Lacrimosa (Requiem Series)

by Fonseca, Christine

I close my eyes, my head in my hands. I need to get it together. Need to find a way through this hell. I look up, staring at the only piece of art I’ve ever owned. Michelangelo’s Fall from Grace. Not an original, of course. But something I’ve kept with me for decades.

  The picture screams of my life: Adam and Eve, their fall from Eden, the human-faced serpent.

  The Beast again stirs inside, begging to be fed. I ignore my urgings, feel my own rage and disgust surge. The picture begins to change as my torment increases, swirling to life. It morphs into a replica of me, Nesy, Azza. I watch as the figures dance across the paper, highlighting the end of everything I was.

  Mesmerized, my eyes begin to close. And I fall…

  Into my past.

  I’m running towards the screams that rip through the dark forest. My humanity slips away with every step, Mikayel, Sariel. Keep her safe. Please.

  “You’re too late.” Azzaziel steps through the trees, standing in shadow. His laugh fuels my rage.

  “What do you want from me, Dark One?”

  “You know who I am. I’m flattered. Most humans don't recognize me, even when I’m standing right next to them.” Azzaziel steps into the filtered sunlight, his black hair, solid black eyes and tangles of Celtic markings burned into his neck giving away his true identity. “But then, you aren’t like most humans, are you?”

  My eyes widen. Chills explode down my spine. “Azzaziel.” I choke on his name.

  “And you must be the Council’s newest addition. Aydan, is it?”

  My human body goes stiff.

  “Don’t worry, I’d recognize you anywhere, even if you’d been more careful. But, you really should practice better control; prevent your angelic skin from glowing through your human form. Otherwise these people may think that you’re possessed. And you know what these pagans do to the ones they think are possessed, don’t you?”

  I ignore him and push through the thicket. Elle’s body is sprawled out on the forest floor, bending at odd angles. Her flesh is torn and shredded around her legs and torso.

  “No!” I scream, collapsing next to her. I pull her tattered body into my arms. “No.” My voice falters. “I’m so sorry, my love. This is my fault. I never should have let you go.”

  We rock back and forth, my body trembling.

  My dream changes in front of me, as Elle impossibly turns into Nesy. I try to fight against the nightmare now playing out in front of me, the hell I’ve survived all this time. But it’s no use. I can never escape.

  I carry the broken body of Elle-turned-Nesy into town.

  Azzaziel watches, an amused look on his face. “Are you sure you want to get involved? I doubt your bosses would approve.”

  Like I’m listening to him at all.

  The dream’s images come faster and faster. The farmers and hunters running after a wolf. Dogs attacking. My dagger flying through the air...

  The wolf howls in pain, my knife sticking from its thigh. I watch as it stands on its back legs, slowly contorting, changing. In moments the wolf is no longer there. Only a man. Peeter Stubbe. My human boss for more than two years. And a dark creature serving Azzaziel.

  How did I not know?

  Azzaziel’s sadistic laugh fills the space in my thoughts. “What kind of angel are you, Aydan? You can’t even manage to recognize one of my own.”

  My mind folds in on itself as I toss and turn. I need to end the nightmare, end these memories. But they refuse to yield.

  The villagers take Peeter to the town magistrate and beg for justice. I force my will into the humans. Force cruel, vile thoughts into their weak minds. Not an ordinary execution for the murderer, but days of torture and a brutal death the world will never forget. Peeter Stubbe will pay for Elle's death. Forever.

  “You really think that I would allow you to hurt my pet?” Azzaziel stands too close to me.

  “Do you really think I care?”

  “I know you do.” His truth hangs in the air. “But I think I have a solution to this. And the many other problems you face.”

  “What other problems?” My voice sticks on the words as fear wraps around my throat.

  “The Council will not let you live in Celestium now. You must know that.”

  In truth, I’d never thought about the Council or Celestium; only retribution for the death of my love. “And?”

  “I will not allow an angel to kill my servant.”

