A Different Shade of Violet?

by K E Osborn

  “You honestly felt like you were cheating on me or something sleeping in your own bed?” he asks and I nod. “Wow,” he says raising his eyebrows in surprise.

  “What?” I ask getting defensive. “I’m just being honest with you, lying never got us anywhere, so I pledge to tell only the truth from now on,” I say pushing my half-eaten plate away from me. Suddenly I can’t stomach anything else.

  He looks at the plate and shakes his head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s just I never thought that you’d think that way. That you’d be cheating on me with your… husband, even though he isn’t there,” he says and I frown and cross my arms over my chest.

  “You make me sound like an idiot.”

  “No, no, not at all. I’m not thinking like that, Vee. I think it’s kinda… sweet actually. It means you loved me enough to place me equally in your heart with your husband. I had no idea you thought of me like that,” he states looking at me with a soft stare and kind eyes.

  I swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat and look down at my hands. “I loved you, Hudson. I still do. Of course, you meant everything to me. I had to move on from Danny and I did that with you. I thought you were it for me. My new happy place, a safe place… my rock…” I say and then drift off.

  He exhales and reaches his hand out for mine. He takes it and the touch of his skin on mine sends shivers all the way up my arm and into my chest thawing my frozen heart ever so slightly. His touch does amazing things to me even though I want to fight it with everything that I am, I turn my hand in his and intertwine our fingers.

  “Vee, I’m sorry things worked out this way. I wish it could be different, I wish I could see past the images in my head I get every time I think of where you work. It’s just… a hard thing to come to terms with, and with my job, Vee—”

  “It’s okay, I get it. I know what I was and that running Cupiditas is an issue for you. I get it – I do. I just… I wish I never kept this secret from you. I wish I was honest and not so guarded, then it would’ve saved me from falling for you. And I wouldn’t be feeling this God awful hollow feeling that I have now,” I say and take my hand from his and place it in my lap.

  “In a way that would have been easier. If we’d started with the truth and then we would’ve never gotten as far as we did, but Vee, I don’t regret my time with you. I cherish it and, even though, what you are means we can never be together, it doesn’t stop the fact that I loved you.”

  “Loved?” I ask suddenly looking up and assessing his face. My heart starts to thud at the thought that he’s truly over me.

  “Sorry, I worded that wrongly. I still love you, Vee, but it doesn’t change anything. Sometimes love just isn’t enough, you know?” I close my eyes to stop them from watering, even though I know I won’t cry, I don’t want to risk it. “I’m sorry I hurt you, but if you told me earlier then—”

  “Then what? I could have saved all this from happening?” I say starting to feel annoyed.

  “I don’t think I would ever change our time together, but if I knew sooner or found out differently… I don’t—”

  “You don’t what?”

  “I don’t even know what I’m saying, Vee. I wish things were different. I wish I’d known. I wish I could change how I feel. I wish I could turn off these bloody emotions that keep drawing me back to you, but most of all I wish you weren’t a madam or had never been a hooker. Maybe if you weren’t, then—”

  “Fuck you!” I yell starting to get angry.

  “No, I didn’t mean it like—”

  “Then how did you mean it, arsehole?” I berate as I stand up from the table with my arms crossed over my chest. I’m so angry at him right now for making me sound like some worthless gutter trash.

  “Vee, calm down,” he says standing up and placing his hand on my arm.

