Rush

by Violet Vaughn

  “Yeah. Don’t be mad.”

  “I don’t get mad at you, Casey.” I sigh. “What did he say?”

  “He said to tell you what Paul said isn’t what it sounded like. That even though you’re over, he wants to explain it to you if you’ll let him.”

  I set my cup down with a thump that makes coffee splash over the rim of my cup. “Fat chance.”

  “I kind of said the same thing. But I thought he might have hurt you, so I wasn’t willing to believe a word coming out of his mouth. But now I think maybe you should let him.”

  She reaches over and pulls my hand out of my mouth, and I realize I was biting my nail. “Gretch, he got in a fistfight with Paul. Something’s up here, and for your own peace of mind, you might want to let him explain.”

  I can’t imagine how you explain this one away, but I’m willing to appease Casey. “I’ll think about it. I’ve got to get ready for work.”

  I down the rest of my coffee even though my stomach is churning. I know I should eat, but I just can’t. Through the window over the kitchen sink, I notice snow has dusted the continental divide, leaving a frosty residue. The thermometer reads forty-four, and I don’t relish the cold ride to work on my bike.

  “Case?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Would you mind giving me a ride to work? I’m not sure my head’s together enough to not get hit by a car.”

  “Of course. Want me to pick you up, too? I only have one house to photograph today. Then we would have time to get an early dinner at the Baked Bean if you want.”

  I smile because Casey knows I won’t eat otherwise, and because I would do the same for her. “Okay. Thanks for having my back, girlfriend.”

  “Any time.”

  Knowing I have extra minutes, I linger in the hot shower and shave. The scrape of the razor against my legs is rough because I haven’t changed the blade in a while. Distracted with thoughts of how Derrick could possibly explain what Paul said leaves me with a bleeding ankle that stings when I rinse it off.

  I rub lotion all over my skin to combat the lack of moisture in the air. My bruises are turning yellow and green around the edges, and I recall Derrick’s words. “I don’t like that I hurt you, Gretchen.”

  Tears prick my eyes, but I don’t let them fall. I swallow the lump in my throat. I’m done wallowing over this man. Yeah, so I let him in closer than most people get, but you can bet I won’t be making that mistake again. Love is for the Caseys, Loris and Megans of this world. It’s clearly not for me.

  Cold air refreshes me when I step out of the bathroom. Steam follows me across the hall, but I easily shut it out with a slam of my bedroom door.

  Chapter 23

  A burning smell that makes me think dust is being cooked out of the heat vents wafts toward me. Fall seems to have arrived overnight, and the chilly day will mean the club restaurant will be slow.

  As I wait for my first customers, I pull out my phone and power it on. I had turned it off last night because I didn’t want to deal with any texts from Derrick. A stream of notifications is on my screen from him and Nika.

  I read Nika’s first. “I Quit! Cmg hm.”

  Wow, good for her. I know it might be weird, but I don’t want to lose Nika as a friend. I text back. “When will you be here?”

  She replies quickly. “5 min”

  Oh, boy, I wonder what she’s going to think when she sees Derrick, and I sure hope Paul left.

  I worry about her insecurities and text back. “Want to get coffee tomorrow? We can get fat at the Baked Bean. They have awesome desserts.”

  I glance around the restaurant, and we haven’t got any customers. I brace myself for Derrick’s texts and read them.

  “I have your bike and will drop it off in the morning.”

  “Nika is coming home tomorrow. I hope I didn’t ruin your friendship, she needs you.”

  Then I read the ones from this morning and notice by the time stamp it must have been after Casey got my bike.

  “I’m so sorry. I would like to explain everything. Please, when you’re ready, let me.”

  And within a minute of that text he sent another.

  “Gretchen, I’m not sure what love feels like, but I’ve never wanted to be with anyone the way I want to be with you. I don’t mean sex. I want to smell your hair, touch your soft skin, and hold you tight. I want to laugh with you, and talk about nothing while I stare into your beautiful eyes. This hurts so damn much.”

  My throat gets tight, and it’s painful. I want to punch, kick or throw something. Every nerve in my body is firing, and I need to move. “Hey, Lyndsey?”

