Keep Me

by Faith Andrews

  “One stable parent coming right up, Luca man.”

  He had no idea what I was talking about, but he smiled at me all the same. At least he was smiling and not crying the way I wanted to right now. At the first sign of any separation anxiety on his part, they would have to pry him out of my hands to get him through the doors of that daycare.

  Turned out Miss Jenna and Miss Ro did have to pry my son out of my hands, but not because of a freak-out on his part. That was all me—I was two seconds from a full on temper tantrum when the director of the daycare came to calm me down. She reassured me that I wasn’t the only one who was torn up about leaving her child, that she’d seen it countless times. One mom had even called every fifteen minutes the first day she dropped her daughter off. I was actually impressed that she was able to wait fifteen whole minutes—I’d been thinking I’d call every five.

  After my frazzled drop-off, I stood in line at the Starbucks, checking my watch to make sure I was still on track. There was a whole twenty minutes before I had to make my appearance at Generation X talent agency. Back in the day, I would have given my left boob to work for this kind of quirky, flourishing firm. They were on the lips of every aspiring someone. If you were repped by an agent at GX it was like instant stardom, pretty much an express ticket to Hollywood, fame and fortune. Unfortunately for me, those superficial things didn’t matter to me anymore. The only thing that mattered was Luca. Oh, and getting my coffee in time to make the walk to the office.

  “Can I get a grande espresso macchiato, no foam?” As I reached for my wallet, I felt a weighted stare behind me and began to turn around to tell the impatient customer to back up out of my ass. But before I could turn, a raspy, deep voice brought all movement to a momentary halt. There was something recognizable about it, but I couldn’t put a face to the sexy sound.

  “Tessie Spano, is that you?”

  I cringed in embarrassment at the familiar nickname. My curly blond hair always reminded people of the actress Elizabeth Berkeley. I guess I should’ve been happy it was her role as Jesse Spano in Saved by the Bell and not the stripper in Showgirls that got me the nickname.

  I spun around to see which one of my old friends had stepped in line behind me and was shocked to find that the too-deep, all grown-up voice came from a familiar face I’d seen in magazines and commercials. The face that belonged to my old friend Riley’s brother.

  “Marcus? What the hell are you doing here?” Holy shit! What some Accutane, a gym and some really hot ink could do to a person. I’d seen his perfect face and sculpted body in print, but in person… holy shit! Did I say that already?

  Taking my beverage from the barista, I moved out of the way and Marcus stepped out of line and ushered me over to a less crowded spot. He brought me in for a hug and a friendly peck on the cheek. “I have a meeting with the suits in a few. What about you? What brings you to the city?”

  Did he really want to hear all about my shitty reasons for being here? My guess was no. “Starting a new job today.” I looked down at my watch again. “I would love to chat and catch up, but I actually have to run if I don’t want to look like a slacker on the first day.”

  He eyed me with precision, taking in the height of my heels and the snug fit of my skirt. “You look great, Tessa. You’re gonna knock ‘em dead on your first day. Mind me asking where?”

  I smiled, trying really hard to hide the embarrassment making its way to my too-hot cheeks. “Generation X. I’ll be looking for new talent—pretty faces like yours.” Wait a minute…

  Yeah, he was thinking the same thing. “You’ve got to be shitting me. You work at GX? That’s where I’m headed! Gary Schulster’s my agent, we’re scheduling my upcoming bookings this morning. Let me grab my coffee and we’ll walk together?”

  I nodded and then let Marcus take the lead and open the door out onto the busy city street. I’d forgotten how hard it was to maneuver the crowd of hasty commuters—everyone in a rush, on a high-speed, Red-Bull-like dose of corporate adrenaline. I was happy to have someone familiar to start this new day with, to get my mind off leaving my Luca man.

  What are the odds? I was suddenly mad at myself for not keeping in touch beyond Facebook with Riley. If I’d know her Adonis of a brother was going to be a regular in the office I’d be working at, I would have worn something a little more…

  “Killer suit, Tess. The secretaries up there could take a fashion lesson from you. You’d think a place like GX would want the first face they see at reception to look something like yours, but no, Harriet looks exactly like a Harriet. Old, frumpy and irritable.” His eyebrows wriggled and did a little dance that made me laugh, choking on my sip of coffee.