  I flinch away from him and shake my head. “I don’t know what I ever saw in you. You think I’m some worthless gutter trash. Well, I’m a person Hudson with feelings and, even though, my profession wasn’t the greatest, I don’t need to be judged by my choices. You don’t know what I was going through when I became an escort. You have no idea the world of pain I was in. My husband and five-year-old son were murdered, Hudson. I had no one. I had nothing. They were taken from me by a fucking drunk driver and I had to identify their lifeless bodies at the morgue. Do you know how hard that is? Do you know what that does to a person? I was so different back then. I was a wife, a mother… I was a model citizen. I never broke the law. I never swore. But you know what? When your world is ripped from you, you either choose to fight or choose to die. I didn’t want to live, but I couldn’t die either so I had to find a way to cope and to keep the memory of my boys alive. You know why I did it? I needed to keep my house, my shrine to them. I couldn’t live without their memory so I did it for them! And then you come along and make it so that the very reason I was escorting in the first place, is the very reason I can’t stand to be at my house anymore. I became an escort to keep my boys with me, then because of you I can’t stand to be near them anymore, because I feel like I’m betraying a man who thinks I’m nothing but trash! So don’t tell me to calm down Detective Stone because you are the very reason I’m so utterly fucked up right now! I have no one. I have nothing. And you… you took all that away from me. I hope you’re happy ‘cause this trashy whore is done!” I yell and walk toward the front door.

  “Vee… Violet, wait,” Hudson calls out, but I’m so beyond angry right now that I keep walking out the front door and down into the garden out the front. I walk into the lush greenery just trying to walk off my anger. I know he’s following me, but I don’t care. I keep rushing forward through the trees to try and get some air. I just need some space right now. I brush the leaves out of my face as I walk as fast as I can through the forest. I have no idea where I’m going, but I just need to walk it off. The branches keep getting in my way so I start to pull at them to get them out of my face. I start to rip the small branches from the trees as I grunt and groan in frustration. I walk into a larger branch and go to push it out of the way, but when I let go it swings back and slaps me hard in the face, knocking me over onto my arse.

  “Fuuuuuuck,” I yell out as my arse collides with the hard ground and my hands skid along the gravelly surface. I bring my hands up to look at them and they’re scuffed and slightly bleeding. I feel a trail of warmth running down my face so I swipe at it with the back of my hand and see a smear of blood across the back of my hand.

  “Great, just fucking great,” I murmur under my breath.

  “Jesus Vee,” Hudson says from behind me as he pushes through the scrub.

  I send him a death glare, but he rolls his eyes and squats down next to me.

  “Just go away,” I say, turning my head away while trying to stand up. He takes hold of my arm and pulls me upright. I brush down the dirt from my pajamas while he takes his shirt off and scrunches it into a ball. My breath catches as the sight of his stomach, but the daydream I entered into is soon broken when he places his shirt on my forehead and pain rips through my head.

  “Ouch, fuck,” I yell.

  He shakes his head and with his free hand takes one of mine and brings it up to assess.

  “C’mon, let's get you back inside and I’ll clean up these wounds,” he states and I take a step back forcing his contact with my head to fall away from me.

  “I’m not going anywhere with you,” I demand.

  He exhales and closes his eyes like he’s trying to regain his composure. He opens his eyes and looks right at me while I continue to brush leaves and crap from my body.

  “Vee, I don’t think you’re trash. You put words in my mouth. I think you’re the most beautiful, amazing, brave and strong woman I’ve ever met. And just because our jobs stop us from being together doesn’t mean I don’t want it. I want to be with you, Vee. I do. But just because you want something doesn’t make it right. I love you. I think a part of me will always love you and I definitel
y don’t think you’re trash or worthless or disgusting. Please don’t think that. Just come back inside and let me help you.” I fold my arms over my chest in defiance. “Vee c’mon, you’re already cut and bruised. Let me tend to your new cuts so they don’t get infected. Stop thinking the worst of me and let me make it up to you.”

  “I just think we should keep away from each other from now on,” I say, and even though a part of me means it, most of me doesn’t.

  “Right, you always we’re a stubborn thing,” he replies and then walks over, leans down picking me up and cradling me to his chest. I squeal and he smiles.

  “Hudson stop! Put me down,” I say not meaning it at all.

  “Violet Dyson, stop being ridiculous. I’m going to help you whether you want it or not, and we’re not going to avoid each other just because it will be easier. I know you’re angry. I get that. I know I hurt you, I get that too. But I’m here to protect you and nothing’s going to stop me from doing that. Even your vulgar temper tantrums,” he says, but with a smile.

