Infuse: The Band Book 1

by Lara Wynter

  Autumn laughs. “This is so surreal. I can’t believe I’m listening to Finn Holloway sing along to ‘Make Me Believe.’”

  “Do you sing?”

  “Um, badly and I’d really rather not contaminate this beautiful sound.”

  I laugh. I can’t believe how light and unencumbered I feel. I know it won’t last so I try and stay in the moment. “I can’t believe that, your speaking voice is so sweet.”

  “Believe it Buddy.”

  “Buddy?”

  “Dude?”

  “Let’s just leave it at Finn.”

  “Finn, not Finnley?”

  Autumn

  And just like that, the mood shifts. The smile leaves Finn’s face and he stares intently at the road. I’m so stupid, why did I have to go and stir things up? I know no one calls him Finnley, I just don’t know why. Was I dumb enough to believe for a moment that I was special, that he would open up to me? That something could happen here? We drive the rest of the way in silence.

  Finally, Finn pulls up in front of an elegant wood frame house with dormer windows and a wrap-around porch. The cobblestone decorations on the exterior of the garage and pillars of the porch provided a homey appearance. Large trees screen the house from its surrounds. It was smaller than I was expecting for a rockstar. But then Wes always seems so down to earth, it was just the sort of house he would probably choose.

  It’s the sort of house I dream about living in. And that’s all it ever will be for someone like me – a dream. Maybe I should ask to go home now, before I make things worse. The only thing that stops me is knowing that I’d be making Finn drive another two-hour round trip and he doesn’t deserve that.

  I’m still sitting there when Finn opens my door. Now he probably thinks I’m so useless I can’t even open my own door. I scramble out awkwardly trying not to trip over my own feet. Finn offers me a hand, but I pretend I don’t see it. Finn turns towards the house walking quickly. Now he’s probably thinking what an ungrateful little witch I am, he’s probably wondering why he ever invited me here in the first place. Why did he ask me here to meet Wes and his little sister? The only thing my brain can come up with is it’s like some sort of community service. After all, who ever heard of an average girl with issues becoming a muse for one of the biggest rockstars on the planet?

  Before Finn can even knock, the door is wrenched open and the most beautiful young girl throws herself at him. I’m insanely jealous at the casual way she gets to hold onto him and the smile on his face makes something flutter deep within me.

  “Uncle Finn, Wes says you have a surprise for me?” She lets go and looks up at Finn her brown eyes shining with hope.

  Wes comes to the door looking incredibly gorgeous in a pair of faded blue jeans and a white T-shirt. He can’t compare to Finn, but he’s still an insanely attractive man.

  “Soph, where are your manners?” Wes says, trying to suppress a grin.

  Sophie shrugs. “Finn doesn’t care about that stuff, do you Finn?”

  Finn tries to look serious but fails. “I care about your manners Soph, it’s not too late for you to behave like a lady.”

  Sophie laughs. “Don’t talk to my teachers at school then. They think I’m a lost cause.”

  “We’ll be talking about this later young lady.” Wes tries to look stern. “But we really should let Finn introduce his new friend.” Wes smiles at me.

  “Sorry,” Finn says running a hand distractedly through his hair. “Sophie, Wes, this is my friend Autumn.”

  Sophie offers me a tentative smile. “Are you Finn’s girlfriend?”

  Heat floods my cheeks. “Um, no. We only met a few days ago.”

  “Oh. You’re pretty.” Sophie shrugs. “Finn, you should ask her to be your girlfriend.”

  With that bombshell, Sophie flounces back into the house.

  “Ignore her,” Wes says trying to break the awkwardness. “Sometimes she has no filter, but don’t worry, you’ll get used to it.”

  We follow Wes into the house. He leads the way into the most beautiful kitchen I’ve ever seen. White granite bench-tops mix seamlessly with wooden doors and a table. A gorgeous window seat overlooks the garden. Glossy stainless steel appliances dominate the far end of the room.

  “Would you like a drink?” Wes asks me.

