Lord Harrow's Heart

by Susan M. Baganz

  “Have you found him?”

  “I thought I had but I’m beginning to think I was mistaken.”

  “If you love him, do not give up. Sometimes we are a bit thick-skulled when it comes to women.” Michael mimed knocking on his head with a closed fist.

  Valeria laughed. “Women are not always very smart either.”

  “Don’t give up, Val.”

  She smiled. No one had ever given her a nickname before.

  ~*~

  Theo awoke and was grateful he always kept some of his clothing at Rose Hill since he spent more time at this estate than his own. He found his hostess and other guests in the drawing room enjoying their late afternoon tea.

  “Good to see you, ol’ man!” Phillip came forward to pat Theo on the back. He whispered, “Is everyone well?”

  Theo nodded. “I left them all well.”

  “What has delayed the group from getting here sooner? I expected to meet you here when I returned from the coast.” Phillip sat down.

  Theo greeted the ladies and sat as well. Katrina, Josie, and Beth all waited for him to answer. He explained the fire and the influenza. He made Katrina aware of Michael’s injuries, so she would not launch herself into her husband’s arms at his return as was her wont.

  “If everyone is well, why are you are here before them?” Katrina asked him.

  Theo sipped his tea. What was he to say? While they were all believers would they understand how he needed to flee the temptation that Valeria was to his very soul? “I need to get home. I actually may depart within the hour.”

  “Wait a minute.” Beth was speaking. “You went out of your way to help Lady St. John. You helped vanquish our darkest, most evil enemy. And now you want to go home? What are you running from, Theo?”

  “Myself, mostly.” Theo set his cup down and stood. “I have a confession to make.” He walked toward the fireplace and stoked the flames as it was cool in the room. “I accepted Christ on this journey.”

  “That’s wonderful news, Theo. We’ve all been praying for you.” Phillip came and patted him on the back. “But what does this have to do with you running from yourself?”

  “I made a vow to God and I am struggling to keep it. Marcus told me about how sometimes when faced with temptation we need to flee. Well, I’m fleeing.”

  The women frowned and looked at one another.

  “Temptation? Theo, you never even flirted with temptation. If you have ever given into any kind of such you have been discreet about it.” Phillip stood by Theo’s side with his arms folded.

  Theo felt surrounded. Lost. Alone. If he left he was leaving behind years of friendship with the only family he’d ever known. Cutting himself off from them to avoid Lady St. John was harsh and it grieved him.

  “Theo? What is really wrong?” Josie’s voice was soft. All of these women were like sisters he never had.

  He could only shake his head. “Excuse me.” He left the room, stopped in the study for brandy, ran to his room, locked the door and lost himself in the oblivion of the bottle.

  The brandy burned down his throat. His clothes were loose on him. He had lost weight on this journey and with his illness. He’d pulled a Bible off the library shelf earlier and now read Paul’s words about putting to death the old man, that all had become new. He definitely was grieving a death. Not that his previous life was all that spectacular and worthwhile. Sure he was a good landlord, but he was rarely home. His steward took care of things. He was a savvy investor having learned along with Marcus the best way to work the market. And he possessed wonderful friends.

  Friends who all had wives and children.

  Friends who would now embrace Valeria St. John.

  The one woman he had fallen in love with.

  The one woman he vowed to leave alone.

  Theo groaned out loud.

  She hadn’t wanted him anyway. She’d made it clear she did not want to marry—ever.

  He thought he could change her mind. But she’d planned to go to America. Now she was staying, and he didn’t know which hurt more—the idea of her leaving or the idea of her staying when he couldn’t have her for himself.

  She offered him a physical relationship and there was certainly chemistry there, but he believed that offer was off the table. Why she sought to kiss him was beyond him. Maybe she hoped to comfort him? He shook his head.

  He almost wished the thug had beaten him to death, so he wouldn’t need to suffer anymore. But that was only minutes before he had submitted to Christ and he would have been lost in hell for eternity. He shivered at the thought as he stared into the blazing fire before him.