  I grunt as he starts walking us back toward the cabin.

  “I do not have tantrums,” I murmur.

  He chuckles and shakes his head. “Sure thing little firecracker.”

  My heart constricts and then implodes on itself. I love when he calls me that and I can’t help my body’s reaction as I nuzzle into his chest and wrap my arms around his neck. In a way, I knew he wasn’t calling me trash. I’m just projecting how I feel about myself. I don’t know why I went off on him like that? I think I’m just so confused and my head’s a mess about this whole fucked up situation that I can’t seem to control my emotions.

  He walks us back out of the clearing and toward the cabin. He strides up the steps and inside with ease. He really is super strong and I can’t help myself as I run my sore hand up his chest. He walks me in and sits me down on the sofa.

  “Right, now let’s have a look at you.” He takes my hands in his, turning them palm up so he can look at my cuts and grazes. He shakes his head and walks over to a cabinet and pulls out a first aid box.

  “Well, first things first, I better fix up the cut on your forehead. It nearly got your eyebrow, lucky or it would have opened up the stitches.”

  Suddenly the pain in my body becomes an agonising reality. Every inch of me is hurting again, even the damn soles of my feet.

  I bring my foot up to have a look and there are cuts on it too. I huff and groan slightly as Hudson walks back over placing the first aid kit on the sofa next to me.

  “See what a tantrum will get you?”

  “Yeah, sore feet,” I say and show him my souls of my feet.

  He shakes his head and squats down in front of me pulling out some alcohol wipes and gauze.

  “I’m sorry I made you go off like that. It was never my intention, Violet.”

  “I know, I’m sorry I overreacted. My emotions are all over the place. I’m not sure I’m coping with this very well,” I admit and he nods and caresses my knee with his hand.

  “It’s okay, I get it. Now this may sting a little,” he tells me and then wipes an alcohol swab over the cut on my forehead. I flinch and wince away from him as the liquid feels like acid against my skin.

  “Sorry,” he says while he pays attention to my cut.

  “It’s my own stupid fault.” He looks into my eyes and half-smiles in sympathy. “So distract me, tell me how Brigitte is going?” I ask while I grit my teeth as he swabs at my cut again.

  “She’s doing great. She misses you though, and she keeps asking when she will see you again. I don’t have the heart to tell her we broke up. She says she needs a girl to talk to who isn’t Mum,” he replies and instantly I regret asking the question. I miss Brigitte. She’s such an adorable little sweetheart and to think she misses me like I do her, only breaks my heart further.

  “Yeah… what about Midas? Is he doing okay? I didn’t really pay him too much attention when I showed up at your house.”

  “He’s good, he misses you too. I find him in the closet sometimes sniffing your clothes. He was so excited when you showed up, he didn’t leave your side all night, even though you were passed out,” he says while pulling out some butterfly stitches and placing them very gently on my forehead.

  “I feel bad I didn’t pay him more attention. I’ve missed his cute little face,” I admit and Hudson then pulls out another alcohol swab and starts to clean my hands.

  I love the feeling of his skin on mine and it’s igniting a fire within me. I can feel myself wanting him even though I know it won’t happen, especially after my tantrum. He probably thinks I’m a nutcase now. I can’t help but feel a little sad for the family I’ve lost by losing Hudson. Brige, Holden, Flynn and his parents. Even though I only met them once, they all made me feel something I hadn’t felt in years… and that was the joy of family. I guess I’ll never have that again.

  “Don’t worry, when all of this is sorted you can come and say a proper goodbye to Midas.”

  My heart thuds hard at the thought of saying a final goodbye to Midas and I guess in reality Hudson as well. I hadn’t even thought of the fact that when all this is sorted I will probably never see him again, and that thought right now is more painful that the alcohol swabs on my cuts.

  “Will you keep spider?” I ask, barely in a whisper.

