When the Elephants Dance

by Tess Uriza Holthe

  I told you Jamie Bautista was bold, but I didn’t realize how charming he was as well. For what he did next, a normal boy would have been reprimanded for. An ordinary boy would have been labeled as coarse or inappropriate, but not Jamie. He wooed the crowd, he made a game of it. He strolled next to me with his hands behind his back, and every now and then his feet skipped a little to the music. He walked around me, playing to the music as if he were the farmer somehow, studying the rose. Our eyes followed one another, and he bowed and somehow managed to look like the humble farmer asking the flower for a dance. I could not help but laugh and the crowd clapped and I gave him my hand.

  He was so charming, he received a dance from the debutante without asking for one. He made up for it by taking my hand and kissing the back of it. He knelt with one leg on the ground and let me walk around him once, as if letting me contemplate his modest proposition. I was in heaven. What were the names of the other two boys I had chosen from my bedroom window? I could no longer remember.

  Again Corazón managed to outshine me, and I had helped her. By coming down first, instead of side by side with her, I had allowed myself a small show of glory. But it was nothing, you understand, to how it left her the only one to come down the staircase announced as “the daughter,” and as if that were not enough, her dress was magnificent. It was a rose gossamer over a simple design of raw silk. She had left one shoulder bare, and from the other shoulder diagonally across her body she had embroidered sequins and mother-of-pearl beads in swirls that fused into the small train of her dress. I hadn’t noticed her in weeks because she had worked so hard at the gown. She would often sit out in the garden as she sewed, with the sun blanketing her. Her skin that night was a gorgeous brown. The highlights in her hair were streaks of gold. The only makeup she had was the red lipstick that seemed to glow against her skin. Her hair was clasped with a single pearl clip and the rest left to fall long down her back. People sighed when she walked down the stairs.

  “Wow,” was all Jamie said. “Two beautiful daughters, your family is lucky. I’m glad I noticed you first.” You see how he was? He paid her that one painful compliment, like when taking a blood test. One simple stab of the needle and then it is over. I hardly felt it. But that was it.

  He did not get in line when all the boys surrounded her. He did not do so later when all the others had had their first dance with her. He stayed by my side all night, and when Corazón was brought over by Jamie’s mother and introduced to him, he took her hand and bowed to her. “Sister,” he called her, as if he and I were already promised to each other.

  But then his mother insisted they dance and that she and I talk. I became excited, already a proposition from an interested mother. It was so difficult to take my eyes from Corazón and Jamie dancing, they were such a striking couple. He with his straight back and graceful stride, she with her blushing innocence.

  “Anna, tell me about yourself.” Jamie’s mother smiled. I could see she was studying my hair; she even reached out and combed a few strays into place. I smiled graciously. She had Jamie’s eyes, or rather he had hers. The long eyelashes, the color a lighter brown, unusual in a full-blooded Filipino. Their family was middle class like ours, meaning we were poor but not homeless. We had a few luxuries, if you could call them that, such as furniture and a little extra money to gamble with, Corazón’s.

  “I am seventeen today. I like to sing and I take voice lessons.”

  “Ah, for how long?”

  “I’ve taken lessons for ten years now.”

  “Oh, very long time. You are so lucky that your family can afford this.”

  I nodded. “Mhmm,” I said.

  “This is a very beautiful dress, did you make this?”

  “Oh, no. I worked very hard to save for it. I had it sent from the United States.”

  “This is a lovely party. Did you help to cook any of these dishes?”

  “Oh no. I only know how to make a few things.”

  “Yes, yes, of course. You are young yet. All fun right now. Enjoy yourself now, right?” She laughed encouragingly.

  I laughed with her.

  “Look at Jamie dance. I was a good dancer when I was young. He gets that from me,” she whispered with her hand held to one side of her mouth, as if her words were only for my ears, and then she winked.

