by B. B. Hamel
I smile to myself. The look on Caleb’s face was worth it. The fear, the shock, the anger. It was pretty fucking great
I head back home, happy in a strange way, feeling good about the night.
10
Mia
I can’t freaking believe he did that.
All night in bed I just keep thinking about him trying to fight those five guys at once, getting beat up, but not backing down. He was so strong, brave, and fast. He knew what he was doing, and if there was one less guy, he would have won. Unfortunately, there were five of them and just one of him.
I hate violence. I hated watching him get hurt like that. But part of me was standing there, still and excited, rapt with attention as I watched him defend me. There’s something so primitive about seeing an incredibly strong and intense man fighting for you, willing to hurt himself and hurt others all for you. I always hated that caveman shit, and I still do. I don’t want him to fight for me again.
And yet… I was dripping wet. I hate to admit it. I was so excited I can hardly explain it. I was yelling for it to stop but on the inside I felt my blood was up and the thrill was coursing through my veins. Adrenaline was pumping into me, and I wanted Lucas to win then fuck me rough in the back alley. I wanted him to take me back to his cave and ravish me like a good caveman.
It’s so stupid and reckless. The Carter brothers are not the kind of guys you mess around with like that, and I’m already afraid of what they’re going to do. Although I enjoyed watching Caleb get his face busted, the look in his eyes as they left said everything.
He’s going to get his revenge.
Unfortunately, I don’t have to wait long for that. The next day at work, I’m doing my normal daily hike through the woods when my phone suddenly starts ringing. I think it’s going to be Lucas, so I pull it out of my pocket and answer it right away.
“Good morning,” I say, smiling, enjoying the beautiful weather.
“Good morning, pretty Mia.”
I stop dead in my tracks. That voice isn’t Lucas, not at all. It’s Caleb Carter.
“Caleb,” I say. “What do you want?”
“That piece of shit Lucas messed up last night. You know that, right?”
“He shouldn’t have attacked you,” I say.
“No, he shouldn’t have.” Caleb sounds calm and collected, but there’s a hint of menace in his voice. “He shouldn’t have at all.”
“You were scaring me, Caleb. I wanted to leave, but you followed us.”
“I wouldn’t hurt you, Mia,” he says simply. “I want you. I think you know that.”
I feel a sinking feeling in my stomach. Those words sent prickles down my spine, but not of pleasure or excitement. It’s the feeling I get during a scary movie when I know something bad is about to happen, and I have to look away from the screen.
“Caleb,” I say.
“Wait,” he interrupts. “Listen to me, and listen carefully. That guy Lucas is not good for you. He’s a low class piece of shit, a pathetic asshole. He works at a flower shop and has a bastard child. You really want to be around a guy like him?”
I bite my lip, looking at the ground. “He’s a good person,” I say. “You don’t know him.”
“I know him and guys like him. He’s a violent piece of shit.”
“You came outside with four guys in tow. He knew what you were going to do.”
Caleb laughs a little. “You don’t get it, do you? I want you, Mia. And I get what I want.”
I feel like I’m going to throw up. “I’m sorry, Caleb,” I say softly. “I just don’t think it’s going to happen between us.”
He’s silent for a minute, and I think he hung up. I have to check the phone to make sure he’s still there.
When he speaks again, it’s very quiet. “You like that little preserve of yours, right?” he asks. “It’s a beautiful place, you know.”
“It’s my favorite place in the world,” I say simply, heart beating faster.
“I can save it. My father wants to buy it and burn it to the ground. He wants to build apartments, lots of cheap housing. He thinks he can make a killing, but I can convince him not to go after it.”
“Why are you saying this?” I ask him, but I already know the answer.
“Be my girl and I’ll stop him,” Caleb says, and I want to throw up. “If you don’t, I’ll make sure he does it, and you know he’ll get what he wants.”
I stare at the ground, my stomach churning. I feel like my guts are in my throat. I’m so sickened, terrified, and upset that I can’t even respond to him. The thought of being his girlfriend, of letting him touch me, of being near him, it just makes me want to puke. I thought I could give him a chance last night, but I know better now.
“I don’t know,” I manage to say.
“Think about it. You can give me what I want, and I can give you what you want. I can give you more than that, too, if you just ask. Think about it.”
With that, he hangs up the phone, and the line goes dead.
I have to lean up against a tree, my heart hammering, my head dizzy, a cold sweat on my skin.
Caleb Carter is blackmailing me. That’s exactly what he’s doing. He’s blackmailing me into being his girlfriend, and if I don’t do it, his father is going to destroy one of the few places I love.
I don’t know what I’ll do without this place. But I can’t be his girlfriend. The thought of kissing him sends waves of nausea running through me.
Last night was a mistake. I should have known better. I shouldn’t have gone out with them, shouldn’t have put myself in that position to begin with, but it happened. I can’t go back and change any of it.
And now my situation is even more impossible. Now I’m being blackmailed, and I don’t know what to do.
As I continue walking, trying to get myself together, my first instinct is to call Lucas. But I’m afraid of what he’ll try to do. He might go after Caleb, and I couldn’t’ really blame him for doing it, either. This is a new disgusting low for the Carter family, and Lucas isn’t going to take it very lightly.
