Rush

by Violet Vaughn

  While the half-pipe training is where I need the most work, Boardercross is where I excel. My years hanging with boys at the skateboard park taught me to be fearless. So when I fly down a trail that has a series of bumps similar to motocross with a group of women, the girls are afraid. I’m fast and let nothing stand in my way.

  The light is flat today. Without the sun to create distinct shadows, it’s hard to see contours, making it more difficult to read the snow. Lyndsey’s breathing is quick and on the edge of panic. We train together because, while we’re competitors, we each have different strengths. She challenges me in the half pipe, and I scare the shingles out of her on the Boardercross course.

  Truth? I love the rush of going fast. Standing in the gate to the course, the metal rail is cold enough to seep into my glove. There are four slots set up, and I glance over at Lyndsey in the one to my right, and say, “You stay with me. I want you to pee your pants.”

  Her eyes are wide and she nods. The course is icy, and on our last run she bailed on me. I know once she gets past her fear she’ll start to matter in this event because she’s quick and has cat-like reflexes that rival mine. Besides, she’s the only girl I would want to be my roommate at the Olympics.

  I yell so she can hear me as I rock my board back and forth across the starting line. “Three, Two, One!” Using every ounce of strength in my arms, I propel myself forward and crouch low.

  Wind whistles by my helmet, and the roar of snow under my board deafens everything else. Lyndsey’s pink jacket is in my peripheral. I’m not holding back, and she’s hanging tough.

  We suck up the first big roll and fly low. We land, and my stomach muscles flex, and I extend my legs to absorb the smaller bumps as we try to keep our boards on the ground.

  Lyndsey wasn’t with me at this point during the last run, and I give her a quick fist in recognition. As we approach the final turn I don’t expect her to stay with me. The safety nets aren’t completely up, and there isn’t one for the dangerous curve. She’s knows I wouldn’t ask her to gamble with a serious injury.

  I slow down a bit to keep from being out of control and am surprised Lyndsey is sticking with me. I keep my turn tight, and Lyndsey holds hers almost as well. I slow even more out of fear for her, and it’s enough that she gets in front of me.

  Dang, girl! My competitive streak kicks in, and I crouch a little lower. I barely move ahead to cross our imaginary finish line first.

  We do the snowboard version of a hockey stop, and I say, “Holy shitake mushrooms, Lyndsey! You rocked it.”

  She hunches over and her face is as white as the snow. “I think I’m going to throw up.”

  “You almost beat me. C’mon we need to do it again.”

  She attempts a smile and a little color returns to her face. “Right.” She shakes her head slowly. “You know what I think? I think we’re bat-shit crazy.”

  I chuckle. “We probably are.”

  When we get to the lift line, Cooper is ahead of us. Knowing Lyndsey needs a distraction, I call to him. He pulls out of the line and waits for us to catch up.

  When we get close enough, I ask, “How’s Breck treating you?”

  “Great. I saw you in the pipe yesterday. Lookin’ good.”

  “Thanks. You know my friend, Lyndsey, right?”

  He lifts his goggles and flashes his killer smile. “You were the one showing Gretch how it’s done.” His brown eyes twinkle at her. There’s the charm she needs to forget her fear for a while.

  Lyndsey lifts her goggles too and says, “Thanks. Gretchen’s got it; she just needs someone to challenge her to get more.”

  Cooper nods at her. “She does.”

  I bend down, pretending to do something to my boot so they move ahead of me a bit. When I stand I scoot up to be beside Lyndsey so that she’s between me and Cooper. This way he’ll be turned toward both of us the whole ride, and I can make sure the attention is on her.

  The whine of the chairlift engine is loud, and we stop talking to pull out to the loading ramp. The chair swoops us up, and the seat is cold on my thighs.

  Cooper asks, “Have you seen our poster yet?”

  “No, have you?” Did he say poster, as in one?

  “Ted e-mailed me images a little while ago. You probably got them too. Hang on, I’ll show you.” Cooper pulls his glove off with his teeth and retrieves his phone.

