Infuse: The Band Book 1

by Lara Wynter

  Returning my gaze to the stage, my suspicions are confirmed. Finn is staring right at her. Grinning in a way that shows he’s completely smitten. Tears form at the corners of my eyes and I look down blinking rapidly. This was a mistake, I should have stayed home.

  Forced to deal with reality, I can feel my whole body trembling. I can’t get enough air, can’t get a breath…

  Finn

  After our connection, for some reason Autumn doesn’t look my way again. Scarlett is dancing nearby and I wish I could tell her to bring Autumn backstage with her after the show. I can’t see her loser boyfriend anywhere. He’s probably somewhere chatting up some poor unsuspecting girl. They make a good pair, both equally shallow and vapid.

  Autumn seems lost as she dances to the music. It’s probably all in my head, I’ve turned one conversation into a reality that doesn’t exist. Somehow I need to get past this, I need to write the new songs without a crutch. But I know I can’t, something within me feels broken. It’s like a vital part of me doesn’t work anymore and I don’t know what to do.

  I launch into the chorus of Invincible and it’s never felt more real than it does right now.

  Invincible

  Thought I was Invincible

  But now I know

  When the illusion shatters

  Ain’t nothing there

  To stop me falling

  Invincible…

  My eyes return to Autumn. Her head is down as she sways to the music. So frail and beautiful it takes my breath away. And then she falls.

  It’s like I’m watching in slow motion, time seems to slow as I watch her fall to the floor, like a leaf overcome by the eddies of the swift flowing stream.

  Without thought, I leave my guitar on the stage and leap over the barrier and into the crowd. I’m vaguely aware of camera flashes going off as I push my way through the throng. At last the crowd parts and she’s there in front of me, her hair splayed around her like a beautiful golden wreath. Her skin is as pale as the moonlight on the water. Sliding my arms carefully beneath her, I lift her up. Simon the roadie is there, parting the crowd as I carry her away.

  Chapter 5

  Autumn

  The incessant beeping doesn’t sound like my alarm clock. Oh no! That smell. Surely not again? Just when I thought I was improving, I’m right back to square one. Bright lights stab painfully into my head as I force my eyes open. At least this time I recognize where I am. University Hospital, I’ve been here many times. At least my regular doctor won’t make me stay overnight this time.

  The sounds of an argument carry through the door to my room. I’ve been lucky today. Somehow I’m in a private room.

  “You still can’t go in there if you aren’t family.”

  “But I am family.”

  “And how exactly are you related?” I recognize the voice of Dr. Douglas.

  “She’s my…wife.”

  “Really? Last time I saw Autumn, she wasn’t married.”

  Me? Someone’s wife? Who is this crazy person? At least I know Dr. Douglas knows me well enough to know this guy, whoever he is, is lying.

  “We were married last month, we wanted to keep it quiet…” The voice drops away until I can’t make out the words.

  Why would someone pretend to be married to me to get into my hospital room? I’m nobody. The door opens and the last person I ever expected to see, walks into the room. Finn. He’s smiling, but his eyes look haunted, dark circles frame the blue irises I know so well.

  “Hi honey. Sorry if we woke you. I was just explaining to the doctor here, about our very private wedding, how important it is to both of us that this news doesn’t get out to the press until you’ve fully recovered.”

  My mouth opens but no sound comes out.

  Dr. Douglas looks at me, concern clear in his eyes. “Autumn, do you know this man?”

  “Yes, of course. This is Finn Holloway.”

  “Of course you know who he is, but do you know him? Is he your husband?”

  I look at Finn. His eyes are pleading with me to go along with his story. How can I resist? “Of course what Finn says is true. He’s my husband.” I offer Dr. Douglas a tentative smile.

  “Okay, if you say so. Well, Autumn, the good news is, we can run all those additional tests now. Your husband has made me promise to leave no stone unturned.”

  “Uh, right,” I mumble.

  “Well then, I’ll be back after I write up your plan. If you’re sure you’re okay with your…husband?”

