He sighed and looked a bit sheepish. She picked it up and he accepted it without comment.
She listened as he read a passage, but his angry words echoed in her head.
12
March 1, 1637
A frantic flurry ensued with the necessary planning and preparation for such a long voyage. Mary bent over the list at the oak table, twirling a ringlet of hair around her finger as she studied the account intently. Dried beef, salt pork, beans, wheat, oats, peas, oil, vinegar, and butter. Sugar and spices. Ginger, pepper, cloves, mace, nutmeg, and cinnamon were on his list, but she knew she would need far more spices than that. And herbs. Sweet oranges and lemons were recommended for their fragrance and health. Implements included an iron pot, kettle, a frying pan, gridiron, another skillet, a spit, wooden platters, trenches, and spoons.
“This is a good start. But in truth, I worry more about sleeping down below with all of those people. People that cannot bathe and are sick. I’ve heard the terrible stories, Jeremy. I shudder to think of the conditions.”
“Aye, life on the ’tween deck is dangerous. The seas will be rough and the voyage long and people do get very sick. It’s not easy, but you are strong and healthy, as the boys are. I promise you I intend to make it as easy upon you as I can. I would like to offer you the master cabin. It’s not large, with only one bed, but it would offer you privacy, as well as safety.”
“Oh, no, you cannot do that. That wouldn’t be right. Where would you sleep? What if you became ill?” Mary looked to Barney for agreement.
Jeremy was quick to answer. “Do not worry for me. I’ll sleep in the scuttle hatch with my two ship’s officers. As long as I’m not sleeping on the beakhead, I shall be fine.”
Jay looked up, showing interest in the conversation for the first time. “What’s that, Uncle Jeremy?”
“That is where the sailors work the foresails. And they use it as their chamber pot.” He laughed at Jay’s obvious disgust. “The scuttle hatch is forward of the foremast.”
“What’s the foremast?”
“It holds up the sail. Barn, your son will be a sailor for sure. I’ll teach you all about sailing on the voyage, Joseph. You can learn to use the cross-staff and learn all about the stars.” He turned to Mary, obviously satisfied that all would be well with this journey.
His sincerity softened Mary’s heart. No matter how hard the next months would be, she knew Jeremy would do everything he could to make it bearable for her. He was so much like Barney.
“What of our furniture, Jeremy?” She eyed the old oak table.
“Nay, the furniture stays. It is too heavy and bulky. There are plenty of trees of all kinds in Massachusetts. The forests are endless. No one even knows how vast they are. Barnabas can build all of the furniture you could ever want for.” He turned to his brother. “Do you have a cask? It would be best to pack your necessities in one, but with a wife and two children I could allow you two. Cargo room is limited, and we will have livestock on board, so I want you to be careful in what you plan to bring. I will have final approval, so it shall be best for you to tell me early on.”
“Aye, brother. I know the cooper. He will build what we need. We will look at your list and make revisions. I shall let you know next week what we require.”
To her surprise, she enjoyed working on the list. To Jeremy’s basics, she added biscuits and cheese. How had he not mentioned them? Although she loved her dresses and hats, the kitchen cloths and other various linens were far more important for their home. She would try to fit in as many folds of fabric from the mercer as she could, perhaps worsted and linen. In gray and black? Yes, if she were to start over, she would dress for Barney. Dress in the conservative style he preferred her to wear. But her favorite green gown would not be left behind, and the silver looking glass, a must. And seeds. She must ask Lizzie to help her gather seeds. Perhaps they could do some cuttings. How to transport, though. Hmm . . . she must ask Jeremy. She would miss her English garden.
Barney looked over her shoulder. “Do not forget we will only have two casks.”
“I know, Barney. I do wish we could bring the table, though.” She lovingly traced her finger around the hearts that contained the J and B.
“You heard Jeremy. That is not possible. Too heavy, too big. I will make you a fine table when we get there.”