  I was so overjoyed. His mother was so easy to get along with. And then I realized; it hit me on the head like guava falling from a tree. When I get married, I will also get a new mother. A mother-in-law, of course, but just the same. She would love me as her own daughter. My heart had wings. I could have spun around in a circle, but instead I stayed in place, showing Jamie’s mother how mature I was. She told me how she loved to cook; she confided, in fact, that she was an excellent cook. I became encouraged, I thought of all the dishes we could create together. When she excused herself and walked away to speak to my mother, I bit my lip and waited for Jamie to come back.

  I was so happy that I congratulated Corazón on the beautiful dress she had sewn. She glowed and thanked me.

  She hugged me. “Happy birthday, sister,” she said. I could see in her eyes there was still hope that we could be close. “Perhaps later we can open our presents together,” she suggested.

  “Sure, sure.” I nodded, pulling away from her embrace, but I was too excited about Jamie to listen to her at that moment. I took Jamie’s arm and we excused ourselves. I left Corazón standing alone.

  She did not stay that way for long. I saw the boys get in line again to ask her to dance. Oh, there were boys interested in dancing with me as well, but I would not leave Jamie’s side, and after a while they saw how I was about him.

  A young man came into our party late. He was very handsome. I saw that Corazón was immediately attracted to him.

  I remember asking Nene, “Who is that man?”

  “Matthew Parris. Corazón talks about him endlessly.”

  Something possessed me at her words. I was only curious about him until that moment, but I knew when to pay attention to valuable information. I looked at Nene keenly. “I want to meet him later.”

  As I studied our new guest, I saw that he and Corazón were alike. He was half French. But they looked the same with their fair golden skin and high brow. He had lighter hair than she did. A dark gold and, in fact, you could not tell he was half Filipino until you saw how his blue eyes turned up a little at the ends and you looked closer at his lips, which were fuller. He had very sensual lips, that one, and oh, how he made the other girls swoon.

  He had been brought up in Puerto Princesa, and his father was a well-known lawyer who traveled much. He was a real, as they say, ladies’ man. I saw how his gaze strayed from Corazón to the other girls at the party even as he stood before her engaged in conversation and despite the fact that she was the prettiest one there. He looked at me many times, until Jamie stared him down. Corazón did not seem to notice any of this. Or perhaps she did not mind. Maybe she was just happy to have found someone like herself. This man is not so good, I thought to myself.

  If I were a good sister, I would have warned Corazón about this before she fell in love with him. But you already know what kind of sister I was back then. Instead, Jamie and I, we sat in the shadows, away from the twinkle of the stars. And I forgot for the moment my interest with Corazón’s admirer.

  “How is it I never crossed paths with you all this time? You live just three kilometers from me.” He shook his head.

  “What makes you think I would have been free then?” I teased.

  He liked that, I could tell, my boldness. And that night, I was bolder than ever. I felt as if I owned the stars. As if I were the one who had filled the moon with crushed pearls just for my own party. I stood. “Well, I had better get to the other guests now.”

  He looked up in confusion. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, I’ve already wasted enough time on you, and you haven’t tried to kiss me once. By the time you decide to, I could have danced with eve
ry boy in this room. So I might as well start now.” Really, I do not know what came over me that night, to talk that way. I think I felt that since he did not know me, I could be the kind of girl I had always wanted to be, the kind of girl in the romance books my aunts read.

  He laughed, throwing his head back, and grabbed my wrist and swayed our hands to the side and back while he studied his shoes. He took my hand and silently led me to the back of a large narra tree. “May I kiss you, Anna?” he asked with those wonderful eyes.

  I nodded, too breathless to speak. But before he could kiss me, we were interrupted by that man, Matthew Parris. I was not sure where he came from. But he pretended not to see Jamie.

  “Anna, isn’t it time you gave me that dance you promised me the other night?”

  I was in such shock that I couldn’t speak. We had not even been introduced, yet he knew my name. How inappropriate, to suggest I had been alone with him, and during the night at that. I was so stunned, I didn’t know if I should slap him or laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. My silence made it appear that I had been caught in a lie. I turned to explain to Jamie that I didn’t even know him, when Jamie walked off with a small curse.