  The threat coats my skin, erupting a fresh set of shivers down my spine.

  “Fortunately, I think you have talents I can use.”

  The town’s magistrate stretches Peeter on a rack. His bones crack as his executioners pull his arms from their sockets. The pressure in my chest releases with each horrific act.

  “You need vengeance for Elle. Almost as much as your human body needs air. But the Council will cast you to the Abyss. You have broken your vows.” Azza circles me, whispering every taunt. “You’ve experienced human love. You’ve tortured and hurt those you were supposed to protect. You’ll never be allowed to remain in Celestium.

  “And when they cast you out, I want you to come and work for me.” Azzaziel smiles. Waits.

  “What do I get out of it?”

  “Retribution. Justice. A chance for a life outside of the control of the Council.” Azza leans closer. “And my loyalty.”

  I can’t believe I’m considering his offer. Can’t believe what I’m about to do. “You’ll let me do anything I want to Peeter? Exact any form of revenge I wish?”

  Peeter’s voice fills the night air as his limbs continue to release from their sockets.

  “Oh yes.” A smile dances on the Dark One’s face.

  “And if the Council does not cast me—”

  “They will.”

  “But if they don't, our deal is off. You won’t look for me.”

  “Agreed.”

  Don’t do this. He can’t be trusted. I shake the voice from my head, my need for revenge greater than any loyalty I feel to Celestium; or to myself.

  A moment passes.

  And another.

  “Do we have a deal, young angel?” Azzaziel’s stench crinkles my nose, causing my stomach to clench.

  I square my shoulders, swallowing my concern. My disgust. “Yes.”

  Even in my dream state I feel the tears sting my eyes. Peeter’s trial, his torture and execution, replay; a dirge of evil I, alone, orchestrated. One I’ve forever regretted.

  “Have you had your vengeance? Are you prepared to join me?” The smile on Azzaziel’s lips sends chills down my spine.

  But I ignore them. Ignore him. And walk to Peeter’s farmhouse. One thing left to do.

  I break into the house and light every candle. One by one I set the fabrics covering the windows and tables ablaze. The fire dances around me.

  “You don't need to die like a heretic.” Azzaziel walks through the burning wall and faces me. “What you did, what you feel, it’s only natural. The Council really should understand that. After all, you couldn’t help but fall in love with the girl. Just ask Mikayel. I’m sure he’d understand.”

  I turn away. “I’ve decided not to join you.”

  Azzaziel’s laughter weaves through the crackling fire. “Your oath cannot be undone. And the Council will banish you.”

  “They may.”

  The flames continue to flicker around me, catching the hem of my trousers on fire. I feel my flesh begin to burn. I flinch, clench my jaw, ball my hands into fists. The pain is excruciating. It blinds my vision, fades my thoughts. Don’t move. Don’t move. Don’t move. The words barely form, the agony eclipsing everything.

  “So you plan to die then? As a human?”

  I can’t speak as the flames climb up my trembling body. I swallow each scream, desperate to stay in command of my humanity.

  “I admire your control.”

  A feral sound pushes up from my abdomen, exploding from my mouth. I don’t recognize the sound; can’t tell its source. All I know is the agony bursting th
rough my enflamed skin.

  The scene spins, too many things happening simultaneously. Azzaziel laughs and disappears from my sight. The room explodes in light and my body continues to burn.

  It’s almost over. My physical body is nearly gone. Soon, my angelic heart will stop.

  A hand grips what’s left of my body. His touch sends wave after wave of pain rippling through me.

  “No Aydan. You won’t die. Not now. Not in this way.”

  I know the voice and what it means. The Council is here.

  “Release yourself. Or I’ll do it for you.” Mikayel’s voice is unyielding.

  “Please. Just let me die.” I can barely speak. Just a few more seconds and it’ll be too late.

  “No. That would be too easy.”

  I feel my angelic soul rip from my body, stealing my breath. The pain fades within seconds.

  “You will face the Council and atone for what you’ve done. You will not die a coward. Or become a servant to Azzaziel.”