  Instead he was in his own living hell. Eternally secure but determined he would live a life that would honor God. He didn’t understand much about how to do that though except for the way his friends lived their lives.

  He’d never been a man prone to impulsive decisions, but well and truly soused, he decided to head to the stables and take a ride. If the alcohol didn’t help him escape his broken heart, maybe a ride would.

  He stumbled in and managed to saddle one of Marcus’s mares. He almost fell off when he tried to get up over the horse, but she was well-trained and didn’t complain. He finally got on and although a bit dizzy he pulled the reins and headed out across one of the fields as the sun was setting. Maybe jumping a few hedges would help?

  ~*~

  Valeria was welcomed warmly by Lady Remington, Lady Westcombe, and Mrs. Tidley.

  Phillip, already reunited with his bride, escorted Dartanian up to the nursery.

  “I feel a bit de trop with all of you lovebirds.” Valeria tried to keep her voice light, teasing.

  Katrina stopped her. “I hope you do not feel left out. We have missed our husbands so and worried and prayed for you all on your journey.”

  “I am grateful for your prayers and for allowing your men to come to my aid.”

  Katrina smiled. “Well, for one, we urged them to go. We have longed for an end to the Black Diamond’s reign of terror over our lives. Although we had not been threatened for some time it was always there in the background, taunting us with the possibility that he could rise and strike again. And secondly, our husbands respect our wishes, but they will still do what they want.”

  Michael gave his wife a kiss and left her to care for Valeria. The Tidleys expected to leave for their estate in a day or two. Marcus greeted Josie warmly and the two went off to their quarters as well. Katrina walked Valeria to her suite.

  Valeria and Katrina entered the suite to find her belongings had been brought from London.

  Katrina broke the silence. “I thought that perhaps there were some sparks between you and Lord Harrow.”

  Valeria draped her cloak over a chair and walked to the window to look out into the darkness. The moon could not be seen and only a smattering of stars were visible through the clouds. “I thought so too.”

  “What happened?”

  “I wish I knew. He practically proposed, and I rejected him, but he continued to pursue me. When I knew that my father-in-law was no longer a threat, I suddenly realized I did not want to spend the rest of my days without being able to see Theo’s face. To feel his touch. To hear his soft voice...”

  “You are enamored of him.”

  Valeria nodded. “But after we defeated Diamonte, it was as if he changed. He became distant. Not rude or angry, just closed off.”

  Katrina smiled. “Maybe you need to kiss him.”

  Valeria turned to her new friend. “I have, and it was wonderful. But the last time I tried he hopped a horse and headed for the hills. Rose Hill, to be exact.”

  “I see...”

  “You do? Because I do not. The man is driving me crazy.”

  “Men have a tendency to do that, Valeria. At least the ones worth loving do.” Katrina gave Valeria a hug.

  “Now, let us get you ready for dinner. Perhaps we can help a bit where Lord Harrow is concerned.” She wiggled her eyebrows and Valeria could not he
lp but laugh.

  13

  “Buffleheaded idiot.” Theo awoke face down on the edge of the river bank. His clothing was soaked through and he was shivering from the cold. Mud coated his face and hands and his head spun. Of his horse, there was no sign. He tried to rise but instead threw up. Forcing himself up, he staggered to the top of the rise and fell backwards on the grass. The world spun circles. His body was numb, and he remembered how quickly he’d finished off that bottle of brandy. Perhaps if he closed his eyes he would not feel quite so dizzy.

  When he awoke later it was to rain softly falling on him. He sat up and struggled not to fall over. Even though he was not standing, he figured he could manage to fall over quite well. He laughed to himself. Since when had he ever gotten so drunk? His friends did not drink to excess and it was not something he’d ever had any inclination for.

  Lights moved off in the distance. How odd. The lights danced back and forth and he was entranced by them as it was all he could see in the darkness. Then he heard his name.