  “We’ll be fine, uh, thanks.” I watch as he leaves the room. When I can put it off no longer, I turn to face Finn. He’s standing at the foot of the bed looking unsure. It’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen. Wearing a plain black t-shirt, I can see the dragon that runs most of the way down one arm to end on his forearm. The other arm is clean. His long graceful fingers tap out a rhythm on the bed railing, he finally looks up. Seeing someone I’ve admired for so long looking so uncertain gives me the courage to speak.

  “So…care to explain?”

  Finn pulls a chair next to the bed and sits. “You, uh, fainted in the middle of Invincible.”

  It all comes rushing back, the fantasy and facing reality. My cheeks heat and I blurt out the obvious question. “Why are you here?”

  “Well they wouldn’t let me in otherwise. I’m sorry about the whole husband thing, but it was all I could think of.”

  I close my eyes and then open them again. He’s still here, his deep blue eyes looking at me like I matter. I still don’t understand so I try again. “Um, what I mean is, why are you even at the hospital in the first place?”

  “Oh, well, I saw what happened and I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

  “I’m fine. This happens to me all the time. It’s nothing to worry about. You can go now.” Wait, why on earth did I add that last bit? I want to open my mouth and beg him to stay, but I don’t. Even I have limits.

  “I spoke to your doctor. Lovely man. He said there were more tests that can be done to find out what’s causing the blackouts. I think we should see what the tests show.”

  I run my hand through my hair nervously. “Why do you care?”

  “You don’t want me to care?” Finn asks, his mouth lifting on one side, it’s so captivating I can’t help staring.

  “Uh, sorry what did you say?”

  The smile grows wider. “I asked why you think I shouldn’t care about you.”

  “Oh. Well, I mean you’re Finn Holloway and I’m nobody.”

  “I’m just a guy and you are definitely not nobody, Autumn O’Neil.” Finn reaches forward and places his hand over mine. I feel tingles shoot up my arm. “You don’t even know what you’ve done for me. If you like, you can consider this my repayment. Although, I’m definitely getting the better deal.”

  My breath catches. “What do you mean? What did I ever do for you?”

  Finn laughs, it’s a hollow bitter laugh. “What nobody knows, is that I haven’t been able to write a new song in over a year. Five minutes with you and I manage to write not one, but four new songs.”

  My eyes go wide. “Really?”

  “Indeed.”

  “Why me?”

  “Who knows how the muse works.” Finn gives my hand a gentle squeeze. “But somehow you inspire something in me. I need you.”

  I jerk my hand away. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on, but you can stop now. My life is hard enough without someone messing with me.”

  Finn looks bewildered. Hurt crosses his features. “I’m not messing with you. I’m just telling you the truth.”

  I close my eyes. “You need to leave. Please.” I squeeze my eyes shut tighter. “Please, when I open my eyes, I need you to be gone.”

  There is only silence. After thirty seconds, I open my eyes and I am alone. How he managed to leave without making a sound, I have no idea. Perhaps it was all a dream? There is nothing here to say that Finn Holloway, lead singer of Infusion Deep was ever here.

/>   A nurse enters the room with a tray full of vials and syringes. She efficiently preps my arm and begins to draw blood, chattering on about nothing.

  “What are these for?”

  “Didn’t Dr. Douglas tell you about the new tests?”

  “He knows I can’t afford more tests.”

  “Oh don’t worry, it’s all been taken care of.”

  “What do you mean it’s all been taken care of?”

  “The Holloway Foundation is covering your medical bills.”

  I blink rapidly, not really believing. Despite the fact that I’ve never heard of the Holloway Foundation, I realize at least one part of this whole thing is real. Suddenly there is hope in my future. Guilt quickly follows. I can’t believe I told him to leave. Someone offers to help me, and all I can do is act suspicious and rude.

  As the nurse finishes up, I replay the conversation with Finn in my mind. Does he really think I’m his muse? It’s a totally insane idea. What does a muse even do anyway? I push those dangerous thoughts out of my mind as I sit up and swing my legs over the side of the bed. I need to use the bathroom.

