Lord Harrow's Heart

by Susan M. Baganz

  Theo sat in his study with his friends while their wives had tea in the drawing room. “I’m chafing at the wait,” Theo said to no one in particular.

  Michael sipped his tea and sighed. “If I didn’t remember that God knows the end I would be anxious myself.”

  “Is that why I’m out of sorts? Because I’m not in control of events?”

  Marcus let out a grunt of laughter. “Take it from me, that’s always been my challenge, to relax and let God be in control.”

  “Relax. That’s about all I can do with this bum leg right now. I’m afraid I’ll become one of those doddering old fools able to tell the weather by the ache in my thigh.”

  “I doubt you will ever be doddering, Theo. You are too good a man for that and I don’t think Valeria will allow it.”

  Theo grinned at the mention of his wife. They had come to such a nice balance of routine, even with guests in the house, and she had proven herself to be an able hostess and the perfect Marchioness. He longed for the day, hopefully soon, when he could bring her to London and introduce her to the ton.

  She would shine like a brilliant star on his arm at any event they would attend. Who would have thought that Theo would gain such a lovely bride? Yes, with his title and wealth he could have bought beauty, but not someone he could respect and love.

  “So, what is the plan now? Do we even have one beyond waiting?” Phillip popped a small cake in his mouth and gave a satisfied grin as he chewed.

  “What can we do but wait? We don’t know where the attack will come or in what form. We just need to be ready.” Marcus set his cup down and leaned back, lacing his hands over his abdomen.

  “Maybe we should all go to London,” Theo offered.

  “I think there would be more danger there. Are you chafing at being home? This has to be the longest you have stayed here since your mother died.”

  Theo nodded. “I’m not complaining about being here. Having you all around has been a blessing. Maybe I’m finally being domesticated?” He chuckled.

  “Right, if anyone was more suited to married life and fatherhood, it would be you, Theo.” Michael set his cup and saucer down on the tea tray.

  “It seems fitting that you got an instant family with Dartanian. He’s fortunate to have you for a step-father.” Phillip set his cup down.

  Heat rose in Theo’s cheeks. “I’ve never been around children and was an only child, so what makes you think I will be any good at this?”

  “Maybe because you are older than us you have functioned more in a father-like role for us time and again.” Marcus’s brown eyes met Theo’s and he could read the love there in their dark depths.

  “Now you are making me seem ancient. Maybe I am closer to doddering than I thought?” Theo joked. He really wasn’t used to compliments. He never had them from his own father.

  “Far from it, Theo. You’ve held your own in every battle we have undertaken. I’ve always been glad to have you on our side when things got tough.” Michael leaned forward as he spoke with his hands clasped together, elbows resting on his knees. “You are a rare prince of a man. I’m glad you found a woman worthy of you.”

  Theo squirmed in his chair and grew frustrated at his lame leg that kept him from moving easily or even suggesting a horse race to take the edge off the anxiety he had been feeling with the wait. And now with these unasked-for comments. They warmed his heart though. He treasured these men, his friends, and would do anything for any of them. And they had returned the favor in his time of need. Who could ask for more?

  He could. He could ask that God would end this stand-off with Wolton, so he could move on with his life and his family.

  Mittens, resting on the back of his chair, stood up, stretched, stepped down onto Theo’s shoulder, and into his lap.

  Theo absentmindedly started petting him.

  “I never pegged you as a cat man,” Michael joked.

  “It is a bit more normal than a ferret,” Theo quipped.

  Michael frowned and shrugged. “Fidget died a while ago.”

  “I’m sorry, Michael. I know you were fond of that skinny rat.” Theo scratched the cat behind the ears and it purred loudly.

  “I have kids now and don’t need Fidget to do my work anymore. As patient as Katrina was with him, she was never fond of his scent.”

  Phillip chuckled. “I wish I could have been there when Fidget sprayed all over the Black Diamond. That had to be a sight to behold.”

  “More like an odor to make you vomit. I’m amazed Katrina married me after that fiasco. But compared to the evil my father had in store for her I think she found it more palatable to cope with the ferret stench.”

  “At least Mittens doesn’t have that problem.” Theo smiled down at the cat. “And he definitely helped us in rescuing Dartanian and Valeria. Who knew that cat allergies could be so debilitating?”

  The men all chuckled.

  “Well, Mittens, do not get too comfortable yet. We may need your help to defeat Wolton.”

  “That’s a lot of pressure to put on a kitten.” Phillip grinned.

  “It’s a lot of pressure to put on any of us.” Theo frowned. Picking the cat up, he deposited him on the floor and struggled to rise to his feet. “I’m heading up to prepare for dinner. I will see you men later.”

  ~*~

  Valeria heard her husband thump into the adjoining room and murmur to his valet. She was enjoying her visit with her new friends but was becoming increasingly frustrated at how her relationship with Theo stalled.

  It seemed he was content to treat her like a stuffed animal a child would take to bed and hold tight through the night. There were never more than a few kisses. He acted too much like the gentleman. Sure, his leg was broken but there were things they could still do. So, why didn’t he?

