamonte estate.”

  Valeria smiled. “That is wonderful news. Why has he spent the last few days looking as though someone has died?”

  Marcus shrugged. “That I wish I understood. He admires you greatly. But why he is so distant, I cannot tell you for he has not confided in me.”

  “Thank you for enlightening me as to his spiritual state. That eases my mind.”

  “I think you need to know that he plans to leave Rose Hill the day after we arrive.”

  “By himself?”

  Marcus nodded. “He plans to return his carriage to Hartview.”

  “There is a rush to return?” This made no sense. He pursued her, now he shut her out and was running away.

  “No one awaits him at home. He truly has no one but us to call his family.”

  “This makes no sense.”

  “I agree. Have you had some sort of disagreement?” Marcus frowned.

  Valeria shook her head.

  “I am sorry. I had hoped...”

  “So had I.”

  ~*~

  Valeria tucked her son into bed that night and experienced a deep sense of loss.

  Marcus knocked. “I can sit with the lad for a while.”

  She went to seek out Theo.

  Michael was leaving the parlor when she came to the bottom of the stairs.

  “Lord Harrow?” she asked.

  “He is within,” Michael said. He gave her a wink before ascending the stairs.

  She entered the parlour.

  Theo sat by the fireplace with his head back and his eyes closed.

  She walked as softly as she could, thankful for slippers instead of the harder soles of her boots. She came up behind him, placed her hands on his shoulders, and began to work out the knots.

  Theo jumped at her touch but let out a deep breath and relaxed into it. Neither said a word.

  Valeria started to massage his head and reveled in the feeling of his soft hair. She massaged his scalp and worked her way to the furrows on his forehead and between his eyes. She even massaged his jaw which was clenched together tightly. She came around to the front of his chair and leaned in to give him a kiss.

  Theo’s eyes popped open, He gently pushed her away and strode to the other side of the room where he commenced pacing.

  “What is it, Theo? What have I done to offend you?”

  “Offend me?” Theo turned to her with wide eyes. “What makes you think you offended me?”

  “You avoid me. You do not talk with me. You won’t even let me kiss you.” Valeria walked towards him.

  Theo put a hand up. “Do not come closer. Please.”

  “But why? You used to have no trouble being close to me.” Valeria hugged herself and bit her lip to hold back the burning of tears.

  Theo swallowed and continued pacing. “I cannot do this. I want to behave honorably to you. I vowed I would. You tempt me too much. I am sorry.” With that, Lord Harrow left the room. He took the stairs two at a time, if the speed he went up was any indication.

  Valeria went to her room, locked the door, and prayed for a way to regain what she had somehow lost with the gentle Marquess.

  12

  Theo was shaking when he left Valeria in the private parlour. Everything in him wanted to kiss her senseless but he had no right to do that. He was not her husband and never would be. Marcus told him that God gave a way out of temptation and that sometimes fleeing it was best. Flee was exactly what he planned to do. He knocked on Michael’s door.

  “Theo?” Michael had not undressed yet but had removed his cravat and boots. “Come in.”

  Theo shook his head. “No time. I wanted to tell you I’m leaving. I will hire a horse and head to Rose Hill.”

  “Why?” Michael tipped his head, compassion written in his brown eyes.

  “I want to do what’s right before God. I cannot stay any longer.” Theo hoped Michael understood what his words would not say. “I believe you and Marcus are capable of looking after Lady St. John and the boy.”

  Michael frowned. “We will see you at Rose Hill?”

  Theo nodded.

  “Travel safely, my friend.” He put a hand on Theo’s shoulder and squeezed. Theo returned the gesture. They both stepped back in silence as their arms fell.

  Theo nodded. “Safe travels to you as well.” He fled down the back stairs to avoid seeing Lady St. John.

  Theo hired a horse and rode through the night. It was almost too dark for safe travel on the roads. He took care when he could not see far in front of him. He patted his revolver to ensure that he was ready should there be any ne’er-do-wells about. He possessed nothing of value to steal anyway.

  Theo arrived at Rose Hill before sunrise. He rubbed down his horse and fell into a bed of hay so he would not disrupt the household. He was awakened to someone kicking him gently.

  “Theodore! We have plenty of rooms in the house. If you wanted to sleep, we were more than ready to accommodate you regardless of the time of your arrival.”

  Theo slowly opened his eyes to discover Marcus’s wife, Josie, standing there dressed for a ride. “I didn’t want to wake up your household.”

  “It is not an issue now. Go inside and get some food. Mrs. Hughes will take you to your regular room to rest. Where is my husband?”

  “He should be here later today. Have Phillip or Jared arrived yet?”

  “Phillip arrived yesterday and only told us that the Black Diamond is no more.”

  Theo rose to his feet and brushed his clothing off.

  “Jared?”

  “Apparently went to London and may need to depart quickly for the Peninsula. We may not be seeing him again for some time.”

  Theo nodded. “Well, my lovely lady, I will do your bidding and get some food and rest. I will see you later.”

  “You’d better believe you will. We all want to know what happened.”

  “That would really not be my story to tell.”

  “We’ll see about that.” With that the lovely dark-haired woman strode off to her horse and the waiting groom.

  Theo made his way inside to do exactly as she bid. He wondered if he could escape later before the interrogation began. At least Phillip was around to lend him aid should he need it.

  ~*~

  Valeria didn’t know whether to be furious or disappointed. Either way she wished for an opportunity to give Lord Harrow a piece of her mind. Riding off in the middle of the night? He was one of the few capable of defending them if they had any trouble. And even
if he would not talk to her she still enjoyed looking at him.

  Marcus would not tell her why Theo had departed. Or he didn’t know the reason. She thought he had some idea but was too loyal to his friend to share. She appreciated that about him.

  Michael was in more pain this morning and was sipping some brandy from a flask to help him endure the last leg of their journey.

  “I am sorry you are still suffering.” She patted Dartanian’s hair as he napped on her lap while looking across the carriage to the man who was her brother-in-law. The kitten was curled up in Michael’s lap getting equal attention.

  “It was worth it to serve you, Valeria. I may not appreciate the agony at the moment, but I will get better. I am alive and will return to my wife and child. What more could I ask for?”

  “You seem happy in your marriage.” Valeria experienced a stab of jealousy.

  Michael nodded and smiled. “I am indeed, but it was a rocky road to get there. I am grateful my wife did not give up on me. I doubt we would have made it through without knowing the Lord. Ask her yourself about the trouble it was getting me to be a husband. It’s not a pretty tale and I don’t make out well in it, but she has forgiven me, and God has granted me the life I never thought I would be able to have or deserved. I’m a blessed man and therein lies my contentment.”

  “I often believed I did not deserve that kind of happiness.” Valeria looked away. Sometimes Michael’s physical similarities to her husband unsettled her.

  “I’m sorry my half-brother wasn’t honorable. Having met my father, I’m glad I never met my brother. I almost wish I did not know who my father was. What have I gained from it? My wife was tortured and branded as a result of him. We all deserved better and someday, in heaven, we will have it. But I am certain God has some good yet in store for you here on this planet. Do you wish to remarry?”

  “I thought I would never want to after what I had suffered.”

  “But now?”

  Valeria bit her lip and glanced at Michael. “Now, if the right man proposed, I would gladly say yes.”

  “But he would need to be the right man?”

  Valeria quirked one corner of her mouth and nodded.