No, I have to work this out for myself, at least right now. I need some time to think about it. I don’t want them to take away everything I love, the one place that has kept me sane through all the dark times in my life, and yet I can’t imagine giving myself to Caleb Carter, that disgusting snake.
I head back to the office and spend the rest of the morning working on routine tasks, though my mind is still very much on the phone call. I keep thinking about Caleb, about what’ll happen if he took this place from me, and what it would be like if I gave in to him. I keep trying to think of some other solution, but I’m at a total loss.
I’m supposed to have lunch with Jordan, but she cancels at the last minute. I can’t help but see that as a bad sign. I end up eating alone in the woods, feeling more isolated than I ever have before.
The rest of the day drags past. Laura comments that I seem distracted, and I can’t exactly disagree. I am totally distracted, but I can’t tell her why. She drops it, though I can tell she’s concerned.
Caleb Carter is blackmailing me. I just keep thinking that, over and over again, as finally the end of the day approaches. I have to get home to see my dad and to do his nightly routine with him. I gather my stuff up and head out the front door, but I stop short when I get near my car.
Lucas is standing there, his eye black, a small bruise on his cheek. He grins as soon as he sees me and holds up a brown paper bag. “I brought dinner.”
I frown at him. “Hey,” I say.
“Hey.” He walks over to me. I step around him though and head to my car.
“I need to get home,” I say. “I have to take care of my dad.”
“That’s okay,” he answers. “I have enough. It’s Italian. I don’t know what he can or can’t eat, though.”
I frown at him. “You want to have dinner with me and my dad?”
He shrugs. “Of course. Unless that’s too weird or somet
hing.”
I stare at him, totally surprised. Nobody in my life has ever wanted to actually spend time with my father. Most people just pretend he doesn’t exist and show me lots of pity, but nobody actually wants to come spend time with him. It’s incredibly lonely.
I feel that fluttering in my stomach again and a swelling in my chest. I stare at Lucas, and he’s so handsome, smiling at me, holding his takeout bag. He wants to spend time with me, get to know me, and even wants to meet my father.
“Are you sure?” I ask him. “I mean, my dad isn’t in the best condition.”
He nods and comes toward me. “I’m very sure. Unless it’s too weird or you’re not comfortable with it, of course, but I’d like it.”
“Okay,” I say, despite myself, despite everything. “Meet me at my place.” I unlock my car door, get inside, and shut it.
He grins and waves as I pull out of my spot. I start driving home, not sure what the hell I just did.
I can’t have Lucas over at my house. If Caleb finds out, he’ll flip shit. I’m already being blackmailed by him, I can’t have Lucas in my life if I’m going to give in to Caleb’s demands.
It’s not fair to Lucas and it’s not fair to me. I shouldn’t let myself get more attached to him.
But I can’t help myself. As soon as he said he wanted to actually come to my house, meet my father, and even have a meal with us, it was just too much. I had to say yes, because I wanted him in that moment more than I could have ever dreamed was possible.
I drive home with a smile on my face. I shouldn’t be happy or excited. This could go really, really wrong, and my dad could scare Lucas away. This could be a total freaking disaster. Or it could go well, and my thing with Caleb could ruin everything. There are a million reasons not to do this.
And yet I want to do it. I want Lucas, even if I shouldn’t have him. He’s older than me, he’s a father, he has his own stuff to deal with, and yet here he is coming to my house.
I keep smiling on the whole ride home.
11
Lucas
I have to admit that I’m a little nervous to meet Mia’s father.
Fuck, I’ve seen some shit in my time. I’ve seen men hurt badly, blown apart, shot and killed. I’ve done some of those things myself. I killed a man with my bare hands at least once, and I’ve used a knife more times than I can count. I’ve been in horrible situations, witnessed horrible things, and very rarely felt nervous.
Alzheimer’s is a horrible disease. I know her father is probably pretty far gone. I did some research and have a general idea of what to expect, but I’m still nervous anyway.
I pull up outside of her house and park. I drove slow and paused a minute to let herself get her things together. The pasta in my bag smells delicious, and there’s plenty for all of us, but I suddenly feel like it’s inadequate. I don’t know why.
Maybe it’s because I haven’t met a woman’s parents in a long, long time. I knew her father a little bit when I was younger, but this is going to be different. He won’t be the man that I remember, although that man is still there. I have to treat him with dignity, but be prepared for the reality of the disease.
I watch as a middle-aged woman leaves the house dressed in scrubs. She gets into a little Honda and drives off. I assume that’s the nurse heading home, and so I take that as my cue to go inside.
I go to the door and knock. Mia answers after a second, changed from work clothes into a short jean skirt and a loose top.
“Come on in,” she says.
I follow her into the living room.
“It’s exactly how I remember it,” I say, laughing a little.
“Not exactly, I bet, but close.” She shrugs a little bit. “I haven’t changed anything at all. Just haven’t felt up to it.”
“I totally understand that.”
“Come on, let’s go to the kitchen. Dad’s in there already.”