  I want to scream “No, you don’t understand. Let me do this!” But the words refuse to come. My human shell—what’s left of it—falls to the floor. I look at Mikayel and tilt my neck. “Just finish me. Here. Now.”

  Mikayel tightens his grip on his sword. He wants to, I feel it. “It’s not my decision to make,” he says through gritted teeth.

  I bolt upright, startled. Sweat pours from my brow as I struggle to gain control over my pounding heart. An icy breeze brushes my skin, followed by the distinctive scent of rotting flesh and sulfur.

  My master is here.

  “Reminiscing about the past were you? Sometimes it’s better to just leave it alone.” Azza’s tones wash over me, sending fear into every crevice.

  “What do you want, Azza?”

  “Still angry, I see. Why not put that to good use instead of wallowing in your misplaced sense of shame? You haven’t fed, have you?”

  “No, but—”

  “That’s twice you’ve overlooked my commands. If I didn’t know better, I would say you’re making a habit of ignoring me.” Azza’s taunt lingers.

  Time slows as he waits for my answer. I feel my heart beating against my chest, hear the blood pumping through my veins. Swallowing hard, I focus. I can’t do anything stupid, not now. Not when Azza is this poised to strike. “I am only what I’ve pledged myself to be. Your servant.”

  “Not servant. Apprentice. You will be as powerful as any Dark One once you complete your oath and we find our Seer to feed you.”

  I flinch as the Beast inside awakens. Confusion paints my thoughts as I war with myself—my soul versus the monster I’m destined to become. The monster I am already. Am I ready to release myself entirely? Succumb to Azza and the Beast?

  I was.

  I’m not so certain now.

  Azza pins me with his cold glare. “I’ve come to ensure your loyalty and make certain you feed. To do this, I’ve decided to pick the victim this time.”

  My eyes widen. Not Nesy. Please, not Nesy. My mind reels as I wait for Azza to continue.

  “Come, she waits for you at the club. We’ll go together. This time, I’ll watch you carry out your task.”

  I open my mouth to speak, the words drying to dust. Inside, the Beast stirs, anxious to be fed.

  And my soul dies a little more.

  He will find the Seer one day and force me to drink her soul. He will find her.

  Maybe he already has.

  Chapter 11 – Concealed Truth

  Nesy

  I blew it. I blew it. I blew it.

  How did I ever get myself into this mess? I know better than to let my emotions get in the way. Know how to avoid the likes of Azza and the other dark creatures that loom these shadows. And yet, I’ve managed to do everything…

  Wrong

  I think again about my human host. I’ve never lost control like this before, never felt so chaotic. It has to be this host, doesn’t it? Some strange residue from her last assignment. Something Zane missed when she was cleaned. It can’t be me—my memories, my erratic emotions. It just can’t.

  I sigh as the truth screams through me. There is no one to blame for any of this but me. Only me.

  Aydan skulks away from his master, as the dark creatures retreat into shadow. I let myself slide down the cold stone stairwell, my body no longer able to shoulder the weight of my failures. The Council isn’t going to like this. Not at all.

  Moments slip into seconds, which slip into minutes. I wish I could stay here and pretend that none of this ever happened.

  Not warrior-like I know, but sometimes it feels better to pretend.

  The wind rustles around me. So much for fantasies.

  “What happened? Why are you sitting on the ground in the cold?”

  Zane. Leave it to him to find me in the midst of one of my less-than-Sentinal moments.

  Perfect.

  “Well? What happened?”

  I stand, trying to make the words form. It’s risky telling him everything, but he’s always been a friend. No reason to assume he’d go all tyrannical on me now.

  “Aydan’s not alone.” They’re the only words I manage to force past my throat.

  “Not alone? What do you mean?”

  “Azzaziel. He’s here.”

  “Here? That’s not good.” Zane, the master of understatement.

  “Yeah, I know it’s not good.”

  Zane begins to pace. “How did you find him?”