  “Um, sure.”

  “What would you like? Wine, beer?”

  “Um, no. Alcohol doesn’t mix well with my medication.” I look down, I can’t believe I just said that. Why not just tell the totally gorgeous rockstars that I’m a drug dependent loser.

  Finn takes my hand and I can’t help looking up into his eyes. “Don’t worry, I don’t drink much anymore either.”

  Sophie bounces back into the room and I pull my hand free. “Where’s the food? Did you forget again?”

  “No, Miss Impatient. I ordered the food to be delivered at seven. So it should be here any moment.”

  Of course the doorbell rings at that moment as if to highlight the fact that Finn has some sort of superpower. Sophie races out of the room, I can’t believe how much energy she has.

  Wes looks apologetic. “I’d better go and make sure she doesn’t try and flirt with the delivery boy again.”

  I turn to Finn. “But she can’t be more than twelve?”

  “She’s eleven going on twenty-five I think. Wes certainly has his hands full.”

  “Does she live with him all the time?”

  “No, not when we’re on tour. She spends most of her time here when we’re not touring.”

  “Oh, that must be hard for them.”

  “It is, it’s one of the reasons I’m worried he’ll leave the band.”

  “He can’t, Infusion Deep wouldn’t be the same without him.”

  “I know, I’m not sure I could continue if he left.”

  My mouth drops open. “Please tell me you wouldn’t stop making music?”

  Wes and Sophie return, laden down with boxes of Chinese Takeout. “Don’t worry Autumn, Finn could no sooner give up music then he could breathing.”

  Chapter 7

  Finn

  After the food is all gone, I realize I know the ending to one of the songs. Somehow just being around Autumn inspires me. I have no freaking idea how, but I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

  Standing up, I glance at Autumn. She’s smiling at something Soph said. She looks like she’ll be fine without me for a bit. “Ah, excuse me, but I just need to write a few notes down, I’ll be back in a bit.”

  Autumn looks up her eyes are wide open. She looks so vulnerable. “Sure, I wouldn’t want to stop you from making more of that beautiful music.”

  Her words are at odds with her expression, but I choose to believe her anyway. Besides, I know Wes will take good care of her for me. I ignore the look Wes is giving me, and head to his studio. It’s downstairs on the lower level of the house. Since the house is on a hillside, it still has windows on one side. It’s a great place to write and I wrote a lot of the last album here.

  The music flows out of me like never before. It feels like no time at all and the three songs are finished. My fingers itch to keep going. I think I can write more, but I’d better do the right thing and take Autumn home. After all, if I don’t take good care of her she won’t want to be in my life. That thought hurts more than it should. After all, we hardly know each other. There’s just something about her that draws me in. I put my guitar down, it’s an old one I keep here to compose with, and jog up the stairs.

  Most of the lights are off, but I hear the TV going in the lounge. Great, they must be watching a movie. I picture myself sitting under a blanket with Autumn and I grin like an idiot. My smile dies when I realize Wes is sitting on the couch alone.

  “Where is she?”

  Wes motions for me to come and sit next to him on the couch.

  “What is it? Is she alright?” What have I done? When will I learn to put people before the music?

  “She’s fine – I thi
nk.” Wes puts a hand on me as I try and stand up. “Just chill, let me tell you what happened.”

  I reluctantly sit back down and keep my mouth shut, but I’m dying inside, I need to know.

  Wes rubs his fingers across his eyes, he looks exhausted. “Everything was going fine, we chatted about stuff and then Soph went to bed. After that, I suggested we watch a movie while we waited for you and she seemed cool with that. We were about halfway through the film when she suddenly went white as a ghost and said she needed to go home. I offered to go and get you, but she said it was fine, she’d call a cab.”

  “Are you kidding me!” I stood. “You didn’t let her catch a cab all the way home did you?”

  “Shhh, you’ll wake Soph if you don’t keep it down.”

  “She doesn’t have that kind of cash.”

  “Relax alright. I paid for the cab, I’m not a total douche.”