  I watched as Jamie crossed the dance floor, straight to Corazón, and asked her to dance. My head swam with how fast it had happened, and here was Matthew waiting with that smile. I wanted to run to Jamie and explain, but my pride would not let me do that. It would also have been inappropriate, chasing a man I had just met in front of our guests. I nervously took Matthew’s hand and headed for the dance floor. I was angry, jealous, confused, and flattered. Yes, flattered that the two best-looking men were vying for my attention.

  What I should have done was turn and walk away. What I should have done was run. Matthew led me out to the dance floor next to Corazón and Jamie. She would not look our way. It is funny how youth can block out instincts and a handsome face can block all thought. I forgot about how I had decided this Matthew Parris was a bad man, for the minute he turned on his charming ways to me, I too fell for his charms. His eyes were so blue. I felt as if they were the sky and I were a single cloud sitting in all that great expanse. It turned my thoughts upside down to be looked at the way he looked at me. I felt like one of the little monkeys that hang by their tails from the coconut trees.

  He was tall, so he had to bend his head to talk to me. “You are so beautiful in that dress,” he whispered in my ear. I laughed nervously and looked over his shoulder. I saw my friend Nene standing in the sidelines, frowning.

  “Did you and Corazón have a fight?” I asked, not sure what to say.

  He chuckled. “What makes you think Corazón and I have anything?”

  “Well, I …” I didn’t know what to say, so I looked over at Corazón and Jamie dancing. They were talking in whispers. She looked sad, and I almost felt bad for her, until Jamie lifted her chin with his two fingers. My hate rekindled, like a new log thrown into the fire. Why was she always there to catch the goodness that filtered through me? Why was I always left with the dregs of jealousy and hate? How had she managed to look the victim, when I was the one innocently minding my own business with Jamie Bautista? I did not want this blue-eyed man who dripped honeyed words from his lips. Though I didn’t exactly think that when I looked at him.

  I was furious; our night was coming to a close. The evening was supposed to represent our futures, and look what bad luck was already showing. Me with my feelings all in confusion, and Corazón dancing with the man I had just found and was not ready to let go of. But most of all, I was angry at all the bitterness in my heart. I didn’t want it. I felt she had brought it there. She always did that, brought me bad luck. I told myself if my sister, Janna, were around, this would never have happened.

  WHEN IT CAME time to open our presents I was so upset, I was ready to pass and open them in private, but Corazón insisted. We sat in the middle of the courtyard, and the presents were brought to us. There were many colorful presents, and most of them were for us to share as sisters. Like the picnic basket we received, and the matching tea set made of porcelain. I wanted to throw the tea set on the floor and say, “This is to represent my break from this woman. She is not my sister.” Instead I smiled and we posed for pictures with each present opened. Do you know how it feels to be forced in a situation with someone you despise?

  I felt I was walking barefoot on lava. When our mother came and stood behind Corazón instead of between us, it did not go unnoticed by me or our guests. She was punishing me for my earlier dissension, for coming down the stairs unannounced, but it only added to the fire. Mama was selfish that way. Once you offended her, you needed to crawl on your hands and knees to regain her favor. She could have chosen to forgive me, a rash young girl of seventeen, but she didn’t. She dug my wounds deeper, embracing Corazón and speaking only to her, showing everyone who the favored daughter was, as if I didn’t exist. My mother knew the pain she caused me. She knew the rift between Cora and me.

  It was just one more thing to add to my feelings toward Corazón. I felt as if everyone had turned against me. I noticed how Jamie sat on Corazón’s side, avoiding me. I wanted to run to my room and shut my door at the whole party.

  Even her gown began to annoy me more and more. My blue expensive gown had become wrinkled as the night wore on, and one of the sleeves kept slipping off. Corazón’s gown had kept its freshness. Each time I turned around someone was complimenting her on her talents as a seamstress. I ached to spill my glass of punch on her gown. I envied how the iridescence of the fabric caught the candlelight. I wanted to put out its brightness, so I did.