  Staring at myself in the bathroom mirror, I run my hand over my head, searching for any bruising from my fall. One of the dangers of sudden fainting, is the injuries you sustain from falling onto hard surfaces. The back of my head is a little tender, but nothing serious.

  The same can’t be said about my face and hair though. I can’t believe I was speaking to my idol with raccoon eyes and knotted hair. It’s a wonder he didn’t run sooner. Using one of the small towels provided, I wash my face clean of make-up and run my fingers through my hair. Feeling better, I head back into the room to get dressed. No way am I hanging out here any longer. I again regret my clothing choices as I have no other option than my thigh high boots and mini dress. If nothing else, this whole disaster has finally persuaded me I need to shop for some new clothes. My therapist will be so pleased with my progress.

  After being released from the hospital, I take a taxi back to the venue to retrieve my car. To make sure I don’t change my mind, I stop at the mall on my way home. My hands are already clammy as I lock the car door. A thin sheen of perspiration coats my forehead as I enter the mall. Not having any particular preferences, I head for the sale racks. Blue denim in various shades fills the rack. The perky sales lady assures me I’m a 6 so I grab an 8 and head to the counter. On my way I notice a blue shirt the color of a certain someone’s eyes, so I grab that as well.

  “Will that be all?” Little miss perky asks with a fake smile.

  “Yes, that’s it.” My hands are shaking as I hand over a twenty.

  “Are you alright miss?”

  “Fine.” I snatch my change from her perfectly manicured fingers and bolt from the store. I’m breathing hard by the time I make it back to my car. I rest my head against the steering wheel and breathe deeply.

  Back at home, I try on my new outfit. The jeans hug my curves in a way that I’m not used to, but they’re comfortable enough. The soft blue shirt is my favorite though. Looking in the mirror the girl smiling back at me looks…normal. My heart rate increases as I actually think about leaving the house in these clothes. Regretfully I peel them off. Perhaps I’m not as ready as I thought I was.

  I’m back working at the computer, when the doorbell rings. Knocking my empty coffee cup off the desk, I scramble to my feet. I’m not expecting a delivery and no one ever just drops by to visit – I’ve pretty much lost all my friends over the last year. I’m sure if I called them a few would still be happy to hear from me, but I’m not ready for that. Just surviving takes all my energy.

  I tuck a lock of hair behind one ear as I open the door. A delivery man is standing there holding the biggest bunch of Protea flowers I’ve ever seen.

  “Are you Autumn O’Neil?”

  “Um, yes that’s me.”

  “Sign here please, miss.”

  I hurriedly scrawl something that looks nothing like my signature and he hands me the bouquet. Hurrying inside, I pull a large glass jug out of the cupboard and fill it with water. I can’t make myself wait any longer. I pull the card out and tear open the envelope.

  Autumn, these blooms reminded me of you somehow. I’m sorry if I freaked you out at the hospital. Please let me make it up to you with dinner? Don’t worry, it’s just take-out with Wes and his baby sister Sophie. If I don’t hear from you to say you can’t make it, I’ll pick you up at 6.

  Finn

  Turning the card over, I notice there’s no phone number. After re-reading the note and putting the flowers in the water jug, I’m still no closer to figuring it out. How can I turn down the invitation if I don’t have Finn’s number? It’s not like I can just look it up online.

  Why does he even want anything to do with me anyway? Does he really think I can help him write new music? It’s totally absurd. How could someone like me help with that? Glancing at my phone, I realize it’s already after four. Although I can’t really believe Finn is going to appear on my doorstep I still jump into the shower and dress in my new clothes. Can I really do this?