  “Did you at least check she got home okay?”

  Wes pulls out his phone and hands it to me.

  Autumn: See I got home just fine. Thanks for the dinner, it was lovely.

  Wes: No worries, hope we can do it again soon.

  Autumn: Sure, goodnight.

  Wes: Night

  I glare at Wes. “You like her?”

  “Of course I like her. Oh calm down, not like that you idiot.”

  Jealousy – it’s not something I’m familiar with, but I realize that’s what this feeling is. Even though I’m the last thing someone like Autumn needs in her life. If she has trouble with this, how is she going to cope with my crazy life? The paparazzi could drive anyone away. If I want to protect her, I need to understand she’s better off without me.

  “What were you watching?”

  “It was Before We Met. It’s total fluff, it must have been something else.”

  “I should call.” I have her number from the hospital. Yeah I know I’m a total stalker.

  “You can’t call her now, it’s 3 a.m.! She’ll be asleep. Speaking of which, I’m going to crash. Are you staying?”

  “Yeah, I guess. Look I’m sorry man, I only thought I’d be gone a few minutes.”

  “Did you finish the songs?” Wes and I both know that once I get lost in the music, I lose all track of time.

  “Yeah I did. I even have an idea for another one.”

  “She’s really gotten to you hasn’t she?”

  I look away. No way am I in the mood to talk about my weirdness.

  “Night Finn.” Wes leaves me standing in the darkened room with the TV washing everything in its blue light.

  I sit down on the couch and watch the whole stupid film. Wes is right, it’s nothing but fluff. Something else must have caused her to want to leave. Probably the fact that I left her alone for hours.

  Autumn

  I wake to the sound of rain drumming on the roof. It’s pouring. Luckily I don’t have anywhere to be. Groaning I roll over and bury my head in my pillow remembering last night. I really messed up freaking out like that over nothing. It was just a stupid movie, but in that scene where he came in and sat down next to her on the lounge, it brought all the memories flooding back. It’s not like anything really happened anyway. If I was a normal person, I’d be over it by now. It’s me, there’s something intrinsically wrong with me. Something broken inside that no amount of counselling can fix.

  Maybe I can go back to sleep and dream about how it could be with Finn. If I was someone special and he could actually be with me. I curl into a ball and close my eyes. Immediately he fills my mind. Intense blue eyes, dragon tattoo winding down his left arm. Normally I’m not a fan of tats but on Finn it only adds to his perfection. I reach one hand out towards my phone, if I’m going to fully immerse myself in this daydream, I need to hear his beautiful voice. All the Infusion Deep albums are on my phone as well as my other favorite music, not that anything else comes close. Just as my hand is about to close over my phone, it vibrates on the bedside table. Hesitating for a moment, I pick it up, unsure who would be calling me. My phone is mainly for emergencies, and the occasional call to my therapist – which is usually an emergency of some sort.

  It’s an unknown number so I press the deny button. As I’m scrolling through my music it vibrates again. Perhaps I’ve forgotten about something I ordered? Unsure, I accept the call and hold the phone up to my ear.

  “Hi, um it’s me…I didn’t wake you did I?”

  It sounds like Finn. Why would he be calling me after my brilliant display of what a freak I am? Perhaps I’m still dreaming? But I know I’m not. Guilt. He must feel guilty about leaving me last night. That I can deal with. I’ve had practice making people feel better about my…problems.

  “Uh hi…Finn?”

  “Oh shi- um shoot. Sorry, I didn’t even say who was calling did I?”

  “Um no.”

  “Anyway, I was actually calling to say sorry and tell you what an ass I am. Um sorry, I mean idiot.”

  “I’m the one who should be apologizing. I’m sorry I left. I’m not normal. You should probably stay away.” Did I really just say that? I really am an idiot, loser, moron.

  Silence at the other end confirms my loser status. Well really, what was I expecting? “Well…thanks…for the call. It was nice meeting you and all.”

  “Hey, wait. Sorry, don’t hang up.”