  I lift my goggles and take it from him. Wind stings my fingers, but the moment I see the picture I don’t notice. Cooper and I start at the bottom of the page, each in our own corner. The sensation of movement is depicted by our clothes peeling off on our path to meeting in the middle. We look stark naked with our entire bodies pressed together in what appears to be a kiss. Fuck.

  My hand shakes as I move to give it back to him.

  “Can I see?” Lyndsey asks.

  “Oh, sorry.” I say and let her take the phone.

  Horror on her face morphs to slightly strained. She’s pissed, and she’s not even Cooper’s girlfriend.

  Cooper looks over her head at me. “Wow, huh?”

  I nod slowly. “Yeah. Wow.”

  Cooper says, “I think getting a girlfriend in this town might be kind of hard this year.”

  Lyndsey squints at me like I betrayed her. “Not if it’s Gretchen. What are you going to tell Derrick?”

  “The truth.”

  She snorts. “Good luck with that.”

  I glance at Cooper and he shrugs.

  I force a smile on my face and say, “Heading to the board cross course?”

  He doesn’t look at me and answers. “Yeah. I need to let loose.”

  I nod. “Me too.”

  Chapter 41

  Lyndsey leaves us at the top of the chair to go train on the half pipe. Cooper and I ride over to the course without a word but when we get to the gates he asks, “Who’s Derrick?”

  “He’s the guy I told you I was still hung up on. We got back together, and it’s going really well.” I gaze down the steep ramp and watch a piece of snow roll and pick up speed. “For now.”

  Cooper reaches out and touches my arm. “I’m happy to talk to him.”

  “No.” I sigh and shake my head. Anger threads its way into my veins, and I say, “Let’s race.”

  Cooper is bigger and should be much faster. But I hold nothing back. I cut turns as sharp as I can and let it rip. Rage is surging through me, and the need to go fast blinds me from reason.

  Every muscle I have is flexing and extending at its peak. As we approach the last turn, I realize I’m out of control. I have no choice but to try to make it because letting myself crash would probably kill me without the safety net.

  Wind howls in my ears, and the vibration of snow under my board throbs through me. Moving so quickly I barely register the danger I’m in, instinct takes over.

  I tense my body and lay my board on its edge. It hangs on as I scream through the turn and move toward the outer lip. My thighs burn but explode with the power I pull from within the very depth of my soul in order to survive. Inches from going off the course, I manage to pull back to safety in the bottom of the curve.

  I crouch for maximum speed in the last straightway. The rush of adrenaline makes my body hum. Fuck, that was awesome.

  Cooper blows ahead at the end. When I stop by him he grabs my arms. “What the fuck, Gretchen? Do you have a death wish? You almost killed yourself.” He pulls me into a tight hug.

  My body is shaking with the aftermath, and his arms around me keep me from gushing on about how amazing that run was. I whisper, “I know.” I can’t explain to him that I’m shaking from exuberance. He won’t get it.

  But the thrill is a mask to the panic that smolders in me. Fear takes over as I think about losing Derrick. I don’t even know how to tell him about the poster. I never worried about this sort of thing before. Any other guy would get the explanation, and if he didn’t like it, we’d be done.

  Bile rises in my throat, but I swallow it back down. I almos
t killed myself, and I liked it. I’ve really got to get a handle on this. I’m not some love-struck girl that’s too stupid to live. Am I?

  Cooper isn’t letting go, and I don’t want him to. Nika’s words echo in my head. Gretchen, my brother’s more than just in love with you. You’re his forever. And I want to be. That’s what this is about. I’m afraid to lose the one thing I thought I would never find.

  Cooper holds me until I calm down. Without letting go he says, “Look, if Derrick can’t understand this isn’t about him, then you don’t need the relationship.”

  Oh, but I do. I pull away. “Cooper, you saw how Lyndsey reacted. She has a crush on you, and now she thinks we somehow cheated.” My pulse has returned to normal. “What are they thinking? This doesn’t make any sense.”

  “I know. We look like alien porn stars. I can’t imagine that’s the sex that sells.”

  “Alien porn stars?” I smile. “Thanks, I needed that vision.”

  Cooper grins at me. “Are you going to be okay?”