  “I met Harriet. You’re so right. Maybe she’s someone’s mom or something.”

  “More like someone’s grandma.” He laughed, flashing a sparkling white set of teeth. I know they hadn’t always been that straight.

  Shit, he caught me staring a little too long. Whatever. He was hot. He knew it. “You’re different, Marcus. I mean obviously, you’re all grown up, but…”

  He interrupted me, licking his lips slowly. “Well, you, my dear, haven’t changed a bit. You look as hot as you always did, Tess. Do you really have a kid now?”

  My eyes traveled back down to the ground, carefully planning out each step. My friend’s little brother was making me weak in the knees. Oh my God. “Yes. He’s almost a year. His name’s Luca.” I felt my face brighten just at the mention of my little man.

  “And your husband…”

  “Don’t.” I cut him off, swallowing down the bile that rose whenever anyone mentioned him. Riley was sure to know through the circuit that we were no longer together. But the why. “I’d rather not talk about him. He’s out of our lives. That’s all that matters.”

  Marcus clenched his teeth and swallowed hard, sensing my discomfort with the conversation. “I’m sorry. It’s forgotten.” He combed his long fingers through his hair, flexing thick muscles underneath his casual white V-neck. “Anyway… about your son. Your face lit up when you spoke about him. My sister’s shown me a pic or two of him on Facebook. Cute kid. Ever think of modeling him?”

  “No, I actually never did. I don’t think it’s a good idea anyway.”

  “You saying my profession is less than virtuous, milady?” He cocked one eyebrow, pouting his beautifully full lips.

  I laughed, shaking my head. “No, that’s not it at all. Has to do with my ex. And we’re not talking about him, remember?”

  Marcus eyed me suspiciously. Damn, his suspicious stare was sexy as all hell. Thank God we were at the entrance of our building. Our surprising encounter left me a little uneasy, for so many different reasons.

  “Well, I’m so glad we got to catch up, Tessa. This was a really great way to start my day.”

  “You too, Marcus.” And I wasn’t being facetious—talking to him was nice. I would like to do it again.

  “You know what? My sister would love to catch up. Can I give her your number?”

  What a clever way to ask for my number. Instead of thinking of a retort, I obliged. I missed Riley and hanging out with a friend again would be good. “Sure thing, Marcus.”

  He punched the numbers into his cell phone, smiling. “Add to contacts. Tessie Spano. Saved.”

  I hit his arm, playfully. The kid always had a sense of humor. “Some things never change, huh?”

  He leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. “Yes. But some things get better with time.” He winked, and turned towards the stairwell. “See you around, Tess.”

  I nodded my head and walked into the elevator car. I felt like there was a juggler tossing around various organs inside my belly. Thank God Marcus took the stairs. Sharing an empty elevator with him would have been torture.

  After my long first day, picking up Luca was the highlight. Well, flirting with Marcus earlier had its strong points, too. Luca seemed unscathed by the whole daycare situation and when the caregivers handed me his daily progress repo
rt I smiled when at the stars alongside his name for socialization and respecting others. What did a nine month old know about socialization and respecting others? Apparently a lot more than some adults.

  After I fed him dinner, bathed him, read him a story and sang him to sleep, I plopped myself down on the sofa with my laptop. It was time to cyberstalk.

  I started with Riley, recognizing old friends in pictures with her at weddings and baby showers. She kept in touch with everyone. I, on the other hand, hadn’t had that luxury. A red flag should have gone up when Zack warned me about my friendships with single girls. “No woman of mine is going to be trolling the city with those sluts you call friends. They’re only out looking for a good time. I can show you a good time here.”

  They were looking for a good time, though not the kind of good time Zack had insinuated. Just a good ol’ fashion girls’ night. I, however, had to give up girls’ nights when Zack proposed. I actually had to give up a lot of things when he proposed. Like my own self-respect, self-worth and every aspect of control over my own life.