I nod and follow her. Mia’s father is sitting at the kitchen table.He’s wearing a brown cardigan, gray slacks, and thick slippers. His hair is white and frizzy, and his skin is wrinkled. His eyes seem glassy when he looks up.
“Dad, do you remember Lucas?”
Her father looks at me.
“It’s good to see you again, Mr. Hayes.”
He looks at me for a moment and then looks back down at the table.
“He’s mostly nonverbal,” Mia explains. “It’s common in this stage. Sometimes he talks though, but not usually.”
“Should I get this stuff ready?”
She nods. “That’d be great.”
“Can he eat pasta?”
“Pasta is good, actually. Soft foods are easiest.”
I go over to the kitchen counter, get down some plates, and start setting up. I set a plate for Mia and her father and then for myself before putting out utensils and then placing the takeout containers of food down in the middle.
Mia serves her father first, putting a small amount of simple linguine with red sauce on his plate. “Okay, Dad, hungry?” she asks.
I sit down and watch quietly. She picks up a fork, twists a bit onto it, and then places her father’s hand on the end. He takes the fork and raises it to his mouth. He puts it in his mouth, slides it off, chews slowly, and swallows.
“Very good,” she says, smiling. “That’s great. More?”
Her father looks at her blankly. She does this again, getting very small amounts of food, and letting him feed himself.
She looks at me. “You can eat if you’re hungry.”
“Sorry. I’m staring.”
She smiles and shrugs. “It’s okay. Dad doesn’t mind. Do you mind, Dad?”
He looks down at his plate.
“Of course you don’t,” Mia says. “I’m sure you like the company.”
“How’s the food, Mr. Hayes?” I ask him.
Mia smiles. “It’s good, I bet.” She helps him have another bite.
I get myself some food and take a bite. It’s actually pretty good. I serve Mia a plate as well and she accepts it gratefully. I can tell that she won’t eat until her father is finished though, so I wait for her.
We feed her father. Well, she feeds him, or at least helps him while I talk to them. I tell them about my day at the flower shop, and I make sure I talk directly to Mr. Hayes. I don’t ignore him and pretend like he’s not there. All the while Mia helps her father eat, and makes comments for him.
She’s so gentle with him and attentive. She wipes his mouth when he needs it and is very careful when she hands him the fork each time. He chews mechanically, but I can tell she’s paying close attention to make sure he doesn’t choke.
Soon, the plate is nearly done, and when she goes to give him another bite, he doesn’t take the fork.
“Are you done, Dad?” she asks.
He looks at her. For a second, I think he’s going to speak, but then he looks back down at the plate. She tries to get him to take it again, but he refuses.
She helps him drink some water and then cleans him up.
“Ready for some TV, Dad?” she asks.
He looks at her. She helps him stand slowly and leads him out to the living room. I clear his plate and rinse it off as the sound of Jeopardy! comes from the television out there.
Mia returns and comes up to me. I turn around and she puts her arms around me, pulling me against her, and kisses me deeply.
I’m surprised by the kiss, but it feels good. It’s not like our other kisses. This one is warm, comforting. The hunger is there, but so is something else, something deeper.
We break off and she smiles. “I’m glad you’re here,” she says. “You’re good with him.”
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I admit.
“You’re talking to him like a person. That’s more than most people.”
I shrug a little bit, embarrassed. “Let’s eat,” I say.
“Sounds good.”
We sit back down and dig in. She gets up and checks on her father every few
minutes, but mostly we chat about her day. There is some tension between us, and obviously we’re trying not to talk about what happened the night before, but it’s hard to completely ignore. It’s there, under everything we say.
When we finish, I clear the table while she sits with her father in the living room. Once I’m done doing the dishes and cleaning up, I join them just as Wheel of Fortune starts.
I sit down next to Mia and she leans up against my shoulder. “This is what we do most nights,” she says. “He’s having a good night.”
“It’s actually kinda nice,” I say.
She shrugs a little. “I guess so. He seems to like it.” She’s talking quietly, and I doubt he can hear.
“You’re a good daughter. You know that?”
“I guess.”
I take her chin and look at her. “Seriously. He’s proud of you.”
She nods once and looks away. We watch Wheel of Fortune together, and for a second I forget about all my troubles and all the strange problems swirling around us.
It’s such a boring and simple moment, but it’s incredibly intimate. This is her routine with her sick father, the man she’s taking care of, and I’m suddenly a part of it. I’m an outsider looking in, but that doesn’t seem to matter. There’s a comfortable silence over the room, and I think that Mia is actually happy.
When the show is over, Mia stands up. “Come on,” she says.
“Where are we going?”
“I need to give my dad a bath and put him to bed.”
I nod, understanding. “Time to kick me out.”
She grins a little. “Yeah. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” I get up. “This was really nice.”
We walk together to the front door. She comes outside with me and sits down on one of the two blue rocking chairs they have out front. I sit down in the other one.
“We should talk for a second,” she says, and I know what it’s about.
“We don’t need to.”
“Lucas, you need to know something.” She bites her lip and looks down at the ground. “You don’t know how hard this is.”