  “Yeah, but I really like Derrick, and I need to find a way to explain this so our poster doesn’t ruin everything.”

  “Hey, should we tweet about the new alien-porn-star Burton poster? If it went viral they’d have to change it.”

  I chuckle. “I like how you think.”

  Cooper puts an arm around my shoulders. “I’ll bet Derrick knows what an amazing woman he has and will find a way to deal with this.”

  My words come back to haunt me. So my likeness is on a bunch of posters. Deal with it. But what if he can’t?

  After my brush with death, we decide to head over to the half pipe for the rest of the day. While Cooper is fun, I miss training with Lyndsey. At the bottom of a run, I manage to get her alone.

  “Lyndsey, hike with me.”

  She places her board on her lower back and holds it with her palms behind it, curling her fingers around the edge. “Hey, I’m not mad at you.”

  “Good, because I think you have a chance with Cooper if you want one.”

  “Really?”

  “He knows how I feel about Derrick, and we’ve been over for months. He flirted with you in front of me. Trust me. You so have a chance.” I’m already heating up, and my helmet clicks when I unbuckle it.

  She tries to hold back her smile, but I think it would cover her face if she didn’t. She says, “So what are you going to do about Derrick? Because that naked kiss made me jealous, and I don’t have a right to be.”

  “I know. What would you do?” Our boots trod with a steady thump.

  “Move?”

  I might have to. I don’t say anything, and heavy breathing keeps time to our footsteps.

  Lyndsey speaks. “Tell him the truth as soon as possible. Everything from how you ended up in that position to where he might see the posters, so he can’t be surprised.” She glances over at me. “That’s what I would want.”

  “Thanks.” We’re panting now, but almost at the top. “Do you want me to explain it to you?”

  She drops her board with a thud. Sitting on it she pats the ground next to her. “Yes. The whole thing. That way I can spread the right rumors.” Her smile makes me grin too.

  Although I don’t share the Xander story, when I’m done she whistles long and low. “I still think you should tell him everything, but man, I’m glad I’m not you.”

  “Does the truth make it better for you?”

  “Well, yeah. But I’m not in a relationship with Cooper, just a wanna be.”

  I stand. “Let’s get moving. John’s looking our way.”

  “Maybe he’s seen the poster and wants to see your clothes melt off.”

  I hold my hand out to help her up, but when she reaches for it I pull it back. “Oops, I think my arm just melted away.” We laugh and head over to the half pipe.

  ***

  Steam bursts out of the bathroom when I open the door. I just took one of the longest, hottest showers of my life, and I think I may be pruned forever. Casey’s voice cuts through the moisture. “I was about to come in and see if you’re still alive. Leave any hot water for me?”

  “Oh, sorry. You might want to wait.” With a towel around my head, I’m naked and walk into my bedroom. My lack of modesty is a given with Casey. Must be all those years of team-sport locker rooms, because she isn’t shy about her body around me, either.

  “Nice to see you looking a little better fed, Gretch.”

  My stomach rolls. “Yeah, well not for long. I’ve got a serious problem.”

  Casey follows me into my room and hops onto my bed. The metal frame groans from the impact. “Talk to me.”

  I sigh as I pull on lace panties, and the elastic waistband snaps against my skin. Nodding my head toward my backpack I say, “Pull out my phone and look at the e-mail I have open.”

  Casey types in my password and opens up my mail. I watch her eyes get wide and she spreads her fingers on the screen to enlarge the image. “Holy crap. That’s almost porn.”

  “Exactly. What the fu—fungus am I going to do?” I try to hook my bra, but keep missing. Frustrated, I drop my hands and say, “Damn it!”

  Casey gets up from the bed and comes behind me. Her fingers are cool on my skin as she connects the eyehooks. The tender gesture makes me want to cry. When I say “Casey?” it’s almost a whimper.

  “You’re going to trust Derrick and show him before he discovers it some other way.”

  “Go ahead, you can say it. I brought this on myself. I don’t think and just do things that hurt other people.” I recall the body shot I did with Kaleb, and how much it pain it caused Lori when the footage surprised us all at the snowboard film preview.