  Was this how one came to heaven? His clothes were soaked and covered with mud. His left arm and his leg ached. He tried to rise but intense pain forced him back down. He definitely was not ready to meet anyone in this condition. Perhaps if he were quiet they would pass him by.

  He tried to move to his hands and knees and crawl, but his left arm would not support any weight and his left knee and thigh hurt so bad he was laying back on his side in tears. He felt as if he was a child all over again. Humiliated. Alone. Beaten up.

  How had he become injured? Where was he? He really could not think straight anymore and closed his eyes against the cold and pain.

  ~*~

  Valeria paced back and forth in front of the fireplace.

  When Theo missed dinner, Marcus went to check up on him, found the room empty, and a bottle of brandy laying on the floor. He soon discovered that Theo had taken a horse out hours ago and had not returned. The horse had.

  It began to rain, and clouds obscured the moon. It was cold outside. Theo had only just recovered from influenza.

  She paced and prayed as Josie, Beth, and Katrina kept vigil with her.

  It was close to one in the morning when the men straggled in carrying an unconscious Theo.

  The women jumped into action and proceeded to prepare a bath.

  The men shoed them out so they could clean him up and get him to bed. A servant was awakened and Dr. Miller summoned.

  “I will sit with Theo tonight,” Valeria stated with her arms crossed.

  Marcus argued with her about it. “You are our guest and you need your rest. It has been a long and tiring day.”

  “And you three men have not seen your wives for quite some time due to helping me out. My son is well cared for and I want to do this.” Valeria stared down Marcus.

  Marcus turned to the rest of the men. “I suggest we all get some rest. Lady St. John will appraise us of the doctor’s orders when we rise in the morning.” With that he escorted the men and their wives out of the room and left Valeria alone by Theo’s bedside. The fire was blazing in the hearth and a lamp was lit by the bedside.

  “Valeria?” Theo mumbled, and his head moved back and forth but his eyes remained closed.

  “Yes, Theo. I am here. Rest now.”

  “My arm. My leg. Hurts.”

  “You are lucky you didn’t break your neck.”

  “Buffleheaded idiot.” The words were soft and slurred.

  “What?”

  “I’m a buffleheaded idiot.” He said it a bit louder and laughed. A paroxysm of coughing followed.

  Valeria lifted his head to help him drink some water.

  “I love you,” he said with a smile and began to snore.

  Valeria finger-combed his hair, still slightly damp from the dunking the men had given him to get the mud off.

  She leaned back and grinned. The buffleheaded idiot loved her, did he? Then why was he constantly running away?

  The doctor came and examined Theo while she stepped out of the room. When he brought her back in his expression was grave.

  “His lungs do not sound good. You said he recently recovered from influenza?”

  Valeria nodded.

  “I suspect he now has pneumonia, which can be quite deadly. He needs to rest with his head elevated. Lots of warm broth. I’ll be back later today to check up on him.”

  “Laudanum?”

  “Perhaps later today after the alcohol has worn off. He’ll be fairly miserable with the head he’ll have on top of the bruises and the pain in his chest. I don’t want him so drugged up that he cannot breathe or drink.”

  “Understood.”

  “It was a pleasure to meet you, Lady St. John. Lord Harrow is fortunate in his friends.” Dr. Miller put his hat on. “I’ll see myself out.”

  The door closed behind her and she glanced back at the man in the bed. She sat next to him and held his right hand in hers. “Oh, Theo. What have you done?”

  His eyes opened and were a bit glassy. “You’re still here?”

  She nodded.

  “I didn’t break my neck.”

  “No, you didn’t.”

  “Only broke my heart.”

  She tipped her head. “What?”

  “I love you but can’t have you. Rather break my neck.”

  Valeria put a hand to his forehead. He was hot. Between the alcohol and the fever, she wondered if he realized what he was saying.

  “Why can’t you have me, Theo?”

  “Made a bargain with God. He let you live and I gave you up.”

  “Did God ask you to give me up?”

  “No.”

  “Then how do you know He wants you to honor that vow?”

  “Because I made it and He kept his end of the deal.”