  Chapter 6

  Finn

  At exactly 6 o’clock I pull up in front of a tiny house. Weathered wooden siding with faded paint, reflects the evening light. Small shrubs line the narrow driveway. The neighboring houses look worn but well-tended. For some reason, I can’t picture Autumn living here. She seems too ethereal to live somewhere so…mundane. My fists clench as I approach the door. Will she even be here? What possessed me to think I could just show up uninvited – have I lost touch with reality after living in the spotlight? My fist pauses before it comes into contact with the wood. What if she’s not here? What if she is here but refuses to answer the door?

  As if my hand has a mind of its own, I knock twice on the door. Silence follows. I’m a moron. She practically told me to get lost at the hospital. My ego has become overinflated by the hundreds of sycophants and hangers-on that surround the band. Queasiness surges through my gut as I turn away from the door.

  “Finn?”

  The sound of her sweet, tentative voice fills my soul with hope. Turning around, my eyes sweep from her soft pale curls to the blue shirt and fitted jeans that hug her body. I breathe in hope. She doesn’t look mad. Slightly nervous perhaps, but I can work with that.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t give you my number…I guess I didn’t want you to say no.”

  Autumn smiles slightly before her skin flushes a pretty pink. “I…I probably would have. I’m not…ummm…it doesn’t matter.” She looks down at her feet.

  She’s wearing running shoes. It’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen. She didn’t dress up for me. Her face is beautiful, even without make-up and I can’t remember the last time I went out with a girl who wasn’t wearing some ridiculous strappy monstrosity on her feet that she couldn’t even walk in. Probably in high school when I was just a nobody.

  I place my hand gently under her chin and tilt her head up until she’s looking right into my eyes. “Of course it matters. You matter. I don’t know what happened to make you think like that, and I don’t need to know. Believe me I have my own skeletons, but I’ll always want to hear what you’re thinking.”

  Autumn tries to look down but I don’t let her. So instead she closes her eyes and I’m filled with a sudden desire to kiss her. Instead I bring my hand away from her face and take a step back. She’s obviously fragile and I’m not going to mess with that.

  She takes a deep breath. “I have anxiety issues and I faint sometimes – but you already know about the fainting.”

  “I’m sorry.” I stuff my hands in the pockets of my jeans. I’m ill-equipped to deal with this beautiful, fragile angel. I wish I knew what to say to fix things. “Do you want to come with me?”

  She opens her eyes then. Her pupils are dilated in her beautiful hazel eyes. “I’d like to try.” She says so softly I almost don’t catch it.

  “Just tell me anytime and I’ll take you home.”


  She takes a step out the door and something inside me erupts with happiness. It’s a foreign feeling. “Do you have a bag?”

  Her skin flushes again, and she heads back into the house leaving the door open. Unable to resist, I peek inside, wondering about this girl and the feelings she stirs in the darkness within me. Her house is immaculate. It reminds me of the dollhouse Sophie used to play with. I step back as Autumn emerges with a small black backpack.

  “Is this your car?” Autumn asks with a hint of disbelief.

  “Have you changed your mind?” I tease as I hold open the door of the eight-year-old black Jeep.

  She actually lets out a small laugh and it’s the most beautiful sound I think I’ve ever heard.

  “No, have you seen my car?” She nods in the direction of her old Ford hatch. “It just isn’t what I expected.” She climbs into the passenger seat and I close the door and head around to climb in behind the wheel.

  “Let’s just say I don’t want to stand out or draw attention to myself.”

  “But when you sing, you have thousands of eyes on you.” She shudders at the thought.

  I chuckle as I start the engine. It purrs smoothly into life. It may not be the newest model but I keep it well maintained. “That’s different, that’s the music. When I’m playing I just want to share my music with the world. But it isn’t me. The person you see up on stage, that isn’t who I am.”

  “The songs are you though.”

  “Yes, the songs are me. Well, a part of me anyway.”

  “Where exactly are we going?”

  “Wes lives over near Forest Park, it’s about an hour’s drive. Is that alright?”

  “Um, sure. I don’t mind.”

  We travel in silence for a while, but it’s a comfortable silence. After a while I switch the radio on and a popular song comes on. Unable to help myself I sing along to the catchy chorus.