  He kept talking about the possibility of removing to London and when she’d tried to dissuade him, she got a pat on the back of her hand as though she was a child who didn’t know better.

  How could she tell him she had no knowledge of the beau monde? She was French, and would be ostracized for that or suspected of being a spy. To marry into the peerage, twice? She would be considered a social climber at the very least.

  There were the ongoing restrictions on her movements as they waited for the next attack by Lord Wolton. If only they could get past that she could possibly relax and enjoy her new life more.

  Dartanian was tense as well. Things were still unsettled after the fire and she spent hours with him daily, reassuring him, playing with him, reading to him, and teaching him how to read from one of the few primers that survived the fire. His English was improving. He was also enjoying time playing with Mittens and sitting with Theo to learn how to play checkers and the rudiments of chess. She could not have picked a better man to be a father to her son.

  She sat on the side of the bed as she awaited her maid, her hand slowly tracing the stitching on the duvet. She had not really slept in this bed. Every night was spent in the master bedroom and yet the marriage was not consummated. Was it her? Was there something lacking in her appearance that Theo was repulsed by? It seemed she had gone from being an object to be fought over and used for men’s baser desires to being rejected for those same qualities. She couldn’t understand it. How could she get Theo to move beyond a few kisses and a hug?

  She wanted so much more from their marriage than comfortable friendship. She wanted the passion she’d experienced in those early days before they’d confronted the Duke.

  Before Theo knew the depravity she had been sujected to. Not that she had approved or had a choice. She hadn’t. She despised everything about the Duke and his son. She was grateful for the freedom from that kind of abuse of power. But to go from power to passive? What about passion? What happened?

  Shame washed over her, and she rose to go to the table near the fireplace where her Bible lay. She had just read something that morning in Romans. She flipped through the pages and found it. No condemnation. She was free from th
e shame of her past. It did not need to hover like a cloud over her. And yet it seemed as if it did with the way Theo treated her.

  Her new abigail, Daisy, came in to help her dress for dinner and put fresh order to her hair. She set her Bible aside and quietly prayed in her heart. Lord, please help me know what to do about Theo and Lord Wolton. Guide us so we can be free from the past once and for all. I am so glad I am Yours, Jesus.

  Valeria was surprised at how much she enjoyed having Theo’s friends and their wives all together at mealtime. She had grown up as an only child and once orphaned had been isolated by the Duke and his son. She only ever entertained their friends and oftentimes those meals were followed by drunken debauchery that meant she lost more and more of herself in the process.

  If Dartanian had not been born she might have resorted to suicide. She had thought about it often enough. She had prayed frequently for God to let her die. But He never had.

  But she had not grown up with the kind of abuse Beth experienced. She hadn’t been tortured like Katrina. Josie seemed the only one who had gotten away lightly with her brush with the Black Diamond.

  But all that had changed for them. Now they enjoyed a camaraderie that was rare for the unique background they shared. And they all loved Christ, but some were newer to the faith, as she and Theo were.

  The love and grace she found amongst these women was hard to accept as real. The respect she received from the men and saw extended to their wives was heart-warming. Marcus had a secret smile only for Josie which she returned. Katrina and Michael flirted playfully. Phillip gave steamy looks to Beth which she returned with a wink and a nod before they would disappear.

  And then there was Theo. He treated her with all courtesy and respect and only kissed her or touched her while in the bedroom, alone. No secret hidden messages or warmth when in public. She should not complain. She was treated well. She was provided and cared for. But she wanted so much more. She wanted that passion and adoration she saw between the other couples. But how could that come about when he shut down every attempt of hers to discuss it and was never alone with her outside of his bed?

  She climbed into bed next to Theo but did not get close to him. Laying on her side she looked at him lying on his back. Strong and soft. Forceful and gentle. He was such an odd combination of a man. She was safe with him.

  His head turned to her. “Will you give me a good-night kiss?”

  Valeria frowned. “I don’t think so. Not tonight.”

  Theo’s brows drew together as his eyes searched her face. “Have I transgressed somehow?”

  Valeria blinked back a threatening tear. “Not intentionally. You didn’t do anything. And that is the problem.”

  “A sin of omission?”

  “An appropriate term, I suppose.” She rolled on to her back and stared up at the ceiling.

  “So, what didn’t I do?”

  “Theo. We are married and there are a lot of things we do not do as a married couple.”

  “This was supposed to be a mariage de convenance,” he protested.

  “And that was not what I agreed to. You assumed that, but it was never my desire. I thought I had made that clear.” She was gritting her teeth together.

  “I broke my leg.”

  “Running from your wife.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “Isn’t it?” She turned her head to him, but he wouldn’t meet her gaze. “I thought so.” She pulled back the blankets.

  A strong hand clasped her arm before she could swing her feet over the edge of the mattress.

  “Where are you going?”

  “To sleep in my own bed, where a woman who is not desired by her husband should sleep.” She yanked her arm free and he let it drop. She put her feet on the cold floor and wrapped her robe around herself. She tied the sash and pulled the blankets back. “Goodnight, Theo.”

  She left the room and could feel his gaze following her. When she got to the other side she turned the key in the lock. Valeria crawled into bed and cried herself to sleep.