  Fuck Zack! I wasn’t going to let him ruin my day. My new job, my freedom, and my good time with Marcus had brought me one step closer to the old, normal me today. I missed that girl and I missed my friends and I was about to do something about it.

  My fingers flew across the keyboard as if I was playing with a Ouija board. Message—click. Riley Grayson—click. And then I started typing. I would worry about the details later. Hey Ry, I know it’s been forever, but I ran into your brother today and it brought up a lot of old memories. I miss you. Want to hang out? Dinner? Drinks? You pick the when and where. Speak to you soon, Tessa. Send—click.

  It shouldn’t have taken Marcus to set the wheels in motion, but it was just the push I needed. Riley and I were once inseparable—sleepovers on the weekends, pulling up an extra seat at the dinner table during the week, and engaging in the innocent teenage trouble we were notorious for no matter what day of the week it happened to be. It was that same notorious trouble that made Zack leery of Riley. In turn, he drove a wedge between our friendship, and I allowed it to happen. I allowed her to vanish from my life. I couldn’t place all the blame on Zack, but now that he was out of the picture… I just really hoped Riley would be willing to forget the past and just start fresh. Would she be that forgiving?

  Within minutes of sending the message, my cell phone was ringing. I looked down at the unknown number with the apprehension I’d grown to experience whenever the phone or the doorbell rang. Fuck you, Zack! I’m picking it up! “Hello?”

  “Well, I thought you’d never ask, bitch! I’ve been begging you to come out for years! It took my little brother to get you to contact me?”

  “Hi, Riley.”

  “Can you go out tonight?”

  The laughter that erupted out of me was soon uncontrollable. Riley was always an instant gratification kind of girl. “You forget about Luca? I don’t have a sitter and I have work tomorrow. How about this weeke—”

  “Yes,” she blurted, not giving me a chance to even finish my sentence. “If we push it out any further it will never happen. Friday night, Chester’s Grill, eight o’clock.”

  Anything but Chester’s Grill. That used to be Zack’s favorite. “No…”

  “What do you mean, no? I’m picking you up if I have to…”

  “No to Chester’s, Ry. I hate that place. How about Antonio’s?” I’d never been there with Zack. He didn’t like Italian so we didn’t eat Italian.

  “Okay, perfect. Should I…” She hesitated for a second and I wondered why. “Never mind.”

  “Should you what?”

  “I was going to see if you wanted me to ask my brother, but… it’s a long story, forget it. We need a girls’ night to reminisce and catch up. Marcus has a track record with my friends.”

  Oh, really? Here I was thinking he was sincere when flirting with me. I should have known that Marcus Grayson, male underwear model, would have a reputation with the ladies. But my interests were still piqued. “What kind of track record, dare I ask?”

  “I wouldn’t even double dog dare you. Let’s just say the friends I’ve brought him around are no longer friends anymore and it had nothing to do with me.” Her voice softened. This bothered her. Nothing about Marcus ever bothered her. The two of them were like peanut butter and jelly, like bread and butter, even when I thought he was being an obnoxious baby brother.

  I dodged the topic, sensing her discomfort. “Just me and you, Ry. Like old times.”

  “Like old times!” she squealed, reminding me of carefree, younger days. “I’m so excited. I can’t wait! This is going to be a lot of fun. Marcus is good for something after all, huh?”

  When I hung up, I wasn’t quite sure why I seemed disappointed. I was so happy to be getting a night out, so happy to be reuniting with Riley. But there was a part of me that really wanted to see Marcus again too. Maybe he’d be at the office this week, surprise me at Starbucks in the morning. I didn’t know why, but I suddenly felt alive again and it had nothing to do with Riley.

  It was taking every single ounce of self-control I had not to ask Riley about her night out with Tessa. I couldn’t stop thinking about the girl. I wanted to know if she asked about me, if my name ever came up in conversation. Why, oh why, was this the only time Riley hadn’t asked me to tag along with her? So not fucking fair.