  “Alright…I’m still here.”

  “Crap, this isn’t going how I expected. I’m usually better at this.”

  “Lucky you,” I mumble too quiet for him to hear.

  “I actually wanted to thank you. I finished three more songs last night.”

  My heart soars at the thought of new music. “You’re welcome, I guess. You know, I actually didn’t do anything to help with your music, right?”

  “But you did. For some reason just being around you makes the music come. I told you before you’re my muse.”

  “Um, you know you sound totally insane right now, don’t you?”

  “See, we make a good pair…Oh crap bangers and mash. Please just ignore that…I didn’t mean that.”

  Laughter boils up from within me and before I can help it I’m laughing loudly down the phone. “Did you just say bangers and mash as a swear word?”

  “Um, yeah okay. About that…I’m trying to cut down on the swearing. You don’t think that works?”

  “You know what bangers and mash are right?”

  “Uh, yeah it’s food right?”

  “Yes, sausages and mashed potatoes with gravy I think.”

  The sound of Finn’s laughter sends tingles through my entire body. I was suddenly glad we were talking on the phone and he couldn’t actually see me.

  “Maybe I’ll try something else next time.”

  “Oh no, you definitely have to use that again. I haven’t laughed so much in a long time.”

  There was silence on the other end of the phone for several seconds. “Yeah, me either. I told you you were good for me Autumn O’Neil.”

  My whole body heats at the unexpected praise. Nobody has ever said anything like that to me before. Tears start to pool behind my eyes and before I can stop myself I’m crying into the phone. Horrified that Finn will hear me, I quickly press the end call button and turn off my phone.

  Just when things are going well, I have to do something totally weird and crazy. Who bawls at a simple compliment? I get out of bed and jump in the shower where I can pretend my tears are part of the warm water flowing over my body.

  Chapter 8

  Finn

  Holding the phone in front of me I’m in shock. Had Autumn really just hung up in the middle of our conversation? Just before the call ended, it had almost sounded like she was crying. It doesn’t make any sense. Things had been going so well, she’d just been laughing. It must have been something else. My mind fills with pictures of her kitchen on fire or some crazy breaking into her house. I pace back and forth across the floor. I need to talk to Wes, he’ll know what to do. I’m tempted to drive straight over to her house, but I
stop myself and go looking for Wes.

  Striding through the lounge room I see Wes out in the garden. He’s actually doing something in the dirt – like actual gardening. Opening the back door I head out into the damp afternoon air.

  “What on earth are you doing?”

  Wes pulls something ugly out of the damp soil, and tosses it into a wheelbarrow. “What does it look like I’m doing?”

  “Um, being an idiot.”

  Wes chuckles. “You know you should try gardening sometime, it’s very soothing.”

  “You realize your cool vibe just dropped by about ninety percent right?”

  “Seriously, grab some gloves and join me. It might take that angsty look off your face.”

  I take a step back as a pair of nasty looking gloves go flying past me. “Actually, I need your advice about something.”

  Wes looks up and grins. “Yes, you should definitely ask her out, on a real date this time. And no, you shouldn’t bring your guitar.”

  I frown. “I think I might have made her cry…on the phone.”

  “What dumb ass thing did you say to her to make her cry?”

  “We were laughing and I told her she made me better or something. I was just trying to compliment her.” I shove my hands in my pockets as I toe the dirt with my boot.

  “Look Finn, Autumn’s not like the other girls you’ve been with.”

  “I know, she’s special.”

  “Yes, she is that. She’s obviously been hurt in the past, so you’ll need to go slow. If you want it to work with her, you’ll have to understand that she might not be able to adjust to everything quickly. Just give her the space she needs”

  “Ah, who am I kidding? I have so much BS in my life, I can’t drag Autumn through that.”

  Wes stands, brushing his hands across his muddy jeans. “At least give her a chance to try and handle your life. Don’t go trying to make that decision for her. You might regret it for the rest of your life.”

  My hands lift in mock surrender. “We only just met, no need to be talking about forever.”