  ~*~

  She had walked out on him. The one thing he looked forward to all day, holding his wife as she slept, she took away. The key turned in the lock and his heart sank.

  She was right. He had run away. But she was wrong about him not desiring her. How would he convince her and woo her back to his bed? What else had he failed to do?

  The next two days, Valeria acted the same as usual around him. She respected his distance and acted more like a hostess than wife, tending to everyone’s needs and making sure he had what he needed.

  He was ashamed to ask his friends for help with his marriage but decided to watch them instead. He envied what they had and didn’t understand how three independent men had come to be so completely happy with their wives. And they were cheerful about it.

  Josie, Beth, and Katrina were never unreasonable in their requests either. There seemed to be such a mutual understanding of the needs of the other. Not that there were not occasional spats but it seemed that each couple, when it happened, was eager to resolve the issue and would disappear for some time. He had assumed it was to talk it through.

  Now as he watched closer he saw the winks, smiles, and little touches as well as the kind words of affection that each couple shared discreetly. How had he missed what was going on right in front of his face? It was almost as if whatever went on the bedroom spilled over into the rest of their lives. Or was it the other way around?

  His heart cracked knowing that he had wronged Valeria by treating her more as a servant during the day than a beloved wife. How could she be happy when she saw what he was just now beginning to understand? No wonder she had abandoned his bed. He had abandoned her. Hadn’t she had enough of that in her life?

  The larger question now was what would he do about it? How did a man go about courting his own wife?

  18

  Theo prayed about it. He decided to start as unobtrusively as possible. He didn’t want to scare her off or make her skeptical of him if he came on too hard and fast with his attentions. So, he started by joining the ladies for tea.

  “Theo? What brings you here?” Valeria rose to help him get seated.

  “The men are playing at billiards and I am unable to participate. I decided I would prefer to spend time with my lovely bride and three other delightful women.” He accepted the teacup from Valeria with a smile.

  She sat down next to him but kept a space between their bodies.

  Theo could feel her heat and smell orange blossoms. The past few nights he had been sleeping on her pillow just to feel her near because it smelled of her.

  “Theo, we are glad you have joined us. Valeria tells us that Dartanian’s birthday is coming up soon and we need to plan a special party for him.”

  “When is it?” Theo asked, surprised and a bit saddened that she had not shared that with him. But then when would she have? The only time they had ever talked was in bed at night. He had a dawning awareness of how gravely he had erred.

  Valeria named a day a few days hence.

  Theo made suggestions for them all to enjoy the property. To go fishing and boating in the pond as well as a picnic out on the lawn were all discussed.

  The twinkle in Valeria’s eyes brightened as she planned for Dartanian’s seventh birthday party.

  He needed to rise.

  Valeria helped him to the door.

  “Sweetheart, I would like to purchase something from my neighbor to the south. He is a horse breeder and if he has a pony I would love to get that for Dartanian for his birthday. He is old enough to learn to ride. Would that be acceptable to you?”

  Valeria looked at him with her mouth open. “A pony? Oh, Theo, Dartanian would be delighted. Thank you for being so generous with my son.”

  Theo gave her a half grin. “You mean our son. I love him too, Valeria.” He raised her hand to his lips, kissed the back, and massaged the space with his thumb before releasing it and leaving the room.

  La
ter that afternoon, Theo came into Valeria’s room as Daisy was finishing up her hair. Her look of surprise at his presence made him grin. Under his arm was a box.

  Valeria dismissed Daisy.

  Theo set the box on the top of her dresser.

  “I have been remiss in providing you with the jewels that rightfully belong to the Marchioness of Harrow.” He opened it and pointed to some of the rings neatly displayed within. “One of these should be your wedding ring. I apologize for not thinking of it sooner. I have dishonored you by not following through on this.”

  She scanned the items and drew out a sapphire and diamond ring. She held it up.

  He took it from her and slid it on her ring finger. “With this ring, I thee wed.” He bent down and gave her a feather-light kiss. He backed up a step and pointed to the rest of the jewelry. “This is all yours whenever you want it. I keep it in a safe in my room. Let me know whenever you desire something from the collection. It is yours, Lady Harrow.”

  “Theo…” Valeria looked through the pieces, gently picking them up and testing their weight. She finally picked out a small cross on a chain. “May I?” she asked.

  Theo swallowed and nodded. “It was my mother’s. She wore it all the time. I would be honored if you chose to have it grace your neck as well.” He took the necklace from her and clasped it .

  She looked in the mirror and finger the dainty gold cross. How did he ever manage to find a bride so lovely and pure? Sure, she had a dark past, but her heart was one he could trust and longed to know better. Her beauty shone through her eyes. “You look lovely, my dear.” He held out his arm. “Shall we?”

  Her gratitude shown in her brown eyes. She reached to put the lid down on the box of jewelry.

  He locked it and turned to her. “I will replace it in the vault later.” With that he took her hand and escorted her to the drawing room.

  Theo did not leave her side once they entered the room. They stood talking to Marcus and Josie when the rest came in. Soon they were at dinner and he seated her. Before leaving to take his own seat, he bent to place a kiss on the top of her head.