  She turns from the kitchen window where she was flirting with Rick. “Yeah?”

  “Could you watch the bar for a bit? I need to go down to the pro shop for a minute.” I slip my phone in my back pocket, and it’s hard against my butt.

  “Sure, take your time. I don’t think we’ll see anyone for a while.” She sips her cup of coffee with a slurp that reminds me of my empty stomach churning.

  “Thanks.” I walk briskly out into the cold day. The bright sun makes me squint, and I wrap my arms around myself. My shorts and polo shirt won’t do much to keep me warm, but moving will.

  My feet tap quickly as I run through the parking lot in a sprint and onto the main road. My legs are powerful, and even my obliques surge with power, as I race as fast I can go. Letting my anger push past the pain of my muscles, I don’t stop until I am about to collapse. Slowing to a walk, my lungs burn from the lack of oxygen, and I suck in cold air. Giving myself mere seconds to recover, I turn around and sprint back.

  When I get to the parking lot, my chest is heaving so hard I feel dizzy. Gulping in air, I bend over my thighs in exhaustion.

  What the hell? He thinks he might love me? What kind of fucking game does Derrick think he’s playing? Oh, no, I won’t be sucked in. He can screw over some other girl. This one’s done.

  I pull out my phone, delete every text he sent, and remove him from my contacts. I then go into my call history and block his number.

  By the time I return to the bar, I’m relaxed and focused. One douche rocket deleted from my life. I force a smile and prepare to move on.

  When I get to the kitchen I lean in the window. “Hey, Rick, would you make me a burger, please? I forgot to eat this morning.”

  The burger is going to go down like eating dirt, but I’ll survive.

  Chapter 24

  I smear cream cheese on my everything bagel, and my mouth salivates in anticipation. I’m at the Baked Bean with Nika, Casey, Lori, and Megan.

  Nika covers her mouth as pieces of carrot cake crumble out. I say, “Was that bite big enough? I swear nobody will steal it, you can slow down.”

  I guess she likes dessert as much as Casey does. This tree-hugger coffee shop makes hearty food and serves hefty helpings, which makes it a favorite in our town.

  Nika waves her hand in front of her mouth with a big smile on her face. I wait for her to swallow. “It’s just so good, and now that I’m no longer a model, I seem to be trying to fatten up.”

  Casey scoots back in the big wooden chair and lifts her feet up into a cross-legged position. “If you eat here every day, that’ll do it.” She sips her latte cautiously.

  Lori asks, “So are you going to get a job this winter, Nika? I saw the Bootlegger is looking for help. You could get a discount on cowboy boots.”

  “Oh, I love that store.” Megan sighs. “That would be a fun place to work.”

  Nika scans all of us quickly, and she licks her lips. “I thought I might try to be an instructor.”

  Casey squeals. “You should!”

  I say, “I agree. People will love you. You’re so personable.”

  “You think so? What if I’m not a good enough skier?” Nika bites her lip.

  Lori snorts, “If I can do it, anyone can. Teach kids with me, and they hire you without even seeing you on skis.” She puts her fork down, and her plate scrapes against the wood
table as she pushes her half-eaten cake away.

  “So how do I apply for the job?” Nika takes another bite of her cake, which I notice is almost gone.

  Casey answers, “Let me call Matt for you and arrange an interview.” She pulls out her phone. “What’s your number? I’ll text you when I know something.”

  I flash to the last text from Derrick I read and replay his words. I clench my fists to keep me from biting my nails. Gretchen, I’m not sure what love feels like but I’ve never wanted to be with anyone the way I want to be with you.

  Megan is on my right and reaches her hand over to my arm as she leans in to whisper. “Is this hard for you? Need a break?”

  I shake my head and take a bite of my bagel. The slight garlic taste is bitter, and I focus on the cream cheese instead.

  Nika is eyeing Lori’s cake, and I reach for it. “Lori, are you done with this?”

  “Yeah, want it?” She frowns because she knows I’m not a dessert person.

  “No, but I think Nika does.” I chuckle and slide it over.

  Nika grins. “I shouldn’t, but if you insist.” She digs her fork into chocolaty goodness.

