by Lara Wynter
“As well as the ocean?”
“Um, sure why not.”
Candy actually winks at me. “You won’t regret it, these shoes are amazing.”
I look down at her own feet, clad in black 6inch heels. Somehow I can’t picture the petite blonde wearing anything so practical.
She hurries off to get my other shoes and I sigh. Only one more stop and then I’m done. I pay for my shoes and leave the store, my arms weighed down by my numerous bags.
The Mall is getting busier as lunchtime approaches. The desire to leave is getting stronger and I walk quickly until I reach the last store on my list. The music in here is loud, but the noise doesn’t bother me. I scan the racks until I see them. Who knows if I’ll actually have any need for a bathing suit, but I need one anyway. It’s been years since I’ve been swimming and I miss it. Running my hands along the racks a fuchsia two-piece grabs my attention. Finding my size, I grab it and head to the counter to pay before I can change my mind. The sales girl is chatting to her co-worker as I pay and I leave the store without having to say much.
Someone bumps me as I exit and my breath catches as I practically run back to my waiting car and sanctuary. I can’t help feeling proud of myself as I stash my bags on the back seat and slide behind the wheel. I’m definitely improving. A year ago there’s no way I could have done this. An unfamiliar thrill sweeps through me. I can actually see myself overcoming my issues and going on tour with the band.
Finn
As I watch her plane touch down on the runway my foot taps out a steady rhythm. Will she be on the plane or will she decide it’s too much for her? She doesn’t know that I’m here, Wes told her that our driver Stan would meet her at the airport and take her to the hotel. But I couldn’t stay away, it’s been two weeks since I’ve seen or even talked to her and the thought of waiting even another second is impossible. Will she guess at the feelings I still have for her? It’s better if she never finds out, she doesn’t need someone like me. No, Autumn needs someone stable and caring, someone without their own baggage a mile high. Although the thought is enough to crush me, I’ll do what I can to still have her in my life, even if friendship is all we can ever have.
I glance over my shoulder. No one has figured out who I am. For Autumn’s sake, I’m wearing a cap with a fake blond wig underneath and ugly service station sunglasses. A Cavalier’s jersey completes the anti-rockstar look. Nothing blends in better than a City’s own team jersey. I smile as I realize she won’t even know who I am either. She’ll think I’m Stan, I have his sign with her name on it. It will be fun to see how long it takes her to figure it out.
I hold up my sign so it’s covering half my face as passengers from her flight emerge. Did she enjoy her first class flight? I’m guessing she’s never flown first class before. Heck, if I could have gotten away with it, I would have sent a private jet, but that wouldn’t be a smart move, friends don’t go to that sort of extreme.
Her hair is the first thing I notice. The pale strands fall over one shoulder and the urge to run to her and bury my hands in her soft locks is almost overwhelming. I can see when she first notices the sign because a tired smile tugs at her mouth, as if her lips are too weary to do more than twitch. I see it the moment something changes. In a flash, the smile becomes full and genuine and then she’s running towards me. I drop the sign in shock and wrap my arms around her. She smells amazing, like vanilla and roses and Autumn. Running my hands through her soft as silk hair I breathe her in.
I pull back so I can see her face. “How did you know it was me? Or do you have a thing going on with Stan the driver?” It stings even to joke about it.
Her eyes look bewildered for a moment. “Oh, you mean the wig and the sunglasses?”
“Yeah, and the sign covering the rest of my face. No-one here has even given me a second glance in the hour I’ve been here.”
“I’m sorry.” She steps back and I feel the loss immediately. “You didn’t have to wait for me.”
“I’ve missed you. Friends miss each other right?”
“Um, of course.” Autumn smiles shyly. “I’ve missed you too.”
I take her hand as we walk to the baggage claim. Friends can hold hands. Her hand feels warm and soft and…right.
“What gave me away?” I put my hand up to my fake hair to check it’s all still in place.
Her forehead crinkles and it’s adorable, I just want to kiss the lines away.
“Um…I don’t know, I just knew it was you.”
I glance around, but no one is paying us any attention so the disguise is still working, just not on her. Will she see right through me to my feelings for her too? I need to do better. I drop her hand using the fact that we’ve arrived at the baggage claim to do it.
“Which one is yours? Actually,” I laugh. “Which ones are yours? I know how much stuff women pack to go anywhere.”
She frowns and I kick myself for the reference to other women. My past isn’t something I want to rub in her face.
“There.” She points to a large black case that looks like all the rest. “Just that one.”
I grab it as it comes past, and while it’s heavy, it’s less than I was expecting. We walk out the front doors in silence. I hope she isn’t still thinking about my stupid comment. I’d give anything right now to erase all the stupid things I’ve done. I’m sure she has a past too, but there’s no way it could compare to mine. It’s something we haven’t talked about and seeing as how we can only be friends, something I never plan on sharing.
Stan is waiting in the car and I put her bag in the trunk and follow Autumn into the back seat.
“Hi Stan,” Autumn leans forward to shake Stan’s hand through the gap in the seats.
“Nice to meet you Miss O’Neil.”