  Casey turns me by my shoulders to face her. Her hands are small but firm against my body. “No, I wasn’t going to say that. What you did this time was part of your job, and you were completely sober. Nothing could have happened with Cooper in a room full of people.”

  She walks over to my closet and riffles through my shirts. “Derrick’s sister is a model, and I’ve seen her work. He’s got to be used to this sort of thing.”

  “You think?” I put on the navy scoop-neck tee she hands me.

  “Gretch, you have to trust him. Sure, he won’t like it, and he might even get mad. But relationships have their ups and downs. I seriously doubt this will ruin you guys.”

  I hug Casey tight. “I don’t know what I would do without you. Thanks.”

  “You’d be a bigger mess than you already are.” She steps back and smiles at me. “But then so would I,” She calls out as she’s leaving, “Just mascara, you need to be completely real when you talk to him.”

  My windblown, blotchy face is inflamed from my hot shower. One glance at my reflection confirms I look horrible. But Casey’s right. No smoke and mirrors can fix this, only the truth.

  Chapter 42

  Entering Derrick and Nika’s house, the aroma of roasted chicken makes my mouth water. Even though dread is heavy in my veins, at least my stomach is thinking positively.

  I call out, “It smells yummy in here.”

  Nika is on the couch with her e-reader. Still in the sweats she wears home from work, I assume dinner isn’t going to be soon. “Dinner will be in about an hour. I didn’t realize how long chicken takes to cook. But it’ll be delicious when it’s finally ready.”

  “Good day teaching?” I drop my backpack by the stairs with a thud. I’ll bring it upstairs later if my conversation with Derrick goes well.

  “It was. I got a lesson beyond beginners. My first time taking a class on the chairlift and nobody died.”

  I chuckle at her. I point toward the stairs. “Is Derrick up there?”

  “Yeah, he should be down in a minute. Unless you want to go up. He’s taking a shower.” She sips her coffee, and I know I shouldn’t stall any longer. Nika probably wants to read her book, and there really is no good time for me to get my news out.

  Each step on the stairs seems to vibrate up my legs. When I walk down the
hall Jake follows me, and the click, click, click of his nails make me think of a bomb counting down. I rap lightly on Derrick’s door. “It’s Gretchen.”

  My favorite cologne licks at me when the door opens. With damp hair he’s only in jeans, and I reach out to touch his chest. Wrapping an arm around my waist he pulls me in for a kiss while shutting the door on the dog.

  When he starts walking me backward toward the bed I pull away. “I need to talk to you.”

  Derrick starts kissing my neck and mumbles, “It can wait.” He unbuttons my jeans and pushes them down.

  “Really, Derrick. I need to tell you something.” But my resistance waivers when he shoves my panties aside and slips a finger into me. I moan and fall back on the bed. “Okay, it can wait.”

  I lose myself in our lovemaking, but when we’re laying spent in each other’s arms, I know I can’t avoid telling him any longer.

  I don’t get a chance before he leans up over me. He says, “You’re so beautiful. I love you, Gretchen.”

  A warm glow settles over me as I gaze into his eyes. “I love you too.” This is really happening. I’ve opened my heart and fallen in love.

  He sits up and the drawer to his bedside table opens with a rattle. “I have something for you.”

  He pulls a black velvet box out of the drawer and my heart flips. The velvet is soft in my hands and the box is hinged. I pull it open to reveal a small silver heart. It’s a simple design with a diamond-like stone in the center. I hold it up by the dainty chain.

  “It’s platinum, and the diamond in the middle is my grandmother’s engagement ring stone.”

  What? Oh sh—shit. “Derrick, I can’t take this. This isn’t the sort of thing you give to a girlfriend.”

  “It is if that girlfriend is so much more.” His eyes shine and warmth spreads through my whole body. Oh, my God.

  “Derrick.” I throw my arms around his neck and hug him tight. “You’re so much more to me too. I think about you all the time.” I look up into his eyes. “You’re my world.” I grin and trace his lower lip with my finger. “I can’t believe I just said something that corny, but it’s true.”