“But you are missing the significance of this one. Someday you shall realize it, but it will be too late. Jay and Ben both know the importance. It is a very real expression of their mother’s love. Beyond their memories and their quilts, they do not have much to cling to as they travel so far away.”
“I am touched that you care, I am. You remind me of why I need a mother for my children. But we simply will not have the allowance for the table. You must abide by that.” He kissed the top of her head and listened to her sigh. “Truly, I do understand it. Now cheer up, my sweet. On the morrow we leave for London with Elizabeth and Ezekiel. It will be a holiday for you ladies. Jeremy plans to meet with me and Ezekiel. There is much to discuss.”
“And the children?”
“Joseph and Benjamin will stay with Grandmother Horton, and Elizabeth’s children will stay with their grandpapa.”
While Barney, Jeremy, and Zeke met for a game of bowl, Mary and Lizzie took to the shops. After their supper, the five walked the path next to the Thames and leaned on the same stone wall where she and Lizzie had stood over six years ago. Mary searched the docks for The Swallow. Lizzie quietly put her arm around her sister.
Jeremy stepped close. “You cannot see her from here, Mary. On the morrow I will take you to her before we set out for Mowsley. She is bigger and grander than any of these. That one across the way is The Hector. Reverend Davenport will be on that ship and The Hector will sail with us, as our sister ship.”
Barney came to Mary’s side. “Reverend Davenport is the minister I told you about who knows Reverend Youngs. They will work together in Massachusetts.”
“’Tis comforting to know there will be another ship close by.”
“Aye. It is always planned that way, for safety.”
“I have been thinking, Jeremy, of the people who will live down below, on the ’tween deck.”
“Oh?”
“I should like to be of help to them in some way. It shan’t be much, but I was thinking I should like to bring a few barrels of lemons, if I may, and share them daily with the passengers down below. It might ease their condition somewhat perhaps. For their breath and to help fragrance the living area. There is not much I can do, but with your permission, I would like to make that my mission.”
“That would be most kind of you, but of course, you do not mean to go down there yourself, do you?”
“Oh, yes, I do. I would not feel I was being of help to stay on the main deck.”
Barney touched her hand. “Jeremy will take you down when we board. If you can see firsthand the conditions, I believe you will know it best to not go down with any regularity.”
“Aye, Mary, I am trying to spare you that. It’s kind of you to offer barrels of lemons, but limit it to one and we’ll add it to the larder. Or if you would slice the peels and dry them, we can bring more.”
On the night of their return, over a supper of cold meats and carrots, Barney discussed the trip with Mary. The boys listened eagerly, asking about the bowling and ships. Jay and Ben took turns telling of adventures they had with Grandmother and Grandfather Horton.
Supper finished and Scriptures read, Barney closed the Bible. “Boys, it has been an exhausting day. Time for you to change into your nightshirts.”
Jay gave his usual look of disdain but did as he was told. Ben looked at Mary and she nodded toward the bedroom with a smile. He followed closely behind his brother.
“Jeremy and I stopped at the cemetery and I knelt beside Ann’s grave.”
Mary looked up. “When was that?”
“Coming home, when you were in the carriage with Ezekiel and Elizabeth. We got so far
in front of you that we found we had some extra time. Did you not notice we disappeared for a time?”
“No, I suppose Lizzie and I were talking too much. It was difficult in the city, knowing this would be the last time we were there together. We had so much to say to each other on the way back. ’Tis good you stopped.”
“I was looking at the blue slate I put over her grave. I told Jeremy it would mean much to me if I could bring a similar piece with me for my own tomb.” He studied his cup as he fingered it.
“Is there something about your health you have not shared with me?” She hoped the sarcasm she heard in her voice did not sound so sharp to him. “You know it hurts me when you do not share important matters with me.” She reached out to touch his hand.
He pulled back. “If you please, there is nothing wrong with my health. My good doctor tells me I am hale and actually very sound. Nay, this is about wanting the blue slate in New England. I know what I want engraved on the stone and I must make haste to have this done before we take our leave. Jeremy is in agreement.”