I don’t like the smile he’s giving her. Like he can’t believe how beautiful she is. Usually I quite like Stan, but at this moment I have the urge to smack him down.
“Please call me Autumn.”
Stan takes a quick look at me and then turns back to face the front. “Straight to the hotel Mr. Holloway?”
“Yes.”
“I can’t believe I’m here.” Autumn bounces on her seat excitedly.
“Put your seatbelt on.”
Autumn turns to me. “You don’t have your’s on.”
“Fine.” I snap it in and watch as she does the same.
Her forehead crinkles in the middle again. “Are you alright, Finn? Is everything set for tonight’s show?”
I force the tension to leave my body. “Yeah, everything’s perfect…now.” I whisper the last part so she can’t hear me.
“So, do I get to take Sophie to the show tonight?”
“Yeah, Wes has sorted out security for you. You’ll have to leave during the encore though.”
“No problem. Does that mean we’ll miss Invincible?”
“No, that’s earlier in the set.” I lie as I mentally rearrange the setlist.
“Are you playing Downright as well?” Her smile is breathtaking.
“Of course.” Knowing how much she loves that song, it was the first one I added to the list. “We’ll be doing a few new ones as well. That’s why we’re using the smaller venues to test out some of the new material on the fans.”
Autumn closes her eyes for a long moment. “I can’t believe I get to hear Infusion Deep’s new songs before nearly everyone else.” She opens her eyes and they’re glistening with unshed tears. But she’s smiling so I know she’s happy. I love how the music makes her feel so much. My music. How will she feel if she realizes most of the new songs are about her?
“Would you like to hear one now?”
She actually squeals. “Really, Finn? You’d sing me something?”
“Sure, it’ll have to be just me though. I don’t have my guitar.”
“I thought you took your baby everywhere.”
“I guess I forgot this time.”
Her cheeks go pink, and I realize I’ve given away how much she affec
ts me. To cover my slip I start to sing.
Just a name
Just a moment
A moment in time
How do you hold on to a moment?
Let me hold you
I need to remember this time
Ticking away
Taking you away from me
It’s just a moment
A moment in time
I can’t hold onto it
It’s slipping, slipping away from me
Just let me hold you
I need to remember this time
Ticking away
Taking you away from me
Autumn
My heart feels like it’s beating out of my chest. The song is so beautiful. Finn’s voice has a husky rasp that fills me with longing. The song is haunting and makes me ache with sadness. I don’t know who it’s about, but I want to yell at them what a fool they are for letting Finn go. If he wanted to hold me, I’d never let him go. A tear runs down my cheek as the song finishes.
“It’s beautiful Finn.”
“Not as beautiful as you.” He wipes the tear away with his thumb.
The line could be cheesy, but the sincerity in his voice makes it beautiful. Does he really think I’m beautiful? Maybe in this moment, when we’re both carried away by the music. Suddenly I know just what the song means. I wish I could live in this moment forever. Finn leans closer, and for a moment I think he’s going to kiss me. But then he closes his eyes and leans back against the leather seat. It was a moment, and now it’s gone.
Chapter 20
Autumn
The door to the suite opens and Wes crushes me against him in a fierce hug. I squeeze him back, Wes feels like a protective older brother to me and I’m so grateful to have him in my life. As he lets me go, I take in the opulent surroundings. The room is huge with couches and a floor-to-ceiling window that overlooks downtown Cleveland. The view is breathtaking and I try to soak it all in. When I think of hotel rooms, I think of cheap sheets and bad artwork crowded into a small room with a tiny ensuite bathroom. Not this, this is absolutely amazing.
“Thank you for coming Autumn. It means the world to me and Soph that you’re here.”
“Of course. I’m thrilled to be here, I’d do it even if you weren’t paying me.”
Finn puts a finger to his lips. “Shh, don’t give him any ideas.”
I laugh, I can’t believe how amazing my life has become. Here in a ritzy hotel room with the most amazing band in the world.
Finn takes my hand and pulls me further into the room. “Come and meet the new guys. They make Drew and Adam look like amateurs. Zane, Ryan, this is our beautiful and off-limits chaperone for Soph.”
My cheeks heat. I can’t believe he added that bit about ‘off limits.’ As if they’d be interested anyway. Zane is stocky with red hair and very muscular arms. Ryan is tall and slim with light brown hair flecked with gold highlights and bright green eyes.
“Nice to meet you both,” I say holding out my hand.
“Pleasure,” Zane says shaking my hand firmly.
Ryan ignores my hand and gives me a quick hug. “Do you cook?”
I laugh. “Sometimes.”
Finn gives him a dirty look. “She’s not here to cook for you on tour.”
Wes laughs. “Calm down Finn, no one’s going to make Autumn cook for us.”
“Autumn!” Sophie's high voice is unmistakable as she leaps into my arms and I fall backwards. Luckily, the soft leather couch is behind me and it breaks our fall.
Wes frowns. “Soph please be a bit more careful. Autumn won’t want to stay if you hurt her.”
“Sorry.” Sophie looks sheepish for a moment before pouting. “How come no one told me Autumn was here?”