  “Another tattoo, Marcus? Is that how you’re spending your money these days?”

  Leave it to my dad to focus on something so moot. I was covered in them. My job didn’t mind—in fact, it got me all kinds of interesting bookings. Motorcycle shoots, romance novel covers… the requests for inked-up bad boys were endless. I guess my dad would never understand something like that.

  “Yeah, Dad. Added some new art. Nothing big, don’t worry.”

  “You know your mother would have hated all that crap, right?” He stared down at his casserole, scraping his fork around the plate. His remark annoyed me to no end because it was so far from the truth. Mom wouldn’t have minded the tattoos. She was the free spirit—she’s where I got it from. Dad didn’t understand that about her, and neither did Riley. That was our little secret. It was the thing I missed most about her.

  But I wasn’t about to cause a Sunday scene over it. “Yeah, you’re right, Dad. I’ll lay off ‘em for a while. Anyway… Riley, dinner was delicious, as always.”

  Riley’s perfectly shaped eyebrow arched up as she stared back at me, smiling. She knew I was only trying to change the subject. This was why I didn’t like to show up to these things. The heat was always on me. Never mind that I was living my dream, my old man only saw the disappointment. Twenty-four with no commitments, no college degree and a body marked up with defiance.

  I leaned back in my chair and pushed my plate away from me. “I’m stuffed to the gills. I’ll get clean-up—just give me a few minutes to digest.”

  “Don’t worry about it, Marcus. I can clear up. You just sit and spend time with Dad.”

  Was she kidding me? I hated being left alone with him. After Mom died, something snapped in Dad. He wasn’t my role model anymore. He was a sorry, bitter, miserable widower. I missed her too, didn’t he know that?

  I darted a disgusted look at her. She knew what she was doing… that conniving pain in the ass. But she ignored my wordless plea and walked out with the empty salad bowl and a few pieces of silverware into the peaceful quiet of the kitchen.

  “So, Pop, what’s going on with the summer house this year? You wanna head out one weekend and get it spruced up? Maybe we can rent it out a few weeks.”

  Dad looked up at me like I had just asked him to commit murder.

  “What?” I asked, confused.

  “No. I want nothing to do with that place. You wanna go, you go.” He took a swig of his sweet tea and continued staring at the fresh ink covering my bicep.

  “Fine. Sheesh. I just thought it was something we could do together… Mom would’ve…”

 
“Enough.” His grumble interrupted me from what I was about to say. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  And with that our conversation was over.

  “You idiot! What would possess you to mention the summer house, Marcus?”

  I took the last of the plates Riley was drying and put it back in the same place it had been for the last twenty-two years. “The place is rotting away. What’s the use in having it if we aren’t going to spend time there? He’s always complaining I don’t do anything with him, I thought we could…”

  “You know he hasn’t been back there since Mom died.” Her face wore the expression of a mother teaching a child a lesson.

  I ignored it. “Exactly my point. Four years! Can you imagine what the place must look like?”

  “A pigsty!” she said it the way my mother used to say it. I remember her walking into my room as a kid or into the kitchen after Riley had tried to concoct a new recipe. You kids make me nuts! My house looks like a pigsty.

  Riley and I looked at each other, sharing a silent memory about the woman we all missed. I liked being able to think of her like this again. The good memories. Not the ones of her wasting away to nothing in a hospice bed. She’d be happy we were laughing about her and that I was giving Dad shit about the beach house. She loved that damn beach house and just because he was too bitter to go there didn’t mean I couldn’t.

  “You know what, screw the old man. I’m going down there next weekend to look the place over. It probably won’t be ready for Memorial Day, but I’m thinking big bash for the 4th of July.”

  Riley rolled her eyes as she folded the dishtowel over the handle of the oven, just like Mom used to. Everything was still how she’d left it. “You and your bright ideas, little bro. Leave me out of it—you’re on your own with this one.”

  “Oh yeah? Then you can’t come to the bash. But your friend can.” I winked as I backed away from her, doing a little dance.