  He looks into my eyes and I see his mist up a little, just like mine are. My bottom lip trembles as I wait for his answer while he looks deeply into my eyes. That surge is there again and I can feel the hair on my arms waving with the pulsations of the current between us. I start to breathe a little quicker and I notice he’s doing the same. We stare at each other and I get lost in his multi-coloured eyes, the green and blue that I love so much. He swallows and slowly nods his head breaking our trance.

  “Always.”

  My lip trembles again and I have to bite it to stop myself from crying. I lean forward and wrap my arms around his neck in a tight embrace. He leans into me and hugs me back and I feel a peace wash over us. Like even though we know this is our last few days together, we will always have a place for the other in our hearts. And that’s where Hudson will stay forever – entrenched firmly in my heart.

  I stayed on the sofa after Hudson tended to my fresh wounds and made new bandages replacing the old ones. I really do look a mess right now. I have bandages and cuts and bruises everywhere. No wonder he won’t look at me like he used to. I guess, even though, there’s no hope for us, he still doesn’t like seeing me all banged up and in pain.

  He’s in the kitchen with a plain clothed cop who’s delivering some supplies. Thank God, because I really need some real coffee and something to nibble on. All I’ve had since we got here is half a bowl of spaghetti and a couple of pieces of bacon. So, even though, my appetite fluctuates, it will still be nice to have something I can snack on during the day or at night.

  I’m not really listening to the conversation between Hudson and his colleague. I tuned out after I heard that the Dogs had been seen circling Cupditas. But luckily they recognise the plain clothed cops out the front and they haven’t stepped foot near the premises or my workers… which is a huge relief. I don’t really want to hear anything more about the Dogs. They scare me and the thought of them finding out where Hudson and I are located terrifies me. Not because I think they will hurt me… no, I’m fairly certain that because I’ve gone to the cops that I’ll be done for. I don’t care about that, but what I do care about is Hudson and if anything happens to him because of me, I could never live with that!

  I bring my legs up onto the sofa and cuddle into myself as I gaze at the television not paying attention to anything around me. I zone out and I’m not really thinking about anything, just staring at the television blankly. A hand grazes my shoulder and I flinch and turn around quickly to see Hudson standing watching me intensely.

  “Hey sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. Are you okay? You seem a little out of it?” he asks as I look over to the kitchen and notic
e that the plain clothed cop has gone.

  I nod and fake a smile. “I’m fine! Just think I’m a bit spaced out from the pain killers is all.”

  He nods and walks around the front of the sofa and squats down in front of me.

  “You hungry?” he asks and I nod.

  He smiles and pats my knee. “Okay, now we have a vast array of food. Is there anything you feel like for lunch?” he asks standing up and walking through to the kitchen.

  “No, I’m fine with anything. Do you need a hand?”

  “No, it’s all good. I think you need to relax after your big morning. I can see you’re in a bit of pain so don’t lift a muscle. Relax on the sofa and I’ll bring you your lunch when it’s ready, okay?”

  I nod and turn back around and shuffle down so I’m laying down on the sofa. I didn’t realise how utterly exhausted I am. I suppose spending so much energy running away from Hudson this morning has used up any reserves I had.

  Guess, I’m not healing as fast as I thought I was!

  I wake up to the sound of a plate being placed on the coffee table. My eyes flutter open and I find a plate of sandwiches in front of me.

  “Shit sorry, I was trying not to wake you.”

  I blink a few times to get my bearings and then move to sit up. “No, it’s okay. I was only napping. I didn't realise how exhausted I am,” I say while rubbing my eyes with my hands.

  “Hey, I know how emotionally draining this must be for you, that plus your body is healing from the assault. It’s totally fine if you fall asleep. You’re here to relax and to let me protect and take care of you. So let me do that and you just rest.”

  “Okay, but at least let me come and eat lunch with you at the table?”

  “Whatever you want to do, Vee,” he says taking my hand and helping me up from the sofa. I pick up my plate and we walk over to the kitchen table and take a seat.

  “So what’s happening? Is Denzel getting anything on the Dogs?” I ask and Hudson raises an eyebrow at me in confusion.