She wanted to be kind, but she felt herself slipping. “Barnabas. Is there no end? Jeremy tells me that I cannot bring the oak table. A table that means so much to your sons and should to you too. And you agreed with that. Now you tell me that you want to bring a slab of blue slate—the weight we cannot even guess—and—Jeremy tells you that he approves?”
“It is his ship, Mary.”
“I do not understand. ’Tis quite beyond me. If thou thinks I will follow thee to the end of the earth, methinks you should think again! I love you, but if you do not value my judgment, then by your leave, plan on what you will take, but do not plan on taking me!”
Barney jumped to his feet and raked his hand through his hair, then scratched at his beard. “Pray thee, where does this come from? This anger that boils up?”
“Why would it not anger me? It seems you and Jeremy have both gone behind my back and planned this. ’Tis not a matter of thinking I cared not. You knew I cared. Did not that matter to you?”
He began to pace and it reminded her of Papa.
“I do care, you know I do. Have I not stood by and let you make that confounded list? I have remained silent while you make your lists and purchases. And did not Jeremy give his permission for you to bring an extra barrel of lemons?”
“They are not for me. They are for those poor people in the holds of the ship.”
“Very well, but even so, I have been patient with what you intend to bring. You know I have.”
“Perhaps you don’t understand how important the table is.”
“Please know I would not sail without you. Let me go to Jeremy on the morrow and ask if we might bring both. The blue slate is important to me. I cannot say wherefore, just that it is. But I would not choose the slate over you. Never, Mary.”
“I thank you for that.” She managed a weak smile. “Yes, please, I want you to ask this of Jeremy. Truly, I want to bring the table. Tell him he has upset me greatly.”
“I will do that. I will beg of him to reconsider the table, on the morrow. Mary, when the weather improves, will you come to the cemetery with me?”
“Of course I shall. And bring the boys?”
“We will, but I would like to make a trip there with just the two of us first.” He stood and picked up the candle. “May we get some sleep?”
“I’m so tired from the trip, sleep shall be good.”
As she walked toward their bedroom, she heard him pause. He said good night to Ann, as he always did.
Spring arrived, wet though it was, and while the morning was still fresh, Mary set out to pick flowers. She and Barney would go to the cemetery today, and she wanted a bouquet to place on Ann’s grave.
Jay and Ben climbed in the cart as Barney whistled to Baldy, and they started down the lane. “You know, boys, Miss Tilly will not be able to make the voyage with us.” He glanced at the boys.
“What? Why can’t she come with us?” Their plea was almost in unison.
Mary pulled Ben close and leaned toward Jay. “Miss Tilly is old. It would not be nice to her to bring her on the ship. She will be much happier with Aunt Lizzie and your cousins.”
Barney nodded. “Mayhap Joshua will take her under his care. What do you think, Joseph?”
“Yes, Father. Joshua would be good to her. Those girls are too jumpy and noisy. Miss Tilly needs someone who will hold her and not squeeze her.”
Lizzie came out when they arrived. She laughed as the boys scrambled off the wagon and chattered to their cousins about Miss Tilly. Lizzie would never complain about one more to take care of.
“Don’t worry about the boys, Mary. Joshua has been looking forward to playing with them all morning.”
“We shan’t be long. Barney wanted a bit of time at the cemetery and then we shall be right back.” As they pulled away Mary waved, but only Lizzie returned it—the children too busy to notice.
As they entered the cemetery, they stopped for a moment. The grass, green and tall from the rains, swayed with the breeze. Ann’s grave was up the hill and Barney urged Baldy forward.
He helped Mary down and she gently put the nosegay across the blue slate. They stood in prayerful silence, his Bible tucked under his arm.
He cleared his throat. “Mayhap this is not the time to ask this of you, but I do not know what would be a good time. May I share with you the words I wrote for my slate?”