  “God did not need your bargain to save me, Theo.”

  “He didn’t? But I prayed.”

  “I’m glad you did. It shows me how much you love me.”

  “I love you, but you do not want to marry me.”

  “Why not, Theo? Why wouldn’t I want to marry a gentle, caring, and very handsome man like you?”

  Theo gave a silly grin. “You think I’m handsome?”

  “I most certainly do.”

  “You kiss really good. I like kissing you.”

  Valeria smiled. “You are the only man I’ve ever enjoyed kissing.”

  Theo’s eyes brightened. “Really?”

  Valeria nodded. “Really.”

  “You smell good. Will you kiss me?”

  “I do not think that would be a good idea. I will consider it when you are better.”

  “You are cruel.” Theo pouted.

  Valeria grinned and squeezed his hand. “Sleep now, Theo. I will be here when you wake up.”

  “You will stay with me?” His eyes were drooping.

  “As long as you need.”

  Theo’s eyes closed, and Valeria bent over to kiss his cheek. “I love you too, Theo,” she whispered in his ear. She sat down and kept vigil for the rest of the night basking in the knowledge that Theo loved her.

  ~*~

  Theo woke to intense pain and his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth. ‘Mwwr.”

  “What?” a soft, familiar female voice spoke.

  Theo barely heard through the pounding in his head, the throbbing pain in his arm and leg, and the heaviness in his chest. “Mwwr?”

  A strong and gentle hand came behind his head and lifted him up. His eyes felt as if they were glued shut. Water was brought to his lips and he eagerly drank even though he could tell he was making it difficult for the woman helping him. Water dribbled down his chin, but he didn’t care. She pulled the glass away.

  “More water.”

  “Just a moment.”

  The hand was behind his head again, the glass came to his lips, and he drank without dribbling this time. She gently placed his throbbing skull back on the mound of pillows. “Thank you,” he mumbled. He felt so hot and weak.


  The gentle hand came to his forehead and was replaced by a cool damp cloth. He fought to pry his eyes open.

  “Angel.”

  “No angel, just a widow in love with a buffleheaded idiot.”

  “I don’t know who you could be referring to.” He grinned. She was here, caring for him. He had run from her, but God wouldn’t let him. But he had not been Jonah running from God’s call. Had he? No. God had not told him to pursue the beautiful widow. He only desired to.

  And here she was. In his room. Watching over him. “Caring for a buffleheaded idiot is one of the qualifications for being an angel,” he said.

  “It is?” She smiled, and his heart flipped. He started to cough. She frowned as she lifted him up and rubbed his chest. It eased the pain. The coughing stopped, and she laid him back down.

  “Would you like some broth?”

  He shook his head. Sleep. All he wanted was sleep. And his angel.

  The next time he woke his angel wasn’t there.

  “Welcome to the land of the living,” a deep voice said.

  “Marcus?”

  “You gave us quite a scare. Your recklessness the other night took us all by surprise.” Marcus was leaning back in his chair with his booted legs crossed and resting on the bed.

  “I don’t remember what happened.”

  Marcus nodded. “I’m not surprised. You normally do not drink much and yet you polished off a lot of brandy and took one of my horses out on a dark night, to jump hedges. Did you have a death wish?”

  “Was the horse injured?”

  “No, she’s fine.”

  “I did want to die but I was not trying to kill myself.”

  “You’ve been acting strange lately.”

  “I am strange. Always have been. I really do not want to talk about this now.” Theo groaned as pain radiated through his body and a herd of horses stampeded in his brain.

  “Rest, Theo. But you had better get well.”

  “Or what, you’ll kill me?” Someone was shutting his eyes and pulling him underwater. He coughed, tears came, and he blissfully sank into darkness.

  ~*~

  “I am sorry my lady, but those are the terms of the will.” The solicitor from London who represented Lord Diamonte’s estate sat before her and Michael explaining the papers laid before him. Lord Wolton was the only trustee who had not been able to be contacted. The remaining two trustees had been found and insisted on enforcing the terms of the will.