  Casey says, “I’m so excited you’ll be working with us. Teaching is such—”

  My phone buzzes with a call, and because it’s against my plate the glass rattles. Everyone looks at me as I pick it up.

  It’s my mother, who usually texts me to call her, and my body tenses when I pick it up. “Mom?”

  “Gretchen.” Her voice cracks. “It’s your father. He’s had a stroke, and you need to come home.”

  The bagel I ate feels like a rock in my stomach. “Oh, Mom. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Is Christian with you?” I hope my brother’s home so she isn’t alone.

  “He is. Honey, it’s pretty bad. Dad’s in ICU. I’ll text you when I know more.”

  My hands shake, and I squeeze my phone tighter. “I’ll call when I arrive. Mom?”

  “I know, I love you, Gretchen. Just get home.”

  I don’t bother to keep tears from falling and say, “I love you too, Mom.”

  The phone clunks as I set it down, and I glance at my friends’ scared faces. “My dad had a stroke, and I have to get home.” I know I should be thinking about how I’m going to get there and pay for it, but I’m paralyzed.

  Casey shoots forward and reaches for my hand across the table. “We’ll figure this out for you.”

  Nika asks, “Where do you want to fly to? Manchester or Boston?”

  “I, um. It doesn’t matter. Someone can pick me up at either.”

  Nika is typing on her phone and says, “I’ll book the first available.” I start to speak and she holds up her hand. “Don’t even think about paying. I have millions of points from flying all over the world. I won’t take no for an answer.”

  My voice sounds far away. “Thank you.”

  Lori is on her phone, and I hear her ask for the Breckenridge Grill’s manager as she gets up to walk away from the table.

  Dishes clatter as Megan clears our snack, and I want to help, but can’t seem to move. My heart feels as if someone is squeezing it.

  Casey sits in Megan’s chair next to me. “Gretchen. I’ll take you home and help you pack once the flight is arranged.”

  I nod as tears drip off my chin. She dabs at my face with a napkin and hands me more. The paper is rough in my hands, and I grip them tight.

  Nika’s blue eyes are big as she speaks softly. “It’s all set. You’re arriving in Boston, and I’ll text you the boarding pass. Give me your phone.”

  I hand it to her and she says, “I’m going to e-mail you the flight info. When I get it, I’ll e-mail you the confirmation for a town car. They can take you home so nobody has to leave your dad.” The warning tilt of her head tells me not to even mention the cost.

  Nika hugs me tight. “It’ll be okay. I just know it.”

  “Thank you so much, Nika.”

  We stand to leave, and she kisses me on the cheek. “You call or text me for anything you need. I’ll be mad if you don’t. Got it?”

  “I do. Thanks.”

  Casey and Megan hook their arms into mine and walk me out of the cafe. Lori meets us on the sidewalk and says, “You’re all set at the Grill and the rec center. Both managers say to take all the time you need.”

  When Lori hugs me, I break down and start to sob. I can’t speak, and tears are in her eyes too. She put her hand on my cheek. “You and your family will be in my thoughts.”

  I give her a weak smile. “Thanks.”

  Six hours later, I’m wearing a high ponytail and big sunglasses, pretending to be someone famous instead of an average girl hiding her puffy eyes. Nika booked me first class on a direct flight, and I’ll be home before the morning. Settling back with a vodka on the rocks and an empty seat next to me, I hope for one last chance to tell my father how much I love him.

  Chapter 25

  Dead leaves rustle as I run through them, and my ears are cold. I’ve been home almost a month, and my dad is doing really well. The two of us have been taking short walks and enjoying the beautiful color of fall in Vermont. While I do most of the talking, it’s been good to reconnect as adults instead of father and child.

  I’ve spent the last two years feeling as if I failed him, and the reality is, while he wasn’t happy with me taking a break from school, he’s proud of me chasing a dream. I’m sure knowing I plan to go to graduate school next fall helps with his acceptance of my current life.

  I turn the corner and head to the path for Mount Tom. It’s more like a hill, the trail is well-worn, and it’s not as challenging as the run behind Derrick’s house. Derrick. His dark eyes haunt my memory, and my core twitches a little, craving his touch.