He knew the words he wanted on the slate? He had never answered her question about his health. In fact she had asked it in jest. But perhaps she should ask again. “Barney, are you ill? Why do you plan your epitaph?”
“Nay, it’s not that. Certes, I would tell you if I were ill. Gracious, it is not about that at all.”
“Then I should like to hear it.” She chose her words carefully. She still smarted from the words they had exchanged weeks ago. “’Tis important to me that you are at peace when we leave Mowsley. I know no matter how hard you try to believe to the contrary, it will be hard for you to leave. Tell me now, what you intend for your tomb.”
“I want my name, place of birth, and the date of my birth and death to frame the face of it. Of course, the date of death would be added after I’m gone.”
She raised her brow. “You have this well planned, Barney.”
“Aye. I am thinking in the center I would like to say that it is with God that I now abide, and that our children should trust and obey our Lord so that they may come to rest in God’s holy place with me.”
“My, but that is a lot to say and methinks you have put much thought into this.”
“I have, my sweet. In truth, I have penned it. Here, read it and tell me your thoughts.” He opened his Bible and carefully removed a folded parchment and handed it to her.
He looked flustered as she took the paper. It seemed important to him. She lowered herself to the damp ground and unfolded it. The paper fluttered in the wind, and her eyes, reflecting the blue sky, began to mist.
Here lies my body tombed in dust
till Christ shall come to raise it with the just;
my soul ascended to the throne of God
where with sweet Jesus now I make abode;
Then hasten after me, my dearest wife,
to be a partaker of this blessed life;
And you, dear children all, follow the Lord,
hear and obey His public sacred word;
and in your houses call upon His name,
for oft have I advised you to the same:
then God will bless you with your children all,
and to this blessed place He will you call.
She hugged the paper to her chest as tears trickled down her cheeks. “Barney, I do not know what to say. This is beautiful. I love that it is a message for all of your children and their children to come. Generations of Hortons. Why did you not tell me of this?”
“It means much to me and I was not sure you would understand. I want to bring the blue slate. I do want you to have
the table, though, and I have petitioned Jeremy to bring it.”
She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “ I see two messages here. Am I correct?”
His smile was broad and genuine. “Aye, you see that? I pray for you to follow me to this new land, our new abode, where our children can grow up hearing God’s sacred Word and be able to worship Him in our home, free of persecution. If we do this, I truly believe that God will bless us with many children.”
“I like that.” She smoothed the paper and studied the words once more.
“And then when He calls me to my final abode, I pray you hasten to join me in heaven, and that all of our children, and their children, under our covenant with God, will join us too. I feel we are beginning a most significant journey going to the New World. I know it is hard to leave behind our family and possessions, but the Church of England believes it can control the minds of men, and it cannot. We are ordained by God to have a free will. Aye, it is time for us to leave. The blue slate will endure forever. I want all of my children for the generations to come to know of me and why I came to the New World.”
“I love you, Barney. What you have written here is testament to your faith in God.” She searched his eyes to see his soul. “I am troubled though, with one thing.”
“What is that, my sweet?”
“Ann has gone before you to heaven. She is waiting there for you. When you join her, what becomes of me?”
“I would never forget you. That is why I wrote that for the blue slate. Aye, I will be happy to be joined with Ann once more and I do celebrate that thought. But I will not forget you. I believe God brought us together for a purpose. I will be waiting for you.”
“But who would be married to you? Ann?”
He looked at the blue slate covering his Ann’s grave. “On this earth I am married to you. In the Bible, I believe God teaches there is no marriage in heaven. I will wait for you and rejoice with all of the angels when you are at heaven’s door.”
She took his hand. “I need you, Barney. I have you now and for that I am thankful. I pray we have many, many children, and that from our seed there will be generations to come that will gaze upon your blue slate and know you were a man of God, obedient to His ways and one who truly loved his children. But I hope ’tis a long time from now.”
A Place in His Heart Page 10