  “He sort of found me?”

  He stops midstep. “What does that mean, Nes? Does he know who you really are? Because if he does, you’re in great danger and we need to talk with the Council. Now.”

  So much for not being a tyrant.

  “Relax. I was careful. He interrupted Aydan and me. While we were…well, while I was about to vanquish him. I’m sure he doesn’t know who I am. But, he doesn’t trust me. I need a new plan.”

  “Stop worrying about Azzaziel. You know the rules. Focus on Aydan; let Mikayel deal—”

  “No! No Mikayel. He asked me to do this and I said I could. I’ll get it done. Without Azzaziel suspecting a thing.”

  “I don’t know, Nes. It seems like an awfully big risk to take just to prove your worth as a Sentinal.”

  “This isn’t about vanity. It’s about doing my job, like always.”

  Okay, so maybe it isn’t only the job. Maybe I do need to prove myself a little. After two botched attempts, I need this.

  “Fine,” Zane says, his voice stiff. “But get it done.”

  “I will.”

  “Soon.”

  I’ve had enough of Zane, enough of his expectations. Why is he so angry? So concerned? “I said I’d get it done. Now drop it.”

  Zane’s focus narrows. “I think Cass and I should come along. Just to help.”

  I open my mouth to argue. I want to tell him that the last thing I need, the last thing I want, is for him to help me. Sentinals don’t need help from the lesser angels. But I can’t. And he’s right. After more failures than I’ve ever committed on a job, maybe I do need his help. Maybe I need him.

  “Fine,” I say, my jaw clenched. Unfamiliar fear trickles through my hardened shell. What if I can’t finish this? I wrestle back the feelings aside.

  Failure isn’t an option.

  Not now. Not ever.

  Chapter 12 - Feed

  Aydan

  The club is quiet, typical for a Monday night. No one crowds the entrance as Azza walks in, nodding at the dark creatures guarding the robes. I follow a step behind, my mind torn. The dark creatures smile, baring their fangs, anticipating the meal they expect me to provide.

  But I can’t. I won’t. Not now.

  Maybe not ever again.

  My mind tosses over my life with Azza. Frustrated. Angry. I’ve never enjoyed serving him; but I’ve never had this kind of a problem either. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I stop thinking about Elle? About Nesy?

  Azza motions me to join him at the back of the club. We
slip into a booth overlooking the stage and dance floor. Music echoes off the walls as the scant patrons dance or talk in tangled huddles near the bar. I search, praying she isn’t here. Frustration riddles my muscles as I stretch my neck, back, shoulders.

  “You have something to say to me,” Azza says. I feel his cold stare penetrate my defenses.

  I know what I should say, what he wants to hear. But I can’t lie. The Beast stirs, reminding me of my need to feed. Guilt and shame coat my tongue.

  Enough of this.

  “I can’t do this anymore. I won’t.”

  “Can’t do what, exactly? Can’t live as a 17-year old boy, forever young? Can’t skate by with no rules? Dominate anyone you choose? Feed off the fear of these humans?” Azza’s words drip with disdain. “What is it that you think you can’t do?”

  I clench my jaw as a wave of fury begins to make its way up my throat. “This. Kill for you.” I force the words out through my gritted teeth.

  “You don’t do it for me. You never have. You kill for you and you alone. You kill to meet your own needs. I simply allow my demons to take your leftovers.”

  He’s right.

  And I hate him for it.

  “Don’t sulk, Aydan. You chose this life. All of it.”

  No! I want to scream. You did this to me. I turn to my master, my cold expression mirrored in his eyes.

  “You chose to ignore the Council,” Azza says. “They would have offered you a chance. But you decided to leave Celestium. No one else. You picked this fate.”

  “That isn’t what happened,” I spit. “You forced—”

  “The Council wanted you to stay. Only Mikayel objected. But he would’ve yielded to the others. You had a chance at another life. A life without me. That was our bargain. You decided to leave. You decided to follow me. I am not to blame for your choices.”