  The odor of burning leaves blows toward me, and I flash back to a safer topic, like picking apples as a child. Maybe I’ll take Dad to an orchard this afternoon, and we can make apple pie for Mom and Christian.

  My brother is coming for the weekend like he has since Dad’s stroke. I splash through a puddle, and cold water soaks into my shoe. I make him mountain bike with me, and kick his weekend-warrior ass. Our bikes are old and battered, but we relive our childhood and thrash though anything together.

  Guilt tugs at me when I think about how I Googled Derrick and Nika yesterday. Curious about their money, I found out more than I bargained for. The Hamilton twins lost their parents in a small plane accident. A wealthy family, I suspect Derrick and Nika are trust-funders that recently came into the lump of their inheritance. That would explain Derrick’s discomfort about having money he didn’t earn.

  The underbrush near me rustles with a small animal, and my heart clenches thinking about how I almost lost Dad. I can’t imagine if both my parents died when I was thirteen. It certainly explains why Derrick and Nika are so close. I’m sure they would trade all that money to have their parents back, and the thought sobers me.

  Truth is though, while family is great, I miss my friends. I’m a little jealous that Nika and Casey have been doing things without me. And I miss Derrick. I wish I didn’t because I need to move on.

  But not yet. My mom appreciates me being here for Dad so she can teach her college literature classes. They need me for a little longer.

  The trees thin, and the top of Mount Tom opens up to a clearing. Wind swirls around me when I stop for a moment to gaze down on the town of Woodstock where gray and white patches appear nestled in sun-kissed fall color. No longer cold, I peel off my damp sweatshirt and welcome the breeze on my sweaty skin. Tying the thick cotton around my waist, I turn back to run home.

  Christian’s Lexus is parked in the driveway. My financial whiz of a brother has no trouble spending his excess on things he wants. But he does have a good head on his shoulders and isn’t above wearing worn clothes that give him a shabby, carefree appearance or slumming it with me to play pool in the local dive bar.

  I stop at the steps to our wraparound porch to stretch. Feeling the pull of my hamstrings
as I’m bent down, touching my toes I hear the creak and slam of the screen door.

  “Hey, Gretchen girl.”

  “Boy Wonder, good to see you.” I rise up and notice he has two frosty, green beer bottles in his hand. “Moosehead?”

  “Yup. Come chew the fat with me.” Christian sits on our porch swing and pats the wooden seat.

  Slipping my sweatshirt on for warmth, my feet thud on the aged wood. I curl my nylon-clad legs under me as I sit on the bench and take a beer from him. Christian pushes us into a rhythmic sway with his feet.

  “So how’s your friend, Casey?” He picks at the label on his bottle.

  “You still have a crush on her?” I smack him. “You know she is so taken.”

  “I do, but that girl’s hot. I’m just asking.” He winks and I realize he’s teasing me. “Remember how you almost got kicked out of camp for her?”

  I chuckle at the memory of how Casey and I met. We were nine years old and cabin mates at overnight camp. I was a tomboy that didn’t want to be a girl, and Casey was a prissy girl that didn’t like boys. Ned Evans pulled her hair so hard it made her cry, and I put a stop to it.

  “My brother taught me to stand up for what’s right. And how to fight.” I punched Ned right in the nose knowing it would bleed. I’ve always had a thing for putting some jerk in his place. From that day on, Casey and I have been best friends.

  I take a long drink from my beer and savor the taste a moment before swallowing. It’s a familiar, earthy flavor that seems to go with fall in Vermont.

  Christian lifts my braid and inspects the end of it. “So, why are you still here and not living the snow-bunny life with your bestie?”

  “Mom and Dad still need me.” I stretch my legs out straight and flex my feet toward my shins to stretch my calves.

  “Not buying it, Gretch. You’re good at taking care of people. But, I think you’re hiding from something.”

  I sigh because he knows me too well. “I do have a little car issue I need to sort out. Right now I don’t have one, and not working this last month hasn’t helped. I’m not sure I can swing another winter in Colorado.”