“Because I only arrived two minutes ago.”
“That’s two minutes of stuff I missed out on.”
“Well then, why don’t you show me around?”
“Cool, come on then.”
I scramble off the couch to follow Sophie from the room.
“This is my room,” Sophie opens the door to a spacious bedroom with a queen bed and its own bathroom. Her clothes are spread around the room as if she’s been here for days instead of hours. “And this,” she says leading me down the hall to the room next to hers, “is your room.”
It looks almost the same, except it’s still neat and tidy.
“Wes has the master suite and Finn and the others are down the hall in their own rooms. But Wes wants you to stay here with me because he won’t get back until late. You don’t mind do you?”
“Of course not. Just think of all the fun we can have together.”
“Wes says it won’t be all fun, because I still have to do school work.”
“I’m sure that will still leave hours for having fun.”
Sophie puts her arms around me. “I’m so glad you came, Autumn.”
“Of course I came. I told you I would.” The feeling of Sophie’s slim arms wrapped around me brings tears to my eyes. What would life have been like growing up in a real family with brothers and sisters like Sophie and Wes? I pull back and look at Sophie. She flushes.
“It’s just…I overheard Wes and Finn talking about how it might be too much and you might not come. It’s not too much is it Autumn?”
“No, of course not. I’m feeling much better now. Don’t worry about things like that okay? You have plenty of time to grow up and please, no more listening to adult conversations?”
“Sorry.”
So Finn and Wes thought I might not come. Was that why Finn was at the airport? Did they think I’d go back on my word? I know this is going to be hard at times, but I won’t give up, not if I can help it.
The stage is dark, the crowd screams their encouragement. The venue only holds a few thousand, but what they lack in numbers they make up for in enthusiasm. It feels surreal to be standing beside Sophie at the side of the stage. Simon, one of the roadies found us an out of the way spot and even gave us stools to sit on. Not that I think we’ll use them. Sophie stands beside me clutching my arm. This is the first proper Infusion Deep concert she’s been allowed to come to and her excitement mingles with my own until I feel I can’t stand it a moment longer.
The last time I saw the band perform I fainted. But it’s all so different now, I belong here. I have a job to do and I’m determined to focus on Sophie. She deserves to have an awesome time at her first real concert, even if it is her brother’s band.
There’s a sudden hush as Finn’s voice melts through the darkness. It’s sexy and sublime and it takes my breath away. The rest of the band comes in as the stage lights come on. Finn croons into the microphone and the crowd loves it. He’s dressed in black jeans and a black t-shirt. The bottom half of his dragon tattoo is visible as it climbs his arm. As he gets to the chorus he turns to face me.
I’m down on my knees
and I’m begging you baby
Show me how to dance
Show me how to make you
Make you, make you
Love me baby
His eyes are so intense as he sings. If only he meant it, but this is Finn the performer. This Finn can make the whole world fall in love with him. And they do, you can see it in the faces in front of the stage, they all love and adore him. Just like I do.
Finn turns back to the crowd and they dance and sing and sway to the music, hoping for just one second that those piercing blue eyes will look their way, will make them believe he’s singing just for them. We are all as one as the music joins us together in this moment. Sophie’s eyes are shining brightly as she jumps and belts out the lyrics. She has a good voice. Maybe one day she’ll join a band and be up there making the crowd fall in love with her too. I keep my voice quiet as I sing the words. My voice is plain and dull. Just as well, the thought of all those eyes on me has me quaking in my boots.
The minutes flow and the music keeps me enthralled. As the music slows, I close my eyes and sway to the beat, feeling it pulse wit
hin my body. I feel more alive than I have in the last few months and I want this feeling to go on forever. Ryan and Zane are on fire. Their presence makes the band better than they’ve ever been.
The song finishes and I’m held spellbound while Finn talks to the crowd.
“Hey Cleveland, are you enjoying the show?” The crowd cheers and screams their approval. “Would you like to hear some new music?”
I join in with everyone and scream my assent, but my voice is lost among the throng.
Finn walks along the front of the stage as he talks, making the audience feel like he’s speaking to all of them. “This new song was inspired by someone who knows what it means to keep going in spite of adversity and to never give up. I hope you like it.”
Sophie grabs my arm. “Oh this is my favorite song.”
“I don’t think I’ve heard it before.”
“Of course not silly, it’s a surprise.”
I’m not sure what to make of Sophie’s comment as the song begins.
One day you’ll fall, oh don’t we all?
It’s not that we bend but whether we break
Can you climb back out into the sunshine again?
Can you learn to live with the past?
At first you crawl and then you climb
Take me with you, help me forget the past
I wanna be back in the light
Back in the sunshine again
You make me brave, you make me see
That it’s gonna be alright, I’m gonna be alright
Help me live I wanna fly
Right to heaven with you by my side
It’s hard I know, I’ve been as low as you can go
Maybe it’s too late for me
Too late to know right from wrong
Help me believe, I wanna believe
You make me brave, you make me see
That it’s gonna be alright, I’m gonna be alright
Help me live I wanna fly
Right to heaven with you by my side