  As the next card was read, the next present passed to us, I pretended to lean over at the gift as if I were curious. I could see Nene’s eyes grow large. She shook her head at me. I heard my name announced first and reached over and—“Oops!”—the punch spilled all over that remarkable gown. Corazón stood with her mouth open, brushing away the punch. Everyone rushed to help her. But funny thing, she wasn’t concerned. She was more excited about the present she held in her hands.

  That was when I realized that the presents had ended and what they had saved for last, probably my mother’s idea, was our own presents to each other. What I held in my hands was the present Corazón had bought for me. It was a big box, as large as a double-layered sheet cake to feed two hundred people. The box was wrapped in bright yellow, and the ribbon was blue. She had added a little accent of small yellow roses to the ribbon.

  What she held in hers was the stupid set of wind chimes I had bought at the market at a bargain, with the intention of keeping her awake at night. It was the first present I had ever bought her.

  I felt much better after spilling the punch, and I could see from the corner of my eyes the pink streaks of punch growing permanent roots. Cora did not seem to care.

  “Open yours first,” she said excitedly.

  I pulled apart the ribbon and ripped open the pretty paper, forgetting to thank her. When I opened the box, even I was shocked. She had sewn me a gown. It was a pale pink, with a pearl sheen to it. It was made of raw silk and was almost identical to the one she wore. It was breathtaking. “Do you like it?” She clapped her hands. The guests exclaimed at the beauty of it.

  “Yes,” I said, dumbfounded, and feeling embarrassed now at the gift I had given her.

  “I am going to open mine,” she said, laughing. When she opened the plain brown wrapping, her eyes lit up. She was so happy, you should have seen her. My shame flared inside me. I felt as if the corners of my soul were eroding. I wanted to shake her and say, “Look, look at the attachments, cheap wire. Look at the metal, not good at all, just tin.” But from her expression, you would have thought I had bought her rare black pearls. She shook it, and the wind chimes did sound pretty. But as I looked at the faces of the guests, I could see they were watching the two of us intently. As if our true feelings were revealed to them. I could see the disappointment in Jamie’s eyes, though he tried to hide it. He told Corazón it was
a lovely present. The only one smiling was Matthew. Smiling not with his mouth, but with his eyes. A secret kind of smile, as if he were saying “We are two of a kind, you and I.”

  And that was how our first night as “young women” began. Jamie did not come by to try to straighten things out between us. And Matthew, I avoided him so much, he somehow found a way to make friends with Corazón again. I was so exhausted from the party that I said good night to a few guests and walked upstairs to our room. I heard Corazón as she came up the steps. Her feet were always light and graceful.

  “Oh, she is already asleep,” she said to Ate Yu. She laid the gown she had sewn for me in a box beside my bed. “Good night, sister, thank you for the present.” I heard her hang the wind chimes outside her window. And do you know, those wind chimes actually sounded lovely? I remember how she used to care for them; whenever the weather threatened, she would take down the wind chimes to preserve them.

  THAT WAS NOT the last we saw of those young men. Many of the ones who were too shy to approach us at the party came to call at our house. In fact, for months after, our house was the busiest one in the village. Matthew Parris came often to visit Corazón, and I avoided him like typhoid fever. I did not like how out of control I felt whenever he was in the room. I already told you how he mixed up my thoughts like my favorite dessert, halo halo. I felt like the crushed ice mixed with too many sweet beans, ube, langkâ, and other such goodies. Jamie never visited. The next time I saw him was at the harvest festival known as the Lami-Lamihan Festival.

  CORAZÓN AND I were to perform in a dance contest. There was every conceivable type of contest at the Lami-Lamihan. There was the cooking contest, a tree-chopping contest, a tinikling contest. The tinikling was my favorite. I loved the sound as the two large bamboo sticks met and separated on the ground. The typical beat is for the two bamboo holders to hit the ground twice, then bring the sticks together on the third beat and repeat again. There are usually two wooden bars set crosswise underneath, so that the carriers do not hit their fists on the ground when they strike.